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PHOENIX
(electric tomato)
06/29/01 02:17 AM
Pop Goes The God - A story with Bowie in it (kept) new  

Pop Goes the God - inspired by the random thread

CHAPTER 1

In his home on the Sun he sat and he schemed. It was all falling into place.

It wasn't easy living on the Sun. For one thing you needed mighty good sunglasses. Another was that at this time of year it was particularly hot and stuffy, and for some strange reason the nights were a little chilly for him meaning he had to stay outdoors. He tried to run a bath the day before last and found that the water instantly vaporised and screamed into the atmosphere, so much for staying clean.

Nevertheless, he was used to living the hard life, being an evil genius alien usually means you have to forgoe some luxuries.

His name was Pop, Mr Pop to those who were not well aquainted with him. Others called him Iggy, much to his chagrin. His name was Iggy Pop, and he was all aboard for Funtime on what he hoped would be the last day that the human race would infest his future home, Earth. Still he sat and schemed, for he found it rather relaxing.

Who needs to scheme really when you have the meaning of life printed on 14 A4 sheets in a shoebox? He kept the shoebox close to him always, and occasionally put it out when it caught on fire.

CHAPTER 2

Bowie was on the run.

For some reason, while taking this night drive with Iman and little Alex, he couldn't get his song Too Dizzy out of his head. There was way too much talking going on for a night drive, and the windshield kept on misting up. Going around a corner at 80mph he nearly lost control.

David was being chased. It seemed like the whole world was after him. It made a pleasant change.

The paparazzi, the press, The President of the United States, they were all chasing him. It was like some sort of wierd slapstick comedy, except one that wasn't even remotely funny.

"The Airport dear, we must get to the Airport", Iman chimed in, "We have a plane ready to go"

Funny, David thought, How did Iman get a plane ready on such short notice?

"Here dear, take these", Iman handed David an assortment of pills, which he obediantly gulped down. She'd been acting awful strange lately. Perhaps it was motherhood, perhaps it was the possible end of the world. You never could tell with Iman.

CHAPTER 3

Father McKenzie, writing the words to a sermon that no-one would here, no-one would come near. His bass guitar leaned against the wall in his small room. A room that contained only his desk, some stationary, half a dozen crucifixes, his guitar, and his water tank.

The Fathers socks needed darning, but that was the least of his worries. Today could be the end of it all. He was ready to die, but he wasn't ready to let the Pop man win.

"Evil Pop, evil Pop, evil Pop", he muttered to himself, "If only I'd never met you"

He left his sermon, and plugged his guitar into it's amp. "Funny", he thought as he stared at the amp, "that wasn't here before". A lot of funny things were happening, and not ha-ha funny either.

The Father filled his tank and hopped in.

Father McKenzie had learned the art of playing bass guitar underwater at a monostary many years ago. It was a secret the monks had known of for centuries, even long before bass guitars were invented which was rather odd to say the least. The first song he learned was Love Me Do because it was quite easy to play.

Playing bass underwater may look easy... and it is...deceptively so. That is why it is the greatest meditation technique known to man, and why McKenzie was one of the few who knew the truth, but also one of the few who was bound by the dark one. Not Pop. This dark one had an agenda of his own.


To be continued...

One sees great things from the valley,
only small things from the peak.

G.K. Chesterton

Edited by Sysiyo on 06/23/04 06:47 AM (server time).



discipel
(crash course raver)
06/29/01 07:19 AM
Re: Pop Goes The God - A story with Bowie in it new [re: PHOENIX]  

Good job, Phoenix! I love the fact that you bothered to make a story out of that random (but funny) mess...

This is actually quite Hitchhiker's Guide'ish (high praise, this)!

I am against systems, the most acceptable of systems is that of having none on principle - Tzara

glitter0330
(kook)
06/29/01 07:33 AM
Re: Pop Goes The God - A story with Bowie in it [re: PHOENIX]  

Ha! I love it! Very, very cool, Phoenix. Write more!

Bridget ^_____^

"If something's missing it exploded...Or I ate it..."

SugarPlumFairy
(crash course raver)
06/29/01 08:02 AM
Re: Pop Goes The God - A story with Bowie in it new [re: glitter0330]  

Ha ha ha ha hee hee hee heeeee....

This is so cool! So damn cool!
And so Douglas Adams -ish, or should it be called Hitchhiker-esque? Also a lot like those weird detective novels of his.

The stuff about the priest is totally hilarious, and I also love the title you've given to the story.

Do go on! We want more!!


Pälä, pälä, pälä, pam. Pälä, pälä, pälä.

Edited by SugarPlumFairy on 06/29/01 08:03 AM (server time).



glitter0330
(kook)
06/30/01 02:55 PM
Re: Pop Goes The God - A story with Bowie in it new [re: PHOENIX]  

I almost forgot to ask this:

Can other people add on to this too? I'd love to write a chapter! I haven't written something that ISN'T a script for months!

Bridget

"If something's missing it exploded...Or I ate it..."

Edited by glitter0330 on 06/30/01 03:01 PM (server time).



PHOENIX
(electric tomato)
07/01/01 05:20 AM
Re: Pop Goes The God - A story with Bowie in it new [re: glitter0330]  

CHAPTER 4

Nyartholep. A guy, or more accurately, a thing, that thought he (or it, if you like) was not only the bees knees, but the entire bee, and a good portion of the hive to boot.

He also thought of himself as a man (thing) that needed no introduction, which wasn't quite true at all for he quite often needed to be introduced as hardly anyone knew who the hell he was. Still, he knew who the hell he was and that was the main thing.

He was more than an evil man/thing, he was pure evil. As if to prove this he snatched a fly from the air and did that rolling thing that is often used to kill flies. The rolling thing where the fly is rolled to death with the thumb and forefinger and then flicked. This man/thing rolled it with pleasure.

It was around the time when mankind started setting up complicated cave networks that the big ITS decided that they'd open a branch of evil of Earth, and they have since been overjoyed at how the business of evil thrived. Over a billion served. From the start Nyartholep had been there, in one guise or another.

A visit from his butler interrupted his rolling and flicking.

"What is it Gus?" the man/thing enquired.

"A reverse the charges call...from the sun", his inappropriately named butler wincingly replied. Collect calls from Sol at this time of the day were particularly pricey.

"Evil Pop!", chimed Nyartholep, "I'll take it in den...MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

"Very good sir", Gus sighed, "Here you go". He handed the man/thing the mobile in his right hand.

"Mobile? Where there goes my $5 of free calls" Nyar grumbled, and disappeared into the den.

CHAPTER 5

At this time in the Earth's history children everywhere were getting more and more wary of strangers brandishing candy. Adults were getting more and more wary of strangers brandishing pamphlets. And David Bowie was getting more and more wary of strangers with strange earlobes giving him advice.

It's not as if it was a lesson in life his mother had given him, god rest her soul. It was just that lately he had been approached in the strangest places by curly earlobed happy people with all sorts of advice and information.

"It's not the side effects of the cocaine." The happy curly earlobed lady told him. "Or the drugs Iman gave you this evening"

David had made it safely to a train station that would take him to the airport where his plane awaited him. A plane that would take him to Paraguay. All of this had been arranged by Iman which made David ponder whether or not it would be adviseable if he took more control of things he did in his life, including talking to happy curly earlobed people.

His car chase had ended on a luckily good note in the end. He was driving his shiny BMW, which at first he thought was ominous because he had had quite a few accidents in that car to this date. He was always crashing in the same car. Did it mean something? Maybe it did for during a momentary episode of hallicination (what brought that on?) he crashed down an embankment just as a bus for Oxford Train Station rolled up.

Everything seemed to be falling into place.

CHAPTER 6

Frustration. That word was on Nyar's mind at the moment. That and a few other F words.

Iggy's call had been a fruitless exercise in shouting "WHAT WAS THAT?" and "REPEAT PLEASE!". It was well known to scientists that solar storms would interfere with our mobiles and electrical equipment, but when you actually lived on the sun it made things touchy to say the least.

Now Nyar, the man/thing had a decision to make. A big decision. He thought that Iggy had told him to assassinate Father McKenzie, but it could most easily have been assist The Great Blaather MbBlenzy. What to do? Another call to the Sun was out of the question, after all, he had his car repayments and internet provider bills to think about.

He made the snap decision. Picking up the phone he made a reverse the charges call to a man he knew most well. His good friend, his close compadre, Don Giacomo Micardo.

"Hello, who is this?", the Don enquired apon accepting the charges.

"Nyartholep, the evil one", Nyartholep, the evil one answered.

"Who?"

"The man thing, You know...The Eeeevil one!"

"I'm sorry, can you refresh my memory?"

"The source of all evil, the destroyer of man's spirit!"

"Oh, errr, ok, what do you want?"

"Father McKenzie must die"

"Friday good for you?"

"Father McKenzie must die today"

"That'll incur a same day charge y'know?"

"That's ok, I have a coupon"


To be continued...

One sees great things from the valley,
only small things from the peak.

G.K. Chesterton


PHOENIX
(electric tomato)
07/02/01 11:02 PM
Re: Pop Goes The God - A story with Bowie in it new [re: PHOENIX]  

CHAPTER 7

The Great Blaather MbBlenzy needed help, and he wondered when on Earth it would arrive.

He could see David clearly now. In a literal visual sense anyway.

Blaather was only 3 feet tall. So he often needed help. He was also quite a nice guy, just often confused and melancholy. So he often needed emotional support. He often found it hard to make decisions. So he often needed someone around to tell him what to do.

He also had a special gift.

Some people can play piano. Blaather could suck people's creativity out through their tongue.

It was ironic that such small people attract so much attention, especially while sucking on famous rock star's tongues. You'd think small people would go unnoticed because of their size, and that rock star's antics would go unnoticed because, well, they were rock stars. But the human race has always been the peculiar child of the universe, and so it goes.

So Blaather waited for his help to arrive, all the while he sucked on his lollypop, which, considering he was in a train station bar, attracted much attention.

David was talking to a lady with the strangest earlobes he'd ever seen, and god knew, he'd seen some strange earlobes. He once tried sucking on them but found no inspiration flowing forth from them. Pity.

He found himself sitting...waiting... in a situation many of us have probably been in at many times in our lives. He needed (and wanted mind you) to suck on David Bowie's tongue, but didn't quite know how to accomplish this feat on his own. He needed assistance, and it was nowhere to be seen.

"Life sucks", he thought to himself.

CHAPTER 8

"Beware of Iman", she told him, and as she did, her earlobes blushed a deep red.

This is too much, went the dialogue in David's head, the next time Iman pressures me into taking drugs I'm just going to say NO!

"Iman is not Iman, she's not exactly normal, she's made of mindless metal"

Just smile and nod, a few more tequilas and this will all be over soon

"You must remember who you are"

David nodded.

"You will remember your journey, your home, your destiny"

"Mmmhmmm", he scratched his chin. The lady went on talking, but David's gaze started to wonder. He spotted a very small man sucking a lollypop, the man seem startled to be noticed. Then he felt something in his hand. His newly growing beard was falling out.

Now c'mon David, you can do this, just put two and two together... Iman pressuring you to do drugs, authority hounding you, strange earlobe people talking to you, lollypop sucking midgets watching you, beard falling out

"Evil Pop!", David exclamed without knowing quite where it came from.

Earlobe lady nodded. "Evil Pop", she said softly.

CHAPTER 9

Father McKenzie counted the vans. A pizza delivery van, a calble TV van, a tellecommunications van, a plumbers van, an electricians van and an ice cream van. It was an unusual amount of vans.

Something that also struck the father as odd was that the driver serving the kids in the ice cream van was wearing a dark suit and dark sunglasses. He also had a violin case resting on the passenger seat of his van.

Now was the time for a decision. Finish darning his socks, or get the hell out of there?

Being the clever man he was Father McKenzie decided to do both. He's darn his socks while getting the hell out of there. It's not as if he'd have anything else to do with his hands while he ran like crap.

Now, you may think darning socks while running like crap is rather difficult...but it's not...it's deceptively easy. Father McKenzie had learned this from his Tibettan Buddhist friends who had been darning socks while running like crap for generations. It was a cleansing ritual whose origins were lost in time.

The Father put his bass guitar, amp and water tank into his knapsack, all the while thinking, "I'd like to see them try showing this on television", and he was off. Running like crap and darning, leaving just a cardboard cutout of himself at the window, a cardboard cutout that...funnily enought...had not been there before.

It had the very suspicious feeling of something falling into place.

One sees great things from the valley,
only small things from the peak.

G.K. Chesterton


Sylvanelf
(cracked actor)
07/03/01 01:28 AM
lol new [re: PHOENIX]  

I love this

-Sylvanelf edax rerum

madamheidi
(kook)
07/03/01 04:26 AM
madamheidi new [re: Sylvanelf]  

Likewise. Nice work.

Hide it away in the saphire blink of your eyes....

SugarPlumFairy
(crash course raver)
07/03/01 04:46 AM
Re: Pop Goes The God - A story with Bowie in it new [re: PHOENIX]  

In reply to:

Now c'mon David, you can do this, just put two and two together... Iman pressuring you to do drugs, authority hounding you, strange earlobe people talking to you, lollypop sucking midgets watching you, beard falling out


*Rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off until I accidentally hit the table*
Gawd, was that funny or what. Imagine Bowie having to face a situation like that, in real life!

In reply to:

Now, you may think darning socks while running like crap is rather difficult...but it's not...it's deceptively easy. Father McKenzie had learned this from his Tibettan Buddhist friends who had been darning socks while running like crap for generations.


Again, reminds me of D. Adams... or maybe Terry Pratchett...or maybe Phoenix. You have amazing talent for this style of writing!!

Grumble grumble snap bite grrrr.


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