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   >> I Was An Artiste
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(crash course raver)
08/08/01 03:19 PM
Re: Chapters 11-12 new [re: twister]  

i cant even describe how amused i am! this is by far the best fic i have ever read...why? cause its so damn funny! and your gender stereotyping is so right on the money! god, i cant tell you how many times my mom knocked on the door and said "whats so funny?" cause i was laughing so hard! keep up the amazing work...you are fast becoming my favorite author (i like funny sex books) starbuck

"and maybe you can keep me from ever being happy,but you're not gonna stop me from having fun." ani difranco

08/08/01 05:32 PM
Re: Chapters 11-12 new [re: twister]  

This is soooooooooo funny!! Love the chess game references, and the desciption of Sarah.......was laughing out loud here, thank goodness I am alone at the moment!!

"For me a chameleon is something that disguises itself to look as much like its environment as possible. I always thought I did exactly the opposite of that." ~ David Bowie, 1993

(grinning soul)
08/08/01 05:39 PM
Re: Chapters 11-12 new [re: twister]  

My god. This is the single most astonishing thing I have ever read in my entire life. You describe Sarah right to the point.. THAT'S SO ON TARGET! hehe. Don't forget to keep it rotating... I can't wait to see what happens with Jareth.. he can masturbate in front of me anyday. Hmm... maybe I shouldn't have said that...

"Porridge... we'll eat porridge." *smacks lips*

(absolute beginner )
08/09/01 05:46 PM
Re: Chapters 11-12 new [re: Mousey]  

You know, that's quite alright. I'd really love it as well if Jereth would jack off in front of me. Heck, I'd get a rise out of that.
*Double meaning there. heh heh*

Just know you're not the only one.

white rabbit
(crash course raver)
08/09/01 07:35 PM
Re: Twister's Labyrinth Fiction new [re: twister]  

Twister, your writing is very descriptive and hilarious! You really are very talented and have a unique style of your own. I love the double entendres like the one Phoenix mentioned and this one.

In reply to:

Create mankind, and only give them an average of seventy years to live, they'll never really develop any sense of what one can achieve taking matters into their own hands.

I can't wait to see more! Keep it up ...

(cracked actor)
08/11/01 12:48 PM
Chapter 13 new [re: twister]  


Tired of moving miniatures across a chequered board in a game designed to make those of a lesser intellect feel inferior, Jareth had decided to go off for a wander through his castle. Some people believe that Jareth's entire castle is a magical place, designed to twist the dimensions, warp time, and be larger on the inside than it is on the outside. But of course, some people think Stanley Kubrick was a really good director, which just goes to show how wrong people can be. It has been noted, mostly by lower class people with delusions of grandeur, that a man's home is his castle. What many forget, is that a man's castle, is also his home. It's not just something to look impressive to barely pubescent girls who wander in, nor something in which kings hide while people who should really know better are dying in his name outside, somebody actually has to live here. Washing had to be done. Meals had to be prepared. Of course none of these things were done by Jareth himself, but still, it was a home, and they were done. It's not that Jareth could afford help to do everything, nor was he a powerful enough magician to control everyone that helped him, but, well he was bigger than everyone else here.

He wandered into the laundry room. A laundry was a peculiar breed of creature, of grey-ish skin, and roughly two and a half feet of height. Their eyes appeared to be permanently closed, but this was not the case. Those little flaps near the top of their heads actually were their eyes, though they just looked unhealthily like slits in the skin. Their mouths and noses were combined in a trunk-like organ below their eyes, through which they could smell, taste, produce saliva, and do pretty much anything else you can with your nose and mouth. They could expand to a diameter of about six inches, and contract so tightly as to crush fairly tough metals. All in all it was a handy feature, but it was a bugger when they got bad snots. Well, come on, how would you like it if your snots formed inside your mouth? You think it's bad when you have a cold, and it dribbles onto your upper lip, but come on, we're talking about tasting the insides of your nose, constantly. It's not nice. Although we wouldn't be being accurate in labelling this part of laundry anatomy the "trunk", it sure as hell beats inventing a new word for what we all think of as the trunk-like organ, so trunk it is.

As Jareth entered for the first time in his life, he was faced with a shocking scene before him. Jareth had never questioned how his tights became clean again, he would wear them for a while, send them to the laundry room, and they would come back sparkling clean. He'd always assumed some kind of machinery was used, possibly with salt and cleansing products, but no. His tights were cleaned orally.

At the sight of Jareth's shock coming through the door, several of the laundry creatures took a deep breath, and most wound up almost choking to death on a pair of his tights. Still, there are worse ways to go.

"What are you doing?" asked Jareth, with the dumbfounded politeness normally associated with those who find their partners having extra-martial affairs with same-sex partners.

One of the nearest laundries slurped his pair of tights into his hands before him, then proceeded to reply: "we're cleaning your tights, your majesty".

"I see... but why are you cleaning them... like that?"

The laundry looked at Jareth the way you might look at someone who questioned the way you tie your shoelaces, after tying a perfectly ordinary knot.

"Well," came the eventual reply, "have you got a better idea?"

If Jareth were the type to admit he in fact didn't have a better idea, he would have done so, but he wasn't the type to admit to such a thing. Memories of a million hangovers accompanied by urine stains in which mice had drowned in came flooding back.

"It must be... uh... unpleasant work", he said matter of factly. Truth be told he couldn't give a shit which creature had to suck down all his piss, it was certainly better than letting it give him a rash.

"Oh no, not at all, sir. Actually, I think we all quite enjoy it", replied the laundry, quite truthfully.

Jareth blinked and returned to his bedroom. One of the laundries sucked away happily in the corner.

"How come that lucky swine always gets the semen stains?" complained a jealous co-worker.


I hope that I can say the things I wish I'd said.

08/11/01 10:54 PM
Re: Chapter 13 new [re: twister]  

omg, twister, I'm laughing so hard I can barely breathe!


"I have been, and always shall be, your friend."--Spock

08/11/01 11:09 PM
Re: Chapter 13 new [re: twister]  

Ha! Ha! Ha!
What visual images, of these "creatures" sucking on tights and Jareth standing there calmly having a conversation with them!! This is so very creative and so very very funny, twister!!! You really have a unique style, truly!!
Ha! Ha! Ha!

"For me a chameleon is something that disguises itself to look as much like its environment as possible. I always thought I did exactly the opposite of that." ~ David Bowie, 1993

(wild eyed peoploid)
08/13/01 01:46 PM
Re: Cahpters four through seven new [re: theladyprimrose]  

You are so talented! This is hilarious. And so naughty! You're a bad, bad boy. Keep it up.

Scary Monsters
08/14/01 10:13 AM
Funny Stuff new [re: twister]  

In reply to:

Until that day he would just stick to cheap porn videos and compulsive masturbation, waiting patiently for the day someone would invent the internet so he could pretend to be a lesbian, and masturbate while talking to other men pretending to be lesbians in lesbian chat rooms.

In reply to:

And her breasts... they were so breast-like, which Michael considered a good quality in a breast.

You can't click here so don't even try it.

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