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   >> I Was An Artiste
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(grinning soul)
08/14/01 11:23 AM
Re: Funny Stuff new [re: Scary Monsters]  

Ahh! Get back to Sarah and what the hell she's doing at that party!!

"Porridge... we'll eat porridge." *smacks lips*

(grinning soul)
08/14/01 04:40 PM
Re: Chapter 13 new [re: twister]  

you're a sick, twisted individual twister. please continue the good work. feel free to elaborate further on jareth's various talents.

Vir prudens non contra orage mingit

(crash course raver)
08/17/01 10:16 PM
Oi! Bastard! new [re: twister]  

Please hurry up and add more, sir...
Real life hasn't been the same since you started writing this....
Your prose reminds me a lot of the late, great Douglas Adams...
You complete me twister!

Le Pig 02: I can imagine it now "I never imagined it'd feel so good!"
ValhallaOnWheels: I can imagine it now also "I never imagined it'd be so small!"

(wild eyed peoploid)
08/17/01 11:32 PM
Re: Oi! Bastard! new [re: Remade/Remodeled]  

Yes, twister. I think I'm in love with you. ;) Hurry up and satisfy my desire to observe your ever growing talent.

08/19/01 02:23 AM
Absolutely Evil new [re: twister]  

This is absolutely evil. It's a juicy grown-up take on the whole Labyrinth "phenomena" as I was once told it was called. Beh heh heh!

Don't tease, post more! :D

~* The Observatory *~
P.S. Just ignore anybody who posts ridiculous material. Replying only encourages them.

(electric tomato)
08/22/01 05:23 PM
Re: Absolutely Evil new [re: Starluck]  

Man, this shit is funny! The laundry creatures...brilliant. Post more now, Twister! I need more irreverent fiction.

Oh, such rain we had...it was delicious...
Click or die, filthy humans!

(mortal with potential)
08/24/01 06:08 PM
Re: Absolutely Evil new [re: artist_in_a_tunnel]  

This is some funny stuff man.... But you are going to slowww..... You must realize that since you gave us SUCH good stuff to sink our perverted little teeth into,you mussssssttttttt keep it COMING! Let's get to the next chapter!

(cracked actor)
08/27/01 03:09 PM
Chapter 14 new [re: twister]  


Sarah had picked up nineteen-year-old tattoo sporting Brian from her living room with the old: "hey" line. There are certain ways of saying "hey" to boys at parties to let them know sex is imminent. That certain way being when you're so drunk you can barely say "hey" properly, that's when they know. Michael had the decency to leave her bedroom, and was currently undergoing the age old inquisition as to what had happened resulting in him leaving the room in place of another guy. He knew of course that no-one would believe him had he said he'd rejected her on the grounds he wanted the first time to be special, so he just refused to comment. Which of course led everyone to assume their own takes on the worst case scenario. Whether Michael was gay, impotent or infested with crabs was a matter that would be debated for decades to come.

In Sarah's bedroom, Sarah stumbled backwards towards her bed, and Brian greedily lunged, undoing her jeans, then pulling her jeans and knickers down to her ankles as fast as he could. Deep within Sarah's drunken stupor she was suddenly feeling very scared indeed. Here he was, the first person to set eyes on her most sexual of organs in her pubescent life, and it was someone who yanked down knickers, and bore a tattoo which to Sarah's drunken eyes looked somewhat racist in nature. She fell onto the bed, and could feel him eyeing the newly released organ the way you check tins for bumps in the supermarket.

"S'nice" was the monosyllabic statement from the grinning buffoon.

He pulled the jeans/knickers combo from around Sarah's ankles and threw them to the floor. He climbed onto the bed above Sarah, who was sweating with fear of the stranger she had invited into her bed. He kissed at her chest, without any care or affection, the way one might kiss a car you were proud you could drive, without caring if you got a dent in it. He reached behind her trying to undo her bra, but after a few fumbling seconds he gave up, and simply pulled hard on the cups, making the bra snap hard into Sarah's back. Sarah moaned, and Brian decided to interpret this as a good sign, so he squeezed her breasts the way one might burst water balloons, then he rubbed them in a harsh manner suggesting he didn't think they ought to be attached. Seemingly satisfied that this was enough foreplay Brian got to his feet, undid his zip, and let his trousers fall to the floor, then in a mad rush tore his briefs down, and approached Sarah.

"I'm a virgin!" she blurted, her panic and fear of this unsavoury character temporarily overcoming her alcohol-fuelled lack of speech.

It's a curious fact that under these circumstances the words "I'm a virgin" can mean a thousand different things to a girl. They can mean: "I'm not sure I want to do this", "I really don't want to do this", "Please be gentle", "I hope you know how much I love you, because I've never done this for anyone else", "I'm sorry if I'm not very good", "Please take control", "I'm scared", or "Hurry the hell up". Even more of a curious fact, is that regardless of what the girl means by the statement the guy always hears: "hey, I have a really tight pussy, and there's no-one in my past that could have been better than you. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me". Which girls take as further evidence (if needed) that guys are, of course, complete idiots, and guys take as evidence that girls need to learn how to communicate more. Of course a guy wouldn't put it like that, a guy would say: "if she didn't want me to fucking fuck her she should have fucking said so, fucking slut", but what they mean is girls should learn to communicate.

Brian tried to remember from women's magazines he'd read what he was supposed to say. He stroked her face, and attempting to sound genuine told her: "that makes me feel so special". He justified lying on the grounds that it's okay to lie if sex is involved, which comes on page one of the rule book on how to be a man. If women ever read men's entire rulebook they'd be sickened and never touch a man again. If a man read a woman's rulebook he would say: "Uh?".

"Is this gonna hurt?" asked Sarah, her eyes wide with fear. Brian's penis was pushing double figures in terms of inches.

"You betcha sweet ass this'll fuckin' hurt", came Brian's, surprisingly polysyllabic, reply.

Then he climbed on top of her, winked at her, and plunged it deep inside her. A stab of pain shot through Sarah's entire body. The word "penetration" had never been so vividly inflicted on her mind. A searing pain between her thighs, feeling as though skin were being ripped to unnatural proportions, convulsions shuddering through her entire body in searing pain. She was sobbing, but Brian didn't notice, or if he did he didn't care. Her head lunged forward as she threw up on herself, which did nothing to cease Brian's onslaught. She started to scream, and Brian took this as a good sign. Before long, Sarah lost consciousness. Brian carried on regardless.


I hope that I can say the things I wish I'd said.

(wild eyed peoploid)
08/27/01 03:18 PM
Re: Chapter 14 new [re: twister]  

*winces with pain* Ouch... that...sounds like it hurts.

Keep it up, twister!

Dante: "My girlfriend just sucked 36 dicks!!!"
Customer: "In a row?!"

(electric tomato)
08/27/01 05:42 PM
Re: Chapter 14 new [re: Mousey]  

Twister! That sounds most unpleasant.

Oh, such rain we had...it was delicious...
Click or die, filthy humans!

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