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(cracked actor)
10/12/02 03:18 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


Berlin continued to fascinate David. 'It's like I'm in a whole different country over here', he said. He took a small apartment there, but the apartment left after only a few days. He cooked his own food, cleaned his own flat, and went to the toilet all on his own. 'I'm a big boy now!', he'd tell all and sundry.

In January 'Low on Cocaine' was retitled 'Low' and released. Critics just didn't know how to approach it, since it was wielding a knife and in a disturbed state.

The Sun - hmmm...

The Globe - I see...

The Moon - Ok...

David accomplished a lot in 1977. He started recording 'Heroes', the title track being about two lovers who admire the Berlin Wall. Another Eno collaboration, Eno talks again about working with David :

'Bowie would get into the studio from the shops, and always, always, the bread would be at the bottom of the shopping bag. He simply had no conception of the heavier groceries squashing the loaf.'

David also recorded another Iggy Pop album 'Lust For Life'. Carlos Alomar and Ricky Gardner played guitars, David played piano while the Sales brothers, Hunt and Tony played drums and bass respectively. David co-wrote six of the songs. It still remains unclear what Iggy did.

One thing Iggy did do was go out on the road in March, David sticking to him like a gluey residue. He would play piano at his gigs in the UK and the States. They'd get up to all sorts of shenanigans those two, up past their bed-time.

The single 'Be My Wife' came out on June 17th. David had forgotten that he actually had a wife and child. He'd left them somewhere and plumb forgot about them.

'Heroes' was finished by mid-September. A new addition to his line up was Robert Fripp on lead guitar. Fripp had experimented with Eno on his 'No Pussyfooting' album before deciding he definately wasn't gay. He was just what David needed, someone who liked cutting the crusts off his sandwiches.

'Heroes' the single was released in September in three different language versions, French, German and English. The bad langauge version was never released due to the incessant use of the "C" word. The album came out in October, but by then Bowie fans were running seriously short on money.

David appeared on a TW show recorded at Granada Studios in Manchester with old friend Marc Bolan. It was initially feared that David had given him the mime, but Marc had been given the all clear much to his relief. David sang 'Heroes' and did a duet with Marc, backed by Herbie Flowers, Dino Dines and Tony Newman. There was much kissing and hand-shaking and friendly feelings.

David also recorded a Christmas show with Bing Crosby which killed him. 'Sorry Bing', David was quoted as saying.

Back in Montreux, while looking for his wife and child, David Hemmings approached David Bowie and said 'Come star in my movie, which will make you rich and famous'. The movie was 'Just A Gigalo' and would actually make David a little less rich and famous than he already was. He arranged to fly to Berlin in the winter to began filming then went off to Kenya for a holiday.

Bowie didn't record anything in Kenya, lazy bugger.

When back in Berlin he started to paint things. The police immediately stopped him and David ended up paying a small fine and doing some community service.

As part of that community service he narrated Prokofiev's 'Peter and The Wolf' for a Red Seal recording. There was much jubilation among Peter and The Wolf fans as they ran out naked into the streets in unbridled joy when the news was announced.



The world would have to wait until next year for it's much anticipated release.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

(cracked actor)
10/12/02 10:59 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


As the new year opened up it's eyes and greeted David with a big "Hi There" he was working in Berlin on 'Just A Gigolo'. It was at this time he was having an affair with Coco the monkey.

'Just A Gigolo' co-starred Marlene Dietrich, who was kept well away from David in the fear he would end up killing her just the way he killed off poor old Bing. When she heard Bowie was starring in the movie she locked herself away in a room in Paris, trembling with fear.

'Just A Gigolo' was premiered in Germany to a resounding and deafening silence, as the audience had left half way through. Hemmings blamed 'The Curse of Bing', and went home to try and exorcise the ghost of angry Bing Crosby from the film. More likely it was 'The Curse of The Really Bad and Boring Movie'.

Bowie fled to Kenya again, this time taking his son with him who he now called Joe. Sometimes he called him 'Stickface', and on odd occasions 'Humpy'. Every time he called him 'Zowie' the kid would attack David with a sharpened pencil. David took him to see the lions, but they didn't want to eat him.

March was taken up with rehersals for a 13 week world tour taking in 65 cities. It opened on March 29th in San Diego, California. He again decided to make it simple, he'd sing a few songs and his fans would give him lots of money.

The tour consisted of regulars (plenty of bran in their diet) George Murray on bass, Carlos Alomar on rhythm guitar, to which were added the irregulars (constipated) Hawkwind violinist Simon House, Roger Powell on synthesizer, Adrian Belew on guitar and finally pianist Seran Mayes.

At the Spectrum Arena in Philadelphia Bowie decided to pull a swifty on RCA and record a live double album, 'Stage'. It was a swifty because it would count to his "Frequent Album Points", the reward of which was the much vaunted top prize - "1000 points = Get Out of This Shitty Contract".

In May the highly anticipated, "David Bowie Narrates Prokofiev's 'Peter and the Wolf' with Eugene Ormandy and The Philadelphia Orchestra" came out. At the launch David was mobbed by tens of thousands of delirious 'Peter and the Wolf' fans.

After two nights at Madison Square garden, Bowie winning both of his boxing bouts, he did Europe. This is no easy feat, there are a lot of people in Europe, he nearly ran out of condoms. He played for three nights on June 14th at Newcastle City Hall. The music press all sent reporters there who filed ecstatic stories :

New Musical Express - I found ten pounds under my seat!

Old Musical Express - Sally said she'd marry me!

New Musical {All Stops} - I feel so happy today!

David concluded the tour with three days at the giant Earls Court. His mother was allocated the Royal Box after being mistaken for the Queen. The audience included Iggy Pop, Dustin Hoffman, Bianca Jagger (replacing Coco the monkey), Brian May, Roger Taylor and Bob Geldof. It must have been disappointing though, playing Earls Court in front of only 7 people.

September saw David back in Montreux looking for Angie and Coco the Monkey. While there he booked time in the recording studio to record another album, Tony Visconti asking if perhaps they hadn't recorded enough of these things already. David just pointed to his 'Frequent Album Points card' where he was getting closer.

In October 'Stage' was released. David wanted it to be a quadruple album to get out of his contract. RCA wanted it to count as one-tenth of an album to keep him. There was much nashing of teeth.

David ended the year with six concerts in AUSTRALIA, beginning on 11 November in Adelaide, then PERTH, and then Melbourne where a crowd of over 20,000 sat in the pouring rain to watch David and his band get repeatedly shocked by the equipment, lots of laughs. Then Brisbane and Sydney. 'This is the best place in the whole world to tour', said Bowie.

He then went to Japan, which was much much crappier and isn't even worth mentioning. Unfortunately he had to spend Christmas there instead of Australia.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

(cracked actor)
10/13/02 02:47 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


With a new album in the final stages of mixing (just a bit more milk needed) and 'Stage' in the shops Bowie travelled from Switzerland to London to New York to Australia to tell everyone how wonderful he was.

Then 'Just A Gigolo' came out all over the place, and everyone told him how wonderful he wasn't. Hemmings had done his best to cut away at 'The Curse of Bing' but it seemed a bit of Bing remained and would do so until the film left theatre screens, in about two days.

Movie Magazine - This was the first time I actually cried with boredom

Capperboard - Thats it, thats the end of movies for me.

In March he headed back to Berlin to finish off the tapes for his third Eno album 'Lodger'. Co-producer Tony Visconti talks about David and Tony's method of recording :

'He sits on this chair and then that's when my fingers hover over the play and record buttons. I say to him "Ready?" with this look in my eyes that says I'm serious, he looks back and says "Ready." then I presses the play and record buttons and off we go.'

'Lodger' was released on May 25th and David was in London to promote it, taking the use of video to new hieghts, watching "Close Encounters of the Third Kind' on VCR from the top of London Tower.

The use of promotional videos had been experimented with in days gone by, with the Beatles, Queen and Aunty May's Naughty Home Movie. Bowie himself had used film recycled from previous tours and had recorded a video for Heroes when he got drunk. But for 'Lodger' the use of promotional videos that conceptualise the music itself was the dawn of a new painful age.

MTV was still two years away, Kelly Osborne's ground breaking 'Papa Don't Preach' was still two decades away. Yet, with the help of David Mallet directing, Bowie was to recognize the birth of a new promotional tool, grab it, and squeeze it tenderly yet firmly, milking the precious juice from it's supple sensitive teat.

On 'Boys Keep Swinging' Mallet filmed David during some kind of epileptic fit. After the fit, Bowie dresses in Drag and smears lipstick all over himself. He also pretends to be an old lady.

On 'DJ' Bowie dresses in pink and slaps sticky records onto the wall. He also covorts with drunks in the gutter while stoned. And there's some explosions near the end.

On 'Look Back In Anger' Bowie paints a picture of himself as some kind of angel. He then gets herpes and falls down.

David was once again pointing the way sideways. Videos were to become an important part of his work. He'd write a wacky story, grab some director, produce the film himself then launch it on a terrified unsuspecting public.

In June David pretty much vanished, staying in New York, Switzerland, Kenya, London and Australia. How he stayed in five places at the same time is anyone's guess.

He popped up again from his absence on 16th of December to see the Broadway production of 'The Elephant Man', later visiting the club Hurrahs where he was introduced to the play's director Jack Hofsiss. Jack told Bowie that he looked very much like the Elephant Man and should be kept away from society. He explained that Anglim (the lead actor) was leaving and that if David didn't take the part he would shoot him, or maybe put him in a travelling circus.

Bowie thought about the offer carefully, then forgot what the offer was. When Hofsiss reminded him, David agreed.

He wouldn't be needed until July of the next year. Time enough to make another album and find Coco the monkey.

1979 closed with David singing 'Space Oddity' on Kenny Everett's New Year's Eve Show in a video clip of him in a padded cell. The obvious message being that he had sung that song so bloody much it had driven him crazy. Kenneth Pitt was well pleased however, that David had finally decided to re-re-re-re-record it.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

(cracked actor)
10/13/02 05:23 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


David had finally found Angela, waiting on a street corner where he told her he'd pick her up after buying some milk. This was in the mid '70s, so Angela was rightly pissed off. The marriage was finally terminated by Arnold Schwarzenegger in dark glasses.

David got custody of Zowie/Joe/Stickface/Lumpy. Angela settled for $50,000. That's right, not $5,000,000, fifty thousand dollars. Bowie spent the rest of 1980 giggling like a little schoolgirl.

Angela announced plans to write a book about David, Coco the monkey and unmentionable things. 'This book will contain the words anal, penis, sucking and rash on every page,' she announced, 'it's about time the truth was told, and God knows I'm not the one to do it'.

After appearing on the TV shows 'Saturday Night Live' and 'Dick Clark's Salute To The Seventies', Bowie returned home for a holiday, being one of the few people in the world who can do that. He went skiing and got a nut lodged in his right nostril. Ok, he didn't get a nut lodged in his nostril, but skiing by itself sounded awfully boring.

When Stickface returned to school Bowie fled to New York and never picked him up. Instead he started recording a new album at Record Plant Studios with Tony Visconti. David had the usual rhythm section with him (Alomar, Murray and Davis) with guest guitar overdubs from Robert Fripp, Chuck Hammer and Pete Townshend, plus Andy Clark on synthesizers and Roy Bittan on piano. The title track was to be called 'Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)' all about his time in the studio with the above musicians. Alomar would fart, Murray blew his nose without a tissue, Davis's bumcrack was always showing and Fripp brought his own spit bucket.

In July David returned to Japan to have sex. While there he made a television commercial for Sake. Sake was very pleased with the result, and much bowing resulted. It took two weeks to shoot, as it was nimble and hard to target. In the TV ad, Bowie's 'Crystal Japan' can be heard in the background. Bowie left Japan with his pockets stuffed with cash.

After time promoting his new single 'Space Oddity/Alabama Song' it was time to become the Elephant Man. The play opened at the Denver Centre of Performing Arts on 29th July. Every ticket was sold for that week, but annoyingly people in the audience kept on yelling, "Do Space Oddity!", or "Play Young Americans! That's My Favourite!".

The play moved on to Chicago for three weeks, and in the middle of performances David would break out into, 'Do you remember a guy that's been, in such an early song?'. Yep, it was time to promote his new single, 'Ashes to Ashes', and what better way to do it than in the middle of playing John Merrick. The crowd went wild and threw their panties onto the stage.

'Ashes to Ashes' was aided by a brilliant Mallet video featuring David in Pierrot costume talking to his mother on another planet. Very much as expected, what else could the video have depicted except for that? It went number 1 very quickly after taking some laxatives.

Not long after 'Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)' the album came out (September 12th), 'The Elephant Man' hit broadway. The show at the Booth Theatre was the subject of intense media interest:

New York Times - Oh my god! He's hideous! In a Good Way!

New York Post - When he staggered out of that hospital bed, and into a wonderful rendition of 'Fashion', I nearly cried

New York Gutter - I never knew Merrick could swivel his hips like that. Viva la Elephant!

'Fashion' was the next single off the wildly successful 'Scary Monsters' LP. Written to a disco beat it features inspired lyrics such as "lalalalalala!" and "fafafafa..."

Every night, fans gathered at the Booth Theatre hoping to meet Bowie, get his autograph, or shoot him. It was a time of innocence when big stars would let themselves be shot quite freely. That freedom vanished on 8th December when you-know-what happened.

Bowie became security concious, which is the next step towards being cosmicly concious. He would insist that all members of the cast give him a full body cavity search before each show.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

10/13/02 03:37 PM
Be sure to take us all the way to 2002, kid new [re: PHOENIX]  

Funnily enough, this might just be the best Bowie biography ever written. I feel the development of character more strongly than I have in any other book on the man.

Oh, and making me laugh often is a neat trick too.

I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it.

(cracked actor)
10/14/02 01:39 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


Bowie's career continued to operate on several levels. The 'make as much money as humanly possible' level, and the 'I've got so much money I can do anything I like' level. The simultaneous success of his stage play and music brought him many offers, many of them far too rude and raunchy to print here.

A studio was hired for one day so that Bowie could re-create one of his 1978 concerts for a sequence in the German film 'Christiane F'. A story about an unfortunate young girl who has a surname consisting of only one letter.

Bowie's performance and songs were used in the film and on a soundtrack LP that he delivered to RCA with the note 'Gimme gimme gimme!' The film went on to become one of the most successful German films ever :

Das Berliner - Gut!

Deutsch Film - Ja!

Rezension - Gut!

Three more truckloads of cash arrived outside his chalet in Switzerland when K-Tel released their 'The Very Best of David Bowie' album in agreement with RCA. It sold over one million copies and reached No 3 in the British charts. The cash was shovelled onto the big heap out the back, Bowie was running out of places to put it all.

He briefly stopped swimming and cavorting in his money pool to travel to London to recieve 'Best Male Singer' and 'The Year's Best Video' from Dave Lee Travis and Lulu at the New London Theatre. He quickly pawned the statuettes on his way home and added the coins to his pile.

Two new singles had been released thus far in the year, 'Scary Monsters/Because You're Young' on January 2nd, and 'Up The Hill Backwards/Crystal Japan' on March 20th. By now the money pile had become the second man made object visible from space. David toyed with the idea of changing his name to 'McScrooge'.

In July David got bored and called Roger Deacon, the drummer for Queen, on the phone. He had been a friend of David's for some time and they arranged a get-together for lunch with all the members of Queen. David ordered a salad and egg roll, Freddie Mercury a toasted tomato and cheese sandwich. The resultant stomach cramps promted the band and Bowie to record 'Under Pressure' at Queens studio in Montreux.

Also recorded in July is a track for the film 'Cat People'. 'I'm thinking of doing a much inferior version for one of my albums, to piss my fans off', he told NME.

David was spending much time in his dungeon, brooding and carving, painting and muttering to himself. BBC TV producer Louis Marks and director Alan Clarke tried to lure him out with a fat juicy slice of Bertolt Brecht. They left trails of Brecht all the way from Switzerland to London.

No wonder then that a shifty bearded character could be spotted lurking in shadows and moving secretly and silently around the London streets at this time. Once lured into the television studio they quickly locked the doors and soothed the shy panicky Bowie with a script from one of Bertolt's first plays 'Baal'.

Bowie would play the role of Baal himself, an anarchist poet who goes through life abusing women, working in sleazy bars, murdering friends, using a mobile phone while driving and losing all sense of personal values. Bowie would come in each day, and then vanish. There would be much hand-clapping and 'hurrah's' at such a splendid magic trick.

Bowie called in Visconti, lighting up the night sky with a big 'V' like in Batman, and got his help in producing his versions of the songs in Baal to be released next year. Visconti talks of 'Baal' :

'One violin, one viola, one trumpet and one accordion. We all felt German that day, my German felt very nice indeed.'

On 2nd November Bowie and Queen released 'Under Pressure' much to Freddie and David's intense relief after holding it in for so long. No wonder then that it immediately made number 1. Also released in November (on the 19th) was RCA's second Bowie compilation, 'Changestwobowie'. Some residents in Switzerland started to complain that the money pile was blocking out the sun.

Meanwhile David would lurk in his dungeon carving and painting. Occaionally venturing out to climb the pile.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

10/14/02 02:38 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

(stardust savant)
10/14/02 04:51 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: Sysiyo]  

I have to agree with that.

(cracked actor)
10/14/02 07:26 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


David continued to live quietly in Switzerland, skiing down his giant pile of cash while others had to make do with snow. He did this for two whole months. Villagers could sometimes hear his voice way off in the distance, "...weeee!....I'm rich!...." as it echoed off the mountainsides.

On January 30th he had been voted No 1 Reclusive Male Singer in the annual New Musical Express readers poll. But it didn't interrupt his skiing.

The skiing finally ended when he returned to Britain in late February just as his 'Baal' EP was being released and as 'Baal' was being shown on BBC-2 Television. Reviews for Baal were not as great as could have been hoped for :

Television Review - Baal was on last night? Shit!! I missed it!

Teen Dream Magazine - For a David Bowie show, it left my panties curiously dry

At the beginning of March strict security was again enforced when Bowie began work on his third film, 'The Hunger'. He would insist once more that everyone give him a full body cavity search, especially Susan Sarandon and Catherine Deneuve. Susan would continue to search his cavity well after the film's production ceased.

'The Hunger' was a sci-fi horror film with some great lesbian scenes in it. Bowie appeared as John Blaylock, a 300 year old vampire living in modern-day New York with his 6000 year old vampire girlfriend. Church groups were outraged at the age difference (some 5,700 years) portrayed in this film.

In one famous scene Bowie ages over a hundred years, his skin wrinkling as he becomes haggard and old. Special Effects technitions describe how they produced this effect :

'After working in the music business for so long Bowie's face had become taut with stress, using soothing music and tranquilisers we just got him to relax into his normal state. Due to the strain of touring so often, Bowie's normal relaxed state is approximately that of a 100 year old man"

The movie was directed by Tony Scott and written for the screen by Michael Thomas, they found Bowie pleasant enough to work with though his frequent requests for cavity searches sometimes unnerved them. The main shooting locations were a house in Mayfair, the gay disco Heaven, Charing Cross Station and Luton Hoo in Bedfordshire. Nobody connected with the film was there the time of the shootings luckily, so no harm was done. Except to those people who were shot.

David was often seen in a drunk and disorderly state at various nightclubs and discos around this time, such as Gossips where he downed quite a few with members of Exploited. When asked for comment he replied, "Oh God, I love you guys so much, hang on, I'm gonna be sick..."

He was also seen buying R&B records in various shops. Someone swore they saw him buying milk in a corner store. Alice Greene said she saw him in a dream. David saw himself a number of times in mirrors.

Someone who hadn't seen David in a long time was Terry, who proceeded to jump out of a second story window on 2nd June. Terry had been locked up in Cane Hill Asylum for the past 16 years. When Bowie heard the news he came to visit and smother him with a pillow. But apon seeing his brother he just didn't have the heart to smother him, instead promising to look after him just like he had the past decade and a half. 'To get better you need plenty of neglect,' he told him 'perhaps buying some of my albums might help.'

Japanese film director Nagisa Oshima had seen Bowie in the Elephant Man. Bowie had told Oshima that he was just keeping The Elephant Man warm, honest. But Oshima had seen. So Bowie reluctantly agreed to star in Oshima's next film 'Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence'. In August filming began on the Cook Islands.

Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence, based on a short story by Sir Laurens van der Post, deals with the Japanese Character. Namely why they beat the living crap out of their prisoners of war. It also deals with homosexuality, but there were to be no really good lesbian scenes in this movie. The question of why the Japanese eat seaweed goes unanswered.

Bowie would co-star with celebrated Scottish actor Tom Conti and former Japanese pop star Ryuichi Sakamoto. This, disappointingly, would make lesbian scenes unlikely, if not impossible.

On November 18th RCA released the Bing Crosby Death Songs. Namely Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy. It went to number 3 on the British Charts over Christmas, disturbingly.

As soon as he finished filming 'Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence' Bowie went to his loft in New York and booked studio time at the Record Plant Studios for November and December. He then called Tony Visconti to tell him he'd met someone else. Someone who could press play and record much better and provide him with a funky R&B satisfaction. Visconti was shattered.

The interloper was Nile Rodgers, funky cool disco producer and rhythm guitarist. Bowie knew Rodgers could give him a good time. Another discovery was Texan blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan, who would double his pleasure. Visconti sent flowers to no avail.

Joining him in the studio these months were Carmine Rojas on bass, Omar Hakim on drums and Rob Sabind on keyboards. Not that David noticed with his eyes all over Stevie and Rodger. The new album was given the very tentative title 'Lets Finally Dump RCA and Make Shitloads of Cash'

Over Christmas, while David was sunbathing and dreaming of R&B, Rodger and money Eric Idle stumbled across him and invited him to barely appear in the film 'Yellowbeard' with Spike Milligan and Marty Feldman. Bowie agreed enabling him to tick off 'play a cameo as a shark' on his to do list.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

(cracked actor)
10/15/02 03:25 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography [re: PHOENIX]  


With his RCA contract finally expiring, David was able to finally cash in his frequent album points. This enabled him to sign a new contract with EMI America - with an advance payment of $17,000,000. 'We made a poor man very happy', was EMI's statement.

RCA weren't to be outdone. They scraped the last flakes from the bottom of the barrel and released 'Bowie Rare'. Included in this compilation is 'Ragazzo Solo, Ragazza Sola', a version of Space Oddity David had sung while very drunk and in some sort of delirium.

Meanwhile Bowie had fled with the loot. He travelled to Australia where David Mallet and himself produced videos for the two most sellable tracks on his new album, 'China Girl' which he wrote with The Idiot Iggy Pop, and 'Let's Dance' which he didn't write with Iggy Pop.

'Let's Dance' was filmed against the backdrop of the Australian desert landscape and featured scenes of a couple of Aborigines canoodling. It's main aim was to promote racism. In fact the two Aborigines, Terry Roberts and Jolene King from the Aboriginal-Islanders Dance Theatre were confronted with a drinking tap with the sign "Blacks Only!" when they arrived on set for filming. 'I wanted to send a message of White Supremacy', David said about the clip, 'I wanted to say that, no matter where you come from, or what colour your skin, white is better.'

'China Girl' was to be a totally different concept. A pornographic concept. It featured David and an oriental girl, Jee Ling, in a variety of X-rated situations. 'This one we aimed directly at the perverts. Do you know that they make up 43% of the overall market?'. The clip was banned by some TV stations, but would crop up from time to time in Sex-Ed classes and outsold "Lusty Sluts 4" at Club X video store.

David also bought a ranch in Australia. 'Did I ever tell you that this is the best country in the world? I just want to keep coming back here again and again.' He told the press.

With his videos ready for world-wide distribution and banning, and the 'Let's Dance' LP, 'Let's Dance' single and 'Let's Dance' action figures ready to be released concurrently by EMI America, Bowie flew from country to country reminding everyone that he indeed was "hot shit". At a March 16th press conference at Claridges he announced his first world tour for five years.

The planned tour would encompass 90 concerts (at the minumum) in 15 countries over the next five months. It was announced as the 'Serious Money' tour, but was later changed to the 'Serious Moonlight' tour for tax purposes.

Meanwhile his album, single, and action figures were selling like crazy. The single quickly eclipsing one million sales, and the album five million. At EMI there were many 'high-fives' and popping of party poppers.

The tour sets were simple, David couldn't afford anything too lavish. Lots of light though, because light wasn't too expensive and made audiences go "Ohh!" and "Ahh!". Carlos Alomar led the musicians, Stevie Ray Vaughan was to appear, but Bowie was asking him to pay $300 per night and it was too expensive for him. The Chic drummer Tony Thompson worked drums (and payed Bowie $250 per night), bass player Carmine Rojas payed Bowie $300 per night, Lenny Pickett played saxaphone and payed $200 per night while Dave Lebolt played synthetic piano and payed him $200 per night.

They all dressed casually, as they couldn't afford decent clothes. Tony Thompson sometimes appeared in rags, Lenny Pickett would sometimes make do with garbage bags tied off at the wrists and ankles.

In May 'China Girl' was released after serving five months for indecent exposure. Meanwhile Bowie was doing ok. For a single concert in Los Angeles on 30th May he recieved a flat fee of $1,500,000. His three concerts in Chicago grossed $716,000. In Dallas he grossed $235,000. In Toronto $2.3m. In Vancouver $1.3m, and in Edmonton, $1.2m. His money pile in Switzerland now eclipsed Mount Everest as the world's tallest peak.

In Sweden Bowie played to 60,000 people a night. His three shows in London drew a total crowd of 175,000. At souveneir stands volunteers sold Bowie cups, Bowie T-shirts, Bowie books, Bowie sanitary napkins, Bowie games, Bowie bathwater. Even bags of dirt, supposedly blessed by Bowie were sold at $39.95 a bagful.

There was the book of the tour. The hour long TV-film made for screening in the United States. A documentary entitled 'Ricochet' to be released on video. The list was endless. RCA re-released his back-catalogue. There were badges, oh so many badges. Scarfs, plungers, insect spray, deodorant, cheese and pasta. Like some Orwellian dream come true, everywhere one looked, there was Bowie's face. Big Bowie is watching you.

The London music press were nonplussed by his new pre-eminence.

The London Times - I like the album, I liked the concert, but I miss my money.

The Sun - Imagine my surprise and humiliation when I walked into work and everyone else was wearing the same Bowie t-shirt I was.

In September 'Modern Love' was released as a single, and in November, after 11 years of waiting, the D.A. Pennebaker film, 'Ziggy Stardust : The Motion Picture' blasted onto cinema screens amid looting and all out chaos as people tried to get away from it. RCA still released the soundtrack album of the film, as it had been an entire two days since they had released something Bowie-related. Two days after that they released a single from the soundtrack 'White Light/White Heat' making dedicated Bowie collectors sigh a lot and rob more banks.

In the United States Bowie appeared on the cover of Time magazine and was hailed by Playboy as its Man of the Year. In Britain he won two more Ivor Novello Awards. Mother Theresa blessed him. The Pope considered canonising him. Holy water was now referred to as Bowie water.

The tour continued on into New Zealand, Australia, Japan and Thailand over November and December. Bowie again mentioning how wonderful Australia was, and how he would continue to visit that wonderful country constantly.

At his final concert in Hong Kong at the end of the year, with tears in his eyes, he reminded the audience of a lost friend, "The last time I saw John Lennon was here in Hong Kong. Whatever happened to that guy anyway?'

At years end Bowie had raked in nearly one hundred million dollars. That's not including the fiver he found on the pavement while walking in Bristol.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

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