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Sysiyo
(acolyte)
10/17/02 09:05 AM
Sysiyo set's facts straight. new [re: PHOENIX]  

In reply to:

It would reach number 17 in the UK charts, though I should check on that with Sysiyo I think.


Amazingly, that was correct!

In reply to:

'Time Will Crawl/Girls' was released in June, as was 'Never Let Me Down/87 and Cry'. It is best if you ask Sysiyo for exact chart positions and whether or not snowmen were mentioned in either song.


Time Will Crawl/Girl reached number 33 in the UK. As for the snowmen, history actually records that Girls was originally going to be titeled Snowmen, and it would have included the lines: Snowmen/They snow and they melt/They kiss/Snow and they melt/Like snowy breeze. Sadly, Bowie later decided to rerecord the song as Girls, so that material from The Hunger could be used as the video, however the idea of a video was later abandoned in favour of one for Time Will Crawl where Bowie would be beaten up by some silly dancers.

And Never Let Me Down reached number 34 in the UK. No snowmen were included this time.



twister
(acolyte)
10/17/02 10:30 AM
Speaking of Anal new [re: Sysiyo]  

I'm just surprised you didn't correct him on the length of Bowie's cock.

I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it.

Glitterbot
(crash course raver)
10/17/02 07:52 PM
correction #3 new [re: twister]  

Also spiders aren't insects.

Skinner: Why don't you say the pledge?
Bart:
Hey America, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. America.

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/17/02 08:14 PM
David's Lawyers would have a few for me too new [re: Glitterbot]  

In reply to:

spiders aren't insects


Alternate universe

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/18/02 03:19 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1988

While David had been giving us the glass spider experience he had been handed a demotape with the words "listen to this" inscribed apon it. He had put it to his ear, but alas the tape made no noise.

While back in Montreux Coco the Monkey put the tape in a tape player and pressed play. Bowie was blown away, there were gale force winds blowing through the area at the time. When he made it back to his place he listened to the tape and thus came to him a cunning plan.

He gave the lead guitarist on the tape, a man by the name of Reeves Gabrels a call. Bowie suggested that they record something together, Gabrels was somewhat skeptical owing to the sneaky sound of Bowie's voice, but agreed when Bowie said he could play on his money pile for a bit.

The result of this collaboration was an eight minute reworking of 'Look Back In Anger' from Bowie's 'Lodger' LP. They went on to perform this in April at the Dominion Theatre in London, an intimate 3000 seat venue. It made Bowie nostalgic for the times when he could feel his audience, without getting arrested for indecent assault.

Bowie was also nostalgic for the times when he would be part of The King Bees, Manish Boys and Lower Third. Back then he could blame all of his mistakes on his crappy band, now that he was making lots of mistakes he had nowhere to turn to lay the blame. What he needed, he decided, were some decent human shields.

When he happened to meet Tony Sales again (Bowie and the two Sales brothers, Toney and Hunt, had toured with Iggy Pop in the seventies) he suggested that perhaps the four of them (Sales, Sales, Bowie, Gabrels) might like to get together in Montreux. Nothing special, chew the fat so to speak, kick a ball around, that kind of thing.

By the time June came around Bowie had them all in the recording studio undergoing intensive "re-programming" or "re-education". A band was being born.

The band was christened 'Gold Machine', but after a few rehearsals this was changed to 'Silver Machine', then 'Copper Machine', and finally as it dawned on them how good they were, 'Tin Machine'.

While still in Switzerland work on the first Tin Machine album began. Besides the band members Kevin Armstrong would provide rhythm guitar and Tim Palmer would produce. The feeling of the press, and what Bowie wanted to convey can be felt from the following interview :

New Musical Express - David, how can you expect to blend in when you so obviously stick out like a thumb with elepantitis? What with your profile and fame?

Gabrels - Are you talking to me?

Tony Sales - I'm not quite sure how to answer that.

NME - No I was talking to...

Hunt Sales - I did not have sexual relations with that chicken.

NME - What?

Tony Sales - David! Help!

Reeves Gabrels - We're all the same. We're not even with Bowie. We think he's crap. We don't even know who Bowie is. Why are you tormenting us like this!! I never met the man!

NME - Reeves, isn't it true that David Bowie is writing 99% of the material, the whole band is his concept, he's the lead singer, and he's calling all the shots?

Bowie - THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!

In August David took a break to film his small part is Martin Scorsese's 'Last Temptation of Christ'. Bowie would play Pontius Pilate in the film and kill Jesus. Since there is nothing like boosting your popularity by killing Jesus.

The rest of the year was taken up with rehearsals, recording and holidays. He would spend time in Indonesia, Italy and Australia with Melissa Hurley. Melissa talks about their relationship :

'David would show me things, all sorts of things, video tapes of his concerts, his collection of gold records, his money pile (which he was very proud of), clippings of all the nice things people had said about him. He would show me his cavity, just to be secure in the knowledge that there wasn't anything up there that breached security. He was a kind and loving man, and we did it many times.'

In November Virgin released an extended version of Bowie's 'Absolute Beginners'. Which is about as inconsequential an end to a chapter you are ever likely to read in your life.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/20/02 02:54 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1989

David Bowie worked hard on Tin Machine. You could tell, he was getting pretty bearded and shaky. By the early stages of the year they had recorded 35 songs, popped 27 veins, had one severe case of haemorroids, and half a dozen cases of "the jitters".

Rehearsing had shifted from Montreux to Australia as the Swiss were complaining about the noise. They still complained, but said it wasn't quite as bad as it had been. Asia began to complain about the noise though, so they eventually ended in Montserrat.

In April all of Bowie's albums were re-released on compact disc through US distributors Rykodisc. Many people would be confused in these early days of cd technology and scratch the absolute crap out of them on their turntables. Some people wore them as badges as they made many pretty colours when light reflected off them. There were many caveman-like "ooh"s and "ahh"s at these "magic plates".

When EMI received the tapes for Bowie's next LP they were more then mildly surprised to find that it was titled 'Mr Brumby's Feather Crapfest'. Someone had played a joke. When they got the real tapes they were still surprised that it was titled 'Tin Machine', without his name on the cover.

In May it was released and reached No 3 in the British charts, and No 28 in the US charts. Was this because Bowie was in the band? We'll never know. Oh, the crap with that, of course it was because Bowie was part of the band.

Music Today - Tin Machine is worse than Hitler.

Crack City Gazette - We are more than a little insulted, and perplexed, that our nice town has been sung about in this way

Rolling Stone Magazine - Bowie's new album made us all very gloomy. Simon from the editorial department went into his isolation tank, and we haven't seen him for days. I hope you're happy David, I know Simon's therapist will be.

The LP would go on to sell more than a million copies. Meanwhile on May 31st the group was launched at the International Music Awards ceremony in New York. They failed to reach Earth orbit however due to a malfunctioning gyroscope, and made re-entry soon after.

In June plans were underfoot for Bowie and Melissa Hurley to marry. 'Get your foot off that!', screamed Bowie at the time, but they had been well trod on and mangled out of shape. A tentative date was set for Christmas in Switzerland with Mick Jagger as the best man. Mick knew what this meant and was very excited about getting to sleep with Melissa.

Tin Machine's proper concert debut was at the Wake Ballroom in New York.

Concert Review - That noise I hear everywhere now, that high pitched "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee", is that normal? Can anyone else hear it?

New Musical Express - WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT? I'M SORRY YOU HAVE TO SPEAK LOADER!! WHAT? WHAT?

Rolling Stone Magazine - I'm naturally deaf, so I enjoyed the concert immensley. I especially enjoyed Bowie's beard.

It was also announced on this day that Bowie would be the Musical Director for Kylie Minogue's debut film 'The Delinquents', but then quietly withdrew. He was always making promises like this while engaged in sex.

Tin Machine's European debut came in Paris on June 29th. It was at La Cigale and many people fled the building with bleeding ears and terrible headaches. The police interjected at one point, asked Bowie to please turn it down a few notches, and complimented him on his beard.

Tin Machine would only do the briefest of tours this year, and concerts they did hold were only in small venues (despite ticket demands). Three shows in America, five in Britain and four on mainland Europe. In that time there was recorded to be 2,376 burst eardrums, 5,919 severe headaches, 328 exploded heads and 576 people dissatisfied with David's beard.

The issue of playing in places with a small capacity would cause problems. In Amsterdam they booked into a venue that could only hold 900. When 25,000 people tried to cram in there there were many cries of 'help! I'm dying!', 'I can't breath!' and 'Someone of the same sex is fondling my bottom!'. Bowie told them all to be quiet and then proceded to traumatise them all by playing loud crashing, clanging, catatonic style Heavy Metal music.

On July 15th Bowie opened the $1 million Brixton Community Centre. Someone told him to shut the damn door, it was cold and windy outside. So Bowie closed it again. He had donated 150,000 pounds to the project so he was mildly upset at such a reception.

By August Bowie's little tiny Tin Machine tour was over. He holidayed in Indonesia and after that would spend ten weeks in Australia rehearsing and recording some more with Tin Machine. The single 'Tin Machine' was released, with a band, album and single called Tin Machine nobody could really doubt that Tin Machine was Tin Machine, not David Bowie, not Bowie Machine or Tin Bowie, Tin Machine.

In October they released 'Prisoner of Love'. They had toyed with the idea of actually calling this song 'Tin Machine'. Bowie had actually started to call his son (Joey/Stickface/Lumpy) Tin Machine and would answer the phone "Tin Machine!". An October interview gives us a look into his state of mind :

The Sun - David is it true you were thumped and kicked by Axle Rose of Guns 'n' Roses earlier this month?

Bowie - You mean Tin Machine?

The Sun - No, you, yourself. Were you attacked by Axle?

Bowie - We're all part of Tin Machine.

The Sun - Are you understanding what I'm saying to you right now?

Bowie - Tin Machine.

Bowie and Tin Machine moved on from Australia, no-one could get any sleep. They arrived in New York later in the year for recording sessions.

In New York the press tried to recruit the help of Yoko Ono to break them up. Bowie did agree to support Yoko's Greening The World Campaign, in memory of John Lennon. But Yoko failed in her mission. If a sentence was uttered around him that didn't either contain the words 'Tin' or 'Machine' he would get awfully nervous as close up.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/20/02 10:16 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1990

At the very start of the new decade David was wondering if it might be time to release more stuff he'd already done before and make more cash. Such a thing is called a 'Retrospective Collection'. He shook his magic eight ball furiously and it came up "Cannot tell at this time" so he cursed the ball and did it anyway.

It would have been called 'Silence and Nothing' if Melissa hadn't stepped in and given him a good slap. After a few such slaps he changed his opinion to 'Sound and Vision'. It included 18 previous LP's (in record, cassette and CD form). Included with box sets was a certificate spat on by Bowie. Some people wondered if maybe he should pay more respect to his fans.

At the Rainbow Theatre in London on January 23rd a press conference was held to announce a six month world tour. 110 concerts in 15 countries. The press interjected, 'But You're An Old Man!', to which Bowie replied 'Cram it! Shitheads!'. The conference went quite well.

On February 21st Sound and Vision wins a Grammy Award. David leaps out of his chair in joy. When he enquired as to which award it was, he was told "Best Repackaging Concept". Bowie expressed confusion as to what the hell type of award this was, had they invented it because they felt sorry for him? He ran out of the building in tears.

The 'Sound and Vision' tour opened in Quebec on March 4th. 'These are what I consider to be my greatest songs", he announced to the crowd, 'and after tonight I'll never play them again'. The crowd booed their approval.

David was also in the act of promoting 'Changesbowie', which included a remixed version of Fame, imaginatively titled Fame '90. So now everyone would buy 'Changesbowie' because they just had to have 'Fame '90' or else they would simply die without knowing how it felt to own it. Many did. Many many did.

David played much larger arenas during his Sound and Vision tour, some stadiums holding up to 60,000 people. So it can only be assumed there was not as much feeling or groping going on as there was during his Tin Machine concerts.

By May Angie was back in the news, claiming that she caught Bowie and Mick Jagger in bed together checking each others cavities. They both denied this, but they were winking and crossing their fingers while denying. Angie then told the press that Bowie had murdered her.

Milton Keynes Bowl on August 4th and 5th marked Bowie's return to Britain in concert mode. Which is much better than kill mode, or attack mode. Many people returned and gave him the money they had saved since they last saw him.

On August 27th Stevie Ray Vaughan was killed in a helicopter crash along with Eric Clapton's agent, bodyguard and tour manager. Bowie survived the crash however, being nowhere near where it all took place. When asked for comment Bowie was reported to have said 'Stevie who?'. Apparently when David said he would forget about the Eighties he was talking about a drug-related medical condition and not being metaphorical.

The concert wound down to South America in September. In an historical occasion Bowie performed in Buenos Aires, in front of an audience of 100,000 people. The first British artist to do so (visit Argentina) since the Falklands War. Bowie also became the first artist to maim Argentinians since the Falklands War when he attacked some fans for 'looking at me funny'.

It was only at the end of September that Bowie decided his relationship with Melissa Hurley had to end. She had refused to change her name to Changeshurley and that hurt David deeply. He still cared enough though, to call a taxi, lend her $10 and pop into the toilets for a quickie. 'Ours was a love born once every million years', he would relate later.

Two weeks later Bowie met Iman. He was between ending the Sound and Vision tour and starting a new film project. Bowie says of Iman, 'Ours is a love born once every million years'. Iman talks about meeting Bowie :

'This jerk comes to eat at our table, it was a private dinner party, he says to me, "You've got bigguns, show me your bigguns", I says to him, "What??", he says to me, "I like black girls, show me your bigguns", I says to him "Are you rich?", he says to me, "You see that mountain out the window? That's my pile", so I shows him my bigguns.'

Iman, then 34, was born in Somalia. Her family name is Abdulmajid, so she might be a terrorist. She married first at 16, studied economics and political science at Nairobi University, married at 19, posed for Philip Beard who noticed her on the street, married at 23, became a model in TV commercials and magazines, married at 25 to basketball star Spencer Heywood, got a flat in New York, started earning $700,000 a year, got married at 27, had a daughter, then met Bowie, who was immediately attracted by her "bigguns".

Says Bowie, 'It was love at first site, two nicely rounded, luscious, ripe, melons'.

Bowie had to forget about melons for a little while though. From November to December he would be filming 'The Linguini Incident' with Rosanna Arquette. Bowie would play an immigrant bartender who gets mixed up in stuff and does some things. 'Bigger than Star Wars', was one of the quotes being thrown around the place.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/22/02 00:05 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1991

As David Bowie and Iman spent the previous Christmas together in a new home overlooking his cash pile, it would be enlightening to look over their courtship, much of which takes place over the following months.

Bowie - 'I wooed her in a gentlemanly fashion. I would bring her gifts; posters of me, my albums, books written about me. I realised that as she came from Somalia she had probably never seen chocolates before, I sent her some dark ones with a note, "Don't be frightened, you are supposed to eat them!". I also guessed she had never seen flowers before, so I sent her some weeds.'

Iman - 'The guy is following me around everywhere, he says "I want to do it with you", I says "I showed you my bigguns, what more do you want?", he says "You excite me, I am being excited", I says "I am being made very nervous", he says "I gave you a place to stay Christmas, you owe me big time", I says that not unless we get married and you are changing your will, then I will think about doing it.

Bowie - 'It was precious from the first night. Kisses on the cheek after being led to doorways, romantic things like that, little love notes.'

Iman - 'So I sees a paper that has been pushed into my purse. I looks at the paper and it has this drawings on it with two people doing horrible, horrible things to each other. On note is written "David and Iman, doing the deed". This is after taking me home and trying to kiss on me at the doorstep, I kicked him hard in the ankle and screamed'

Meanwhile, Sound and Vision coupled with romance had for a while clouded David's ultimate vision. When a lawsuit was brought against him by a fan claiming to have had is ears damaged at a Tin Machine concert at the New York Coliseum he exlaimed, 'Oh Crap! Tin Machine!' and ran off.

Recording for Tin Machine's second album had taken place at various times, much work had been done in late 89/early 90. Bowie took the tapes to EMI who listened to it and then proceded to chase Bowie out of the building with brooms and rolling pins in a comical 'Benny Hill' type fashion.

David and the band went out on the road looking for someone to release their record. They ended up licensing it to London Records as a comical Heavy Metal parody album and crossed their fingers in the hope that they wouldn't catch on.

On August 27th the album was released in America. They would have liked to have called it 'Tin Machine' but publicists were insisting they go for something more original, something more different than their earlier release, so they called it 'Tin Machine II'.

Rolling Stone - David, despite heavy criticism and the effect of such a big-name star dominating such a low-key venture, you continue to persist. Is it stubborness or do you really have a long term belief in what you are doing with this?

Reeves Gabrel - No, my name is Reeves, not David.

Tony Sales - I think she was talking to me.

Hunt Sales - I'm not a big-name star at all, that's nonsense, where do you get these rumours? I can have you fired you know, give me your phone number.

Tony Sales - I'm cracking up here, I can't take this pressure.

Reeves Gabrel - Anybody who tells you that I have ever met David Bowie is mistaken. I want legal assistance. I want to get out of here.

David Bowie - I have very little input. I'm just happy they let me join

Rolling Stone - Alright. Can ony of you tell me who the leader of your group is?

Hunt Sales - I cannot say. He will hurt us.

In September 'Tin Machine II' was released in Britain. It was generally seen as a bunch of imaginative lyrics and strong tunes backed up by a caterwall of catatonic noise. Not even the abundance of penis on the album cover helped sales or promotion.

In October David dragged off his shaken co-horts to untertake a more lengthy tour than the last. It would begin in Europe, consisting of eight concerts in Britain, the last two being in Brixton where Bowie was born. Rumours circulated that he would stage his death at one of these concerts, thereby making some kind of poetic 'I was born here, oops I died here too' gesture.

Meanwhile, during a candle lit dinner on a riverboat travelling down the Seine with Iman, Bowie couldn't take it anymore. He proposed marriage to her. 'I had planned it carefully, and when the pianist began to play 'It's All Shit' I got down on one knee and began to sing Iggy Pop's 'It's All Shit' to her. Then I said "Will you Marry Me?".

Iman was stunned. 'I was stunned. This guy was singing to me this terrible song about shit, and I was just being revolted and wanting to get home. Then he asks me to marry him. I felt sorry for this guy, so I says "Ok, but please do never sing to me again", and he shows me his ring, and I says "Please put that away, I will see enough of that on the wedding night", and then we kiss'.

Iman went on to flee the scene shortly afterward to record a video with Michael Jackson and star in Star Trek VI. Meanwhile 'The Linguini Incident' makes Physics headlines when it is actually recorded breaking the speed of light going from cinema to video.

Back on the road with Tin Machine, Bowie gets injured at one of his concerts in Brixton. On November 11th a fan throws a cigarette packet at him (perhaps he was not a fan in that case) and injures his eye (again). Bowie continued to perform however with the eye dangling out of his socket. This may have been the 'staged death' attempt, many performers have been killed in the past by flying cigerette packs.

Touring would take up the rest of the year, in Europe and the United States. Bowie would frequently dodge cigerette packets, and the odd beer bottle. Gabrels would have a few moments providing brilliant guitar breaks. The Sales Brothers would also have their moments with one or two brilliant toilet breaks.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/22/02 08:09 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1992

The Tin Machine world tour wound through the United States, giving people headaches and sore ears. Many fled in terror, trampling their very own children in the stampede to escape the monster Bowie had unleashed in the US. Then silence, it was over.

In March David and Iman went house hunting in Ireland. They traded in their elephant guns for more appropriate house guns and bagged quite a few on their hunting forays. Of course houses are at a disadvantage since they can't run away like living animals. They were very close companions, all sugary sweet and happy. Old women would see them together and go 'awwwww, lookit that will ya?'.

On April 20th Bowie was invited to perform at Freddie Mercury's tribute concert. Bowie was shocked. 'Freddie's dead??' he screamed into the phone. Yes, Freddie was dead, but dead Freddie meant live Bowie so every cloud has it's silver lining.

At the tribute David recited the Lord's Prayer to the tune of 'Fame' while doing a funky dance. He performed a duet with Annie Lennox singing 'Under Pressure' after eating a curried egg sandwich. Then he was joined on stage by Mick Ronson and Ian Hunter when singing 'All The Young Dudes', deciding against changing it to 'No Longer Young Dudes' at the very last second.

The concert was seen by one billion viewers in 73 countries. Unfortunately they were all in the bathroom/toilet when Bowie was on so they missed it.

Concert Review - Dammit! They just don't give you enough time to go.

Yes, Bowie was no longer a young dude. It was time for him to marry again. On April 24th David slipped from his home in Switzerland quietly to Lausanne Town Hall for a civil ceremony. It was all kept secret, even from Iman who thought they were going for an ice-cream. There were many cries of 'You tricked me!' and 'Help!' all to no avail.

It was definately a year of celebrations. First he celebrated Freddie's death, then his marriage to Iman, and now it was Stickface's 21st birthday. Bowie celebrated in Mustique with his son on 28th May wearing a cardboard 'birthday hat' and doing the 'hokey pokey'. Much fun was had by all, and by the word 'all' I mean no-one.

Immediately after Lumpy's birthday David flew to Florence. He decided that the first wedding had been so much fun that - 'What the hell, lets have another one'.

This wedding would have the works. On June 6th at St James Episcopal Church in Florence they did it all over again. This time with Bowie in formal black suit and Iman in the nude. Bowie's son Joey, still fuming over his crappy birthday, was best man. There were roses and fireworks, choirs and confetti, bells and wine and cake and cocktail weeners. Allah was fuming.

Iman's parents, brothers and previous husbands attended. Also there was Bowie's mother, Yoko Ono, Bono, George Underwood (who split Bowie's lip at the reception), Eric Idle, Freddie Mercury, The Queen, world leaders, representatives of the United Nations and naturally God because it was his church. At one point there was concern that there were not enough weeners to go round.

Bowie - 'I'm not a religious person, I'm a spiritual person. I like Jim Beam and Johnny Walker especially. God knows I'll be completely soused tonight, and I hope those oysters stay down is all, maybe I'll pray for that. Those oysters are like eating boogers. What was I talking about again?'

Bowie and Iman spent the period of July and August honeymooning in France. We all know what they were doing. We're all adults and there is no need to snigger and titter about it.

David would spend the rest of the year resting from his exertions. Iman would appeal to US Senators and newly elected President Clinton to go into Somalia to create a good premise for the movie 'Black Hawk Down'. She would actually go to Somalia with a BBC TV camera to try and make her own version of 'Black Hawk Down', disappointingly only finding starving people instead of fast-paced rock'n'roll action.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/23/02 03:36 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1993

Now David Bowie seemed to have it all - a big pile of money, married to a famous model, every second home on the face of the Earth was his, a nutty family, a couple of friends. Was this enough to satisfy him? The answer, of course, is no. He continued to make music, co-producing another album with Nile Rodgers, and continued to do other things like eat and sleep. Greedy greedy man that he was.

In January Angie's second book, 'Backstage Passes: Life On The Wild Side With David Bowie' was published in Britain by Orion. Among the fantastic and unsavory items in this book were that :

* Bowie was in fact Jack the Ripper
* Bowie was the one who wrote 'Achey Breaky Heart'
* Bowie invented AIDS
* Bowie caused the Cuban Missile Crisis
* Bowie was stockpiling weapons of mass destruction
* Bowie had sexually abused muppets on the set of Labyrinth
* Bowie planned to never tour Australia again
and
* Bowie had inhaled

When asked why she left these things out of the first book she said that she had forgotten, and then blamed that on Bowie too.

American composer Philip Glass didn't read the book. But what he did do in March was release 'Low Symphony', an LP based on David Bowie's 'Low'. Glass described Low as 'a bunch of notes and stuff', and said about his symphony, 'music is really complicated, I always wanted to be a bricklayer'.

On April 15th Bowie released his first solo album for six years, 'Black Tie, White Noise'. Co-produced by Nile Rodgers, it featured Mick Ronson on guitar during 'I Feel Free' and Reeves Gabrel on guitar during 'You've Been Around'. On the album were Barry Campbell on bass, Sterling Campbell on drums, Nile Rodgers on guitar and Richard Hilton on keyboards. The title track is a return to Bowie's pro-racist ideals, calling for whites to tie blacks up and torture them with noise.

This album would be one of Bowie's most personal, it included a piece written for his marriage to Iman (Lucy Can't Dance), a piece about his brother's suicide (I Know It's Gonna Happen Someday) and a piece about frogs (Jump They Say).

New Musical Express - After listening to this album I feel that I now know Bowie, I feel that I know what is going on in his mind, absolutely nothing.

Rolling Stone Magazine - It may be somewhat misleading, I did skip tracks 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14, but I think this album is really good.

The first single from the album, 'Jump They Say' was about the the resentment held by frogs of the way other animals traverse their environment. From April to May it would recieve much airplay and become Bowie's first hit single since 'Absolute Beginners'. By 'hit' what is meant is 'did fairly ok'.

The entire LP was successful in Europe, but in the US it hit a snag. The newly formed Savage Records collapsed mid way through the launch, and though it was hoped 'Black Tie, White Noise' could be rescued from the rubble, it was unfortunately smothered by a saxaphone and several tons of trumpets.

On April 29th Mick Ronson died in London due to liver cancer. The cause of which may or may not have been due to excessive fellatio simulation through the use of a guitar as a phallic symbol.

And so it came to pass that BBC TV would produce a serial adapting Hanif Kureishi's novel, 'The Buddha Of Suburbia' for television. It would also come to pass that they would ask Bowie to record a sountrack for this serial. 'We passed it to him because he was really good at doing stuff, he was cheap and he just happened to be wandering around the studios stealing stuff. So it would keep him out of trouble.'

That was in September. By November 1st the LP 'Buddha of Suburbia' was released by Arista. It was more experimental than recent recordings by David and seemed to call back to his Brian Eno days. A new phase perhaps of David's career where he would retrace previous steps, adding new experimentation to a mix of what had been discovered and nearly left behind. Either that or he was really really drunk.

The four-part series of 'The Buddha of Suburbia' commenced on November 3rd and there was some controversy in the press over the sex scenes in it. Everyone blamed David for 'getting the BBC all hot and bothered' through his new album. 'Sex and the church' was played backwards and some thought that maybe the phrase - "Cardboard Ducks Are Drinking Tea" - could be heard. Provocative if true.

Leaving that behind him in a hurry Bowie's next job was to compere the Concert of Hope where he screamed to the audience, 'We're doomed! We're all doomed, there is no chance at all for us!! I only hope we die painlessly!'. Bowie had mistakingly thought he was compering the Concert of No Hope.

The Concert of Hope was held at Wembley Arena, and despite being startled by Bowie's prediction of apocalypse the audience was only mildly alarmed. The concert starred Mick Hucknell, George Michael and k.d. lang as part of World Aids Day. A celebration of AIDS which the Princess of Wales supported. 'I think if we can get more people like Bowie to support AIDS, then the sky is the limit for how far this disease can go'.

On December 10th a 'Black Tie, White Noise' documentary was shown on BBC-1. The documentary was a special put together with exclusive interview footage and performances filmed at the Hollywood Centre Studio on 8th May. Unfortunately this meant the cancelling of a special TV-Fundraiser for starving kids in Africa. As compensation it was beamed on a large TV screen to those starving kids along with free 'Black Tie, White Noise' posters.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'


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