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(cracked actor)
10/25/02 00:02 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


Early in the new year, walking in Switzerland, Bowie would bump into Brian Eno. Eno would recieve a bloody nose and bruised cheekbone, Bowie a split lip and chipped tooth. They began to fight visciously, yelling at each other to 'Look where you're going!'. Then at the most heated passionate moment of their quarrel they kissed and embraced like nothing before.

Bowie suggested to Brian that they could perhaps spend some time in the studio together, and winked. Brian smiled and suggested they take a taxi there.

It was not easy to get time alone in there, with them was lead guitarist Reeves Gabrels, pianist Mike Garson, rhythm guitarist Carlos Alomar, bass player Erdal Kizilcay (who also liked to dabble on synthesizers), and drummer Sterling Campbell. They gave Bowie and Brian privacy as need be, but also collaborated with them on recording some stuff. A lot of stuff.

Such was the passion in that studio that Bowie only surfaced in March to join the editorial board of the London Fine Arts quarterly, 'Modern Painters'. He just wandered in and said 'Where do I join?'. They told him to 'Get the hell out of here, this isn't some goofy pop disco!', so Bowie threatened to get all 'bisexual on their ass' if they didn't let him join the board. Sure enough they did, not wanting to create a scene in front of Jeeves, Berhnard and Herbetfieldshirton - their newest members.

Meanwhile Bowie would spend five months in the studio with Eno and friends. In that time they put down enough tracks to fill 576 albums, and agreed that starting with the release of the first one they would release an album every two weeks. Bowie describes the process of recording these five months :

'I'd write down on a piece of paper, some kind of motivational suggestion. I'd write six or so of these and hand them at random to the musicians, to see what I could get out of them. Some kind of new feeling or approach to their music.'

Some of these notes still survive today :

"Play me a hit tune or you're dead meat buddy"
"We all hate you, you're music stinks, we're replacing you on Friday"
"You lost your limbs in a terrible car accident, play as you would if this had happened, or it will."
"We know what you do on Saturday evenings, we are watching you, we are taping you, you're finished."

The tapes from the sessions, if measured, come to seven billion trillion trillion miles. 'You'll be seeing a lot from these sessions, around 600 albums, I'm excited and I hope my fans are too, I would not want to disappoint them and release only one then just forget about it, no sir!'

Meanwhile Bowie took on the role of interviewer, a strange reversal, when he interviewed artist Comte Balthazar Klossowski de Rola (Balthus for short), at the Balthus family home in Switzerland.

Bowie - So Balthi, what's with the shit long name? I think it's ridiculous

Balthus - It comes from my family heritige. Please keep this to my artwork

Bowie - Yeah well, whatever. So what do you do? Slap paint around and shit?

Balthus - It is more of an idealistic form of manifesting internalised concepts and emotions into the physical world, I have an inner belief...

Bowie - Cut the shit Balthi, you slap clay onto boards, you spray some paint on sheets and sell it for millions. I do the same with my music.

Balthus - Yes.

Interviews and art aside. It was time for a sad epilogue as Mick Ronson's posthumous album 'Heaven and Hull' was released in June. Bowie guested on the Dylan cover 'Like a Rolling Stone' ending a working relationship that started in the Ziggy Stardust days. To release the album Bowie had Ronson exhumed and held a press conference 'Weekend at Bernies' style, tying Ronson's arm to his and waving at reporters. It was a both touching and sickening scene.

With interviews and membership in the London Fine Arts society in his belt it was time for Bowie to enter the world of fine art. From September 29th to October 9th the 'War Child : Little Pieces from Big Stars' exhibition at the Flowers East Gallery in East London was held, and Bowie made sure some of his works were on prominent display.

These works were mostly candid snaps of Iman in the nude. Iman in the shower, Iman getting dressed ect. They had been rejected by the Nude Wives section of the local "Bazookas!" magazine, but with this new forum he would find success. Many of the male patrons found themselves drawn to Bowie's display again and again, ignoring other displays by Paul and Linda McCartney, Bono, Pete Townshend and Charlie Watts.

When the works from the War Child exhibits were auctioned on October 4th Bowie's candid pictures commanded some of the highest prices, mostly by men wearing grey trenchcoats who would exclaim "Cooor!!" and "Mmmm!!" whenever a picture was displayed for auctioning.

Bowie was slowly becoming very renowned in the art world for his brashness and sensitivity. His interview with Balthus was published in the autumn issue of 'Modern Painters'. He purchased the painting 'Croatian and Muslim' by Peter Howson for 18,000 pounds. He displayed himself on street corners for 10 pounds a look. When news interviewers chased him down an alley he could be heard shouting, 'It's Art!!! Naff off!!'.

Later in October MTV were not in the arty spirit. They wanted David to play all his old hits on his appearence in their 'Unplugged' series. Bowie wanted to play all of his new definately-not-hits. The show was cancelled when Bowie threatened to unleash Tin Machine on the world again. At one stage community service announcements were aired advising people to 'Duck and Cover' if they heard the Tin Machine warning sirens in their areas. The world would never know how close to the brink we came.

On November 17th he was at it again with this art thing. At the 'Minotaur Myths And Legends' exhibition at the Berkeley Square Gallery his nudie snapshots were included alongside other works by Michael Ayrton, Picasso, Elizabeth Frink, Igor Mitoraj and Francis Bacon. 'We Saw a Minotaur' was what Bowie's display was called, a series of boxes with imagery printed on paper from a Macintosh Quadra 650 computer on Arches paper, hand coloured frontpieces, pictures of Iman in the shower and a story about beastiality or something.

On November 24th Bowie and Iman attended a special showing. Iman was very embarrassed by some of the candid shots, but supposed that we had seen it all before. She even wondered why she should even hide anything these days. Her thoughts on that day :

'I goes into the gallery, and the first thing I sees is picture of me on toilet. I think "Oh great, there is my whole career down tubes". David did some interesting and spooky drawings and writing, but no-one wanted to see that. The place was fulls of perverts.'

David and Iman would spend Christmas at their home on Mustique, Iman finding all of David's cameras and destroying them.

(wild eyed peoploid)
10/25/02 12:21 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

More! More! More!

"It's better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven." -- Satan, Paradise Lost by John Milton

(cracked actor)
10/26/02 00:35 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


Q Magazine were celebrating their 100th issue, and as such in January had asked Bowie to contibute something. Bowie blew his nose in a tissue and sent it to them, but they sent it back and asked for perhaps something they could actually publish.

As such Bowie sent in three signed computer drawn illustrations, a 1500-word cyber-sex transcript recorded with Brian Eno over the internet and something very strange. Something titled, 'The Diary Of Nathan Adler'. Q Magazine concluded that he had gone a little bit nutty. In Q Magazine's 101st issue a letter to the editor was recieved :

Dear Editor

I was deeply shocked and hurt to find that David had not only stolen my personal diary, but had decided to send it to you to be published. Now the whole world can read my diary. Great. How would you like it if I stole your diary and published it? I can not show my face in public anymore...

Yours sincerely

Nathan Adler

Bowie fled the diary controversy with his wife Iman in February, to Johannesburg where she was doing a 'Vogue' photo-shoot with Nelson Mandela. The pictures taken were described as 'hot' and 'steamy', Nelson and Iman in the nude cavorting together in a raunchy way. David ended up doing some painting to lessen his frustrations.

Apon arriving home he sold his house. Publisher Felix Dennis payed 2 million pounds for the place in Mustique...shit! there's a spider on my monitor!!!

On April 18th Bowie's first solo art exhibition, 'New Afro/Pagan And Work 1975-1995' opened at the Cork Street Gallery. A lot of the stuff he had been doing while locked in his basement in Switzerland was put on show to freak people out. It featured paintings :

"Bowie's paintings look to be the work of a demented and slowly disintegrating mind heading towards madness and chronic forgetfulness. Take what this man tells you with a grain of salt, he may promise you things! Don't believe him! If you meet him on a secluded street, you may want to run!"

It featured charcoal drawings :

"The charcoal work pleased me since it took my mind off the scary paintings, especially "Black Man/White Woman in Shower", but then I came to 'Man ripping off own head and screaming into the depths of hell', that threw me a little. Are there any unsolved murders in Switzerland?"

Sculpture :

"What the hell? What is that? What in Christs name goes wrong with people who sculpt things? That's it, I'm leaving."

And two wallpaper designs produced for him by Laura Ashley :

"Wallpaper? WTF?"

To continue his quest to be a generalist, he started working on another motion picture in June. A Julian Schnabel movie where he would play the part of Andy Warhol and co-star along Gary Oldman and Dennis Hopper. Mr Hopper talks about his co-star :

'Yep, definately had the feel that here was a guy losing his marbles somewhat. He would come onto the set each morning with his bag o' marbles, and the bag would be more and more empty. He'd be painting Minotaurs, mumbling about being deranged and capturing the little yellow men with the memory drugs. Would even refuse to sing his old songs'.

An article describing African art he had seen on his February trip to Johannesburg in the June issue of 'Modern Painters' shows his state of mind at the time :

'I saw art there in the sickness, tearing at my brain with hooks of seething plungers. It plucked my insides apart and draped them in the diamond hell of RoSaaNa's belly. I am now the wastes of my own decaying body. In the fire that I smell my own intestine trails.' Indeed.

In July he designed the poster for the annual Jazz Festival in Montreux. Bowie is a regular attender there. The poster was of a robotic bull tearing the insides out of a small child while blood poured over the weeping mother. This years Jazz Festival turned out being more downbeat than previous years.

Then it was back to touring. He began his first world tour in five years at Hartford, Connecticut. He called it 'The Outside Tour' as obviously he was by now outside of his mind. There to support him on his US dates were pioneers of industrial music 'Nine Inch Nails', though rumours still persisted that they were indeed only 6 inches.

The first of his new albums recorded with close buddy Eno, '1.Outside' was released world wide by BMG (Virgin America in the USA) on September 25th along with a single, 'The Heart's Filthy Lesson'. An album that introduces us to Nathan Adler's investigation of a serial/ritualistic "art-murder' involving a girl. This was to be the first of a series of albums to be released every fortnight, the next few were to be called :

'3.All Over The Place'
'4.Are You Sure They Are Not Under The Couch Cushions?'
'5.Here They Are, They Were In The Sock Drawer All Along.'

New Musical Express - I think you should all lock up your daughters, not because Bowie will seduce them, but because he might chop them up and bury them in his crawlspace.

Q Magazine - Told ya he went nutty. But still, it's a pretty good album. Murder and madness beats sappy crap any day in my books.

The Outside Tour continued. The British leg was pretty hairy and had a knobbly knee. Three concerts at the Wembley Arena (14th, 15th and 17th of November), followed by Birmingham, Belfast, Dublin, Exeter, Cardiff, Aberdeen, Glasgow, Sheffield and Manchester. Morrissey was now supporting Bowie, even though Bowie had plenty enough money to support himself at this stage of his career.

(cracked actor)
10/27/02 09:12 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


David's touring was interrupted by a significant event early in the year. On January 17th David Bowie was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Electricians were astounded at the proof that not only could electricity be inducted, but also Rock Stars.

At the 11th annual induction dinner Madonna and David Byrne were his presenters. The only noteworthy incident being when Bowie had his eye out on one of Madonna's pointy bra-cones. He spent the rest of the night with his eye hanging from it's socket again, but people were getting used to this.

Then in February it was back to the Outside Tour, although when it rained it was inside. Along with him all this time were Reeves Gabrels on lead guitar, Gail Ann Dorsey on bass, Zachary Alford on drums, Mike Garson on keyboards. Featuring prominently in the early dates were Carlos Alomar, Peter Schwarz and George Simms. The musicians didn't know if they were coming or going.

Actually some were going. Before arriving in Japan on 4th June Bowie said "Ta-Ta" to Alomar, Schwarz and Simms and dropped them out of the plane over the Pacific Ocean. It is rumoured that they were persistantly making fun of his eyes.

Bowie toured Japan from the 4th to the 13th of June. Cancelled Russia's 15th and 16th dates because he "couldn't be buggered", and played on the 18th in Moscow. From the 20th June to the 21st of July he would travel through Europe playing his concerts and apologising for the lateness of the second Eno Album.

Le French Paper - Ze Bowie, hopped onto ze stage and was immediately pumping ze zounds of Hallo Spaceboy. With each beat he said "sorrysorrysorrysorry". By now we should 'ave at least 15 new Eno albums. Ze French are angry!

All in all the Outside Tour took in 26 Countries and Bowie made 92 performances, at one point it looked like he'd tour Antarctica. But not Australia, as Australia was the forbidden country.

David and his crew then went straight into the recording studio. The Glass Studios in New York were where Bowie would spend most of his time from late July onwards with Mark Plati, Reeves Gabrels, Gail Ann Dorsey, Zachary Alford and Mike Garson. All pointers pointed to the fact that he was recording another album, as that is what normally happens in recording studios. David elaborates :

'We were fresh, we were zinging, we had all these new sounds we discovered on the tour. Pow Wap Bam, we were excited. Zow Wip Wee! In your face! Yeah!'

On August 9th the film 'Basquiat', in which Bowie played Andy Warhol, was premiered in the United States. In playing Andy Bowie had actually worn some of Warhol's actual wigs which gave him that authentic Warhol hair look. The performance of the wigs was roundly applauded.

New York Times - ...and as for Bowie's wigs performance. Four stars. The wig stayed on the whole time and did it's job well, staying white and being hairy.

Time Magazine - ...his wigs were remarkably subdued and glued to his head. Never came off the whole time. Best wig performance this year!

On 11th September history was made when the single 'Telling Lies' was released over the internet. 300,000 people downloaded the song, but it may have been that the same person did it 300,000 times because his Real Download program kept stuffing up. Bowie announced that, 'Forever in history now, whenever someone thinks of the date September 11th, the first thing that will come into their heads is the release of my single on the internet'.

October 19th saw David popping up at the Bridge Benefit Concert performing songs such as Aladdin Sane, The Jean Genie, I Can't Read, Heroes and Let's Dance. Many bridges spanning many a river was saved by this event. Many people who heard Bowie say that he would never again play his old hits became aware that David was capable of telling 'Big Ones'.

To promote his upcoming album he appeared on VH1's 'Fashion Hour : David Bowie'. He talked about the upcoming release, 'Earthling', talked about how the backlog of 32 Eno albums were coming 'very soon, I promise!' and how as a child he had gone on adventures with aliens and lived with a pirate king. He then went on to announce that he was starring in a new movie with Marilyn Monroe and was running for president of Albania.

'Telling Lies' was released by BMG on 4th November. Very very apt.

(electric tomato)
10/28/02 09:38 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

Uh ... I thought Bowie skipped his induction ceremony.

screw you, I'm going to the duck pond.

(cracked actor)
10/28/02 07:25 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: schizophrenic]  

Alternate Universe

(cracked actor)
10/29/02 00:40 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


January 8th. The big day. The day the man turned half a century. Fans would not get another chance to witness another concert/celebration like this until his 100th Birthday Concert, which in all likelihood would end up being rather morbid and slow moving.

The 50th Birthday Concert took place at Madison Square Garden in New York, with special guests including Frank Black, Robert Smith, Billy Corgan, Foo Fighters, Lou Reed and a bunch of other people who were not so special. The highlight of the concert was definately the bouncing eyeballs, which reminded the audience of how important eyeballs were in todays society, and Gail Ann Dorseys lovely long flowing hair.

At the end of the concert Bowie was presented with a big birthday cake with 'Happy Birthday David Bwoie" written on it. Apon seeing the error David ran offstage screaming and crying. 'You ruined everything!' he cried 'My birthday is ruined! It's not fair!'.

On January 20th 'Little Wonder' came out in Europe. Yes, 'Little Wonder' was gay and was not afraid to admit it, at least in Europe.

Then on February 3rd 'EART HL I NG' came out in Europe, no doubt encouraged by 'Little Wonder'. It came out on February 10th in the USA. When David saw the horrendous typographical error that made Earthling into Eart hl i ng he ran away screaming 'You ruined my album! It's not fair! Everything is ruined!'.

'EART HL I NG' was produced by David Bowie, Mark Plati and Reeves Gabrels. On the album were what was becoming a regular collaboration on stage : Reeves Gabrels on guitar and alto sax, Gail Ann Dorsey on bass, Zachary Alford on drums and Mike Garson on keyboards. It was recieved warmly by the press as it had just been removed from the oven.

Rolling Music Weekly - Apart from the unforgivable typo on the cover it's rather good

New Musical Stone - I thi n k it's rat he r goo d. A litt le bit nu tt y, bu t not t o o nut ty.

With a new album behind him, and a new tour in front of him, David decided to sell himself. After a few attempts on street corners to no avail he turned to the stock market. On February 12th Bowie Bonds came into existence. It was not a new type of Bowie endorsed glue, it was a bunch of 10 year 7.90% coupon bonds backed by Bowie's back catalogue of songs and also backed by his friend Bloggo down the road who vouched for him.

For this Bowie recieved 55 million dollars up front on all future royalites. All the bonds were bought by Prudential Insurance Co who really didn't believe in sharing, greedy greedy greedy.

'Little Wonder' came out in the USA on February 25th after spending some time unhappily married in a heterosexual relationship.

By now April had rolled around, and David had contacted old friend and producer Tony Visconti after 14 years of forgetting about him. 'What are you doing in 5 years time?' Bowie asked, 'Nuthin' Visconti replied, 'ok then' said Bowie.

On April 14th 'Dead Man Walking' was released and given a reprieve from death row.

THE SECRET GIG was then organised and held in Dublin. THE SECRET GIG was a rehearsal for the upcoming Earthling World (minus Australia) Tour and everyone seemed to know about THE SECRET GIG. THE SECRET GIG happened on May 17th and was enjoyed by all who had come in responing to advertisements in all the paper telling everyone about THE SECRET GIG.

Then EMI bought all of Bowie's early albums for 28 million dollars, which was quite a mistake because they learned that they could purchase them for $24.95 at the local Trax store down the road. For those who are aching to know, this happened on May 21st.

The Earthling Tour began on June 2nd (No aliens allowed). The fist concert was at 'Flughafen Blankense' in Lubeck Germany. All reports said that it was Flughafen good.

Das Lubeck - Flughafen good.

NACHRICHT! - Flughafen good.

Der Sonne - Flughafen good.

On stage as usual were Reeves Gabrels, Gail Ann-Dorsey, Zachary Alford and Mike Garson and they all did their usual things. Support acts were The Prodigy, Rage Against The Machine and some others that are not worth mentioning really.

Oh, here's something new. The long anticipated "The Deram Anthology" was released on 9th June prompting American President Bill Clinton to finally declare "War on Deram Compilations".

This tour wound through Europe until August 14th, Bowie's hair turning more and more carrot coloured as it went. 'I was inspired by Carrot Top, a comic genious'.

From September 6th to October 18th the Earthling tour went from city to city across Canada and the USA. Americans would frequently sneak up behind David and go "boo!" which promted him to release another single called 'I'm Afraid of Americans'. The popular video of this song featured Trent Reznor chasing Bowie around the place in Benny Hill fashion.

Winding up the Earthling tour was a visit to Latin America from October 23rd to November 7th. Bowie saw that it was good, so on the 7th day he rested.

(cracked actor)
10/30/02 08:08 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


It had been a long hard road for David Bowie, singing, songwriting, acting, painting, snorting, sculpting, writing, dancing and fucking. He approached the new millenium with a vibrant mix of madness and apathy.

In February it was announced that he had been nominated for two Grammy awards for Best Alternative Album and Best Male Rock Performance. Bowie declined to appear, using as his excuse a, 'cold'. He was able to provide a note from his mother:

To Whom it may concern

David will not be able to come to the Grammys because he has a cold, he is in bed right now and I am giving him soup. (I think he is putting it on, he's always been a bit of a malingerer that son of mine. Don't give him the awards, he doesn't deserve them).

Yours sincerely

David's Mum

With the Grammys avoided David's next stop was in the Isle of Man. There he started work with Goldie appearing in a film to be titled 'Gay Gangsters Love Sunshine and Music', later retitled 'Everybody Loves Sunshine' so as not to be heterosexualist. David had collaborated with Goldie on his 'Saturnz Return' album and planned to do further work with him such as bricklaying and bookshelf dusting.

Acting and being nominated for awards were not the only arse-busting pieces of work David was involved with though. He became co-founder of '21', an art publishing house venture that would publish all kinds of arty books that no-one would ever buy. As a back up in case they went broke they would also publish Batman comics and pornography.

With this publishing venture well on the way in April, it comes as no surprise that David won 'Best International Live Act' at the Hot Press Irish Rock and Pop Music Awards. Bowie gave his acceptance speech live by satellite: 'I feel an overwhelming amount of apathy at being awarded this mediocre prize at this obscure award show. Rest assured that by tomorrow I will have forgotten all about it, and the trophy will no doubt end up in a trash can somewhere between here and my home. I didn't win a Grammy, but I scored a Hot Press Irish award. It's kind of like salt rubbed into a painfully blistering wound. Thankyou all, and goodnight'. A scriptwriter was ordered for future award appearences.

It was May, and a press conference had been called. Announced was another film project that Bowie would be involved in. 'Il Mio West', a spagetti western starring Harvey Keitel, Leonardo Pieraccioni as well as Bowie would begin filming in Italy starting June. A new role for Bowie, a mad pistolero named Jack Sikora, a villian. David got carried away with his role at times, shooting Harvey Keitel in the leg, the director in the head and himself in the groin before they took his pistols away from him.

Meanwhile it was all going on behind the cyberspace scenes. On June 24th 'Bowienet' was announced to be becoming operable soon. Bowienet would provide a full ISP for $19.95 a month, or would provide members with full access for $5.95 a month. For this fans would get behind the scenes web-cams, Bowienet member only song contributions, messageboards frequented by some guy posing as Bowie, shops, adult entertainment, games, love, sustinence, sunshine and God. A world first for celebrity based website. As usual at the very hint of a new artistic/commercial avenue David was there grabbing it by the teat and squeezing precious milk from the bloated aching udder.

But this was especially the year of filming for Bowie. By July he was off to Vancouver to star in a kids film for The Family Channel. 'Exhuming Mr Rice' would portray David as a 400 year old man who digs himself out of the grave to horribly murder and mutilate the children in the street who were curious about him. He would stuff their ripped out stomach with Rice, and then make a witty one-liner. A sequel was planned, 'Orgy of Death II : Mr Rice's Revenge'.

Going along with this theme, Bowie was rumoured to be appearing as a member in the audience when Nitsch would slaughter animals and roll around in their guts for art. Bowie denied having anything remotely to do with Nitsch and his strange work of art, but the trail of intestines stuck to his boot and dragged along behind him told a different story.

Work with long estranged producer Tony Visconti and Reeves Gabrels, recording a track for the upcoming Rugrats film was completed, but then dropped from the film. Repeated use of the words fuck, shit, cunt, motherfucker, kill, bastard and slut in the song meant it was deemed inappropriate for such a film.

So Bowie only managed to record and not release 'Mother' for an upcoming John Lennon tribute album. This before Bowienet was officially launched on September 1st, and not surprisingly before anything that came after. Everyone who tried to access Bowienet without using a computer were repeatedly frustrated by the lack of access for non-computer-users.

Perhaps it was simply time for David Bowie to sit back and get awards. The 1998 MMVA Eyepopper Award was his. He gained the distinction by being the artist who's 'Eye popped out and dangled from it's socket the most in the past year'. While recieving the award his eye popped out again and dangled causing much mirth, laughter and applause was mixed with gagging and screwed up faces.

Meanwhile, on Bowienet the Inaugural Bowie Chat was held on October 1st. A brief transcription follows:

Bowie : Welcome to the first Bowie Chat at Bowienet! Please ask me any questions you'd like!
Arber543X : Age? m/f?
Starcraxman : Doom V3.46 awannaplay?
Troogy : hey! craxman!
Bowie : Excuse me what? You can ask questions about my latest recording efforts, or perhaps Iman!
IgpussyXcXc : cyber? m19
Starcraxman : Troogy!
KkbbB54 : :^# bhrf? kkkkkk be LOOL!
Troogy : LMAO!
Arber543X : lol ;O>
Bowie : What does bhrf mean? I don't understand!
Troogy : krbo9 Bowie
Starcraxman : ---### BLIXMAN BURGEEMAN ###---
Troogy : LOL

The chat goes on like this for pages, with Bowie slowly slinking to the sidelines not sure of how to reply or communicate.

On December 18th 'Il Mio West' premiered in Italy

Viva Italia : When da moon hitsa your eye like a bigga pizza pie, thatsa Bowie.

Italia Italia Italia : Whatsa madda you eh? Gotta no respect? Whaddya think you do? Why you looka so sad? Itsa not so bad. Itsa nice-a film, ah shuttupya face!

Slowly leaving the year behind him in confusion Bowie was approached to appear at Gisborne in New Zealand for a new year's eve concert in 1999. Would he? Would he really? Could it be? (No, if you check the next chapter you'll see that he didn't)

(stardust savant)
11/02/02 09:22 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


By this stage in his career David Bowie was running out of ideas. He was getting any old bozo off the street to write his songs for him, and thus evolved 'What's Really Happening' - a song that was written by some guy called Alex Grant who got the lucky 'Bowie' stamp under his coke bottle top. His first stab at writing the lyrics were thrown out :

What's really happening?
Concert in Boston?
No? Crap. I have to get a refund
But I look forward to seeing you in that movie with Madonna
What's really happening?
Gisborne on New Years Day?
I hope so, it's costing me a fortune
My mothers operation can wait
What's really happening?
A sequel to 1.Outside you say?
I've been waiting for nearly 4 years now
If you lost the tapes just tell us already.

At least one thing was certain. On February 3rd David signed a contract to perform at Gisborne 2000 to bring in the new millenium in New Zealand. Being in this geographical place he would be one of the first, and appearing on stage at 12:01am he would be the first rock star to perform in the new year/century/millenium. Tickets ranged from $400 to $600, and as a result prostitution in New Zealand skyrocketed.

On the 16th he was performing live again, this time with Placebo at the Brit awards. They played '20th Century Boy', a T-Rex number. Nobody told David he had gotten the placebo, and as such he gave scientists a real giggle, the placebo being science's 'practical joke'.

This television exposure sure as hell wouldn't be his last this year. He exposed himself many many times on television. Next, in March, came the filming of 'The Hunger' TV series in Montreal. David would host a number of the episodes (directed by Tony Scott, of the original Hunger fame) and appear in a full length episode called 'Sanctuary' portraying an artist obsessed with the macabre. Unfortunately the series would only ever be shown in a remote villiage in North-East Alaska.

Bowie again exposed himself on Comic Relief. He at least did it in a comic way, but notheless concerned parents were getting a little worried at this amount of exposure.

On March 30th it was another performance, this time at Irving Plaza in New York. Once again the scientists gave him the Placebo, and this time they performed 'Without You I'm Nothing' and '20th Century Boy'. With this amount of Placebo collaboration it was time to consumate their relationship in the studio. There they recorded 'Without You I'm Nothing' together with Tony Visconti producing. Bowie was starting to become suspicious of this whole Placebo thing - 'I'm not getting any better!' he'd exclaim while the scientists giggled and chortled.

At around this time he was also in the studio with Reeves Gabrels cooking up something Non-Nathan Adlerish.

Berklee College of Music. It was here at the Hynes Convention Centre in Boston that David was bestowed his honorary doctorate degree and gave an inspirational commencement speech to graduates and parents on May 9th. 'I just want to tell you all that success is more a matter of luck and back-stabbing than education. You people sure have wasted a lot of time and money here. You could have been out selling your bodies, or dealing drugs. Poor dumb bastards. You make me sick. Give me my doctorate.' That new speech writer still hadn't been organised yet.

And so it was on to new frontiers. This time in the form of computer games. Not only did Bowie and Gabrels contribute the soundtrack to the work-in-progress game 'Omikron : The Nomad Soul', David, Iman and a bunch of other Bowie-related people appeared in the game. He also signed of for the highly anticipated 'Omikron Kart Racing'.

Meanwhile June became exposure month for David, with 'Everybody Loves Sunshine' premiering on cable TV, and 'The Hunger' series starting in remote Alaska. Pye released 'I Dig Everything : The 1966 Pye Singles'. Nobody Dug it, except to dig a big pit to bury it in.

By July the expected ticket sales for Gisborne was 30,000. The actual ticket sales were 7. David could feel a cold starting to come on, and anyway, he was truly busy trying to get Iman pregnant. He was at it every spare minute. On the 9th August he finally withdrew from Gisborne, and on the 10th he withdrew from Iman.

Evidence of a bunch of new songs were appearing everywhere. First the Omikron game, and now the soundtrack to the film 'Stigmata' which contained 'All The Pretty Things Are Going To Hell'. The internet was full of them and some guy called Blokko was selling them from his corner deli. Wierdly, some began to appear before they were even written or recorded.

On August 23rd the VH1 'Storytellers' David Bowie episode was taped. Bowie sang some of his songs, included his newest, 'Thursday's Child' while telling stories about his herpes, genital warts, haemorrhoids and bowel movements. The Chili Bean story was a show stopper, in that the producers had to stop the show and tell David to tone it down a bit.

Around the time of the single release of 'Thursdays Child' David went frantic exposing himself. He appeared at the MTV Video Awards, Letterman, Modern Rock Live radio, Top of the Pops, Saturday Night Live, MuchMusic Awards Show, Conan O'Brien, TFI Friday, performed in Dublin and at Wembley stadium, and just about everywhere else. Nobody could escape Bowie, changing the channel was useless, he was on all stations, he was playing centre court at Wimbeldon, he was presenting the weather, holding press conferences from the White House, arresting punks on Cops. Yet people would still ask - David Bowie? Isn't he that Major Tom Dude?

On October 4th and 5th his new album was brought out in the UK and USA respectively. Titled 'hours...' it had two too many fullstops. Appearing on the album were Reeves Gabrels (lead and rhythm guitar), Mark Plati (bass) and Mike Levesque (drums). The album was produced by Bowie and Gabrels.

New York Times - I have to hand it to David...and he should bloody well get up and get it himself.

New Musical Express - Too many fullstops. I didn't listen to the album, I'm just sick to death of these typographical errors.

On 14th October David was awarded the 'Chevalier des Arts et Letters' medal in France for not bringing Tin Machine back. The French showed their appreciation by making those throaty 'hauhauahau' French noises.

Then it was on to the next phase in exposing himself. Instead of touring Bowie had decided to expose himself on every television and radio program on the planet as well as holding a concert here and there. He exposed himself at/in Elysee Montmartre, Vienna, Spanish TV, Nulle Part Ailleurs, The Mark & Lard Show, Italy's FrancaMente Me Ne Infischio, Virgin Radio IK, WB Radio Music Awards, Rockline, The Priory, The Kit Kat Club in New York, The Rosie O'donnel Show, Milan, Copenhagen, London, Musique Plus, Jools Holland Show and The Big Breakfast. He also exposed himself at Some Guys Flat, Engleton Street Public Restrooms, Oxford Train Station and Hartford Elementary School.

It was a blitz the likes the world had never seen before, and Bowie was always one step ahead of the police.

11/06/02 02:28 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


Jai guru deva om

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