Teenage Wildlife

IMPORTANT: Use your registry nickname as your username when logging in to Conversation Piece!


Free for All
   >> I Was An Artiste
Thread views: 34401 *Threaded Mode

Pages in this thread: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | (show all)
PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/07/02 11:41 PM
David Bowie - A Biography (kept) new  

1947 - 1962

David Robert Jones was born on January 8, 1947 at Stansfield Road, Brixton, London.

For the first eight years of his life he lived in Stansfield Road, until someone dug him out and gave him a place to stay.

It was a poor area. David has spoken of it in interviews, 'I never wanted and never went hungry but I saw people deprived all around, and I wanted them to buy my albums.'

David went to Bromley Technical High School and it was there that he attacked George Underwood with his eye. Bowie described it: 'I was very near to losing sight in both eyes, I was lucky, George nearly lost sight in both ears'

He remained friends with Underwood, because he scared the living bejesus out of David.

One of his earliest moves was to buy a tambourine. A later move saw him buying a triangle and a stick. A GI Joe followed shortly after, then some lego, and finally a saxaphone.

He admired sax player Ronnie Ross, and though he was only 12 years old he found Ross's number in the telephone book and contacted him to arrange private lessons. Ross served 15 years and was let out on probation.

By his mid-teens he was an accomplished player, but his end of term Christmas show was a dismal failure, only attracting 300 fellow students and parents. Compared with his usual later audiences of 10 to 20 thousand it was a catastrophe.

Also at the show performing was Peter Frampton, who was payed a miserly 20p by his parents for making an appearance and doing the dishes later that night.

David and Peter, as far as we can tell, were rather dull boys. David was a keen runner (thanks to George Underwood), but when it came to exams he only got his O-levels in art and woodwork. He probably neglected his work because he was lazy and played too much saxaphone.

'I was under a doctor's care during much of my youth because I was accident prone. There was the time George broke my hand, and then after it healed he broke a thumb on the same hand. Then he ran over me with an automobile breaking both of my legs. To this day I have a large scar on the inner side of my leg. We're still good friends though'

When David was in hospital recovering from another Underwood beating, his brother Terry went completely nuts and was shipped of to the loony bin. David was philosophical about this in interviews, 'He went nuts. They put him in the loony bin'

David's first and only job outside of the entertainment industry was as a commerical artist. They were not too sure about using androgynous freakazoids leaping about in a sea of blood-red glitter to advertise sanitary napkins however, so he was fired.

'I wasn't happy. I don't think I was ever happy. Please kill me'

He was however, playing tenor sax with a group in the evenings. They suggested he use an actual instrument instead, which was a vast improvement. He decided to become a musician...'

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

Edited by Sysiyo on 06/23/04 06:45 AM (server time).



PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/08/02 01:21 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1963-65

One day in late 1963, David went down to his local barbershop in Bromley to get a haircut, as it was 'get a haircut' day in Bromley.

Waiting in line were four other musicians, Bob Allen, Dick Underwood, Frank Howard and Roger Buck. David joined them and became the Burrowing Ticks. They later changed their name to the Annoying Mosquitos, then the Stinging Sand-flies and finally The King Bees.

David searched for a manager, 'I'd call a record company and say "This is Davey Jones of the King Bees", there would be this laughing on the other end and then they'd hang up'

He was eventually referred to Les Conn, an agent manager and beekeeper who decided to take them on. Conn soon got them a recording contract with Vocalion-Pop, In June 1964 they released their first single 'Liza Jane'.

Blimey, Cool Music Weekly - Abonimable

Super freaky cool hip music monthly - I didn't listen to it

David was now sufficiently close to hitting the big time that he was offered a spot on 'Gadzooks! It's All Happening' in February 1965. He refused to go on however when they demanded he shave his way too long pubic hair.
Decca (Vocalion-Pop) dropped him like a red hot steaming brick. David blamed the The King Bees and joined another band, The Manish Boys. A strange title because none of them came from Manish.

His next single was released through EMI, 'I Pity the Fool' written by Mr T. The song had been bought by Duke-Peacock Record boss Don Robey for a mere $5.00, and overall it made a small profit. 'This single had one of my very first compostions on it as a B-side, "Take My Tip", unfortunately when playing live the audience would take it literally, we never made any money'

David blamed The Manish Boys for "sucking too much to make me rich" and decided to join a Mod band known as Davie Jones and the Upper Third. After several rehersals this was modified to Davie Jones and the Middle Third, then as their talent became obvious, Davie Jones and the Lower Third.

Les Conn lost interest in Davie Jones after an extended period of non-bee related music. His new manager, Ralph Horton, an ex-roadie for the Moody Blues got them gigs at the Marquee alongside The High Numbers (later The Who). 'The Who really wanted a band that would make them look good in comparison'.

The lower third would travel to gigs and live in an old battered ambulance, just like in Ghostbusters, except without the plasma rays and ghost traps.

'We had an ardent following of about 100 Mods, 30 Glips, and a dozen or so Zloops. Those guys really sucked ass by the way'

Ralph Horton, trying desperately to unload The Lower Third onto some other poor bozo, called Kenneth Pitt, who had been involved with Manfred Mann, The Kinks, Judy Garland and a bunch of other people. Horton got him well plastered, introduced him to Jones, and ran for his life.

While in New York, endlessly fantasising about Davy Jones, he met another Davy Jones (of the Monkees) who was well pissed off about all the Davy Jones's about the place these days. He called Davy Jones and told him to cut out all this Davy Jones business and pick a proper name.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

TactfulCactus72
(electric tomato)
10/08/02 01:31 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

Continue, s'il vous plait....

Je ne comprend pas!!

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/08/02 03:00 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1966

David explains his name change - 'My mother had cooked us up some funky tasting mushrooms she found in the back garden. After the meal, as I was sitting on the floor listening to my records, this strange looking bird thing comes flying in the window on a burnt pie and tells me 'From now on you are Bowie, with an O', I tried to listen to what else it had to say, but my bookcase was trying to eat me'

He called Pitt who replied, 'Well, it will have to do. It's better than Davy Jones anyway'

By this time Horton, still his luckless manager, had managed to arrange a contract with David's 138th record company, Pye. On January 14, 1966 they released the aptly titled 'Can't Help Thinking About Me'. By this time David had become very involved in himself.

It took three months to negotiate a management contract with Pitt, who had become wary of Horton's begging and pleading. To make matters worse, The Lower Third, who were sick to death of finding sick and injured people who had been loaded into their ambulance/home/tour bus, broke up. 'They just broke up, man...I hate seeing people cry like that'. They also disbanded.

David Bowie was now going solo. As he had no steady girlfriend at the time.
Bowie's producer at the time was Tony Hatch : 'After the release and dismal failure of Can't Help Thinking About Me, I asked David to think up something cheery and happy, you know, like The Smurf Song or Yellow Polka Dot Bikini'

David brought him a new composition called 'Now You've Met the London Boys', a song about drugs, alcohol and hopeless oblivion. A song belittling the London night life scene. Hatch started keeping an eye out for a new producer.

Bowie released another two singles, Do Anything You Say (B-side, Good Morning Girl) and I Dig Anything (B-side, I'm Not Losing Sleep). 'Do Anything You Say' pleased Hatch, especially the title, but nevertheless after the failure of these latest offerings he escaped to Argentina. Some quotes from musical publications of the day shed light on the state of Bowie's career.

Jiggly Wiggly Groovy Music News 'Bowie who?'

English Lawn and Gardening 'If only he would release some rose bush related songs, two thumbs down'

David appeared dancing in an ice-cream advertisement for Lyons Ice Cream's new product called Luv.

Ice Cream Enthusiast Weekly - What happened to the little Danish girl with rosy cheeks? This guy isn't cute, he's frightening

Against all expectations however, Denny Cordell's new label "Deram" signed David up for an album. On the priviso that he include at lease one song about gnomes, and one song singing in a funny sqeaky high pitched voice.

His debut with Deram, produced by a nervous Mike Vernon, was titled 'Rubber Band' and had nothing whatsoever to do with condoms. On the b-side was 'London Boys', just to depress everyone.

David spent the last two months of the year working on his first album. The recording was rushed, because they wanted Bowie to release more material while he was still 'luke-warm' or 'tepid'.

'If this album fails', he is quoted as saying, 'then I blame Cordell and Vernon'

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/08/02 04:39 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1967

David Bowie started the year off quietly. He was interested in Tibetan Buddhism, and you rarely see them running around screaming or pinching people's bottoms. He lived in a spare room in Ken Pitt's flat and often visited Chime yongdon Rinpoche to study buddhism (because Ken told him to).

On April 14th he released The Laughing Gnome. Who had been held prisoner in his bedside drawer for the last five months.

That same day he released a single called 'The Laughing Gnome' which infuriated gnomes worldwide for it's steriotypical portrail of gnomes as happy funny creatures. The b-side was 'The Gospel According To Tony Day', a cynical and depressing account of the values and aspirations of a number of mythical friends. Any party atmosphere fostered by side A, was quickly dampened to near suicidal depression by side B.

In May David recieved his advance money for the Deram album, and spent it all on a bag of chips and second hand rollerskates.

In June it finally came out. He visited a doctor who was quick to push it back in and give him an ointment.

Also in June, his first debut album, 'Love You Till Tuesday' hit the record stores. Mike Vernon, the producer, described David as 'One of the brightest talents I have ever recorded' in between fits of giggling. He was never seen again.

The album was not well recieved. It soon appeared in the bargain bins, then the gutters, the sewers, and finally the Earth's core.

Hot on the heals of his debut came the single 'Love You Till Tuesday' (Tuesday being the day most producers and managers finally got to hear David in the studio). It debuted in the charts at Number : OUT and quickly tumbled from there. It mattered little to David, who had scored a neat pair of skates for his trouble.

Ken Pitt and David decided it was time to branch into films, while the iron was still room temperature. In September he began work on his first film, an arty type one, called 'The Image'. It was about an artist and a boy who get up to all sorts of funny mischief, whereby the artist stabs the boy repeatedly and has a nervous breakdown. It was less successful than had been hoped for initially. Still, David scored 30 pounds and a straw hat.

Then came a chance meeting that wasn't really going to change the course of David's life all that much, but maybe it did, nobody is quite sure.

Lindsey Kemp was one of the only people to buy David's debut album. (He actually pinched it, but this was close enough for David). Kemp - "I thought it was Cat Stevens, I must of grabbed the wrong one by mistake, I cursed all the way home"

Flattered apon hearing that someone actually had one of his albums, David payed Kemp a visit. He became David's teacher in mime and other mimey arty things. Kemp once studied under Marcel Marceau, but the weight became too much and he decided to study under a blanket.

David - 'He did all these fantastic arty things, he would wave his hands about and jump up and down, he would put one leg in the air and make popping noises while holding a flower, it was just so....so arty'

David appeared as a mime for the first time with Kemp in 'Pierrot In Turquoise' at the Oxford New Theatre on December 28th, 1967, just making it into this chapter. 'It was my view at the time that mime was much more profitable and lucrative than music or business, mime was the way of the future, everybody loves mime.'

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/08/02 07:27 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1968

David started '68 with lots and lots of mime. He mimed on the 3rd, 4th and 5th of January at Rose Hill. He may have mimed at other times in between. He most certainly mimed after. He mimed for breakfast, he mimed for tea, he mimed on a bus, he mimed with guys called Gus, he mimed right up the hill, he mimed on Pitt's window sill.

Then he fell in love, while miming. Her name was Hermoine Farthingale, and she must have been one hell of a mime fan.

They appeared together in a BBC2 TV costume drama called 'The Pistol Shot', dancing a minuet. They moved in to moderately sized tea chest with an overgrown garden. Then it was back to miming. Lots and lots of miming.

He appeared at the Mercury Theatre in March, and mimed his little heart out. Never before in the field of human miming has so much mime been done by one mime.

He came up with a wacky idea, why not support Marc Bolan with 20 minutes of mime? On June the 3rd he found out the reasons why not, and barely escaped with his life.

David's mother - 'He was obsessed with mime, he was no longer a man, he had become completely mime, he no longer ate or slept, just mime. Mime all the time. All the time mime.'

Things were going downhill. He formed a mime troupe of his own with other mime addicts. If that wasn't bad enough, he called it Feathers. He forced Hermoine into it, along with bass player John Hutchinson.

To feed his mime habit, David would often frequent The Arts Lab in Drury Lane. The lab featured experimental music, drama, films, had an art gallery, and most important to David, a steady supply of precious mime.

Feathers never became the world famous, earth changing force to be reckoned with David hoped for, but he sure liked The Arts Lab. Much to the concern of the police, Arts Labs had been popping up all across the country, pushing mime on unsuspecting schoolchildren. David had decided to start one of his own.

Ken Pitt had an idea for a documentary, "Death by Mime". He grabbed a copy of 'Love You Till Tuesday' out of the trash and actually invested 7000 pounds in the project. It would consist of David and Feathers miming to songs from the album. He also persuaded David to write some new material for it.

David stopped miming long enough to watch 2001 : A Space Odyssey. The same afternoon he wrote Space Oddity. A song about a man so far gone on mime that he loses contact with all around him. A song that would surely hit a nerve among all the mimes out there.

Pitt recognized that David had actually written a good song, he put the film together, and called it 'Love You Till Tuesday' to cloud the whole mime issue.

BBC TV Weekly - Left a bitter arty aftertaste.

David kept on miming furiously, he did the Country Club in Hampstead on November 17th with Feathers. The last straw for Hermoine came on December 6th when David overdosed on mime. She left him, scarred for life by the darker side of human existence.

David moved back in with Ken Pitt. But he still eyes opening up one of those Arts Labs in Bromley. He was still hooked on mime.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

twister
(acolyte)
10/08/02 11:08 AM
Two Thumbs Up new [re: PHOENIX]  



I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it.

schizophrenic
(electric tomato)
10/08/02 05:18 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

Brilliant!

screw you, I'm going to the duck pond.

TactfulCactus72
(electric tomato)
10/09/02 00:04 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: schizophrenic]  

It is getting just a tad bit depressing.

Je ne comprend pas!!

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/09/02 01:14 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1969

The Beckenham Arts Lab, despite its rather grand name, was in reality a spare stall in the Three Tuns pub toilet in High Street, started by David to 'promote the ideals and creative processes of the underground, and do wee-wees'

He was battling hard to kick mime. Obviously not learning from previous lessons he took his one man mime act on the road again with Marc Bolan in February. They were developing a close friendship, Marc treating David's cuts and bruises which were inflicted apon him by angry mime-tormented Bolan fans.

He played The Free Trade Hall, Manchester on February 22nd; Colston Hall, Bristol on February 23rd; Liverpool Philharmonic on March 1st and The Brighton Dome on March 8th. Someone asked if he could play the piano also, but David declined, preferring to play concert venues.

Then he met Mary Angela Barnett, girlfriend of a talent scout for Mercury Records. She told him she liked his stuff, and David got a bit carried away, as one does when a girl tells a boy she likes his stuff.

She told her boyfriend that if he didn't sign David she would leave him. They guy signed David to Mercury Records. Then she left him anyway for David. Ouch.

The day David signed with Mercury was the very day he re-recorded Space Oddity. Ken Pitt tells the story:

'We were all a bit bamboozled that David had actually written a good song. My plan was to have him keep re-recording this song again and again, so he couldn't go wrong. It sure was better than recording mime anyway'

David was lucky in that producer Gus Dudgeon and arranger Paul Buckmaster had wondered into the studio by mistake, looking for Elton John. Before they knew what had hit them they had recorded on of the hit songs of 1969.

Space Oddity recieved much airplay due to the fact that the Apollo missions were in full swing. NASA would often play the song to the astronauts just the frighten the hell out of them. It nearly made number 1, until it discovered that it was just gas from the burrito it ate the night before.

An interview by the International Times captures the mood of the moment :

IT - So David, what is the song all about?

Bowie - It's about a guy trapped in outer space, didn't you listen to it?

IT - If the song reaches number 1, will you still continue with your Arts Lab project?

Bowie - Shit No! I'll be too busy snorting lines of cocaine off prostitutes bottoms, driving fancy cars and swimming in my pool of money

IT - So fame would change your outlook on life?

Bowie - Well Mary, people keep suspecting it's all about the music, they couldn't be more wrong. It's all about money and living a decadent lifestyle

It was a tough time for David. Despite winning music festivals in Malta and Italy by performing Space Oddity ('Perhaps he should re-record it', Pitt noted), his father died. Although it is inconclusive that winning music festivals save lives.

David threw himself into his work, which gave him a broken nose and dislocated shoulder. Putting that aside, he completed work on a new album, to be titled "David Bowie is Shit Hot'. The title was later shortened to 'David Bowie'.

Pitt put David out on the road, David wondered back in, Pitt put him out again and told him to join up with Peter Frampton's new band Humble Pie, 'Maybe some mime will cheer you up' he said.

Much to everyone's surprise David had finally kicked mime. He walked out on stage with his acoustic guitar and performed some folk, in front of hundreds of angry skinheads.

When he got out of hospital he was still undaunted. From October 8th to 26th he toured with Humble Pie, dodging bottles and lit cigarettes. Then things started to change, the odd pair of panties would fly at the stage. Followed soon after by the even pair.

By November David and Angela had moved in together. Then they moved out, moved in, moved out, in, out, and it was all done with. They also found a nice place to stay, Haddon Hall, near the Arts Lab in Beckinham.

On November 14th Phillips released the album 'David Bowie' which had been locked up for six weeks due to drunk and disorderly conduct.Tony Visconti produced all the tracks besides the Space Oddity one, despite what he tries to tell everyone. It was promoted with 'An Evening With David Bowie' held at the Purcell Room on the South Bank of London on November 20th. The night proved upsetting to David, something had gone wrong with his relationship with Ken Pitt, they argued often, Ken calling him 'asshole' and David responding in mime. David recalls the chain of events :

'I thought to myself, I don't need this jerk. So I organised the concert by myself. I booked the hall, brought the equipment, arranged the backing, lighting, catering, the lot. Unfortunately I forgot to tell anyone about it, so no-one turned up. It was the best damn show I ever did too.'

If that wasn't bad enough the critics just didn't seem interested in his album, the public didn't seem interested despite his chart-topping single, even David himself frequently forgot about it. He became depressed. So much so that he would slump in his chair with incorrect posture.

Late in the year he sent a letter to Angie, who was seeing her parents in Cyprus.

"Dear Angie, lets get married, I mean, it's not like I got anything better to do, I suppose you are ok, does it matter if I sleep with other girls? I'm tired. Lots of love - David"

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/09/02 03:54 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1970

Bowie started off 1970 doing Gigs at Johnston Hall, Aberdeen University on January 30th and the Marquee on February 3rd. He then did Lucy on 'Cairngorm Ski Night' on February 27th. Finally going home to do Angie on the 28th.

On that day, the 28th, he announced his new 'electric band', Hype. Hype consisted of producer Tony Visconti on bass, John Cambridge, Mick Ronson on guitar and Doug the delivery man on some pretty heavy weed. Doug was soon dropped, no-one knew how he got there in the first place.

Mick Ronson got along with David like a house on fire, prompting him to move into his Beckenham home and use up all the milk.

On March 6th Phillips released 'The Prettiest Star', despite prettiness being a fairly subjective phenomenon. Heated arguments flared over whether it should have been called 'The Star Who is Considered by Many to Be Pretty'. Marc Bolan took lead guitar in this version, Vistonti produced and played bass, while Mick Ronson simply twiddled his thumbs and read a book.

Also in March Decca re-issued 'Love You Till Tuesday', calling it 'The World of David Bowie'. This was to be the first in a yearly re-issuing of this album under a different title each time, catching many Bowie fans in a web of carefully planned deceit. From the album they dropped 'Please Mr Gravedigger' and 'Join the Gang' accidentally breaking them. Replacing them were 'Let Me Sleep Beside You', 'London Boys', 'Karma Man' and 'In The Heat of The Morning'. The album did not go Gold as expected, instead hitting a disappointing Boron.

March 1970 was a really happening time for Bowie. On the 20th he married Angie at the prestigious Bromley Register Office. Angies visa was running out, so they all raced outside to catch it *rimshot*. David - 'I remember the vows we took, "I David Bowie, do hereby take Angie, and any groupie that takes my fancy, and I may wear her dresses. Amen"'

David kept the marriage as quiet as possible, because there were sleeping toddlers in the next room.

David was working on his new album tentatively called 'The Man Who Sold One of My Records', he was also starting to wear dresses and was doing a lot of knitting. His days of mime abuse obviously doing a bit of damage.

On June 26th a tradition of sorts was continued with the release of songs David had already done before. 'Memory of a Free Festival Parts 1 and 2' was a reworking of the 'David Bowie' piece and featured Mick Ronson on guitar, Tony Visconti on bass and Mick Woodmansey on drums.

Happy Music Today - A lovely song, somewhat nostalgic for the 60's

Cranky Music Today - Should have called it, 'Memory of a Free Festering'

David was poor. All the money from 'Space Oddity' had been used to plug holes in his leaky ceiling. Angie and David ate cardboard, and his band Hype were eyeing each other up cannibalistically. His Arts Lab had closed, most probably due to the great mime crackdown on '70.

'Things were pretty desperate. We started to eat our instruments, the curtains, the floorboards and finally the bricks. I was writing songs and giving them to other people to record in return for salt'

One such salt deal resulted in Peter Noone recording 'Oh, You Pretty Things' on April 30th. 'We ate so much salt that night our navels were burning' recalls David.

David originally approached Tony De Fries because his name sounded tasty. Tony then became his new manager, declaring that Ken Pitt was a "Boob". 'I'll get you out of this financial position. I'll make you a star my lad' De Fries declared.

Changes were in the air. The future lay ahead. De Fries had an enormous ambition which impressed David very much. 'When he showed me his ambition I was very impressed. I'd never seen one so big. I'm sure it must have frightened a lot of girls when they saw it'.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/09/02 08:10 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1971

Mercury Records of Chicago were the ones who had signed David as opposed to the Phillips office in England. In their wisdom they decided to release the newly titled "The Man Who Sold The World" in the USA first off. This was surprising since the American fan base in the US stood at : -1.

They only moved twenty copies in it's first week, from the rack on the side to the rack out front. So it was decided to bring David over to buy a copy or two himself.

He visited a host of cities. Philadelphia, Washington, Chicago, San Francisco. He loved New York, apparently a hive of mime. But it was his constant wearing of women's clothing that attracted the most attention, bullets and lint.

In Los Angeles he wore a pretty floral number and created a storm, though it may have been due to the severe cold front bearing down from the west. At a reception he wore a sequined nightie, crotchless panties and knitted socks.

He fled the United States just in time to be back for the release of 'Holy Holy / Black Country Rock' by Phillips in England, and immediately bought a few hundred copies. It was followed by 'The Man Who Sold The World' in April. The English cover featured David wearing a dress.

London Times - MAN WEARS DRESS!

The Sun - DRESS HAS MAN IN IT!

Weekly World News - HITLER IN HIDING ON MOON!

Then something very confusing happened. It involved - Arnold Corns, Rudy Valentino, Freddie Burretti, 'Moonage Daydream', 'Hang Onto Yourself', David Bowie and a bucket of custard. A fine time was had by all.

Tony De Fries dumped the Mercury/Phillips label, and set up a deal with RCA, David's 1,298th record label. Dennis Katz of RCA had been given four demo's from the upcoming 'Hunky Dory' album David was working on. 'I hated them, but if the album's name is Hunky Dory then it must be just swell, neato in fact, super dooper'

Bowie was at Glastonbury Fair on June 20th, and also in June appeared at the Paris studios playing new songs such as 'Kooks', 'Queen Bitch' and 'Song for Bob Dylan'. He was on the toilet on the 28th and rumoured to be in the general kitchen area on the 8th of July. He toured Holland, Belgium and France in September. Bowie explained how he could be in so many places at once :

'Lots and lots of drugs'

In December 'Hunky Dory' was released, aimed at the Christmas market. It need not be said that there were a lot of disappointed children that Christmas day who had asked for bikes and dolls instead.

Music Melody Man Maker - Hunky Dory, Sysiyo aint gonna like this one bit

Salad Today - Bowie shows enormous talent, his music is quite juicy, and Canelli's Pickled Gherkins are particularly tasty

The album got off to a slow start, what was needed was some hype. David called the newspapers and admitted he was quad-sexual and had 15 testicles. Album sales for 'The Man Who Sold The World' and 'Hunky Dory' took off.

Somewhere in amongst all that Angie had a baby boy. David did the impregnating some time earlier. He toyed with the names Flowie, Slowy, Glowie and Doughy before finally settling on Zowie. Zowie's first words were "You Bastard".

By the end of the year 'The Man Who Sold The World' had sold 50,000 copies. David's basement was full. But even that couldn't account for all of them. Bowie was selling albums.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/09/02 09:59 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1972

'Our new stage act will give you a heart attack', David told George Tremlett, who decided to give it a miss. 'No-one has ever seen anything like this before, and if they have they should be ashamed of themselves'.

By January 1972 RCA already had 'The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars' on tape. Now all they needed was to write, produce and record the songs, as just someone saying "The rise and fall of ziggy stardust and the spiders from mars" wasn't likely to sell well.

On January 22nd Bowie had admitted Michael Watts of Melody Maker that he was gay. Watts had replied, 'no you're not', to which Bowie said 'Yes I am', Watts retorted, 'no you're not', Bowie came back with, 'I'll roger you right now if you like!', to which Watts said 'Go on! I dare you!'.

Watts asked him where his girls dress was. Bowie came back with the famous reply, "Oh dear, this is not a woman's dress, this is Angie's dress". Angie was understandably mortified.

The fleet street press made an enormous deal out of the whole gayness thing.

London Times - MAN ADMITS HE IS GAY!

So, in a raging torrent of publicity Bowie began his tour. On the road with him where his backers from Hunky Dory. Mick Ronson on guitar, Woody Woodmansey on Drums and Trevor Bolder on bass and trumpet. They were known as The Flies from Uranus, then were advised to change that to The Spiders from Mars.

The show was amazing. A cranked up volume, carrot colored mullet, lights and multi-colored jumpsuits were the go. Many patrons suffered siezures, epileptic fits and insanity.

July 8th 1972 can be said to be the beginning of David's superstardom. David prefers to refer to it as his fantabulatucisticstardom. The occasion was the concert at The Royal Festival Hall at the 'Save The Whales' event.

The Times - To hell with the whales! This Bowie guy is great! and gay!

Evening Herald - Lets kill the whales!

The Sun - Shit! I'm deaf!

With the show a great triumph David spent July producing a single for Mott The Hoople, a Bowie composition called 'All The Young Dudes'. It was a great hit for them, which pissed David off no end. He also started work on Lou Reed's album 'Transformer', an album about robots that change shape.

Bowie mania was growing, and it was registered as an offical psychiatric disorder. RCA couldn't hold back any longer, they were bursting. So they finally released 'Ziggy Stardust' to the masses. De Fries even lured the American press over with the promise of a "high falootin' rootin' tootin' good time" (American jargon)

The press agreed that Ziggy Stardust was a sensation. At press events the faces of Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, Angie and De Fries were always present. David describes meeting Iggy :

"Someone said to me, this is Iggy Pop"

Ziggy Stardust had advance sales of 150,000 in the UK alone. Everything was going according to plan. De Fries smiled a sneaky grin and muttered "Eeexellllent" while drumming his fingers together.

For his ultimate Ziggy Stardust show he brought in Lindsay Kemp, Mr Mime. Lindsay brought in a dance troupe called the astronettes. The concert was to be held at the Rainbow Theatre and included a light show, dry ice, scaffolding, dancing, simulated sex acts, jet planes, hoses, and as a stunning finale the detonation of an atom bomb.

In August, thanks to amphetamines, he finished producing Lou Reeds Transformer.

On September 1st RCS issued David's new single, 'John I'm Only Dancing'. This after his Hunky Dory Single 'Changes/Andy Warhol' in January and all the other stuff. Then left for a massive US tour by which time we must have been well knackered.

He did a host of US cities, Cleveland, Ohio, Memphis, before his crucial date at Carnegie Hall. He loved dried fruit. He also had a concert to perform there. He played 'Ziggy Stardust', 'Hang On', 'Lady Stardust', 'Moonage Daydream', 'Five Years', 'Starman', 'Changes', 'Life On Mars' before Ronson reminded him to for gods sake take a breath and sit down for a bit.

The bass amp blew out.

Teenage heads exploded.

Panties were flying everywhere.

The tour was so successful that De Fries extended it by another eight weeks, to which David said, "Bloody hell..."

David was writing songs while travelling from venue to venue, because he often found he had a spare 3 seconds here and there. He wrote 'Jean Genie' and recorded it on stops througout the US, it was rushed to England and released on November 24th. RCA sent him a telegram - "You'll pop a vein if you're not careful"

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

SugarPlumFairy
(stardust savant)
10/09/02 03:36 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  


I think my brain just exploded.

moderator2: please type GA at the end of an answer so I don't interrupt you.
Neil Gaiman: Go for it, Terry
Terry Pratchett: I thought it was Neil throwing up...


schizophrenic
(electric tomato)
10/09/02 04:25 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

My friend, this is the closest you've ever come to genius. Keep it up!

screw you, I'm going to the duck pond.

Glitterbot
(crash course raver)
10/09/02 09:46 PM
continue, please new [re: PHOENIX]  

I'm very much enjoying this, but it made me wonder- whatever happened to Freddie Buretti? Wasn't that the cute little clothes designer Bowie was constantly dragging around with him in the 70's?

Skinner: Why don't you say the pledge?
Bart:
Hey America, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. America.

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/10/02 01:22 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1973

By the beginning of the year David had returned to England and on January 17th recorded a show for London Weekend TV's 'Russell Harty Plus'. He staggered on with dark bags under his eyes the size of watermelons and begged the audience to, 'please just shoot me'

Nobody did, and as such David had to finish his new album 'Aladdin Sane' by January 24th. He did this with the aid of caffiene injections every 15 minutes or so.

He then had to set sail for America for yet another tour to open on February 14th after two weeks of rehersals. They wheeled him on board in a wheelchair while he twitched and frequently passed out. The tour was to last 100 days, when Bowie heard of this he immediately crapped his pants.

An interview with Melody Maker sums up his excitement for the new tour :

MM - David, any new changes in the lineup for this show?

Bowie - I'm so tired...

MM - Will you be getting to see more of America this time around?

Bowie - Zzzzzzz...

The Radio City concert in New York was a cause of much speculation as to whether Bowie would kick the bucket. Before a crowd of 6,200 people he utilized spotlights, a giant cage, trapdoors, spacecraft, confetti, explosions, implosions and sounds loud enough to be heard in Antarctica. A lot of material from the as yet unreleased Aladdin Sane was used, mostly cotten, silk and polyester.

At the end of the show David's head fell off. A nurse took his pulse and diagnosed overwork. He was ordered by De Fries to go to bed for 10 minutes.

On April 6th 'Drive In Saturday' was released as a single and immediately started flirting with all the girls around town. It's conception came about while on a night train journey in the US, David had spotted two strange silver domes in the distance and exclamed, 'Hey! They look just like two big tits!'

The album 'Aladdin Sane' was released by RCA that same month with advance sales of 100,000 copies - the first time anyone had achieved this since The Beatles. When Bowie let slip that he thought he was "bigger than The Beatles" Beatles fans started burning his albums for being sacrebeatleous.

After the extended US tour David's caravan next appeared in Japan. He had no idea how it got there. While chasing it up he did some concerts for the nonplussed Japanese and became fascinated with their culture, dance and vending machines.

On April 21st he travelled across Russia on the Trans-Siberian Express, spent two days in Moscow, then took the express in Paris. Bowie to De Fries - 'You said this was a short cut! Now I can't get that freakin' clickity-clack out of my head!'

He eventually wound up back at his place in Beckinham to rest for a couple of minutes before being forced out at gunpoint to do another show at Earls Court Stadium. The show was disastrously overbooked and underfunded, just a mountain of people filling the whole place, like one huge living organism. This scared Bowie so much he cancelled his June 30th show there and called the creature the "The drunken Blob with a thousand arms that wanted to eat me"

After Earls court David began the biggest tour Britain had ever seen to this point. Because he simply wasn't doing enough.

The first show at Aberdeen was booked out so a second for the same night was arranged. It opened on the 16th May and played at 7pm and 9pm. This was to be the routine for the next two months, David frequently dropping dead and being revived in between sets. He spent his 5 minute breaks furiously rocking back and forth mumbling to himself.

After the May 18th in Glascow and May 19th in Edinburgh he went back in time to do another three shows on the 16th. He did the Norwich Theatre Royal on May 21st, Romford Odeon on May 22nd, Brighton Dome on May 23rd, Lewisham Odeon on May 24th, Bournmouth Winter Gardens on May 25th and 26th, Guildford City Hall on May 27th, Wolverhampton Civic Hall on May 28th, Hanley Victoria Hall on May 29th, blood transfusion on May 30th, Blackburn King Georges Hall on May 31st and because this wasn't enough they invented May 32nd and May 33rd to play at Bradford St Georges Hall and Coventry New Theatre.

Similarly he did a shitload of concerts in June on a respirator and life sustaining drip, after which he called a press conference where he repleatedly stammered, "...nomoreshows ...nomoreshows ...nomoreshows... jelly tickle bumblebee"

Bowie fled to the Chateau d'Herouville just outside Paris. This was Elton John's Chateau complete with recording studio. They locked David in and told him not to come out until he had done an album consisting of 60's oldies. Ken Scott, co-producer of Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane, gave him a hand, Mick Ronson gave him a foot, while Aynsley Dunbar a couple of elbows, Trevor Bolder a nipple while Mike Garson donated a decent length of small intestine.

Meanwhile Angie had taken over from a modelling project David was meant to be doing. She had also scored guest spots in 'Hawaii Five-O' and 'F.B.I.'. She describes her relationship with Bowie at the time :

'He would often call me and exclaim, "I'm doing someone else! I'm doing them right now! Whoopeee!", such was our open relationship. We didn't believe in owning each other, just in severely irritating each other'

Decca were also at it again. In September they re-released 'The Laughing Gnome' as a single. And damned if it didn't become a massive hit, selling 250,000 copies and breaking into the top 5. Gnomes around the country rejoiced. Dwarfs were deeply hurt.

On October 12th RCA released 'Sorrow' together with b-side 'Amsterdam'. Which was a smart move, because they were attached to each side of the same record.

On October 18th, 19th and 20th David returned to the Marquee filming a concert for NBC TV's 'Midnight Special'. He appeared with Marianna Faithfull and they sung 'I Got You Babe' together while David sung all his other favourites by himself. A bunch of people were in the crowd.

RCA released 'Pin Ups' on October 19th to advance orders of 150,000. David and Twiggy appeared on the cover. Twiggy looked tired, and the songs were mostly crappy.

Plans for the next year were already in the works. A musical adaption of George Orwell's '1984'. With fireworks and everything. 38 extra-marital affairs were planned. David, Angie and Zowie were moving out of Haddon Hall and into Richard Harris's house in Kensington (which came as some surprise to Richard).

By the end of 1973, Bowie had sold over a million LPs and over a million singles. The offical wording for such sales is : oodles.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/10/02 08:52 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1974

January opened with Polydor releasing Lulu's version of The Man Who Sold The World, co-arranged and co-produced by David. He also does back-up vocals on the track and blows saxophone. 'I didn't think his saxophone was that bad' said Lulu when asked about David's blowing.

February came and David had locked himself away deep inside Olympic studios. His 1984 theatrical show had been given the "poo-poo", his Ziggy Stardust theatrical show had been abandoned, his Hammersmith Ziggy Stardust motion picture had been neutered, his live Ziggy Stardust album had been hobbled and his 'Pin Ups 2' idea sniggered at.

Nevertheless on February 15th 'Rebel Rebel' was brought out in England. The precursor to an album tentatively titled "A Bunch of Songs I Was Going To Use In My Super Diamond 1984 Show But Now I Can't Do It So I'll Shove Them All On This Album And You Can All Just Stick It You Lousy Dogs". This was later shortened to 'Diamond Dogs'.

The song Diamond Dogs itself starts out with David shouting "THIS AINT ROCK'N'ROLL!!" {audience screaming with joy and rushing the stage} "THIS IS GENOCIDE!!!!" {audience screaming in terror and running for their lives}.

'Diamond Dogs', with its grim prediction of despair and hopelessness, was recieved with despair and hopelessness. Still, when released in May it proved popular along with the 'Rebel Rebel' single. De Fries wasn't happy though, he ordered David to do another massive tour of the United States, as he obviously wanted David dead.

First David needed a new line up, The Spiders From Mars were long gone, Mick Ronson starting a solo career with 'Love Me Tender' and the others just wandering off someplace.

Mike Garson was on piano again, so an intervention was set up to wean him off. Herbie Flowers was on bass. David had also found a guy called Carlos who could really play a funky guitar. 'He's really really black', said Bowie, 'way blacker than me or Mike'.

The Diamond Dogs tour opened on June 14th in Montreal. It ran a total of 90 minutes and comprised 20 songs. The sets were imaginative and bold, a disintegrating metropolis, "Hunger City", complete with wino's, shopping trolley's and urine stench.

The show was tightly choreographed and in it David actually flew, turned water into wine and shot sparks out of his ass. There were the usual thermonuclear explosions, lights and confetti. It started with '1984', 'Rebel Rebel' and 'Moonage Daydream' ended with 'Jean Genie' and 'Rock 'N' Roll Suicide' and had some stuff in the middle also. David used many props such as boxing gloves, mirrors, lamps, a skull and a stapler.

The July 14th and 15th dates at Tower Theatre in Philadelphia were recorded from the back of the venue on a second-hand cassette recorder for a live album.

While RCA were releasing the double album of the live performance, 'David Live', Bowie slipped out the back door but ended up trapped in Sigma Sound Studios. The front door being trickily labelled with a "This Way Out!" sign.

Trapped in there with him were Carlos Alomar, David Sanborne, Andy Newmark and Willie Weeks. After a few moments of awkward smiles, nods and "howdy"s they decided they may as well start working on another album.

David describes the making of the album - 'We were recording all day and all night, by the time we were done we were astonished, we had created the greatest album that had ever been made in all of history. There were these bunch of kids hanging outside the studio day-in day-out, so we invited them in to listen to what we did. They loved it. Then they stole all the tapes. Pricks.'

The album was tentatively titled 'Bloody Kids', but of course it was to go on to be called 'Young Americans', a real departure for David. Then RCA let him out to do some more touring.

New York Times - The Diamond Dogs tour killed my grandchildren! But I still loved it!

Washington Post - Is this guy still gay?

LA Times - I never knew a totalitarian fascist future could be so much fun!

September found David hiding under the coffee table in his Los Angeles apartment. He was then forced to plan another tour, or else 'The Laughing Gnome' would be re-released again.

'David Live' was released in October, tagged to observe it's migratory patterns.

David Bowie's last step in world domination was to have a bona fide US hit record. Though how that would match up to the millitary power of the free world was something of a mystery.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/11/02 00:13 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1975

David Bowie was spending all of his time in the USA now. He'd bought a house in Geneva, just outside Los Angeles. Wherever he went white powdery clouds would billow everywhere.

RCA released 'Young Americans' on February 21st as they had been trapped in Carnegie hall after someone locked the door after a concert. The single shot up the charts and was arrested for reckless use of a firearm.

Just weeks later 'Young Americans' the album was brought out as David had no other flat surface handy to sniff cocaine off.

It was the second single off the album, 'Fame', which finally tipped the scale, at 3 and a half ounces. Co-written, co-performed and co-snorted with John Lennon, it was the single which gave David Bowie his first number 1 in America, as he had been suffering from terrible constipation.

As the album and singles climbed the charts David and De Fries began the delicate procedure of sueing each others asses off. Bowie wanted to set up his own company "Bewlay Brothers" and De Fries wanted to set up his company called "The Bowie Gravy Train".

David moved to New York and started thinking about film and indecent exposure. Director Nick Roeg had seen Bowie in a documentary ('Cracked Actor') on a show called Omnibus aired by the BBC. He told Peter O'Toole, 'I don't like you anymore' and offered Bowie the script. Bowie relates his feelings apon being offered the part:

'I read the script and thought, "Woah! I can show everyone my doodle and not get arrested for it. I've been wanting to flop this thing out for years."'

So he dragged Angie and Zowie off to New Mexico to start filming. In addition to acting in the movie David was supposed to write the soundtrack music, but De Fries had Bowie's testes in a vice-like grip and it's hard to do anything when they are being gripped in such a way. Some of the music apparently written for the movie appeared later on 'Station to Station', released after his testes were freed.

Wouldn't you know it, Deram were at it again. They released the 'Love You Till Tuesday' Album for the 398th time, all of them having different names. This one was given two names, 'Images' or 'Rock Reflections' depending on where you come from. They threw everything they had in there causing David to grind his teeth and murmer obscenities.

Back in New York David got together with his 'Young American' cronies and herded them into the studio. Dennis Davis, Carlos Alomar and Earl Slick were the cronies. He also nabbed Bruce Springsteen's pianist Roy Battin and bass player George Murray. Replacing Tony Visconti in the co-producers chair was Harry Masslin. They spent two and a half months in the studio after which time it truly smelled bad.

With 'Fame' still at number one it was finally time to appear on Cher's TV show. The show was taped in mid October for November 9th transmission, with David singing duets with Cher, snorting come coke with Cher, and generally doing whatever he liked with Cher because he was a bigger star than her now. On the set was David's lawyer Michael Lippman who announced to David that his testes were now free, Cher was delighted.

Bowie announced for the ten thousandth time that he would never ever do a tour again. Then the next day he announced his new big tour. 'It will make me an obscene amount of cocaine', he announced and proceeded to do a little dance and sing 'Who wants to be a millionaire'.

Back in the UK, RCA's re-issue of 'Space Oddity' hit number 1 in the charts, six years after it's original release. Perhaps Kenneth Pitt had been right all along.

Bowie finished off 1975 by smearing black shoe polish over himself and appearing on 'Soul Train' in the States. He sang 'Golden Years' while wearing a t-shirt that said "Don't trust whitey". As a result the single, released on November 17th climbed the R&B charts as well as the top 100.

Black Panther Magazine - The black Bowie is a vast improvement over the white one

Ghetto Soul - I aint be jivin' Ya, dat David be! wassup? shiit man...

The very last thing he did that year was to announce a European tour in an interview with Russell Harty on LWTV. 'Don't forget to wear all your Ziggy makeup and gear', he advised all the kids, sniggering and guffawing. He sent Angie and Zowie to Switzerland because he was getting pretty sick of them.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/11/02 05:12 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1976

A 35 city North American tour which began on February 2nd in Vancouver B.C and ended on March 26th at Madison Square Garden in New York City followed the release of 'Station to Station' in January. Tens of thousands of fans arrived dressed in glitter and wierd makeup for each show which prompted Bowie to fall apart laughing at every entrance.

On would stroll David in a very casual plain white shirt, black waistcoat and trousers. His hair was cut short and swept back. He would scream at his fans, 'Look at the lot of you! Face painted, glitter wearing transsexual Freaks!! You're a bunch of idiots!', before he was told that perhaps this wasn't a good way to start the show.

Behind him were Carlos Alomar (guitar), Stacey Haydon (guitar, replacing Earl Slick who had angered Bowie by giving him a nipple twist), George Murray (bass), Dennis David (drums) and Tony Kaye (keyboards). 'There's a good mix', said David, 'three blacks and three whites, which together make a kind of darkish grey'.

The set was toned down to basically nothing but a light bulb, the extra money going towards truckloads of precious Columbian powdery imports. 'I wanted a new kind of staging, something that would save me enough money so I could get well and truly buzzing all the time.'

'I never made any drug money from the 'Diamond Dogs' tour, which was a real downer. I'm not only making money now, I've got my own cocaine ski slopes that I sled down every morning. I manage myself now *sniff-sniff* excuse me...'

The tour was a great buzzing success. In San Francisco he filled the Cow Palace with 14,000 fans and later he filled it with cash and swum around naked in it. After shows adoring audiences would keep shouting and screaming for more at which Bowie would blow a loud rasberry and go home to count his diamonds and riches.

During the East Coast leg of the tour police found 8 oz of marijuana so three of his companions plus Bowie were charged with 'Having way too much of a good time'. He made a statement telling the press that he would never ever tour again, ever, not in a million years. Then it was off to Europe to do another tour.

David arrived in Britain in May after a three year absence and proceeded to play 6 nights at Wembley before an audience of close on 60,000 people, all of whom he's slept with at some point in his Ziggy Stardust days. The fans were by now arriving in Black waistcoats and pants, fearing David Bowie's wrath.

It was an emotional return for David and after the final encore of 'The Jean Genie' on the first night there were tears in David's eyes. But it turned out that his underpants had shrunk in the wash.

RCA released 'Changesonebowie' which isn't even a proper word. It was a greatest hits album which seemed to signify that David was all washed up. On closer inspection it was obvious to all that David was still pretty dirty and hadn't changed his shirt for the past week.

He travelled through Switzerland and waved to Angie and Zowie as he sped past.

Then on to the Chateau d'Heroville where he had mangled 'Pin Ups' some years before. It was there that he produced Iggy Pop's new album. He gave it the title 'The Idiot' summing up his thoughts about his good friend at the time.

This was a bad period for David. The world's supply of cocaine had dried up because of him and the Chateau started to deteriorate when he tried to snort the plaster and cement. Now Michael Lippman, who had become his manager for a short time, had him by the testes. He started work on an album which was to be titled 'Low on Cocaine'.

'Low on Cocaine' was to be important for another reason. It was Bowie's first collaboration with Brian Eno. Eno was considerably surprised when he met David, as David could shit 100% pure cocaine.

Eno talks about working with Bowie : 'David likes pickles, tomatos and cheese on his sandwiches. I prefer some ham, lettuce and mayonnaise. When we got together I had no idea how we could work this out. We tried a pickle, tomato, cheese, ham, lettuce and mayonnaise sandwich but that was a disaster. It's a tough to bring our talents together. Also, David likes to cut the crusts off his bread, which to me is just crazy. These are the things we had to work through if we were to do this thing right.'

Eno talks some more about their partnership : 'Don't even get me started on the way he butters his bread. He doesn't go all the way to the ends. So when you take a bite, you might only get half butter and half dry. It's a challenging collaboration.'

Brian Eno was at the Chateau for a week in September before he left in a tantrum. Then David and Tony Visconti left for Berlin to escape the purple/green cocaine monkey that David confided to Tony was stalking him. It was there that we would complete 'Low on Cocaine' and 'The Idiot'.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/12/02 03:18 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1977

Berlin continued to fascinate David. 'It's like I'm in a whole different country over here', he said. He took a small apartment there, but the apartment left after only a few days. He cooked his own food, cleaned his own flat, and went to the toilet all on his own. 'I'm a big boy now!', he'd tell all and sundry.

In January 'Low on Cocaine' was retitled 'Low' and released. Critics just didn't know how to approach it, since it was wielding a knife and in a disturbed state.

The Sun - hmmm...

The Globe - I see...

The Moon - Ok...

David accomplished a lot in 1977. He started recording 'Heroes', the title track being about two lovers who admire the Berlin Wall. Another Eno collaboration, Eno talks again about working with David :

'Bowie would get into the studio from the shops, and always, always, the bread would be at the bottom of the shopping bag. He simply had no conception of the heavier groceries squashing the loaf.'

David also recorded another Iggy Pop album 'Lust For Life'. Carlos Alomar and Ricky Gardner played guitars, David played piano while the Sales brothers, Hunt and Tony played drums and bass respectively. David co-wrote six of the songs. It still remains unclear what Iggy did.

One thing Iggy did do was go out on the road in March, David sticking to him like a gluey residue. He would play piano at his gigs in the UK and the States. They'd get up to all sorts of shenanigans those two, up past their bed-time.

The single 'Be My Wife' came out on June 17th. David had forgotten that he actually had a wife and child. He'd left them somewhere and plumb forgot about them.

'Heroes' was finished by mid-September. A new addition to his line up was Robert Fripp on lead guitar. Fripp had experimented with Eno on his 'No Pussyfooting' album before deciding he definately wasn't gay. He was just what David needed, someone who liked cutting the crusts off his sandwiches.

'Heroes' the single was released in September in three different language versions, French, German and English. The bad langauge version was never released due to the incessant use of the "C" word. The album came out in October, but by then Bowie fans were running seriously short on money.

David appeared on a TW show recorded at Granada Studios in Manchester with old friend Marc Bolan. It was initially feared that David had given him the mime, but Marc had been given the all clear much to his relief. David sang 'Heroes' and did a duet with Marc, backed by Herbie Flowers, Dino Dines and Tony Newman. There was much kissing and hand-shaking and friendly feelings.

David also recorded a Christmas show with Bing Crosby which killed him. 'Sorry Bing', David was quoted as saying.

Back in Montreux, while looking for his wife and child, David Hemmings approached David Bowie and said 'Come star in my movie, which will make you rich and famous'. The movie was 'Just A Gigalo' and would actually make David a little less rich and famous than he already was. He arranged to fly to Berlin in the winter to began filming then went off to Kenya for a holiday.

Bowie didn't record anything in Kenya, lazy bugger.

When back in Berlin he started to paint things. The police immediately stopped him and David ended up paying a small fine and doing some community service.

As part of that community service he narrated Prokofiev's 'Peter and The Wolf' for a Red Seal recording. There was much jubilation among Peter and The Wolf fans as they ran out naked into the streets in unbridled joy when the news was announced.

New York Times - BOWIE TO NARRATE 'PETER AND THE WOLF!

London Times - IT'S PETER AND THE WOLF AT LAST! BOWIE FINALLY NARRATES IT!

The world would have to wait until next year for it's much anticipated release.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/12/02 10:59 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1978

As the new year opened up it's eyes and greeted David with a big "Hi There" he was working in Berlin on 'Just A Gigolo'. It was at this time he was having an affair with Coco the monkey.

'Just A Gigolo' co-starred Marlene Dietrich, who was kept well away from David in the fear he would end up killing her just the way he killed off poor old Bing. When she heard Bowie was starring in the movie she locked herself away in a room in Paris, trembling with fear.

'Just A Gigolo' was premiered in Germany to a resounding and deafening silence, as the audience had left half way through. Hemmings blamed 'The Curse of Bing', and went home to try and exorcise the ghost of angry Bing Crosby from the film. More likely it was 'The Curse of The Really Bad and Boring Movie'.

Bowie fled to Kenya again, this time taking his son with him who he now called Joe. Sometimes he called him 'Stickface', and on odd occasions 'Humpy'. Every time he called him 'Zowie' the kid would attack David with a sharpened pencil. David took him to see the lions, but they didn't want to eat him.

March was taken up with rehersals for a 13 week world tour taking in 65 cities. It opened on March 29th in San Diego, California. He again decided to make it simple, he'd sing a few songs and his fans would give him lots of money.

The tour consisted of regulars (plenty of bran in their diet) George Murray on bass, Carlos Alomar on rhythm guitar, to which were added the irregulars (constipated) Hawkwind violinist Simon House, Roger Powell on synthesizer, Adrian Belew on guitar and finally pianist Seran Mayes.

At the Spectrum Arena in Philadelphia Bowie decided to pull a swifty on RCA and record a live double album, 'Stage'. It was a swifty because it would count to his "Frequent Album Points", the reward of which was the much vaunted top prize - "1000 points = Get Out of This Shitty Contract".

In May the highly anticipated, "David Bowie Narrates Prokofiev's 'Peter and the Wolf' with Eugene Ormandy and The Philadelphia Orchestra" came out. At the launch David was mobbed by tens of thousands of delirious 'Peter and the Wolf' fans.

After two nights at Madison Square garden, Bowie winning both of his boxing bouts, he did Europe. This is no easy feat, there are a lot of people in Europe, he nearly ran out of condoms. He played for three nights on June 14th at Newcastle City Hall. The music press all sent reporters there who filed ecstatic stories :

New Musical Express - I found ten pounds under my seat!

Old Musical Express - Sally said she'd marry me!

New Musical {All Stops} - I feel so happy today!

David concluded the tour with three days at the giant Earls Court. His mother was allocated the Royal Box after being mistaken for the Queen. The audience included Iggy Pop, Dustin Hoffman, Bianca Jagger (replacing Coco the monkey), Brian May, Roger Taylor and Bob Geldof. It must have been disappointing though, playing Earls Court in front of only 7 people.

September saw David back in Montreux looking for Angie and Coco the Monkey. While there he booked time in the recording studio to record another album, Tony Visconti asking if perhaps they hadn't recorded enough of these things already. David just pointed to his 'Frequent Album Points card' where he was getting closer.

In October 'Stage' was released. David wanted it to be a quadruple album to get out of his contract. RCA wanted it to count as one-tenth of an album to keep him. There was much nashing of teeth.

David ended the year with six concerts in AUSTRALIA, beginning on 11 November in Adelaide, then PERTH, and then Melbourne where a crowd of over 20,000 sat in the pouring rain to watch David and his band get repeatedly shocked by the equipment, lots of laughs. Then Brisbane and Sydney. 'This is the best place in the whole world to tour', said Bowie.

He then went to Japan, which was much much crappier and isn't even worth mentioning. Unfortunately he had to spend Christmas there instead of Australia.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/13/02 02:47 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1979

With a new album in the final stages of mixing (just a bit more milk needed) and 'Stage' in the shops Bowie travelled from Switzerland to London to New York to Australia to tell everyone how wonderful he was.

Then 'Just A Gigolo' came out all over the place, and everyone told him how wonderful he wasn't. Hemmings had done his best to cut away at 'The Curse of Bing' but it seemed a bit of Bing remained and would do so until the film left theatre screens, in about two days.

Movie Magazine - This was the first time I actually cried with boredom

Capperboard - Thats it, thats the end of movies for me.

In March he headed back to Berlin to finish off the tapes for his third Eno album 'Lodger'. Co-producer Tony Visconti talks about David and Tony's method of recording :

'He sits on this chair and then that's when my fingers hover over the play and record buttons. I say to him "Ready?" with this look in my eyes that says I'm serious, he looks back and says "Ready." then I presses the play and record buttons and off we go.'

'Lodger' was released on May 25th and David was in London to promote it, taking the use of video to new hieghts, watching "Close Encounters of the Third Kind' on VCR from the top of London Tower.

The use of promotional videos had been experimented with in days gone by, with the Beatles, Queen and Aunty May's Naughty Home Movie. Bowie himself had used film recycled from previous tours and had recorded a video for Heroes when he got drunk. But for 'Lodger' the use of promotional videos that conceptualise the music itself was the dawn of a new painful age.

MTV was still two years away, Kelly Osborne's ground breaking 'Papa Don't Preach' was still two decades away. Yet, with the help of David Mallet directing, Bowie was to recognize the birth of a new promotional tool, grab it, and squeeze it tenderly yet firmly, milking the precious juice from it's supple sensitive teat.

On 'Boys Keep Swinging' Mallet filmed David during some kind of epileptic fit. After the fit, Bowie dresses in Drag and smears lipstick all over himself. He also pretends to be an old lady.

On 'DJ' Bowie dresses in pink and slaps sticky records onto the wall. He also covorts with drunks in the gutter while stoned. And there's some explosions near the end.

On 'Look Back In Anger' Bowie paints a picture of himself as some kind of angel. He then gets herpes and falls down.

David was once again pointing the way sideways. Videos were to become an important part of his work. He'd write a wacky story, grab some director, produce the film himself then launch it on a terrified unsuspecting public.

In June David pretty much vanished, staying in New York, Switzerland, Kenya, London and Australia. How he stayed in five places at the same time is anyone's guess.

He popped up again from his absence on 16th of December to see the Broadway production of 'The Elephant Man', later visiting the club Hurrahs where he was introduced to the play's director Jack Hofsiss. Jack told Bowie that he looked very much like the Elephant Man and should be kept away from society. He explained that Anglim (the lead actor) was leaving and that if David didn't take the part he would shoot him, or maybe put him in a travelling circus.

Bowie thought about the offer carefully, then forgot what the offer was. When Hofsiss reminded him, David agreed.

He wouldn't be needed until July of the next year. Time enough to make another album and find Coco the monkey.

1979 closed with David singing 'Space Oddity' on Kenny Everett's New Year's Eve Show in a video clip of him in a padded cell. The obvious message being that he had sung that song so bloody much it had driven him crazy. Kenneth Pitt was well pleased however, that David had finally decided to re-re-re-re-record it.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/13/02 05:23 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1980

David had finally found Angela, waiting on a street corner where he told her he'd pick her up after buying some milk. This was in the mid '70s, so Angela was rightly pissed off. The marriage was finally terminated by Arnold Schwarzenegger in dark glasses.

David got custody of Zowie/Joe/Stickface/Lumpy. Angela settled for $50,000. That's right, not $5,000,000, fifty thousand dollars. Bowie spent the rest of 1980 giggling like a little schoolgirl.

Angela announced plans to write a book about David, Coco the monkey and unmentionable things. 'This book will contain the words anal, penis, sucking and rash on every page,' she announced, 'it's about time the truth was told, and God knows I'm not the one to do it'.

After appearing on the TV shows 'Saturday Night Live' and 'Dick Clark's Salute To The Seventies', Bowie returned home for a holiday, being one of the few people in the world who can do that. He went skiing and got a nut lodged in his right nostril. Ok, he didn't get a nut lodged in his nostril, but skiing by itself sounded awfully boring.

When Stickface returned to school Bowie fled to New York and never picked him up. Instead he started recording a new album at Record Plant Studios with Tony Visconti. David had the usual rhythm section with him (Alomar, Murray and Davis) with guest guitar overdubs from Robert Fripp, Chuck Hammer and Pete Townshend, plus Andy Clark on synthesizers and Roy Bittan on piano. The title track was to be called 'Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)' all about his time in the studio with the above musicians. Alomar would fart, Murray blew his nose without a tissue, Davis's bumcrack was always showing and Fripp brought his own spit bucket.

In July David returned to Japan to have sex. While there he made a television commercial for Sake. Sake was very pleased with the result, and much bowing resulted. It took two weeks to shoot, as it was nimble and hard to target. In the TV ad, Bowie's 'Crystal Japan' can be heard in the background. Bowie left Japan with his pockets stuffed with cash.

After time promoting his new single 'Space Oddity/Alabama Song' it was time to become the Elephant Man. The play opened at the Denver Centre of Performing Arts on 29th July. Every ticket was sold for that week, but annoyingly people in the audience kept on yelling, "Do Space Oddity!", or "Play Young Americans! That's My Favourite!".

The play moved on to Chicago for three weeks, and in the middle of performances David would break out into, 'Do you remember a guy that's been, in such an early song?'. Yep, it was time to promote his new single, 'Ashes to Ashes', and what better way to do it than in the middle of playing John Merrick. The crowd went wild and threw their panties onto the stage.

'Ashes to Ashes' was aided by a brilliant Mallet video featuring David in Pierrot costume talking to his mother on another planet. Very much as expected, what else could the video have depicted except for that? It went number 1 very quickly after taking some laxatives.

Not long after 'Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps)' the album came out (September 12th), 'The Elephant Man' hit broadway. The show at the Booth Theatre was the subject of intense media interest:

New York Times - Oh my god! He's hideous! In a Good Way!

New York Post - When he staggered out of that hospital bed, and into a wonderful rendition of 'Fashion', I nearly cried

New York Gutter - I never knew Merrick could swivel his hips like that. Viva la Elephant!

'Fashion' was the next single off the wildly successful 'Scary Monsters' LP. Written to a disco beat it features inspired lyrics such as "lalalalalala!" and "fafafafa..."

Every night, fans gathered at the Booth Theatre hoping to meet Bowie, get his autograph, or shoot him. It was a time of innocence when big stars would let themselves be shot quite freely. That freedom vanished on 8th December when you-know-what happened.

Bowie became security concious, which is the next step towards being cosmicly concious. He would insist that all members of the cast give him a full body cavity search before each show.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

twister
(acolyte)
10/13/02 03:37 PM
Be sure to take us all the way to 2002, kid new [re: PHOENIX]  

Funnily enough, this might just be the best Bowie biography ever written. I feel the development of character more strongly than I have in any other book on the man.

Oh, and making me laugh often is a neat trick too.

I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it.

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/14/02 01:39 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1981

Bowie's career continued to operate on several levels. The 'make as much money as humanly possible' level, and the 'I've got so much money I can do anything I like' level. The simultaneous success of his stage play and music brought him many offers, many of them far too rude and raunchy to print here.

A studio was hired for one day so that Bowie could re-create one of his 1978 concerts for a sequence in the German film 'Christiane F'. A story about an unfortunate young girl who has a surname consisting of only one letter.

Bowie's performance and songs were used in the film and on a soundtrack LP that he delivered to RCA with the note 'Gimme gimme gimme!' The film went on to become one of the most successful German films ever :

Das Berliner - Gut!

Deutsch Film - Ja!

Rezension - Gut!

Three more truckloads of cash arrived outside his chalet in Switzerland when K-Tel released their 'The Very Best of David Bowie' album in agreement with RCA. It sold over one million copies and reached No 3 in the British charts. The cash was shovelled onto the big heap out the back, Bowie was running out of places to put it all.

He briefly stopped swimming and cavorting in his money pool to travel to London to recieve 'Best Male Singer' and 'The Year's Best Video' from Dave Lee Travis and Lulu at the New London Theatre. He quickly pawned the statuettes on his way home and added the coins to his pile.

Two new singles had been released thus far in the year, 'Scary Monsters/Because You're Young' on January 2nd, and 'Up The Hill Backwards/Crystal Japan' on March 20th. By now the money pile had become the second man made object visible from space. David toyed with the idea of changing his name to 'McScrooge'.

In July David got bored and called Roger Deacon, the drummer for Queen, on the phone. He had been a friend of David's for some time and they arranged a get-together for lunch with all the members of Queen. David ordered a salad and egg roll, Freddie Mercury a toasted tomato and cheese sandwich. The resultant stomach cramps promted the band and Bowie to record 'Under Pressure' at Queens studio in Montreux.

Also recorded in July is a track for the film 'Cat People'. 'I'm thinking of doing a much inferior version for one of my albums, to piss my fans off', he told NME.

David was spending much time in his dungeon, brooding and carving, painting and muttering to himself. BBC TV producer Louis Marks and director Alan Clarke tried to lure him out with a fat juicy slice of Bertolt Brecht. They left trails of Brecht all the way from Switzerland to London.

No wonder then that a shifty bearded character could be spotted lurking in shadows and moving secretly and silently around the London streets at this time. Once lured into the television studio they quickly locked the doors and soothed the shy panicky Bowie with a script from one of Bertolt's first plays 'Baal'.

Bowie would play the role of Baal himself, an anarchist poet who goes through life abusing women, working in sleazy bars, murdering friends, using a mobile phone while driving and losing all sense of personal values. Bowie would come in each day, and then vanish. There would be much hand-clapping and 'hurrah's' at such a splendid magic trick.

Bowie called in Visconti, lighting up the night sky with a big 'V' like in Batman, and got his help in producing his versions of the songs in Baal to be released next year. Visconti talks of 'Baal' :

'One violin, one viola, one trumpet and one accordion. We all felt German that day, my German felt very nice indeed.'

On 2nd November Bowie and Queen released 'Under Pressure' much to Freddie and David's intense relief after holding it in for so long. No wonder then that it immediately made number 1. Also released in November (on the 19th) was RCA's second Bowie compilation, 'Changestwobowie'. Some residents in Switzerland started to complain that the money pile was blocking out the sun.

Meanwhile David would lurk in his dungeon carving and painting. Occaionally venturing out to climb the pile.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

Sysiyo
(acolyte)
10/14/02 02:38 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  





SugarPlumFairy
(stardust savant)
10/14/02 04:51 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: Sysiyo]  

I have to agree with that.



PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/14/02 07:26 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1982

David continued to live quietly in Switzerland, skiing down his giant pile of cash while others had to make do with snow. He did this for two whole months. Villagers could sometimes hear his voice way off in the distance, "...weeee!....I'm rich!...." as it echoed off the mountainsides.

On January 30th he had been voted No 1 Reclusive Male Singer in the annual New Musical Express readers poll. But it didn't interrupt his skiing.

The skiing finally ended when he returned to Britain in late February just as his 'Baal' EP was being released and as 'Baal' was being shown on BBC-2 Television. Reviews for Baal were not as great as could have been hoped for :

Television Review - Baal was on last night? Shit!! I missed it!

Teen Dream Magazine - For a David Bowie show, it left my panties curiously dry

At the beginning of March strict security was again enforced when Bowie began work on his third film, 'The Hunger'. He would insist once more that everyone give him a full body cavity search, especially Susan Sarandon and Catherine Deneuve. Susan would continue to search his cavity well after the film's production ceased.

'The Hunger' was a sci-fi horror film with some great lesbian scenes in it. Bowie appeared as John Blaylock, a 300 year old vampire living in modern-day New York with his 6000 year old vampire girlfriend. Church groups were outraged at the age difference (some 5,700 years) portrayed in this film.

In one famous scene Bowie ages over a hundred years, his skin wrinkling as he becomes haggard and old. Special Effects technitions describe how they produced this effect :

'After working in the music business for so long Bowie's face had become taut with stress, using soothing music and tranquilisers we just got him to relax into his normal state. Due to the strain of touring so often, Bowie's normal relaxed state is approximately that of a 100 year old man"

The movie was directed by Tony Scott and written for the screen by Michael Thomas, they found Bowie pleasant enough to work with though his frequent requests for cavity searches sometimes unnerved them. The main shooting locations were a house in Mayfair, the gay disco Heaven, Charing Cross Station and Luton Hoo in Bedfordshire. Nobody connected with the film was there the time of the shootings luckily, so no harm was done. Except to those people who were shot.

David was often seen in a drunk and disorderly state at various nightclubs and discos around this time, such as Gossips where he downed quite a few with members of Exploited. When asked for comment he replied, "Oh God, I love you guys so much, hang on, I'm gonna be sick..."

He was also seen buying R&B records in various shops. Someone swore they saw him buying milk in a corner store. Alice Greene said she saw him in a dream. David saw himself a number of times in mirrors.

Someone who hadn't seen David in a long time was Terry, who proceeded to jump out of a second story window on 2nd June. Terry had been locked up in Cane Hill Asylum for the past 16 years. When Bowie heard the news he came to visit and smother him with a pillow. But apon seeing his brother he just didn't have the heart to smother him, instead promising to look after him just like he had the past decade and a half. 'To get better you need plenty of neglect,' he told him 'perhaps buying some of my albums might help.'

Japanese film director Nagisa Oshima had seen Bowie in the Elephant Man. Bowie had told Oshima that he was just keeping The Elephant Man warm, honest. But Oshima had seen. So Bowie reluctantly agreed to star in Oshima's next film 'Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence'. In August filming began on the Cook Islands.

Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence, based on a short story by Sir Laurens van der Post, deals with the Japanese Character. Namely why they beat the living crap out of their prisoners of war. It also deals with homosexuality, but there were to be no really good lesbian scenes in this movie. The question of why the Japanese eat seaweed goes unanswered.

Bowie would co-star with celebrated Scottish actor Tom Conti and former Japanese pop star Ryuichi Sakamoto. This, disappointingly, would make lesbian scenes unlikely, if not impossible.

On November 18th RCA released the Bing Crosby Death Songs. Namely Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy. It went to number 3 on the British Charts over Christmas, disturbingly.

As soon as he finished filming 'Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence' Bowie went to his loft in New York and booked studio time at the Record Plant Studios for November and December. He then called Tony Visconti to tell him he'd met someone else. Someone who could press play and record much better and provide him with a funky R&B satisfaction. Visconti was shattered.

The interloper was Nile Rodgers, funky cool disco producer and rhythm guitarist. Bowie knew Rodgers could give him a good time. Another discovery was Texan blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan, who would double his pleasure. Visconti sent flowers to no avail.

Joining him in the studio these months were Carmine Rojas on bass, Omar Hakim on drums and Rob Sabind on keyboards. Not that David noticed with his eyes all over Stevie and Rodger. The new album was given the very tentative title 'Lets Finally Dump RCA and Make Shitloads of Cash'

Over Christmas, while David was sunbathing and dreaming of R&B, Rodger and money Eric Idle stumbled across him and invited him to barely appear in the film 'Yellowbeard' with Spike Milligan and Marty Feldman. Bowie agreed enabling him to tick off 'play a cameo as a shark' on his to do list.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/15/02 03:25 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1983

With his RCA contract finally expiring, David was able to finally cash in his frequent album points. This enabled him to sign a new contract with EMI America - with an advance payment of $17,000,000. 'We made a poor man very happy', was EMI's statement.

RCA weren't to be outdone. They scraped the last flakes from the bottom of the barrel and released 'Bowie Rare'. Included in this compilation is 'Ragazzo Solo, Ragazza Sola', a version of Space Oddity David had sung while very drunk and in some sort of delirium.

Meanwhile Bowie had fled with the loot. He travelled to Australia where David Mallet and himself produced videos for the two most sellable tracks on his new album, 'China Girl' which he wrote with The Idiot Iggy Pop, and 'Let's Dance' which he didn't write with Iggy Pop.

'Let's Dance' was filmed against the backdrop of the Australian desert landscape and featured scenes of a couple of Aborigines canoodling. It's main aim was to promote racism. In fact the two Aborigines, Terry Roberts and Jolene King from the Aboriginal-Islanders Dance Theatre were confronted with a drinking tap with the sign "Blacks Only!" when they arrived on set for filming. 'I wanted to send a message of White Supremacy', David said about the clip, 'I wanted to say that, no matter where you come from, or what colour your skin, white is better.'

'China Girl' was to be a totally different concept. A pornographic concept. It featured David and an oriental girl, Jee Ling, in a variety of X-rated situations. 'This one we aimed directly at the perverts. Do you know that they make up 43% of the overall market?'. The clip was banned by some TV stations, but would crop up from time to time in Sex-Ed classes and outsold "Lusty Sluts 4" at Club X video store.

David also bought a ranch in Australia. 'Did I ever tell you that this is the best country in the world? I just want to keep coming back here again and again.' He told the press.

With his videos ready for world-wide distribution and banning, and the 'Let's Dance' LP, 'Let's Dance' single and 'Let's Dance' action figures ready to be released concurrently by EMI America, Bowie flew from country to country reminding everyone that he indeed was "hot shit". At a March 16th press conference at Claridges he announced his first world tour for five years.

The planned tour would encompass 90 concerts (at the minumum) in 15 countries over the next five months. It was announced as the 'Serious Money' tour, but was later changed to the 'Serious Moonlight' tour for tax purposes.

Meanwhile his album, single, and action figures were selling like crazy. The single quickly eclipsing one million sales, and the album five million. At EMI there were many 'high-fives' and popping of party poppers.

The tour sets were simple, David couldn't afford anything too lavish. Lots of light though, because light wasn't too expensive and made audiences go "Ohh!" and "Ahh!". Carlos Alomar led the musicians, Stevie Ray Vaughan was to appear, but Bowie was asking him to pay $300 per night and it was too expensive for him. The Chic drummer Tony Thompson worked drums (and payed Bowie $250 per night), bass player Carmine Rojas payed Bowie $300 per night, Lenny Pickett played saxaphone and payed $200 per night while Dave Lebolt played synthetic piano and payed him $200 per night.

They all dressed casually, as they couldn't afford decent clothes. Tony Thompson sometimes appeared in rags, Lenny Pickett would sometimes make do with garbage bags tied off at the wrists and ankles.

In May 'China Girl' was released after serving five months for indecent exposure. Meanwhile Bowie was doing ok. For a single concert in Los Angeles on 30th May he recieved a flat fee of $1,500,000. His three concerts in Chicago grossed $716,000. In Dallas he grossed $235,000. In Toronto $2.3m. In Vancouver $1.3m, and in Edmonton, $1.2m. His money pile in Switzerland now eclipsed Mount Everest as the world's tallest peak.

In Sweden Bowie played to 60,000 people a night. His three shows in London drew a total crowd of 175,000. At souveneir stands volunteers sold Bowie cups, Bowie T-shirts, Bowie books, Bowie sanitary napkins, Bowie games, Bowie bathwater. Even bags of dirt, supposedly blessed by Bowie were sold at $39.95 a bagful.

There was the book of the tour. The hour long TV-film made for screening in the United States. A documentary entitled 'Ricochet' to be released on video. The list was endless. RCA re-released his back-catalogue. There were badges, oh so many badges. Scarfs, plungers, insect spray, deodorant, cheese and pasta. Like some Orwellian dream come true, everywhere one looked, there was Bowie's face. Big Bowie is watching you.

The London music press were nonplussed by his new pre-eminence.

The London Times - I like the album, I liked the concert, but I miss my money.

The Sun - Imagine my surprise and humiliation when I walked into work and everyone else was wearing the same Bowie t-shirt I was.

In September 'Modern Love' was released as a single, and in November, after 11 years of waiting, the D.A. Pennebaker film, 'Ziggy Stardust : The Motion Picture' blasted onto cinema screens amid looting and all out chaos as people tried to get away from it. RCA still released the soundtrack album of the film, as it had been an entire two days since they had released something Bowie-related. Two days after that they released a single from the soundtrack 'White Light/White Heat' making dedicated Bowie collectors sigh a lot and rob more banks.

In the United States Bowie appeared on the cover of Time magazine and was hailed by Playboy as its Man of the Year. In Britain he won two more Ivor Novello Awards. Mother Theresa blessed him. The Pope considered canonising him. Holy water was now referred to as Bowie water.

The tour continued on into New Zealand, Australia, Japan and Thailand over November and December. Bowie again mentioning how wonderful Australia was, and how he would continue to visit that wonderful country constantly.

At his final concert in Hong Kong at the end of the year, with tears in his eyes, he reminded the audience of a lost friend, "The last time I saw John Lennon was here in Hong Kong. Whatever happened to that guy anyway?'

At years end Bowie had raked in nearly one hundred million dollars. That's not including the fiver he found on the pavement while walking in Bristol.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/15/02 05:41 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1984

"And this years winner of the Brit Awards Best Male Artist is...David Bowie!", the audience in London went wild with applause, then waited, and waited. No David. He'd gone off again, into his cellar all shy-like.

Attempts were made to coax him out with offers such as a role in the upcoming '1984' film alongside John Hurt and Richard Burton, and a role as a villian in the next James Bond movie. But Bowie was proving to be a tough nut to dislodge.

He did crawl out at night, slinking off to the studio, first in Montreux at the Mountain Studios, and then later at Marin Heights near Toronto. Word had it he was working on something speical. Seen nearby were co-producers Derek Bramble (ex Heatwave member) and Hugh Padgham (just some bozo). Iggy Pop was also about the place letting it all hang out. Bowie recalls recording his 19th album :

'I got to the studio, and only then did I realise, I didn't have shit to record. I'd been spending all my time playing in my money and cutting up my lino. So I thought, "What the hell", I put down some covers and made up some crap on the spot. "That'll keep the SOBs happy" I thought. Don't print that last part ok?'

In May Decca couldn't wait any longer, they just had to do it. They released 'Love You Till Tuesday'. Again. Some old tracks were added, others were thrown out. Again. Fans began to picket the Decca offices with signs such as "Enough Already" and "The only one I don't have is Ching-A-Ling, you expect me to pay $12 for Ching-A-Ling??".

All that fuss got Bowie's juices going again. 'What we need is a 22 minute film clip for a three minute song.' He announced and called Julien Temple to direct. The result would be 'Jazzin for Blue Jean' and would be used to promote his forthcoming single recorded earlier in the year.

In 'Jazzin for Blue Jean' Bowie would take on two roles. That of nutcase Screaming Lord Byron, and that of nutcase Vic. A typical study of nutcase finds girl, nutcase loses girl to even bigger nutcase who has lots of money and fame. Stuck in there somewhere was the song 'Blue Jean' for some reason.

The film premiered on September 21st as support to the film, 'The Company of Wolfs'

Werewolf Film Weekly - What the?

Blue Jean Weekly - My favourite part was when he did that thing!

Then came the single, and the album. 'Tonight'.

New Musical Express - I predict ladies and gentlemen, that in 15-20 years from now, people will be complaining bitterly about this album on a network of interconnected computers around the world.

Music Today - When I listened to this album my period started, which I consider to be a bad omen

The album went to number 1 before David could stop it. So he went back to his basement in Switzerland to furiously carve out his frustrations in wood, make some lino cuts and paint.

EMI released the 'Tonight' single in November. Along with 'Tumble and Twirl' as the b-side. 'Tonight' was a song about a demented madman who instead of saving his dying love, decides to torment her with an Iggy Pop cover song.

On December 28th Terry decided to attempt suicide. He lay down across the railway track near Coulsdon South station but changed his mind at the last minute. He was injured in this attempt. It was life number 8 for poor Terry, who was living on borrowed time.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/16/02 04:00 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1985

On January 16th Terry finally succeeded in killing himself. Again laying on the tracks near Coulsdon South station. The funeral was on January 25th. David sent flowers. Rest in Peace Terry, may you finally find the peace of mind that you never found in life.

That month David and The Pat Metheny Band boarded flight 184 intending to fly to New York. Imagine their surprise when they ended up in Singapore. This prompted them to record 'This Is Not America'.

The song was included on the film 'The Falcon and The Snowman'. A Sean Penn/Timothy Hutton film based on the Robert Lindsey novel about a bird who shocks the world by building a snowman, or something like that. Look, it doesn't matter does it? He only half-did a song that was used in the movie. Is the snowman so important? The snowman isn't even mentioned in the song for cryin' out loud.

After some controversy about why the snowman wasn't mentioned in the 'Falcon and The Snowman' song, David scuttled back to his Switzerland retreat. Coco the Monkey would fetch him things when he needed them, but it was hard to tell what Coco fetched as Bowie was guarding his privacy jealously. Perhaps glasses of water, perhaps something more sinister, like a Giant Death Ray. Most probably glasses of water though.

Interviews were becoming rare, several members of the press were blown up, shot down or vaporised attempting to get the David's front door and ring the bell. It was all too much so The Sunday Times began publishing stuff they made up, mostly about David's connection with Terry and the 'family curse', the fact that David had a map tatooed on his back (which led to treasure!) and the possiblity that 'TVC-15' stood for "Tender Vestible Christmas 15". The desperation of the time is caught with this headline :

The London Times - BOWIE RUMOURED TO HAVE HEADACHE!

It was no relief when in May 'Loving The Alien' was released in single format. You can't interview a single. It's only use was to either play frisbee with or listen to 'Loving The Alien' with. Perhaps David had retired.

Not so, for on 13th July David performed at the Live Aid Concert in Wembley Stadium. He had been rehearsing this for two weeks and played 'TVC-15', 'Jean Genie', 'Modern Love' and 'Heroes'. When he heard that the money was going to charity he threw his microphone down, kicked it, and shouted, 'Crap!'.

For Live Aid he had also recorded a video with Mick Jagger. 'Dancing In The Street'. It was about two absolute lunatics with obvious trouble controlling their bodily motions. 'Spastic In The Street' would have been a more aptly descriptive title, but this was Live Aid and everyone wanted to celebrate the Western World's dominance over poor African countries, so a more festive title was preferred.

Bowie and Jagger would go on to release this song as a single in August, promoting it with the video. Somehow it went to Number 1 and stayed there for a month. When Bowie heard that once again all profits would go to charity he threw his copy of the video on the floor, kicked it, and screamed 'For Gods Sake!'

With his music earnings being siphoned off to needy children, David decided it was time to dabble in film once more. He went to work on two projects that would be released next year :

'Absolute Beginners', directed by Julien 'Jazzing for Blue Jean' Temple, would feature Bowie as Vendice Partners, an advertising man intent on corrupting the young hero of the piece. He would squeeze him and remove his innocence, just as he had done to Coco the Monkey.

'Labyrinth', a directorial debut by Jim Henson, would feature plenty of muppets. Including one interesting sock muppet which Bowie would shove down his tights during filming. Bowie would play Jareth, The King of the Goblins (King of the Muppets).

Bowie would also write and record songs for both of these movies. 'If the proceeds go to charity, someone's going to get a knuckle sandwich' he announced ominously.

In October many began to doubt their sanity when they saw apon the record shelves 'The David Bowie Collection'. The old Decca collection had been trundled out again and given a new name. Had Jesus been here on Earth, he would have surely wept and denounced God. After all, what God would let this happen?

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

Sysiyo
(acolyte)
10/16/02 04:21 AM
Excellent, but... new [re: PHOENIX]  

In reply to:

Is the snowman so important? The snowman isn't even mentioned in the song for cryin' out loud.


Well, actually it is:

Snowman melting
From the inside
Falcon spirals
To the ground


But let's all ignore the fact to increase the comical value of this wonderful biography .



PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/16/02 05:47 AM
Oooops new [re: Sysiyo]  

Well, err, yes, hmm, of course it is...I was talking about...the other snowman...yeah thats it...the other snowman that he so thoughtlessly didn't include in the song.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

Cisite
(cracked actor)
10/16/02 01:58 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

Brilliant!

"I am not young enough to know everything" - Oscar Wilde

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/17/02 01:58 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1986

'I don't want to over-hype this movie, or get people's expectations up too high, but in my opinion 'Absolute Beginners' is bigger than God'. Despite Absolute Beginner's two central characters being played by Eddie O'Connell and Patsy Kensit, David was being constantly wheeled out to promote the film, despite having no problem walking.

Entertainment Weekly - You're saying this film will change the world forever?

Bowie - It's a dangerous film. At the test screenings last week 17 people died from shock. They actually passed away because the film they were watching was so spectacular.

Entertainment Weekly - I find that hard to believe.

Bowie - Get out of my office.

The title track, written and performed by Bowie, produced by Bowie, Clive Langer and Alan Winstanley, was by stunning coincidence also titled 'Absolute Beginners'. It was released as a single in March and proved popular, making Number 1 in the British charts. Eddie and Patsy became very excited.

The film was premiered in April, along with the soundtrack through Virgin which contained three Bowie tracks, the title track, 'That's Motivation' and 'Volare'. There was much hoopla, trumpets, fireworks and silly-string. The film crawled from the primordial sea of Hollywood, flopped around for a bit, and then expired.

Movie Magazine - Extrodinary. Spectacular. Amazing. These are words I'd use to describe it if it hadn't of been so average.

Anal Moviegoer Weekly - What possible use could such a giant typewriter have? It would take you three weeks to write a letter on that thing.

Film and Movie - Ahhh, ummm, it was...I liked that bit...you know, the bit where he twirled the thing...but....

David moved right along to Labyrinth. Letting Eddie and Patsy get on with picking up the pieces. In June EMI America put out the 'Labyrinth' soundtrack. It tried desperately to get back in, crying out 'I'm not ready yet!', but EMI were having none of that.

Play School Music Review - Chilly Down made my four year old son cry.

'Underground', from the soundtrack album was released as a single. It was Bowie's 46th single, and he was happy since when he got to release 50 it would sound very impressive. 'Underground' was where most of the singles ended up.

Labyrinth was by no means a big hit when it was released to theatre screens world wide. But it would prove to be a Bowie conduit for horny teenage girls in years to come. Despite the anti-erotic nature of muppets, Bowie would portray his Muppet-King as handsome and mysterious, with a huge package.

The film details the plight of Sarah, played by Jennifer Connely, as she tries to solve the Muppet King's labyrinth and save her baby brother from a fate that may or may not be frighteningly perverse. She is aided by a bunch of muppets, because a movie just can't have too many muppets.

Premiere - Woah! What a package!

Movie Magazine - 10 inches!

In October Virgin released another Bowie song fronting yet another film. 'When The Wind Blows', a film about an old Prussian town who's inhabitants all get a terrible case of gas at the same time, saw Bowie release the title track to the soundtrack. It was, unsurprisingly, called 'When The Wind Blows'.

New Musical Express - Blows.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

Sysiyo
(acolyte)
10/17/02 02:33 AM
Again, great, but... new [re: PHOENIX]  

In reply to:

It was released as a single in March and proved popular, making Number 1 in the British charts.


Except that it topped at number 2 in the British charts.



PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/17/02 04:46 AM
Re: Again, great, but... new [re: Sysiyo]  

In my alternate universe it made number 1

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

Sysiyo
(acolyte)
10/17/02 05:34 AM
Re: Again, great, but... new [re: PHOENIX]  

I don't have anything against that. It should have gone to no. 1.



PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/17/02 05:53 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1987

David had been busy. Well semi-busy, not as busy as he used to be. He had spent three months writing and recording a new album for EMI America. David Richards had been co-producing, Carlos Alomar again layed down some guitar, Erdal Kizilcay keyboards, drums and trumpet, and Peter Frampton, with whom he had shared the bill with in high school, put down some lead guitar. Then they all had to pick it all up again as there was an album to be done.

March had rolled around by the time Bowie called a press conference at the Players Theatre to announce he only had two days left to live. When the entire worlds press arrived to catch the alarming scoop Bowie said 'Only Kidding' and broke into 'Day-In Day-Out', a song from his forthcoming album. He announced a world tour to the angry press.

Peter Frampton and Bowie first undertook a two-man world tour (holding press conferences and playing songs) to promote the upcoming world tour. An idea was formulating in David's mind, next time perhaps there should be a world tour to promote the world tour that would promote the world tour.

Later that month 'Day-In Day-Out' was released with 'Julie' as the B-side. The A-side was from the soon to be released album 'This'll Let You Down', whose name was changed at the last minute to 'Never Let Me Down' for fear of low record sales. It would reach number 17 in the UK charts, though I should check on that with Sysiyo I think.

'Never Let Me Down' was out in April, while Peter and David were travelling the world before travelling the world.

Sunday Herald - NLMD is not that bad. Now let us never speak of it again.

New Musical Express - NLMD is that bad.

The Sun - This has been discussed before

The new tour would be more adventurous than the time David decided to see how many ping pong balls he could fit into his mouth at one time. He wanted a giant insect to dominate the stage, idea's were floated. Dung beetle? No, The Dung Beetle Tour didn't have the right ring to it. Stink Bug? Might keep people away. The glass spider was chosen, after all, it was one of the songs on the album.

The glass spider would tower about 60 feet above the stage and frighten the living shit out of all the arachniphobes in the audience. It would glow different colours, shoot lightening bolts to kill unlucky random concert-goers and at the end of each show scuttle off to lay waste to towns and villiges.

Besides Frampton, who Bowie could not seem to shake at this stage were Carlos Alomar (guitar) Erdal Kizilcay (keyboards, congas, violins and trumpet) Richard Cottle (synthesiser and saxaphone) Alan Childs (drums and percussion) and Carmine Rojas (bass). They were all angry because they were afraid of spiders and would have preferred a mosquito or maybe a fly.

The tour started in Rotterdam in May and was beset by problems from the start. Playing in vast arenas the spider, to some, seemed so far away as to be the size of an ordinary small garden variety, with Bowie as a distant red speck.

Bowie would descend from the giant spider on a chair supported by cables, but to most it simply looked like the spider was pooping Bowie. The show would start with 'Up The Hill Backwards', then the Bowie pooping, then 'Day-In Day-Out', 'Bang Bang' and 'Absolute Beginners'. Encores would usually be Iggy Pop's 'I Want To Be Your Dog' and Lou Reed's 'White Light, White Heat', which was appropriate since the musicians were suffering under the glare of 600,000 watts.

In London on June 19th and 20th at Wembley stadium, it rained so much that everyone could see Princess Diana's breasts. This was not so bad in itself but it meant everyone was watching that instead of the concert.

Meanwhile David was getting closer and closer to one of his dancers, Melissa Hurley. They would dance more and more intimately as the show wound around the world, eventually culminating in making love onstage much to the audiences delight (or at least those who could see, those further back simply saw the red speck jump on top of the white speck).

'Time Will Crawl/Girls' was released in June, as was 'Never Let Me Down/87 and Cry'. It is best if you ask Sysiyo for exact chart positions and whether or not snowmen were mentioned in either song.

David's Pye releases were re-issued October. Some people went insane. Many committed suicide.The thoughtful title given to this collection was 'David Bowie'.

The American leg of the tour followed later in the year, and unfortunately David started wearing a Dracula cape and forcing himself on women. This may have been a promotional tool. David using a tour to promote his tour, and his tool as a promotional tool. 30 year old Wanda Nicholls complained that as he took advantage he sung all of his newer crappy songs and refused to sing his older classics.

When Australia's turn came around a video was recorded in Sydney to capture The Glass Spider tour for future generations to complain about. David once again told everyone how much he loved the place and that he would keep coming back again and again.

Meanwhile he had completely fallen in love with Melissa, and Melissa with him. 'Every night, as I saw that big giant spider crap David, I thought, he is truly the most beautiful piece of spider feces I have ever seen in my life.'.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

Sysiyo
(acolyte)
10/17/02 09:05 AM
Sysiyo set's facts straight. new [re: PHOENIX]  

In reply to:

It would reach number 17 in the UK charts, though I should check on that with Sysiyo I think.


Amazingly, that was correct!

In reply to:

'Time Will Crawl/Girls' was released in June, as was 'Never Let Me Down/87 and Cry'. It is best if you ask Sysiyo for exact chart positions and whether or not snowmen were mentioned in either song.


Time Will Crawl/Girl reached number 33 in the UK. As for the snowmen, history actually records that Girls was originally going to be titeled Snowmen, and it would have included the lines: Snowmen/They snow and they melt/They kiss/Snow and they melt/Like snowy breeze. Sadly, Bowie later decided to rerecord the song as Girls, so that material from The Hunger could be used as the video, however the idea of a video was later abandoned in favour of one for Time Will Crawl where Bowie would be beaten up by some silly dancers.

And Never Let Me Down reached number 34 in the UK. No snowmen were included this time.



twister
(acolyte)
10/17/02 10:30 AM
Speaking of Anal new [re: Sysiyo]  

I'm just surprised you didn't correct him on the length of Bowie's cock.

I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it.

Glitterbot
(crash course raver)
10/17/02 07:52 PM
correction #3 new [re: twister]  

Also spiders aren't insects.

Skinner: Why don't you say the pledge?
Bart:
Hey America, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. America.

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/17/02 08:14 PM
David's Lawyers would have a few for me too new [re: Glitterbot]  

In reply to:

spiders aren't insects


Alternate universe

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/18/02 03:19 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1988

While David had been giving us the glass spider experience he had been handed a demotape with the words "listen to this" inscribed apon it. He had put it to his ear, but alas the tape made no noise.

While back in Montreux Coco the Monkey put the tape in a tape player and pressed play. Bowie was blown away, there were gale force winds blowing through the area at the time. When he made it back to his place he listened to the tape and thus came to him a cunning plan.

He gave the lead guitarist on the tape, a man by the name of Reeves Gabrels a call. Bowie suggested that they record something together, Gabrels was somewhat skeptical owing to the sneaky sound of Bowie's voice, but agreed when Bowie said he could play on his money pile for a bit.

The result of this collaboration was an eight minute reworking of 'Look Back In Anger' from Bowie's 'Lodger' LP. They went on to perform this in April at the Dominion Theatre in London, an intimate 3000 seat venue. It made Bowie nostalgic for the times when he could feel his audience, without getting arrested for indecent assault.

Bowie was also nostalgic for the times when he would be part of The King Bees, Manish Boys and Lower Third. Back then he could blame all of his mistakes on his crappy band, now that he was making lots of mistakes he had nowhere to turn to lay the blame. What he needed, he decided, were some decent human shields.

When he happened to meet Tony Sales again (Bowie and the two Sales brothers, Toney and Hunt, had toured with Iggy Pop in the seventies) he suggested that perhaps the four of them (Sales, Sales, Bowie, Gabrels) might like to get together in Montreux. Nothing special, chew the fat so to speak, kick a ball around, that kind of thing.

By the time June came around Bowie had them all in the recording studio undergoing intensive "re-programming" or "re-education". A band was being born.

The band was christened 'Gold Machine', but after a few rehearsals this was changed to 'Silver Machine', then 'Copper Machine', and finally as it dawned on them how good they were, 'Tin Machine'.

While still in Switzerland work on the first Tin Machine album began. Besides the band members Kevin Armstrong would provide rhythm guitar and Tim Palmer would produce. The feeling of the press, and what Bowie wanted to convey can be felt from the following interview :

New Musical Express - David, how can you expect to blend in when you so obviously stick out like a thumb with elepantitis? What with your profile and fame?

Gabrels - Are you talking to me?

Tony Sales - I'm not quite sure how to answer that.

NME - No I was talking to...

Hunt Sales - I did not have sexual relations with that chicken.

NME - What?

Tony Sales - David! Help!

Reeves Gabrels - We're all the same. We're not even with Bowie. We think he's crap. We don't even know who Bowie is. Why are you tormenting us like this!! I never met the man!

NME - Reeves, isn't it true that David Bowie is writing 99% of the material, the whole band is his concept, he's the lead singer, and he's calling all the shots?

Bowie - THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!

In August David took a break to film his small part is Martin Scorsese's 'Last Temptation of Christ'. Bowie would play Pontius Pilate in the film and kill Jesus. Since there is nothing like boosting your popularity by killing Jesus.

The rest of the year was taken up with rehearsals, recording and holidays. He would spend time in Indonesia, Italy and Australia with Melissa Hurley. Melissa talks about their relationship :

'David would show me things, all sorts of things, video tapes of his concerts, his collection of gold records, his money pile (which he was very proud of), clippings of all the nice things people had said about him. He would show me his cavity, just to be secure in the knowledge that there wasn't anything up there that breached security. He was a kind and loving man, and we did it many times.'

In November Virgin released an extended version of Bowie's 'Absolute Beginners'. Which is about as inconsequential an end to a chapter you are ever likely to read in your life.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/20/02 02:54 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1989

David Bowie worked hard on Tin Machine. You could tell, he was getting pretty bearded and shaky. By the early stages of the year they had recorded 35 songs, popped 27 veins, had one severe case of haemorroids, and half a dozen cases of "the jitters".

Rehearsing had shifted from Montreux to Australia as the Swiss were complaining about the noise. They still complained, but said it wasn't quite as bad as it had been. Asia began to complain about the noise though, so they eventually ended in Montserrat.

In April all of Bowie's albums were re-released on compact disc through US distributors Rykodisc. Many people would be confused in these early days of cd technology and scratch the absolute crap out of them on their turntables. Some people wore them as badges as they made many pretty colours when light reflected off them. There were many caveman-like "ooh"s and "ahh"s at these "magic plates".

When EMI received the tapes for Bowie's next LP they were more then mildly surprised to find that it was titled 'Mr Brumby's Feather Crapfest'. Someone had played a joke. When they got the real tapes they were still surprised that it was titled 'Tin Machine', without his name on the cover.

In May it was released and reached No 3 in the British charts, and No 28 in the US charts. Was this because Bowie was in the band? We'll never know. Oh, the crap with that, of course it was because Bowie was part of the band.

Music Today - Tin Machine is worse than Hitler.

Crack City Gazette - We are more than a little insulted, and perplexed, that our nice town has been sung about in this way

Rolling Stone Magazine - Bowie's new album made us all very gloomy. Simon from the editorial department went into his isolation tank, and we haven't seen him for days. I hope you're happy David, I know Simon's therapist will be.

The LP would go on to sell more than a million copies. Meanwhile on May 31st the group was launched at the International Music Awards ceremony in New York. They failed to reach Earth orbit however due to a malfunctioning gyroscope, and made re-entry soon after.

In June plans were underfoot for Bowie and Melissa Hurley to marry. 'Get your foot off that!', screamed Bowie at the time, but they had been well trod on and mangled out of shape. A tentative date was set for Christmas in Switzerland with Mick Jagger as the best man. Mick knew what this meant and was very excited about getting to sleep with Melissa.

Tin Machine's proper concert debut was at the Wake Ballroom in New York.

Concert Review - That noise I hear everywhere now, that high pitched "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee", is that normal? Can anyone else hear it?

New Musical Express - WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT? I'M SORRY YOU HAVE TO SPEAK LOADER!! WHAT? WHAT?

Rolling Stone Magazine - I'm naturally deaf, so I enjoyed the concert immensley. I especially enjoyed Bowie's beard.

It was also announced on this day that Bowie would be the Musical Director for Kylie Minogue's debut film 'The Delinquents', but then quietly withdrew. He was always making promises like this while engaged in sex.

Tin Machine's European debut came in Paris on June 29th. It was at La Cigale and many people fled the building with bleeding ears and terrible headaches. The police interjected at one point, asked Bowie to please turn it down a few notches, and complimented him on his beard.

Tin Machine would only do the briefest of tours this year, and concerts they did hold were only in small venues (despite ticket demands). Three shows in America, five in Britain and four on mainland Europe. In that time there was recorded to be 2,376 burst eardrums, 5,919 severe headaches, 328 exploded heads and 576 people dissatisfied with David's beard.

The issue of playing in places with a small capacity would cause problems. In Amsterdam they booked into a venue that could only hold 900. When 25,000 people tried to cram in there there were many cries of 'help! I'm dying!', 'I can't breath!' and 'Someone of the same sex is fondling my bottom!'. Bowie told them all to be quiet and then proceded to traumatise them all by playing loud crashing, clanging, catatonic style Heavy Metal music.

On July 15th Bowie opened the $1 million Brixton Community Centre. Someone told him to shut the damn door, it was cold and windy outside. So Bowie closed it again. He had donated 150,000 pounds to the project so he was mildly upset at such a reception.

By August Bowie's little tiny Tin Machine tour was over. He holidayed in Indonesia and after that would spend ten weeks in Australia rehearsing and recording some more with Tin Machine. The single 'Tin Machine' was released, with a band, album and single called Tin Machine nobody could really doubt that Tin Machine was Tin Machine, not David Bowie, not Bowie Machine or Tin Bowie, Tin Machine.

In October they released 'Prisoner of Love'. They had toyed with the idea of actually calling this song 'Tin Machine'. Bowie had actually started to call his son (Joey/Stickface/Lumpy) Tin Machine and would answer the phone "Tin Machine!". An October interview gives us a look into his state of mind :

The Sun - David is it true you were thumped and kicked by Axle Rose of Guns 'n' Roses earlier this month?

Bowie - You mean Tin Machine?

The Sun - No, you, yourself. Were you attacked by Axle?

Bowie - We're all part of Tin Machine.

The Sun - Are you understanding what I'm saying to you right now?

Bowie - Tin Machine.

Bowie and Tin Machine moved on from Australia, no-one could get any sleep. They arrived in New York later in the year for recording sessions.

In New York the press tried to recruit the help of Yoko Ono to break them up. Bowie did agree to support Yoko's Greening The World Campaign, in memory of John Lennon. But Yoko failed in her mission. If a sentence was uttered around him that didn't either contain the words 'Tin' or 'Machine' he would get awfully nervous as close up.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/20/02 10:16 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1990

At the very start of the new decade David was wondering if it might be time to release more stuff he'd already done before and make more cash. Such a thing is called a 'Retrospective Collection'. He shook his magic eight ball furiously and it came up "Cannot tell at this time" so he cursed the ball and did it anyway.

It would have been called 'Silence and Nothing' if Melissa hadn't stepped in and given him a good slap. After a few such slaps he changed his opinion to 'Sound and Vision'. It included 18 previous LP's (in record, cassette and CD form). Included with box sets was a certificate spat on by Bowie. Some people wondered if maybe he should pay more respect to his fans.

At the Rainbow Theatre in London on January 23rd a press conference was held to announce a six month world tour. 110 concerts in 15 countries. The press interjected, 'But You're An Old Man!', to which Bowie replied 'Cram it! Shitheads!'. The conference went quite well.

On February 21st Sound and Vision wins a Grammy Award. David leaps out of his chair in joy. When he enquired as to which award it was, he was told "Best Repackaging Concept". Bowie expressed confusion as to what the hell type of award this was, had they invented it because they felt sorry for him? He ran out of the building in tears.

The 'Sound and Vision' tour opened in Quebec on March 4th. 'These are what I consider to be my greatest songs", he announced to the crowd, 'and after tonight I'll never play them again'. The crowd booed their approval.

David was also in the act of promoting 'Changesbowie', which included a remixed version of Fame, imaginatively titled Fame '90. So now everyone would buy 'Changesbowie' because they just had to have 'Fame '90' or else they would simply die without knowing how it felt to own it. Many did. Many many did.

David played much larger arenas during his Sound and Vision tour, some stadiums holding up to 60,000 people. So it can only be assumed there was not as much feeling or groping going on as there was during his Tin Machine concerts.

By May Angie was back in the news, claiming that she caught Bowie and Mick Jagger in bed together checking each others cavities. They both denied this, but they were winking and crossing their fingers while denying. Angie then told the press that Bowie had murdered her.

Milton Keynes Bowl on August 4th and 5th marked Bowie's return to Britain in concert mode. Which is much better than kill mode, or attack mode. Many people returned and gave him the money they had saved since they last saw him.

On August 27th Stevie Ray Vaughan was killed in a helicopter crash along with Eric Clapton's agent, bodyguard and tour manager. Bowie survived the crash however, being nowhere near where it all took place. When asked for comment Bowie was reported to have said 'Stevie who?'. Apparently when David said he would forget about the Eighties he was talking about a drug-related medical condition and not being metaphorical.

The concert wound down to South America in September. In an historical occasion Bowie performed in Buenos Aires, in front of an audience of 100,000 people. The first British artist to do so (visit Argentina) since the Falklands War. Bowie also became the first artist to maim Argentinians since the Falklands War when he attacked some fans for 'looking at me funny'.

It was only at the end of September that Bowie decided his relationship with Melissa Hurley had to end. She had refused to change her name to Changeshurley and that hurt David deeply. He still cared enough though, to call a taxi, lend her $10 and pop into the toilets for a quickie. 'Ours was a love born once every million years', he would relate later.

Two weeks later Bowie met Iman. He was between ending the Sound and Vision tour and starting a new film project. Bowie says of Iman, 'Ours is a love born once every million years'. Iman talks about meeting Bowie :

'This jerk comes to eat at our table, it was a private dinner party, he says to me, "You've got bigguns, show me your bigguns", I says to him, "What??", he says to me, "I like black girls, show me your bigguns", I says to him "Are you rich?", he says to me, "You see that mountain out the window? That's my pile", so I shows him my bigguns.'

Iman, then 34, was born in Somalia. Her family name is Abdulmajid, so she might be a terrorist. She married first at 16, studied economics and political science at Nairobi University, married at 19, posed for Philip Beard who noticed her on the street, married at 23, became a model in TV commercials and magazines, married at 25 to basketball star Spencer Heywood, got a flat in New York, started earning $700,000 a year, got married at 27, had a daughter, then met Bowie, who was immediately attracted by her "bigguns".

Says Bowie, 'It was love at first site, two nicely rounded, luscious, ripe, melons'.

Bowie had to forget about melons for a little while though. From November to December he would be filming 'The Linguini Incident' with Rosanna Arquette. Bowie would play an immigrant bartender who gets mixed up in stuff and does some things. 'Bigger than Star Wars', was one of the quotes being thrown around the place.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/22/02 00:05 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1991

As David Bowie and Iman spent the previous Christmas together in a new home overlooking his cash pile, it would be enlightening to look over their courtship, much of which takes place over the following months.

Bowie - 'I wooed her in a gentlemanly fashion. I would bring her gifts; posters of me, my albums, books written about me. I realised that as she came from Somalia she had probably never seen chocolates before, I sent her some dark ones with a note, "Don't be frightened, you are supposed to eat them!". I also guessed she had never seen flowers before, so I sent her some weeds.'

Iman - 'The guy is following me around everywhere, he says "I want to do it with you", I says "I showed you my bigguns, what more do you want?", he says "You excite me, I am being excited", I says "I am being made very nervous", he says "I gave you a place to stay Christmas, you owe me big time", I says that not unless we get married and you are changing your will, then I will think about doing it.

Bowie - 'It was precious from the first night. Kisses on the cheek after being led to doorways, romantic things like that, little love notes.'

Iman - 'So I sees a paper that has been pushed into my purse. I looks at the paper and it has this drawings on it with two people doing horrible, horrible things to each other. On note is written "David and Iman, doing the deed". This is after taking me home and trying to kiss on me at the doorstep, I kicked him hard in the ankle and screamed'

Meanwhile, Sound and Vision coupled with romance had for a while clouded David's ultimate vision. When a lawsuit was brought against him by a fan claiming to have had is ears damaged at a Tin Machine concert at the New York Coliseum he exlaimed, 'Oh Crap! Tin Machine!' and ran off.

Recording for Tin Machine's second album had taken place at various times, much work had been done in late 89/early 90. Bowie took the tapes to EMI who listened to it and then proceded to chase Bowie out of the building with brooms and rolling pins in a comical 'Benny Hill' type fashion.

David and the band went out on the road looking for someone to release their record. They ended up licensing it to London Records as a comical Heavy Metal parody album and crossed their fingers in the hope that they wouldn't catch on.

On August 27th the album was released in America. They would have liked to have called it 'Tin Machine' but publicists were insisting they go for something more original, something more different than their earlier release, so they called it 'Tin Machine II'.

Rolling Stone - David, despite heavy criticism and the effect of such a big-name star dominating such a low-key venture, you continue to persist. Is it stubborness or do you really have a long term belief in what you are doing with this?

Reeves Gabrel - No, my name is Reeves, not David.

Tony Sales - I think she was talking to me.

Hunt Sales - I'm not a big-name star at all, that's nonsense, where do you get these rumours? I can have you fired you know, give me your phone number.

Tony Sales - I'm cracking up here, I can't take this pressure.

Reeves Gabrel - Anybody who tells you that I have ever met David Bowie is mistaken. I want legal assistance. I want to get out of here.

David Bowie - I have very little input. I'm just happy they let me join

Rolling Stone - Alright. Can ony of you tell me who the leader of your group is?

Hunt Sales - I cannot say. He will hurt us.

In September 'Tin Machine II' was released in Britain. It was generally seen as a bunch of imaginative lyrics and strong tunes backed up by a caterwall of catatonic noise. Not even the abundance of penis on the album cover helped sales or promotion.

In October David dragged off his shaken co-horts to untertake a more lengthy tour than the last. It would begin in Europe, consisting of eight concerts in Britain, the last two being in Brixton where Bowie was born. Rumours circulated that he would stage his death at one of these concerts, thereby making some kind of poetic 'I was born here, oops I died here too' gesture.

Meanwhile, during a candle lit dinner on a riverboat travelling down the Seine with Iman, Bowie couldn't take it anymore. He proposed marriage to her. 'I had planned it carefully, and when the pianist began to play 'It's All Shit' I got down on one knee and began to sing Iggy Pop's 'It's All Shit' to her. Then I said "Will you Marry Me?".

Iman was stunned. 'I was stunned. This guy was singing to me this terrible song about shit, and I was just being revolted and wanting to get home. Then he asks me to marry him. I felt sorry for this guy, so I says "Ok, but please do never sing to me again", and he shows me his ring, and I says "Please put that away, I will see enough of that on the wedding night", and then we kiss'.

Iman went on to flee the scene shortly afterward to record a video with Michael Jackson and star in Star Trek VI. Meanwhile 'The Linguini Incident' makes Physics headlines when it is actually recorded breaking the speed of light going from cinema to video.

Back on the road with Tin Machine, Bowie gets injured at one of his concerts in Brixton. On November 11th a fan throws a cigarette packet at him (perhaps he was not a fan in that case) and injures his eye (again). Bowie continued to perform however with the eye dangling out of his socket. This may have been the 'staged death' attempt, many performers have been killed in the past by flying cigerette packs.

Touring would take up the rest of the year, in Europe and the United States. Bowie would frequently dodge cigerette packets, and the odd beer bottle. Gabrels would have a few moments providing brilliant guitar breaks. The Sales Brothers would also have their moments with one or two brilliant toilet breaks.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/22/02 08:09 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1992

The Tin Machine world tour wound through the United States, giving people headaches and sore ears. Many fled in terror, trampling their very own children in the stampede to escape the monster Bowie had unleashed in the US. Then silence, it was over.

In March David and Iman went house hunting in Ireland. They traded in their elephant guns for more appropriate house guns and bagged quite a few on their hunting forays. Of course houses are at a disadvantage since they can't run away like living animals. They were very close companions, all sugary sweet and happy. Old women would see them together and go 'awwwww, lookit that will ya?'.

On April 20th Bowie was invited to perform at Freddie Mercury's tribute concert. Bowie was shocked. 'Freddie's dead??' he screamed into the phone. Yes, Freddie was dead, but dead Freddie meant live Bowie so every cloud has it's silver lining.

At the tribute David recited the Lord's Prayer to the tune of 'Fame' while doing a funky dance. He performed a duet with Annie Lennox singing 'Under Pressure' after eating a curried egg sandwich. Then he was joined on stage by Mick Ronson and Ian Hunter when singing 'All The Young Dudes', deciding against changing it to 'No Longer Young Dudes' at the very last second.

The concert was seen by one billion viewers in 73 countries. Unfortunately they were all in the bathroom/toilet when Bowie was on so they missed it.

Concert Review - Dammit! They just don't give you enough time to go.

Yes, Bowie was no longer a young dude. It was time for him to marry again. On April 24th David slipped from his home in Switzerland quietly to Lausanne Town Hall for a civil ceremony. It was all kept secret, even from Iman who thought they were going for an ice-cream. There were many cries of 'You tricked me!' and 'Help!' all to no avail.

It was definately a year of celebrations. First he celebrated Freddie's death, then his marriage to Iman, and now it was Stickface's 21st birthday. Bowie celebrated in Mustique with his son on 28th May wearing a cardboard 'birthday hat' and doing the 'hokey pokey'. Much fun was had by all, and by the word 'all' I mean no-one.

Immediately after Lumpy's birthday David flew to Florence. He decided that the first wedding had been so much fun that - 'What the hell, lets have another one'.

This wedding would have the works. On June 6th at St James Episcopal Church in Florence they did it all over again. This time with Bowie in formal black suit and Iman in the nude. Bowie's son Joey, still fuming over his crappy birthday, was best man. There were roses and fireworks, choirs and confetti, bells and wine and cake and cocktail weeners. Allah was fuming.

Iman's parents, brothers and previous husbands attended. Also there was Bowie's mother, Yoko Ono, Bono, George Underwood (who split Bowie's lip at the reception), Eric Idle, Freddie Mercury, The Queen, world leaders, representatives of the United Nations and naturally God because it was his church. At one point there was concern that there were not enough weeners to go round.

Bowie - 'I'm not a religious person, I'm a spiritual person. I like Jim Beam and Johnny Walker especially. God knows I'll be completely soused tonight, and I hope those oysters stay down is all, maybe I'll pray for that. Those oysters are like eating boogers. What was I talking about again?'

Bowie and Iman spent the period of July and August honeymooning in France. We all know what they were doing. We're all adults and there is no need to snigger and titter about it.

David would spend the rest of the year resting from his exertions. Iman would appeal to US Senators and newly elected President Clinton to go into Somalia to create a good premise for the movie 'Black Hawk Down'. She would actually go to Somalia with a BBC TV camera to try and make her own version of 'Black Hawk Down', disappointingly only finding starving people instead of fast-paced rock'n'roll action.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/23/02 03:36 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1993

Now David Bowie seemed to have it all - a big pile of money, married to a famous model, every second home on the face of the Earth was his, a nutty family, a couple of friends. Was this enough to satisfy him? The answer, of course, is no. He continued to make music, co-producing another album with Nile Rodgers, and continued to do other things like eat and sleep. Greedy greedy man that he was.

In January Angie's second book, 'Backstage Passes: Life On The Wild Side With David Bowie' was published in Britain by Orion. Among the fantastic and unsavory items in this book were that :

* Bowie was in fact Jack the Ripper
* Bowie was the one who wrote 'Achey Breaky Heart'
* Bowie invented AIDS
* Bowie caused the Cuban Missile Crisis
* Bowie was stockpiling weapons of mass destruction
* Bowie had sexually abused muppets on the set of Labyrinth
* Bowie planned to never tour Australia again
and
* Bowie had inhaled

When asked why she left these things out of the first book she said that she had forgotten, and then blamed that on Bowie too.

American composer Philip Glass didn't read the book. But what he did do in March was release 'Low Symphony', an LP based on David Bowie's 'Low'. Glass described Low as 'a bunch of notes and stuff', and said about his symphony, 'music is really complicated, I always wanted to be a bricklayer'.

On April 15th Bowie released his first solo album for six years, 'Black Tie, White Noise'. Co-produced by Nile Rodgers, it featured Mick Ronson on guitar during 'I Feel Free' and Reeves Gabrel on guitar during 'You've Been Around'. On the album were Barry Campbell on bass, Sterling Campbell on drums, Nile Rodgers on guitar and Richard Hilton on keyboards. The title track is a return to Bowie's pro-racist ideals, calling for whites to tie blacks up and torture them with noise.

This album would be one of Bowie's most personal, it included a piece written for his marriage to Iman (Lucy Can't Dance), a piece about his brother's suicide (I Know It's Gonna Happen Someday) and a piece about frogs (Jump They Say).

New Musical Express - After listening to this album I feel that I now know Bowie, I feel that I know what is going on in his mind, absolutely nothing.

Rolling Stone Magazine - It may be somewhat misleading, I did skip tracks 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14, but I think this album is really good.

The first single from the album, 'Jump They Say' was about the the resentment held by frogs of the way other animals traverse their environment. From April to May it would recieve much airplay and become Bowie's first hit single since 'Absolute Beginners'. By 'hit' what is meant is 'did fairly ok'.

The entire LP was successful in Europe, but in the US it hit a snag. The newly formed Savage Records collapsed mid way through the launch, and though it was hoped 'Black Tie, White Noise' could be rescued from the rubble, it was unfortunately smothered by a saxaphone and several tons of trumpets.

On April 29th Mick Ronson died in London due to liver cancer. The cause of which may or may not have been due to excessive fellatio simulation through the use of a guitar as a phallic symbol.

And so it came to pass that BBC TV would produce a serial adapting Hanif Kureishi's novel, 'The Buddha Of Suburbia' for television. It would also come to pass that they would ask Bowie to record a sountrack for this serial. 'We passed it to him because he was really good at doing stuff, he was cheap and he just happened to be wandering around the studios stealing stuff. So it would keep him out of trouble.'

That was in September. By November 1st the LP 'Buddha of Suburbia' was released by Arista. It was more experimental than recent recordings by David and seemed to call back to his Brian Eno days. A new phase perhaps of David's career where he would retrace previous steps, adding new experimentation to a mix of what had been discovered and nearly left behind. Either that or he was really really drunk.

The four-part series of 'The Buddha of Suburbia' commenced on November 3rd and there was some controversy in the press over the sex scenes in it. Everyone blamed David for 'getting the BBC all hot and bothered' through his new album. 'Sex and the church' was played backwards and some thought that maybe the phrase - "Cardboard Ducks Are Drinking Tea" - could be heard. Provocative if true.

Leaving that behind him in a hurry Bowie's next job was to compere the Concert of Hope where he screamed to the audience, 'We're doomed! We're all doomed, there is no chance at all for us!! I only hope we die painlessly!'. Bowie had mistakingly thought he was compering the Concert of No Hope.

The Concert of Hope was held at Wembley Arena, and despite being startled by Bowie's prediction of apocalypse the audience was only mildly alarmed. The concert starred Mick Hucknell, George Michael and k.d. lang as part of World Aids Day. A celebration of AIDS which the Princess of Wales supported. 'I think if we can get more people like Bowie to support AIDS, then the sky is the limit for how far this disease can go'.

On December 10th a 'Black Tie, White Noise' documentary was shown on BBC-1. The documentary was a special put together with exclusive interview footage and performances filmed at the Hollywood Centre Studio on 8th May. Unfortunately this meant the cancelling of a special TV-Fundraiser for starving kids in Africa. As compensation it was beamed on a large TV screen to those starving kids along with free 'Black Tie, White Noise' posters.

2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/25/02 00:02 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1994

Early in the new year, walking in Switzerland, Bowie would bump into Brian Eno. Eno would recieve a bloody nose and bruised cheekbone, Bowie a split lip and chipped tooth. They began to fight visciously, yelling at each other to 'Look where you're going!'. Then at the most heated passionate moment of their quarrel they kissed and embraced like nothing before.

Bowie suggested to Brian that they could perhaps spend some time in the studio together, and winked. Brian smiled and suggested they take a taxi there.

It was not easy to get time alone in there, with them was lead guitarist Reeves Gabrels, pianist Mike Garson, rhythm guitarist Carlos Alomar, bass player Erdal Kizilcay (who also liked to dabble on synthesizers), and drummer Sterling Campbell. They gave Bowie and Brian privacy as need be, but also collaborated with them on recording some stuff. A lot of stuff.

Such was the passion in that studio that Bowie only surfaced in March to join the editorial board of the London Fine Arts quarterly, 'Modern Painters'. He just wandered in and said 'Where do I join?'. They told him to 'Get the hell out of here, this isn't some goofy pop disco!', so Bowie threatened to get all 'bisexual on their ass' if they didn't let him join the board. Sure enough they did, not wanting to create a scene in front of Jeeves, Berhnard and Herbetfieldshirton - their newest members.

Meanwhile Bowie would spend five months in the studio with Eno and friends. In that time they put down enough tracks to fill 576 albums, and agreed that starting with the release of the first one they would release an album every two weeks. Bowie describes the process of recording these five months :

'I'd write down on a piece of paper, some kind of motivational suggestion. I'd write six or so of these and hand them at random to the musicians, to see what I could get out of them. Some kind of new feeling or approach to their music.'

Some of these notes still survive today :

"Play me a hit tune or you're dead meat buddy"
"We all hate you, you're music stinks, we're replacing you on Friday"
"You lost your limbs in a terrible car accident, play as you would if this had happened, or it will."
"We know what you do on Saturday evenings, we are watching you, we are taping you, you're finished."

The tapes from the sessions, if measured, come to seven billion trillion trillion miles. 'You'll be seeing a lot from these sessions, around 600 albums, I'm excited and I hope my fans are too, I would not want to disappoint them and release only one then just forget about it, no sir!'

Meanwhile Bowie took on the role of interviewer, a strange reversal, when he interviewed artist Comte Balthazar Klossowski de Rola (Balthus for short), at the Balthus family home in Switzerland.

Bowie - So Balthi, what's with the shit long name? I think it's ridiculous

Balthus - It comes from my family heritige. Please keep this to my artwork

Bowie - Yeah well, whatever. So what do you do? Slap paint around and shit?

Balthus - It is more of an idealistic form of manifesting internalised concepts and emotions into the physical world, I have an inner belief...

Bowie - Cut the shit Balthi, you slap clay onto boards, you spray some paint on sheets and sell it for millions. I do the same with my music.

Balthus - Yes.

Interviews and art aside. It was time for a sad epilogue as Mick Ronson's posthumous album 'Heaven and Hull' was released in June. Bowie guested on the Dylan cover 'Like a Rolling Stone' ending a working relationship that started in the Ziggy Stardust days. To release the album Bowie had Ronson exhumed and held a press conference 'Weekend at Bernies' style, tying Ronson's arm to his and waving at reporters. It was a both touching and sickening scene.

With interviews and membership in the London Fine Arts society in his belt it was time for Bowie to enter the world of fine art. From September 29th to October 9th the 'War Child : Little Pieces from Big Stars' exhibition at the Flowers East Gallery in East London was held, and Bowie made sure some of his works were on prominent display.

These works were mostly candid snaps of Iman in the nude. Iman in the shower, Iman getting dressed ect. They had been rejected by the Nude Wives section of the local "Bazookas!" magazine, but with this new forum he would find success. Many of the male patrons found themselves drawn to Bowie's display again and again, ignoring other displays by Paul and Linda McCartney, Bono, Pete Townshend and Charlie Watts.

When the works from the War Child exhibits were auctioned on October 4th Bowie's candid pictures commanded some of the highest prices, mostly by men wearing grey trenchcoats who would exclaim "Cooor!!" and "Mmmm!!" whenever a picture was displayed for auctioning.

Bowie was slowly becoming very renowned in the art world for his brashness and sensitivity. His interview with Balthus was published in the autumn issue of 'Modern Painters'. He purchased the painting 'Croatian and Muslim' by Peter Howson for 18,000 pounds. He displayed himself on street corners for 10 pounds a look. When news interviewers chased him down an alley he could be heard shouting, 'It's Art!!! Naff off!!'.

Later in October MTV were not in the arty spirit. They wanted David to play all his old hits on his appearence in their 'Unplugged' series. Bowie wanted to play all of his new definately-not-hits. The show was cancelled when Bowie threatened to unleash Tin Machine on the world again. At one stage community service announcements were aired advising people to 'Duck and Cover' if they heard the Tin Machine warning sirens in their areas. The world would never know how close to the brink we came.

On November 17th he was at it again with this art thing. At the 'Minotaur Myths And Legends' exhibition at the Berkeley Square Gallery his nudie snapshots were included alongside other works by Michael Ayrton, Picasso, Elizabeth Frink, Igor Mitoraj and Francis Bacon. 'We Saw a Minotaur' was what Bowie's display was called, a series of boxes with imagery printed on paper from a Macintosh Quadra 650 computer on Arches paper, hand coloured frontpieces, pictures of Iman in the shower and a story about beastiality or something.

On November 24th Bowie and Iman attended a special showing. Iman was very embarrassed by some of the candid shots, but supposed that we had seen it all before. She even wondered why she should even hide anything these days. Her thoughts on that day :

'I goes into the gallery, and the first thing I sees is picture of me on toilet. I think "Oh great, there is my whole career down tubes". David did some interesting and spooky drawings and writing, but no-one wanted to see that. The place was fulls of perverts.'

David and Iman would spend Christmas at their home on Mustique, Iman finding all of David's cameras and destroying them.



HelenaOfGale
(wild eyed peoploid)
10/25/02 12:21 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

More! More! More!

"It's better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven." -- Satan, Paradise Lost by John Milton

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/26/02 00:35 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1995

Q Magazine were celebrating their 100th issue, and as such in January had asked Bowie to contibute something. Bowie blew his nose in a tissue and sent it to them, but they sent it back and asked for perhaps something they could actually publish.

As such Bowie sent in three signed computer drawn illustrations, a 1500-word cyber-sex transcript recorded with Brian Eno over the internet and something very strange. Something titled, 'The Diary Of Nathan Adler'. Q Magazine concluded that he had gone a little bit nutty. In Q Magazine's 101st issue a letter to the editor was recieved :

Dear Editor

I was deeply shocked and hurt to find that David had not only stolen my personal diary, but had decided to send it to you to be published. Now the whole world can read my diary. Great. How would you like it if I stole your diary and published it? I can not show my face in public anymore...

Yours sincerely

Nathan Adler

Bowie fled the diary controversy with his wife Iman in February, to Johannesburg where she was doing a 'Vogue' photo-shoot with Nelson Mandela. The pictures taken were described as 'hot' and 'steamy', Nelson and Iman in the nude cavorting together in a raunchy way. David ended up doing some painting to lessen his frustrations.

Apon arriving home he sold his house. Publisher Felix Dennis payed 2 million pounds for the place in Mustique...shit! there's a spider on my monitor!!!

On April 18th Bowie's first solo art exhibition, 'New Afro/Pagan And Work 1975-1995' opened at the Cork Street Gallery. A lot of the stuff he had been doing while locked in his basement in Switzerland was put on show to freak people out. It featured paintings :

"Bowie's paintings look to be the work of a demented and slowly disintegrating mind heading towards madness and chronic forgetfulness. Take what this man tells you with a grain of salt, he may promise you things! Don't believe him! If you meet him on a secluded street, you may want to run!"

It featured charcoal drawings :

"The charcoal work pleased me since it took my mind off the scary paintings, especially "Black Man/White Woman in Shower", but then I came to 'Man ripping off own head and screaming into the depths of hell', that threw me a little. Are there any unsolved murders in Switzerland?"

Sculpture :

"What the hell? What is that? What in Christs name goes wrong with people who sculpt things? That's it, I'm leaving."

And two wallpaper designs produced for him by Laura Ashley :

"Wallpaper? WTF?"

To continue his quest to be a generalist, he started working on another motion picture in June. A Julian Schnabel movie where he would play the part of Andy Warhol and co-star along Gary Oldman and Dennis Hopper. Mr Hopper talks about his co-star :

'Yep, definately had the feel that here was a guy losing his marbles somewhat. He would come onto the set each morning with his bag o' marbles, and the bag would be more and more empty. He'd be painting Minotaurs, mumbling about being deranged and capturing the little yellow men with the memory drugs. Would even refuse to sing his old songs'.

An article describing African art he had seen on his February trip to Johannesburg in the June issue of 'Modern Painters' shows his state of mind at the time :

'I saw art there in the sickness, tearing at my brain with hooks of seething plungers. It plucked my insides apart and draped them in the diamond hell of RoSaaNa's belly. I am now the wastes of my own decaying body. In the fire that I smell my own intestine trails.' Indeed.

In July he designed the poster for the annual Jazz Festival in Montreux. Bowie is a regular attender there. The poster was of a robotic bull tearing the insides out of a small child while blood poured over the weeping mother. This years Jazz Festival turned out being more downbeat than previous years.

Then it was back to touring. He began his first world tour in five years at Hartford, Connecticut. He called it 'The Outside Tour' as obviously he was by now outside of his mind. There to support him on his US dates were pioneers of industrial music 'Nine Inch Nails', though rumours still persisted that they were indeed only 6 inches.

The first of his new albums recorded with close buddy Eno, '1.Outside' was released world wide by BMG (Virgin America in the USA) on September 25th along with a single, 'The Heart's Filthy Lesson'. An album that introduces us to Nathan Adler's investigation of a serial/ritualistic "art-murder' involving a girl. This was to be the first of a series of albums to be released every fortnight, the next few were to be called :

'2.Inside'
'3.All Over The Place'
'4.Are You Sure They Are Not Under The Couch Cushions?'
'5.Here They Are, They Were In The Sock Drawer All Along.'

New Musical Express - I think you should all lock up your daughters, not because Bowie will seduce them, but because he might chop them up and bury them in his crawlspace.

Q Magazine - Told ya he went nutty. But still, it's a pretty good album. Murder and madness beats sappy crap any day in my books.

The Outside Tour continued. The British leg was pretty hairy and had a knobbly knee. Three concerts at the Wembley Arena (14th, 15th and 17th of November), followed by Birmingham, Belfast, Dublin, Exeter, Cardiff, Aberdeen, Glasgow, Sheffield and Manchester. Morrissey was now supporting Bowie, even though Bowie had plenty enough money to support himself at this stage of his career.



PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/27/02 09:12 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1996

David's touring was interrupted by a significant event early in the year. On January 17th David Bowie was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Electricians were astounded at the proof that not only could electricity be inducted, but also Rock Stars.

At the 11th annual induction dinner Madonna and David Byrne were his presenters. The only noteworthy incident being when Bowie had his eye out on one of Madonna's pointy bra-cones. He spent the rest of the night with his eye hanging from it's socket again, but people were getting used to this.

Then in February it was back to the Outside Tour, although when it rained it was inside. Along with him all this time were Reeves Gabrels on lead guitar, Gail Ann Dorsey on bass, Zachary Alford on drums, Mike Garson on keyboards. Featuring prominently in the early dates were Carlos Alomar, Peter Schwarz and George Simms. The musicians didn't know if they were coming or going.

Actually some were going. Before arriving in Japan on 4th June Bowie said "Ta-Ta" to Alomar, Schwarz and Simms and dropped them out of the plane over the Pacific Ocean. It is rumoured that they were persistantly making fun of his eyes.

Bowie toured Japan from the 4th to the 13th of June. Cancelled Russia's 15th and 16th dates because he "couldn't be buggered", and played on the 18th in Moscow. From the 20th June to the 21st of July he would travel through Europe playing his concerts and apologising for the lateness of the second Eno Album.

Le French Paper - Ze Bowie, hopped onto ze stage and was immediately pumping ze zounds of Hallo Spaceboy. With each beat he said "sorrysorrysorrysorry". By now we should 'ave at least 15 new Eno albums. Ze French are angry!

All in all the Outside Tour took in 26 Countries and Bowie made 92 performances, at one point it looked like he'd tour Antarctica. But not Australia, as Australia was the forbidden country.

David and his crew then went straight into the recording studio. The Glass Studios in New York were where Bowie would spend most of his time from late July onwards with Mark Plati, Reeves Gabrels, Gail Ann Dorsey, Zachary Alford and Mike Garson. All pointers pointed to the fact that he was recording another album, as that is what normally happens in recording studios. David elaborates :

'We were fresh, we were zinging, we had all these new sounds we discovered on the tour. Pow Wap Bam, we were excited. Zow Wip Wee! In your face! Yeah!'

On August 9th the film 'Basquiat', in which Bowie played Andy Warhol, was premiered in the United States. In playing Andy Bowie had actually worn some of Warhol's actual wigs which gave him that authentic Warhol hair look. The performance of the wigs was roundly applauded.

New York Times - ...and as for Bowie's wigs performance. Four stars. The wig stayed on the whole time and did it's job well, staying white and being hairy.

Time Magazine - ...his wigs were remarkably subdued and glued to his head. Never came off the whole time. Best wig performance this year!

On 11th September history was made when the single 'Telling Lies' was released over the internet. 300,000 people downloaded the song, but it may have been that the same person did it 300,000 times because his Real Download program kept stuffing up. Bowie announced that, 'Forever in history now, whenever someone thinks of the date September 11th, the first thing that will come into their heads is the release of my single on the internet'.

October 19th saw David popping up at the Bridge Benefit Concert performing songs such as Aladdin Sane, The Jean Genie, I Can't Read, Heroes and Let's Dance. Many bridges spanning many a river was saved by this event. Many people who heard Bowie say that he would never again play his old hits became aware that David was capable of telling 'Big Ones'.

To promote his upcoming album he appeared on VH1's 'Fashion Hour : David Bowie'. He talked about the upcoming release, 'Earthling', talked about how the backlog of 32 Eno albums were coming 'very soon, I promise!' and how as a child he had gone on adventures with aliens and lived with a pirate king. He then went on to announce that he was starring in a new movie with Marilyn Monroe and was running for president of Albania.

'Telling Lies' was released by BMG on 4th November. Very very apt.



schizophrenic
(electric tomato)
10/28/02 09:38 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

Uh ... I thought Bowie skipped his induction ceremony.

screw you, I'm going to the duck pond.

PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/28/02 07:25 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: schizophrenic]  

Alternate Universe



PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/29/02 00:40 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1997

January 8th. The big day. The day the man turned half a century. Fans would not get another chance to witness another concert/celebration like this until his 100th Birthday Concert, which in all likelihood would end up being rather morbid and slow moving.

The 50th Birthday Concert took place at Madison Square Garden in New York, with special guests including Frank Black, Robert Smith, Billy Corgan, Foo Fighters, Lou Reed and a bunch of other people who were not so special. The highlight of the concert was definately the bouncing eyeballs, which reminded the audience of how important eyeballs were in todays society, and Gail Ann Dorseys lovely long flowing hair.

At the end of the concert Bowie was presented with a big birthday cake with 'Happy Birthday David Bwoie" written on it. Apon seeing the error David ran offstage screaming and crying. 'You ruined everything!' he cried 'My birthday is ruined! It's not fair!'.

On January 20th 'Little Wonder' came out in Europe. Yes, 'Little Wonder' was gay and was not afraid to admit it, at least in Europe.

Then on February 3rd 'EART HL I NG' came out in Europe, no doubt encouraged by 'Little Wonder'. It came out on February 10th in the USA. When David saw the horrendous typographical error that made Earthling into Eart hl i ng he ran away screaming 'You ruined my album! It's not fair! Everything is ruined!'.

'EART HL I NG' was produced by David Bowie, Mark Plati and Reeves Gabrels. On the album were what was becoming a regular collaboration on stage : Reeves Gabrels on guitar and alto sax, Gail Ann Dorsey on bass, Zachary Alford on drums and Mike Garson on keyboards. It was recieved warmly by the press as it had just been removed from the oven.

Rolling Music Weekly - Apart from the unforgivable typo on the cover it's rather good

New Musical Stone - I thi n k it's rat he r goo d. A litt le bit nu tt y, bu t not t o o nut ty.

With a new album behind him, and a new tour in front of him, David decided to sell himself. After a few attempts on street corners to no avail he turned to the stock market. On February 12th Bowie Bonds came into existence. It was not a new type of Bowie endorsed glue, it was a bunch of 10 year 7.90% coupon bonds backed by Bowie's back catalogue of songs and also backed by his friend Bloggo down the road who vouched for him.

For this Bowie recieved 55 million dollars up front on all future royalites. All the bonds were bought by Prudential Insurance Co who really didn't believe in sharing, greedy greedy greedy.

'Little Wonder' came out in the USA on February 25th after spending some time unhappily married in a heterosexual relationship.

By now April had rolled around, and David had contacted old friend and producer Tony Visconti after 14 years of forgetting about him. 'What are you doing in 5 years time?' Bowie asked, 'Nuthin' Visconti replied, 'ok then' said Bowie.

On April 14th 'Dead Man Walking' was released and given a reprieve from death row.

THE SECRET GIG was then organised and held in Dublin. THE SECRET GIG was a rehearsal for the upcoming Earthling World (minus Australia) Tour and everyone seemed to know about THE SECRET GIG. THE SECRET GIG happened on May 17th and was enjoyed by all who had come in responing to advertisements in all the paper telling everyone about THE SECRET GIG.

Then EMI bought all of Bowie's early albums for 28 million dollars, which was quite a mistake because they learned that they could purchase them for $24.95 at the local Trax store down the road. For those who are aching to know, this happened on May 21st.

The Earthling Tour began on June 2nd (No aliens allowed). The fist concert was at 'Flughafen Blankense' in Lubeck Germany. All reports said that it was Flughafen good.

Das Lubeck - Flughafen good.

NACHRICHT! - Flughafen good.

Der Sonne - Flughafen good.

On stage as usual were Reeves Gabrels, Gail Ann-Dorsey, Zachary Alford and Mike Garson and they all did their usual things. Support acts were The Prodigy, Rage Against The Machine and some others that are not worth mentioning really.

Oh, here's something new. The long anticipated "The Deram Anthology" was released on 9th June prompting American President Bill Clinton to finally declare "War on Deram Compilations".

This tour wound through Europe until August 14th, Bowie's hair turning more and more carrot coloured as it went. 'I was inspired by Carrot Top, a comic genious'.

From September 6th to October 18th the Earthling tour went from city to city across Canada and the USA. Americans would frequently sneak up behind David and go "boo!" which promted him to release another single called 'I'm Afraid of Americans'. The popular video of this song featured Trent Reznor chasing Bowie around the place in Benny Hill fashion.

Winding up the Earthling tour was a visit to Latin America from October 23rd to November 7th. Bowie saw that it was good, so on the 7th day he rested.



PHOENIX
(cracked actor)
10/30/02 08:08 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1998

It had been a long hard road for David Bowie, singing, songwriting, acting, painting, snorting, sculpting, writing, dancing and fucking. He approached the new millenium with a vibrant mix of madness and apathy.

In February it was announced that he had been nominated for two Grammy awards for Best Alternative Album and Best Male Rock Performance. Bowie declined to appear, using as his excuse a, 'cold'. He was able to provide a note from his mother:

To Whom it may concern

David will not be able to come to the Grammys because he has a cold, he is in bed right now and I am giving him soup. (I think he is putting it on, he's always been a bit of a malingerer that son of mine. Don't give him the awards, he doesn't deserve them).

Yours sincerely

David's Mum

With the Grammys avoided David's next stop was in the Isle of Man. There he started work with Goldie appearing in a film to be titled 'Gay Gangsters Love Sunshine and Music', later retitled 'Everybody Loves Sunshine' so as not to be heterosexualist. David had collaborated with Goldie on his 'Saturnz Return' album and planned to do further work with him such as bricklaying and bookshelf dusting.

Acting and being nominated for awards were not the only arse-busting pieces of work David was involved with though. He became co-founder of '21', an art publishing house venture that would publish all kinds of arty books that no-one would ever buy. As a back up in case they went broke they would also publish Batman comics and pornography.

With this publishing venture well on the way in April, it comes as no surprise that David won 'Best International Live Act' at the Hot Press Irish Rock and Pop Music Awards. Bowie gave his acceptance speech live by satellite: 'I feel an overwhelming amount of apathy at being awarded this mediocre prize at this obscure award show. Rest assured that by tomorrow I will have forgotten all about it, and the trophy will no doubt end up in a trash can somewhere between here and my home. I didn't win a Grammy, but I scored a Hot Press Irish award. It's kind of like salt rubbed into a painfully blistering wound. Thankyou all, and goodnight'. A scriptwriter was ordered for future award appearences.

It was May, and a press conference had been called. Announced was another film project that Bowie would be involved in. 'Il Mio West', a spagetti western starring Harvey Keitel, Leonardo Pieraccioni as well as Bowie would begin filming in Italy starting June. A new role for Bowie, a mad pistolero named Jack Sikora, a villian. David got carried away with his role at times, shooting Harvey Keitel in the leg, the director in the head and himself in the groin before they took his pistols away from him.

Meanwhile it was all going on behind the cyberspace scenes. On June 24th 'Bowienet' was announced to be becoming operable soon. Bowienet would provide a full ISP for $19.95 a month, or would provide members with full access for $5.95 a month. For this fans would get behind the scenes web-cams, Bowienet member only song contributions, messageboards frequented by some guy posing as Bowie, shops, adult entertainment, games, love, sustinence, sunshine and God. A world first for celebrity based website. As usual at the very hint of a new artistic/commercial avenue David was there grabbing it by the teat and squeezing precious milk from the bloated aching udder.

But this was especially the year of filming for Bowie. By July he was off to Vancouver to star in a kids film for The Family Channel. 'Exhuming Mr Rice' would portray David as a 400 year old man who digs himself out of the grave to horribly murder and mutilate the children in the street who were curious about him. He would stuff their ripped out stomach with Rice, and then make a witty one-liner. A sequel was planned, 'Orgy of Death II : Mr Rice's Revenge'.

Going along with this theme, Bowie was rumoured to be appearing as a member in the audience when Nitsch would slaughter animals and roll around in their guts for art. Bowie denied having anything remotely to do with Nitsch and his strange work of art, but the trail of intestines stuck to his boot and dragged along behind him told a different story.

Work with long estranged producer Tony Visconti and Reeves Gabrels, recording a track for the upcoming Rugrats film was completed, but then dropped from the film. Repeated use of the words fuck, shit, cunt, motherfucker, kill, bastard and slut in the song meant it was deemed inappropriate for such a film.

So Bowie only managed to record and not release 'Mother' for an upcoming John Lennon tribute album. This before Bowienet was officially launched on September 1st, and not surprisingly before anything that came after. Everyone who tried to access Bowienet without using a computer were repeatedly frustrated by the lack of access for non-computer-users.

Perhaps it was simply time for David Bowie to sit back and get awards. The 1998 MMVA Eyepopper Award was his. He gained the distinction by being the artist who's 'Eye popped out and dangled from it's socket the most in the past year'. While recieving the award his eye popped out again and dangled causing much mirth, laughter and applause was mixed with gagging and screwed up faces.

Meanwhile, on Bowienet the Inaugural Bowie Chat was held on October 1st. A brief transcription follows:

Bowie : Welcome to the first Bowie Chat at Bowienet! Please ask me any questions you'd like!
Arber543X : Age? m/f?
Starcraxman : Doom V3.46 awannaplay?
Troogy : hey! craxman!
Bowie : Excuse me what? You can ask questions about my latest recording efforts, or perhaps Iman!
IgpussyXcXc : cyber? m19
Starcraxman : Troogy!
KkbbB54 : :^# bhrf? kkkkkk be LOOL!
Troogy : LMAO!
Arber543X : lol ;O>
Bowie : What does bhrf mean? I don't understand!
Troogy : krbo9 Bowie
Starcraxman : ---### BLIXMAN BURGEEMAN ###---
Troogy : LOL


The chat goes on like this for pages, with Bowie slowly slinking to the sidelines not sure of how to reply or communicate.

On December 18th 'Il Mio West' premiered in Italy

Viva Italia : When da moon hitsa your eye like a bigga pizza pie, thatsa Bowie.

Italia Italia Italia : Whatsa madda you eh? Gotta no respect? Whaddya think you do? Why you looka so sad? Itsa not so bad. Itsa nice-a film, ah shuttupya face!

Slowly leaving the year behind him in confusion Bowie was approached to appear at Gisborne in New Zealand for a new year's eve concert in 1999. Would he? Would he really? Could it be? (No, if you check the next chapter you'll see that he didn't)



PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
11/02/02 09:22 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

1999

By this stage in his career David Bowie was running out of ideas. He was getting any old bozo off the street to write his songs for him, and thus evolved 'What's Really Happening' - a song that was written by some guy called Alex Grant who got the lucky 'Bowie' stamp under his coke bottle top. His first stab at writing the lyrics were thrown out :

What's really happening?
Concert in Boston?
No? Crap. I have to get a refund
But I look forward to seeing you in that movie with Madonna
What's really happening?
Gisborne on New Years Day?
I hope so, it's costing me a fortune
My mothers operation can wait
What's really happening?
A sequel to 1.Outside you say?
I've been waiting for nearly 4 years now
If you lost the tapes just tell us already.


At least one thing was certain. On February 3rd David signed a contract to perform at Gisborne 2000 to bring in the new millenium in New Zealand. Being in this geographical place he would be one of the first, and appearing on stage at 12:01am he would be the first rock star to perform in the new year/century/millenium. Tickets ranged from $400 to $600, and as a result prostitution in New Zealand skyrocketed.

On the 16th he was performing live again, this time with Placebo at the Brit awards. They played '20th Century Boy', a T-Rex number. Nobody told David he had gotten the placebo, and as such he gave scientists a real giggle, the placebo being science's 'practical joke'.

This television exposure sure as hell wouldn't be his last this year. He exposed himself many many times on television. Next, in March, came the filming of 'The Hunger' TV series in Montreal. David would host a number of the episodes (directed by Tony Scott, of the original Hunger fame) and appear in a full length episode called 'Sanctuary' portraying an artist obsessed with the macabre. Unfortunately the series would only ever be shown in a remote villiage in North-East Alaska.

Bowie again exposed himself on Comic Relief. He at least did it in a comic way, but notheless concerned parents were getting a little worried at this amount of exposure.

On March 30th it was another performance, this time at Irving Plaza in New York. Once again the scientists gave him the Placebo, and this time they performed 'Without You I'm Nothing' and '20th Century Boy'. With this amount of Placebo collaboration it was time to consumate their relationship in the studio. There they recorded 'Without You I'm Nothing' together with Tony Visconti producing. Bowie was starting to become suspicious of this whole Placebo thing - 'I'm not getting any better!' he'd exclaim while the scientists giggled and chortled.

At around this time he was also in the studio with Reeves Gabrels cooking up something Non-Nathan Adlerish.

Berklee College of Music. It was here at the Hynes Convention Centre in Boston that David was bestowed his honorary doctorate degree and gave an inspirational commencement speech to graduates and parents on May 9th. 'I just want to tell you all that success is more a matter of luck and back-stabbing than education. You people sure have wasted a lot of time and money here. You could have been out selling your bodies, or dealing drugs. Poor dumb bastards. You make me sick. Give me my doctorate.' That new speech writer still hadn't been organised yet.

And so it was on to new frontiers. This time in the form of computer games. Not only did Bowie and Gabrels contribute the soundtrack to the work-in-progress game 'Omikron : The Nomad Soul', David, Iman and a bunch of other Bowie-related people appeared in the game. He also signed of for the highly anticipated 'Omikron Kart Racing'.

Meanwhile June became exposure month for David, with 'Everybody Loves Sunshine' premiering on cable TV, and 'The Hunger' series starting in remote Alaska. Pye released 'I Dig Everything : The 1966 Pye Singles'. Nobody Dug it, except to dig a big pit to bury it in.

By July the expected ticket sales for Gisborne was 30,000. The actual ticket sales were 7. David could feel a cold starting to come on, and anyway, he was truly busy trying to get Iman pregnant. He was at it every spare minute. On the 9th August he finally withdrew from Gisborne, and on the 10th he withdrew from Iman.

Evidence of a bunch of new songs were appearing everywhere. First the Omikron game, and now the soundtrack to the film 'Stigmata' which contained 'All The Pretty Things Are Going To Hell'. The internet was full of them and some guy called Blokko was selling them from his corner deli. Wierdly, some began to appear before they were even written or recorded.

On August 23rd the VH1 'Storytellers' David Bowie episode was taped. Bowie sang some of his songs, included his newest, 'Thursday's Child' while telling stories about his herpes, genital warts, haemorrhoids and bowel movements. The Chili Bean story was a show stopper, in that the producers had to stop the show and tell David to tone it down a bit.

Around the time of the single release of 'Thursdays Child' David went frantic exposing himself. He appeared at the MTV Video Awards, Letterman, Modern Rock Live radio, Top of the Pops, Saturday Night Live, MuchMusic Awards Show, Conan O'Brien, TFI Friday, performed in Dublin and at Wembley stadium, and just about everywhere else. Nobody could escape Bowie, changing the channel was useless, he was on all stations, he was playing centre court at Wimbeldon, he was presenting the weather, holding press conferences from the White House, arresting punks on Cops. Yet people would still ask - David Bowie? Isn't he that Major Tom Dude?

On October 4th and 5th his new album was brought out in the UK and USA respectively. Titled 'hours...' it had two too many fullstops. Appearing on the album were Reeves Gabrels (lead and rhythm guitar), Mark Plati (bass) and Mike Levesque (drums). The album was produced by Bowie and Gabrels.

New York Times - I have to hand it to David...and he should bloody well get up and get it himself.

New Musical Express - Too many fullstops. I didn't listen to the album, I'm just sick to death of these typographical errors.

On 14th October David was awarded the 'Chevalier des Arts et Letters' medal in France for not bringing Tin Machine back. The French showed their appreciation by making those throaty 'hauhauahau' French noises.

Then it was on to the next phase in exposing himself. Instead of touring Bowie had decided to expose himself on every television and radio program on the planet as well as holding a concert here and there. He exposed himself at/in Elysee Montmartre, Vienna, Spanish TV, Nulle Part Ailleurs, The Mark & Lard Show, Italy's FrancaMente Me Ne Infischio, Virgin Radio IK, WB Radio Music Awards, Rockline, The Priory, The Kit Kat Club in New York, The Rosie O'donnel Show, Milan, Copenhagen, London, Musique Plus, Jools Holland Show and The Big Breakfast. He also exposed himself at Some Guys Flat, Engleton Street Public Restrooms, Oxford Train Station and Hartford Elementary School.

It was a blitz the likes the world had never seen before, and Bowie was always one step ahead of the police.




vampiredb
(kook)
11/06/02 02:28 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

YAY!! WOOO!! MORE!!
encore!

Jai guru deva om

PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
11/12/02 08:28 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

2000

Something was in the air. Was it toxic gas? Or was it a special mix of 'Something in the Air' for American Psycho? Or was it a special mix of 'Something in the Air' that released toxic gas when played backwards? Who would survive? All those who listened to the new Bowie single 'Survive' that was released in Europe on January 22nd? The world of Bowie moves in mysterious ways, and the man himself is hard to pin down. He was squirmy and slippery like a shaved cat covered in soap.

The slippery fellow was hard at work spreading rumours by February. He announced that he was planning an album consisting of reworked versions of his early 60's songs. The world would be given a second chance to notice his raw fantisticulsim. He also announced the second album in the Nathan Adler series would be coming. He was 327 albums behind, but nothing would stop him continuing this work. Nothing that is, except rabid bouts of apathy.

'Exhuming Mr Rice' was retitled 'Mr Rice's Secret' and premiered in a shed at Barry's place. It was up against some stiff competition as 'Mr Noodle's Secret' was due out in April, to be followed soon after by 'The Dark World of Mr Aparagus'.

By the end of February Iman had news for us all. She had a bun in the oven. David was responsible for putting the bun there. It would be cooked and ready to come out in August. Here was the proof that they had indeed 'done it', Iman providing the eggs and flour, David putting in some milk and stirring it all about. A bit of suger, a dollup of chocolate, a shake here, a dab there, a poke, a prod, a squeeze and a pinch, a slap and a rub and presto.

Iman - 'I said to him, "Look what you went and did. Putting your stuff everywhere and poking your thing all over the place." He was looking at me as if to say "woops" and I just did my Somalian "WEEAAARRRG!" and ran out the house.'

On March 19th David interviewed himself in the New York Times. It ended badly with David walking out on himself and vowing to never speak to himself again. A hairy legal situation followed when he slapped himself with a restraining order whereby he had to stay at least 500 feet from himself.

The nearly concert free man was at the Roseland Ballroom on June 16th. Performing with Earl Slick on lead guitar, Mark Plati on bass and guitar, Gail Ann Dorsey on bass and vocals and clarinet, Sterling Campbell on drums and Mike Garson on piano and keyboards. His hair was long and wavy, he didn't need a shavey, some fans were from the navy, to see this man called Davey.

For the June 17th concert he did something different, which was not show up. The official story was that he had laryngitis, but it just so happened that this was the day Superman stopped a nuclear holocaust by diverting a missile heading for the Kremlin. Co-incidence? Why did this man disappear North every Christmas? Could it be? Do you ever see David Bowie and Jesus Christ in the same room together? Can there be any doubt?

Bowie rounded this all out by being the headline act on the last day of the Glastonbury 2000 festival with the musicians mentioned above. Three concerts in the same year. How did he do it?

But that wasn't all, he also appeared on the TFI Friday show on June 23rd and performed 4 songs. Four of them! The shows producers were begging him to stop after three, they were fearful he was going to kill himself. But he went on and did four much to the amazement of a couple of people.

Yet he wasn't done yet! A special performance for BBC Radio Theatre was recorded on June 27th for airing later in the year when it got musty. Gail Ann Dorsey confided to reporters that she thought the man was pushing himself too hard and should stop at four concerts.

But no! After only a months rest, on June 24th, He appeared at the Yahoo! Internet Life Music Awards at Studio 54 in New York as the top billed performer. The other performers had average bills, but David's was top. He performed a staggering two songs, Wild is the Wind and LIfe on Mars?, before taking out the Best Artist Web Site Award. The award did not however 'ask David up for a cup of coffee' as has been rumoured in the press.

On August 15th Iman pushed it out. Alexandria Zahra Jones was born at 5:06 am and weighed 3.3kg. Her cries were measured at 101.3 dB and the doctor smacked her bottom by applying a force of 210N at an impulse of 750 Ns. When David witnessed the birth he ran at a speed of 6.7m/s screaming at 117dB. The temperature outside was 31.3 degrees C and the pressure was 1010 KPa. The cord was cut 21.8 cm from what would be the bellybutton.

'Bowie at the Beeb' was a collection of recordings made at the BBC in the late 60's and early 70's. When released in September it made number 7 in the UK charts giving him another top 10 without having to do squat. David considered putting together 'Bowie at the Bank', a collection of recordings made of David laughing with his Swiss bank manager, but this was turned down.

Also in September, on the 13th, 'Live and Well' was sent to Bowienet members. 'Live and Well' was a collection of material from the Earthling tours designed by Bowienet members themselves. Non-Bowienet members were sent a dead fish and threatening letter.

The fall 2000 edition of Bust featured Iman interviewing David about her 'bigguns'.

'Zoolander' was the film in which David's only film role was made in 2000. He played himself refereeing a 'walk-off' between two male fashion stars. It went well with David's new policy of '10 minutes work per month' which he wanted to stick to.

An interview in New Musical Express gives us an idea of where he was at in his career in October :

NME - So your plans for the future? What have you been up to?

David Bowie - I've nearly finished work on this album that is so good it will make you shit. It's called TOY and has my old songs from the 60's on it.

NME - The crap ones? Weren't they recently voted the worst songs of the century in a Rolling Stone poll?

David Bowie - I...err...it's really...Lisa Germano appears on it, playing recorder, violin, mandolin and accordian. Really special stuff.

NME - Lisa Germano? She hasn't really done anything for 30 years has she? Why Lisa?

David Bowie - She went...I've got...when we...I feel tired. Sleepy time.

David would go on to record The Who's 'Pictures of Lily' for an album of Who covers late that month. As well as presenting a Designer of the Year award to Stella McCartney that was all before he took a nap and Iman fed him some strained soup. He was spotted here and there wandering around the place.

Was this the end of the once all powerful rock star? Time would tell.



PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
12/04/02 08:06 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

2001

The early days of the new year found David very grumpy. He was likely to yell out "Where's My Oatmeal!?", or "These socks are too expensive!". Meanwhile Iman was busy changing Alexandria's diapers and David's diapers.

In a fit of grumpiness he quit the WarChild charity, claiming that they weren't giving him enough money. "What kind of charity IS this?!" he was heard to exclaim, "I haven't seen a penny from them since I joined up!". Indeed he hadn't.

In February news filtered through that Bowie had been nominated for a Grammy Award. The nomination was for best vocal performance on his 'Thursday's Child' track on the 'hours...' album. Just as well he lost because he didn't show up.

Being nominated for Grammies and losing was no new thing for Bowie. He'd done this only three years ago when he was nominated for Best Alternative Music Performance. The alternative was actually a piece of toast. The toast won the award.

On February 26th a grumpy Bowie (near his nap time) appeared at the Tibet House Benefit Concert at Carnegie Hall in New York. Apparently the concert would be of some benefit to a house in Tibet. Perhaps new curtains were needed. It was Bowie's first time performing at Carnegie Hall since the seventies and things didn't go exactly to plan with some soup spilling on his bib prompting a sulky tantrum. "Heroes" and Silly Boy Blue were performed after he calmed down and had a 'time out'.

March followed predictably after February. David spent some time recording an old Nat King Cole song 'Nature Boy' to appear on an upcoming soundtrack for a film called 'Moulin Rouge'. He then sent it over to Massive Attack to see what they could do with it as he completely buggered it up.

In April Bowie's Mother died, possibly from boredom, maybe waiting for the 'Toy' album to finally be released. She was at a nursing home in St Albans, Hertfordshire and told everyone that it was ok to make fun of her passing because she was really old.

April came and the 'Moulin Rouge' soundtrack was brought out. On it was two versions of Nature Boy, Beck's cover of Diamond Dogs and "Heroes" as part of a medley.

CRACK! Music! - There's a lot of stuff on there from that old Major Tom dude. I thought he was dead.

Thin Waif Magazine - The same guy wrote the Dog song and the wierd song. I think that's all he's done.

David's career had degenerated into what is known as the 'Bits 'n' Pieces' stage. A sountrack contribution here, a collaboration there, a tribute cover everywhere. Like a constipated man, only small plops would appear when he strained and pushed.

Another small plop. 'Pictures of Lily', his cover of a The Who song on the 'Substitute - Songs of The Who' album was available for listening when the album was released.

Plop. P Diddy and David Bowie recorded 'American Dream' based loosely around his 'Falcon and the Snowman' song 'This Is Not America'. This collaboration was included on the sountrack to 'American Dream'.

Bowie - "I be da hip hopp'n an all Dat! Darn The Police! Gimme some sweet booty! I gotta...*cough cough*... I want my cough medicine. It's too chilly in here, I want a blanket."

In early October David locked himself in the Glen Touche Studios because he saw some dangerous looking youngsters roaming around the street. Tony Visconti stayed with him and rubbed his sore joints. Together they started work on a new album, promising that they wouldn't forget to actually release it this time.

Needless to say we all know what happened on September 11th in 2001. "You know who" crashed "You know whats" into "You know where". A bunch of famous people got together to have a concert to celebrate what happened. David opened the whole shebang, the 'Concert for New York City' by singing Paul Simon's 'America' and "Heroes". He was originally planning to go with 'Crack City' and 'The Laughing Gnome' but this hadn't gone down at all well in the rehearsals.

Along with the plops, we also have our fair share of plaques, dedications, honorary degrees and "lifetime achievement" awards. This time it was at the toilet in the Three Tuns Pub in Beckinham, the scene of the infamous 'Arts Lab'. To commemorate David's deserting them a plaque reading simply "You Bastard" was unveiled in December. There was much indifferent mumbling and orders for jugs of beer.

By December 15th David's grumpiness knew no bounds. He quit his Virgin/EMI label citing - "The tea they made me was too cold" and "My feet hurt". He decided he would set up his own damn record label called ISO. That would teach those whippersnappers a thing or two. See how they'd like them apples.



Sysiyo
(acolyte)
12/04/02 08:15 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

Phoenix, you still, totally, utterly, RULE!



kellyjean
(electric tomato)
12/04/02 01:35 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

! I'm so glad you brought it back honey! [yay!] I like it very much indeed

Lick my tongue, lick my lips,
Will you get enough of me sometime?


PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
12/05/02 07:27 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

2002

David Bowie had given up fags, which disappointed his male fan-base very much. Being off fags meant much more time to make frivilous promises however, so all was not lost. It also enabled him to watch with glee as his wife introduced us to her 'I Am Iman' book and cd on January 4th, with some tracks contributed by Bowie. If you say the title out loud it sounds a bit like 'I am a man' which may explain a few things.

Chest pains! On 15th January David was rushed to hospital in Florida fearing that he indeed had one of those bursting aliens inside him that was trying to get out. The doctors treating him however diagnosed an acute case of "Toy Guilt" and prescribed a steady stream of "Toy tracks as b-sides to singles" later in the year to help alleviate the problem.

Later in the month he was writing the foreword for "The 100 Greatest Rock 'n' Roll Photographs" :

"What is a rock? Collins dictionary defines it as any aggregate of minerals that makes up part of the Earth's crust. What is a roll? Collins dictionary defines it as a small cake or bread for one person. What is a photograph? Collins dictionary defines it as an image recorded by a camera. And that just about covers it I think."

In Februrary at the Looking Glass Studios in New York, work on the new album continued. Many collaborators such as The Borneo Horns and Pete Townshend walked through the doors by accident only to be cornered by David and having to oblige out of politeness to do something.

There was a sense of deja-vu on 22nd February as the Tibet House Benefit Concert was held. Apparently the curtains from last year didn't go down to well at all, and some sliding blinds were being requested. Bowie appeared again and performed 'I Would Be Your Slave' from his upcoming album and 'Space Oddity'.

In March a press release went out announcing the signing of David Bowie to Columbia records for a multi-album deal through ISO records. The head of Columbia announced "We are certainly glad to have this artist with such an enormous number of top selling records in the last five years", at which a studio executive whispered in his ear prompting the Columbia chief to throw his briefcase on the ground and kick it into the wall.

In any event, the deal was done and Bowie's new album, 'Heathen' was announced as due for release on June 11th.

The 24th of April marked David and Iman's 10th wedding anniversary. They celebrated by eating tin and platinum as the tradition goes for 10th anniversaries. There is an 88% chance that they did it that night.

By the time May had rolled around the track 'Slow Burn' was available as a download from the internet and David was preparing for a whole crapload of small concerts and live appearences. A mini-tour was the order of the day, playing at festivals and appearing with Moby on his Area : Two Tour. The entire tour was tentatively labelled the "You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do" tour.

On May 10th Bowie appeared at the MTV Tribeca Festival performing new songs such as 'Slow Burn' and 'Afraid' as well as some older forbidden songs. Then he needed a nap and some delicious strained peas.

By June the circus was gearing up much as it had done during the release of 'hours...'. On the 3rd David was at the Isle of Wight Festival fully equipped with fun festival frivolity and incontinence pads. The 5th saw the release of his 'Slow Burn' single and the 11th saw him at the Roseland Ballroom again having a ball and a sneaky cigarette in the toilets.

Top of the Pops, Letterman, Late night with Conan were all booked and and done. The only black mark being that David constantly complained about the air conditioning being on too high and the band being way too loud. At one stage he was interuppted by an impromptu commercial break as he went on and on for 10 minutes about the "ridiculous price of bread these days".

Meanwhile, on the 11th June, 'Heathen' had been released. Bowie's first studio album in three years. Co-produced by Tony Visconti it also featured Matt Chamberlain, David Torn, Carlos Alomar, Sterling Campbell, Lisa Germano and Pete Townshend. There were oodles more but to name them all would be tiresome and take hours.

Rolling Stone Magazine - Bowie still has it. I suggest seeing his local GP immediately.

New Musical Express - Haunted, mystified and shocked, this is how I felt when I saw the price of the special edition double cd at my local music store.

The Meltdown 2000 event, held from 12th to 30th June, had this year as their Artistic Director none other then David Bowie. He invited along the Dandy Warhols, Mercury Rev, Stardust Cowboy, Fischerspoon and The The, showing that he was a first rate picker. Some were none too impressed with his picking however, they were quick to blame the picker of the picker which led to speculation on who had picked the picker of the picker.

Then on to a host of European concert dates. From 2nd July to the 19th July Bowie played Manchester and appeared in Paris, Norway, Denmark, Belgium, Germany in concert and on television, Italy and Switzerland. With him were the usual unshakeables Earl Slick on guitar, Gail Ann Dorsey on bass, Mark Plati on rhythm and acoustic guitar, Mike Garson on keyboards and Sterling Campbell on drums. When asked for comment, Mike Garson stated "You gotta do what you gotta do".

'Heathen' was also nominated for a Mercury music award in late July early August. Not that David didn't have kaboodles of awards coming in from magazines, tv stations and music industries. Anyway he lost, so he had kaboodles minus one.

From July 28th to 16th August he went along with Moby and Busta Rhymes on the Area : Two Tour in the USA. A good time was had by David as he enjoyed patting Moby's head and making a slapping sound.

In August he was on Jay Leno and every radio station you can poke a stick at. He was a driven man, of course because he was so stinking rich he could afford a whole limosine for his pet dung beetle.

In September he was getting another award. GQ gave him their 'Outstanding Achievement' award, which is if we think back and remember our early school days, the award they gave the kid who everyone felt sorry for. Bowie swore he would seek revenge.

'Everyone Says Hi', the next single release from 'Heathen' came out on the 16th of September and made it well into the top 20 in the UK. There was much tooting of trumpets and wearing of party hats.

From 22nd September to 2nd October Bowie had concert dates in Berlin, Paris, Bonn, Munich and the Carling Apollo Hammersmith. Some of these concerts went for 11 hours giving some people reason to believe that David had pushed through the age barrier or was getting that last breath of energy before finally expiring from 30 years of hard work. Speaking for myself, I'm getting a headache just from thinking about it.

If that wasn't enough he was back in the US again from October 11th to 23rd performing 5 concerts in New York and more concerts in various other places that are insignificant and not worthy of recording.

Then, after appearing on 2,765 TV shows, performing 659 concerts, being interviewed by the press 87,093 times he disappeared again, like some kind of rock Santa Clause who does his thing every three years.

Right now, December 5th at 8:20 pm he is making a cup of tea. Now he's wandering around the living room. Picking up the television guide. Now he's opening the cookie jar...oop, no, he changed his mind...he's going into..the toilet. Now he's....Oh god no! Oh thats....thats terrible! Thats disgusting!



PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
12/05/02 07:55 AM
Attachment
Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


One of David's early single helped someone else on the road to success.


David had much early gender confusion as seen in this picture.


Hermoine shows David how to flap.


David gets stroppy after one too many hecklers shout "Show us your weener".



PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
12/05/02 08:16 AM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


David and Angie meet the Queen.


David poses for photo with scary looking lady.


David presses jar to forehead and finds he is the victim of an hilarious April Fools Day joke.


David gets his teeth stuck in Mick's guitar during a bizzare flossing incident.



PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
12/05/02 08:28 AM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


David's nightmare comes true when he forgets to wear his pants and walks out on stage.


After a five day horseriding tour David soldiers on and performs live.


David discovers the wonders of cocaine.


David discovers what black artists really think of his singing.



PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
12/05/02 08:42 AM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


Bowie tries to muffle a belch in Berlin.


David sits on something wet.


David after accidentally spitting out his dentures during a rendition of 'Cracked Actor'. He continued on like a trooper.


David had to go back to school to pass remedial maths to get his certificate. The results were hilarious.



PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
12/05/02 09:05 AM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


After killing Bing Crosby, David gets a 'time out' to think about what he's done.


David's incarnation as Le Peppi


David getting mercilessly teased about his suspenders.


David getting his pocket picked.



PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
12/05/02 09:22 AM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


David finishes his meal with an atomic sour lemon candy.


David squashes a bug during 'Wild is the Wind'.


David thinks quickly to hide his erection.


Bowie gets distracted by Princess Diana's rain soaked boobs.



Starlite
(kook)
12/05/02 09:34 AM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  

Oh, those are great! The middle picture especially.

Wow, Jacko was still black at that point... but you can see him looking at Cher and thinking, "y'know, I wanna look like that... except whiter. Yeah. White like the blonde chick."

And Cher still had (most of?) her original body! But then, she's looking at Bowie and thinking, "Damn that skinny git. Yeah, he was good once, but now all he does is put out crap dance albums, wear one stupid outfit after another, and dye his hair, and he's on top of the world. Hey...!"

Bette Midler is just thinking "Smile for the camera, smile for the camera. If he starts breathing in my ear, that's it, my elbow's going into his ribs, and then he's gonna meet Mr. Stiletto Heel."



th0mas
(cracked actor)
01/17/03 07:11 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

wow, it got more since i last had a look at it... ever thought of making a website from this content?

Esst
mehr
Obst!


PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
01/17/03 08:09 PM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


David stops playing for a moment to contemplate his beard and wacky hairstyle.


After walking into spiderweb.


After visit to brothel.


Giving his microphone a smoke.

I can't believe I did the whole thing.

PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
01/17/03 08:28 PM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


Attempting to stop awful singlet picture.


Getting his sensitive fingers touched and tickled by Eric Clapton.


Brand new dentures.

I can't believe I did the whole thing.

PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
01/17/03 08:40 PM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


Seconds after realising he left his oven on at home.


Looking at the awful singlet picture.


Reeves reaction after being told the awful singlet picture had been published.

I can't believe I did the whole thing.

PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
01/17/03 08:53 PM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  


Attempting to kill his birthday cake. Iman tries to stop him. (caption at bottom is misprint)


Attacking his microphone. Iman was not there to stop him this time.


Falling asleep in the middle of an interview.


Covering his bases by converting to Judaism.

I can't believe I did the whole thing.

PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
01/17/03 09:14 PM
Re: Illustrations [re: PHOENIX]  


Finds his way home after forgetting who he was or where he lived.

And that really is it. Thanks to all the messages of support, on this artistes thread itself, and through PMs. It was very much appreciated.

In reply to:

ever thought of making a website from this content?


Nah.

THE END.

I can't believe I did the whole thing.

SugarPlumFairy
(acolyte)
01/17/03 09:59 PM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  

Um...I could put this stuff up at my Glam Genome Project, if you like. In fact I'd very much like to do just that, but if you don't want the world to see your twisted genius....

Join the Gríma Wormtongue fanclub!

PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
01/18/03 01:55 AM
Re: Illustrations new [re: SugarPlumFairy]  

That would be really something, I'd be honored if you did it.

I can't believe I did the whole thing.

SugarPlumFairy
(acolyte)
01/18/03 03:22 AM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  

Yay!!!! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!
I'm so happy now.
I'm planning a complete face-change for GGP, turning it into an Actually Cool Site...and that's when your writings come along. I'd also loooove to host Pop Goes The God - did you ever finish it, by the way? Not that it matters...I'd love to host it in any form, it's my favourite story ever.

Join the Gríma Wormtongue fanclub!

jareth13
(wild eyed peoploid)
01/20/03 02:06 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

In reply to:

Das Lubeck - Flughafen good.

NACHRICHT! - Flughafen good.

Der Sonne - Flughafen good


would this not be: Flughafen "gut". It is Germany, after all. But I suppose the 'alternate universe' factor comes into play here, hm?

-This is Major Tom to Ground Control ~ signing off

Sedna
(stardust savant)
01/20/03 05:37 PM
Re: Illustrations new [re: PHOENIX]  

you know i like this so much, im gonna print it out! all flipping 63 pages of it

These burgers are crazy!

Silverstar
(cracked actor)
01/21/03 09:35 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography new [re: PHOENIX]  

OH...MY...GOD...

i love you.

FIN910: no gum in my cookies
LadyGriningSoul: then it'd be crumb gum


Starlite
(electric tomato)
01/24/03 07:30 AM
Re: Illustrations new [re: SugarPlumFairy]  

Ooooh, notify us all when you put this stuff up on your site! Yeah Phoenix, I'm with Sugar, Pop Goes The God is my favorite story too... last I checked it wasn't finished though? Could you maybe start it up again please?



Sysiyo
(acolyte)
02/24/03 08:33 AM
And the press' reaction... new [re: PHOENIX]  

I managed to hunt down some press revies of Phoenix's biography:

Vox: I kind of laughed at one point.

Berliner Morgenpost: Gut!

The Times: Kind of reminds me of Sandford's Loving The Alien, except that it's better, longer, and has more facts.

Reader's Crackers: Really, who writes a novel about a man named after a knife?

Labygirl: Yes, that's all nice and good to hear about this Bowie guy, but the book said hardly about three lines about Jareth. What kind of a book is that?

Time: I liked the pictures

(OK, this was much funnier when I thought about it last night. But I thought I'd post it anyway).



SugarPlumFairy
(acolyte)
02/24/03 08:40 AM
Re: And the press' reaction... new [re: Sysiyo]  

In reply to:

Really, who writes a novel about a man named after a knife?


Aha!!! Knives!! See, there is a secret connection between David and Gríma!

Ookay, hand me my straitjacket...



PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
05/25/03 10:28 AM
Illustration Update new [re: SugarPlumFairy]  

As the illustrations are buggered all to hell, I suggest anyone interested go here - Biography Illustrations at SPF's site.

Its really worth it, because the only ones that didnt get stuffed were the ones that are not funny.



ZiggysBand
(grinning soul)
05/27/03 10:52 AM
Re: Illustration Update new [re: PHOENIX]  

Very good, Phoenix you are the best
Love on Ya!

You're living in a world of make-believe
With flowers and bells and leprechauns and magic frogs with funny little hats.


GoneFairy
(acolyte)
11/12/03 03:20 PM
Re: Illustration Update new [re: ZiggysBand]  

Although I think I've archived all of this thread at GGP, we can't afford to lose all this brilliance. Yoiks and awayyyyy!

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.

SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
11/12/03 04:00 PM
Re: Illustration Update new [re: GoneFairy]  

Please stop digging up threads like this. I have to ability to mark them as kept and ave them for achivication, so instead of digging out ancient threads please just contact me.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

alesya
(grinning soul)
03/02/06 09:01 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography (kept) new [re: PHOENIX]  

Hiding away in the archives is the brilliance of Phoenix. What a talent, pure genious.



th0mas
(acolyte)
03/03/06 05:02 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography (kept) new [re: alesya]  

I almost forgot how brilliant Phoenix was.


Come and buy my tanks

Mxy
(electric tomato)
03/03/06 05:10 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography (kept) new [re: th0mas]  

I just finished reading all that. Can anyone recommend any other PHOENIX topics?

Mxy's Bizarre Webcomic. Updated daily.

Pythonis
(electric tomato)
03/03/06 11:55 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography (kept) new [re: PHOENIX]  

Yay, the biography is back! I loved this

Andy, can you get me a cup of coffee? And a drummer?
1.Outside 1.die tO us 1.dO sue us 1.dO tie us

KModerator
(thunder ocean)
03/04/06 02:49 AM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography (kept) new [re: Mxy]  

Phoenix's website is hugely recommended.

Monochrome

Mxy
(electric tomato)
03/04/06 01:04 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography (kept) new [re: K]  

Yeah, I've been there... Like his LiveJournal, it hasn't been updated in ages.

Mxy's Bizarre Webcomic. Updated daily.

KModerator
(thunder ocean)
03/04/06 01:09 PM
Re: David Bowie - A Biography (kept) new [re: Mxy]  

Unfortunately so. Oh PHOENIX, where art thee?

Monochrome


Pages in this thread: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | (show all)
*Threaded Mode
Jump to

Teenage Wildlife Davie Bowie | Email Us! Forums powered by WWWThreads v5.1.5perl

Teenage Wildlife Home Page Bowie's music Info on Bowie Other Media Have your say! Search the Site Help me!


Toolbar (Interact)

Etete Systems