Success
is having climbed a hill
only to start again

Success
is having done it all
and been left wanting

Success
is knowing that there's a part of your life that's gone
and you will never get it back

Success is a hollow feeling
of having done more than enough to survive
at the expense of your soul

Success
I thought I'd never taste
Would anyone like to trade?

How many times before
Could you tell I didn't care?
When you reached out in your sleep
And you knew I wasn't there - New Order

I think I saw him sniffing around early last year some time;
a mongrel dog with a taste for your thighs
But, obviously, I didn't take much notice as that was before
well, before everything that happened in the past twelve months,
before we were anything more than Alex's cousin and some guy from school;
Just a couple of drunks with a taste for VU and red wine...
But then what happened happened
and I take as much blame as you
but when we left it at that
it wasn't quite done,
and we're left doing this wary dance:
the ex-lover limbo, where you can't just fuck
and forget
as we're both wont to do

And now when I see him around,
and I know you don't want my advice
(as useless as it is)
but, baby, a man like that is like an acid flashback:
all bright colours and no sense of release
and you'll lie there trembling looking for some way back;
but you're so fucking sure that I'll still be here
to clean up after you, to sort out your mistakes
to still care no matter what happens
between you and him, or another ex-boyfriend
you forget that just because I'm alone
doesn't mean that I'm lonely
or in need of anything from you

And, did it ever occur to you
I might have better things to do
than waiting around for you to come back
with a few dozen beers and a carton of ciggarettes
to tell me how you went wrong and how
you need some stability in your life when
you forget that I'm only stable in comparison
to your raging Vesuvius of vitriol and regret
threatening to destroy whichever Pompeii you can find
where I'm sort of like a quamire
of bitterness and lamentation
everything sucked in never comes out
but festers and swells, bloated and ripe with decay

I don't know, baby, it's not that I don't love you

It's just wish you'd stay away this time.

How many times before
Could you tell I didn't care?
When you reached out in your sleep
And you knew I wasn't there - New Order

Hello, it's strange
to be here after so much time
stopping and staring at everything
that changes when you are around
a little bit of me
meets a little bit of you
fuck it, sometimes,there's nothing else to do
and you say you'll save a memory
and I'll say it's for good this time
hello again it's always a pleasure
to say goodbye to you

How many times before
Could you tell I didn't care?
When you reached out in your sleep
And you knew I wasn't there - New Order

I am having terrible writers block...so whatever..ill give it a lil shot, I mean it may suck but what the hell.

_________________________

She had the body of a goddess
And the eyes of an innocent child
There was something so sweet about her
Yet something was fierce and wild
You didn't know quite what to do with her
You didnt know how her mind worked
So you wept and you prayed
You worked and you slaved
And you still ended up looking the jerk.


"I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce"
Vanessa

In reply to:

---

my first time...ha ha

---

ha ha indeed. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh shit, I'm doing it again.

and if you press a little
and if you try a little
and if you sweat a little
you might get through to a taste of what's within
but don't hold your breathe

but talk
like you mean it
but then again you always do
try to say something that matters
to anyone other than you

breathe
and keep on trying
just forget the fact that
many of us just pray for you to stop

How many times before
Could you tell I didn't care?
When you reached out in your sleep
And you knew I wasn't there - New Order

in the beginning, there i was, wrapped in muslin, soaked in myrrh
salt-licked, sweet taste, sugar lift and onion skins
necessary entomology; the flies in your ears sweep lightly
the cloth has been stitched just so
each cotton loop hugged the twill as it passed
rendering me cocoon and safe in burdock and sinew
the bees stuck in the resin, useless as powder and gloss on a hot afternoon
never had i felt so misunderstood.
rationality ate through me worse than hot acid through my plates.
the rats came floating up, dead at the surface of the bath
and the bees cried, the flies sobbed
the fat tears of communication dampening my paper, running all my ink
but the birth was not so beautiful.
ordinary, sterile
my body rancid with formaldehyde and mold
even the orange peels curled up, insulted.
the cellos in the back mourned
victory and eternal gratitude are lost in battle
the ships sink in violin and upright bass
brass sonnets, metallophone, golden eggshells
things always come and go, they come and they go.
turtle shies away from rocky shores
bull continues his lonely travel across plain and emptiness
i mesh with its curves, pulse along the back of its ridge
opening to earth and gravel, whiskey in my wounds
immortality has such extravagant disadvantage
it becomes lucid at jazz heartbeat, at bodily groove, at uneaten flesh
the rhythms cease;
silence follows terror, warmth is soon to replace an icy exchange
the rats awaken and slip out unaffected
our tests show no harm has been committed.
i am not satiated, my hunger rests on sleeping possum
that is not quite as alive
lay your had on whale oil atrophy, nest and riptide
beatitude and degenerate hypothesis emulate divinity
you will sleep on the bottom of the ocean with me and sigh and heave
the current carries everything away, recycles our bodies
our decay will go on,
we fester and rot,
to continue.


you kiss me, baby, in the coffee shop
you make me nervous, you gotta stop

Like a ghost inside she crept
and slipt into the broken bed
and lay with me there until the morning
'Get me out of here'
she cried,
'I know I've sinned, I know I've lied;
but these people follow with their eyes
their cheeks flushed with providence
their faces hollow evidence
of families who haven't smiled since
the end of World War Two;
or at least since Hiroshima'

So she sook absolution in my arms,
thinking I could wash her clean like I was
John the Baptist;
I replied as best I could,
'I know your sins, they are my own
but you'll need to go to someone else
for the conclusions;'
which she didn't like to hear me say
and left me there to start the day
alone again but with a heavy conscience


How many times before
Could you tell I didn't care?
When you reached out in your sleep
And you knew I wasn't there - New Order

The little asian
turned slowly onto her side
and fell asleep
while i cogitated furiously

Never again
I think I said
but it could have beem a dream
but it was cold in the park and the mist hung low
and the grass was wet, freezing
and
never again
I thought I'd said
but again and again
it comes back in

never again
I think I'd said
but I can't remeber when
as the sun hung low on the hills
and I slunk my way back home
restless now with imminent urges
soon to be released
never again
I thought I'd said
but I'll be back again

I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of and what I am proud of is disgusting - Moe Syzlak