Ow Ow Ow Ow:

Sitting in the toilet of despair
All I want is a piece of your hair
Is it so wrong to love a baboon?
Ow Ow Ow Ow.

I'm a clean machine and completely insane
Every dad has little girls on his brain
Drinking feces for conscious thought
Ow Ow Ow Ow.

Wearing dresses that she saw on the phone
Building bombs out of elephant bones
All my friends have bananas in their eyes
Ow Ow Ow Ow.

Have a nice day, it's a killer, turn a cheek.

Edited by Sysiyo on 10/24/04 06:32 AM (server time).

Mrs. Potato Head:

Mrs.
Mrs.
P-p-p-p-potato head!

I want you - Mrs. potato head.
I want you - Mrs. potato head.

Mrs. potato head - swimming in a vat of gravy...naked.
Mrs. potato head - gonna sex you up.
Mrs. potato head - 'cause you got ass.

Mrs.
Mrs.
P-p-p-p-potato head!

Have a nice day, it's a killer, turn a cheek.

Robot Man:

You can't say no...
To Robot Man!
(robot man accepts no lies)

You can do the monkey...
With Robot Man!
(robot man is 700 feet tall)

You can play video games...
With Robot Man!
(robot man is designed specifically to kill)

You'll have lots of fun...
With Robot Man!
(robot man will burn everyone you care about)

Have a nice day, it's a killer, turn a cheek.

Where can I meet this Robot Man? He sounds like a fun sort of chap.

New And Improved Meaninglessness

Big Big Man With A Shirt Shirt:

Falsetto: Wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be a man!
Baritone: Mommy! Mommy! He doesn't have a shirt on!
Falsetto: Wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be a man!
Baritone: Mommy! Mommy! He doesn't have a shirt on!

I'm on the run from a big man!
He's a big big man with a shirt shirt!
Big big man with a shirt shirt!

I'm a bear.

See the funny little clown - (clown)
You can see him around trying to frown
But he can't because he has no forehead - (forehead)
He has no forehead
He always has duck lips! - (duck lips)
He always drinks duck milk - (duck milk)

And

I'm on the run from a big man!
He's a big big man with a shirt shirt!
Big big man with a shirt shirt!

Falsetto: Big Man!
Baritone: Big Man!

Oh lay me down...
In the river!
AAAAAAAAHHHHH! HA HA HA!


I think I'll quote a POWER BALLAD!

Damn Mrs. Potato Head is catchy.

If you find the lyrics catchy, wait 'till you hear the song itself. Actually, for the sake of your sanity, don't.

I think I'll quote a POWER BALLAD!

The Doom Room:

Welcome to the doom room.
Everyone comes in laughing but then they cry.
They cry.
The Doom Room.

The doom room is full of hideous clowns with oversized shoes.
The doom room is full of things and temptations that you can't refuse.
The Doom Room.
It's a room of doom.
And clowns with large shoes - big shoes!

Here come the elephants!
Here come the ninjas!
HERE COMES SATAN!

The doom room is full of two-way mirrors that make you look like
Ugly people!
You can't refuse, you can't run away.
Not today.
Not In The Doom Room!

You think you'll laugh, but you'll cry - in the doom room!
Clowns will gouge your eyes out, with letter openers - in the doom room!
Muffins will eat YOU - in the doom room!

Oh no.
Here they come.
The ninja monkey clowns!
They're the ninja monkey clowns that play the hideous music - in the doom room!
It's the music of Satan himself!
Satan and clowns and elephants!
Evil elephants!
Make it stop! Make it stop!
It's your fault I was born with birth defects!
Two left feet, flippers...
Why must you keep hitting me...with large slabs of meat?!?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

TELL...JESUS...I'M COMING...WITH A GUN!

It's a TW moment.

Need a manager? I was a bit sceptic of your talents first but Doom room won me over.
I can get you a recording deal with a christian record company (you mentioned Jesus, that's all they care about) and gigs in mental institutions (you see, even droolers need entertainment). Good enough?

In reply to:

---

The doom room is full of hideous clowns with oversized shoes

---

This is the part that really won me over. Fucking beautiful!

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."

In reply to:

---

I can get you a recording deal with a christian record company (you mentioned Jesus, that's all they care about) and gigs in mental institutions (you see, even droolers need entertainment). Good enough?

---

I'll have my people call your people. Actually, I might be able to weasel my way into a spot at V2 records if I play my cards right, but that gig at the mental institution sounds good. It worked for The Cramps, anyway.

It's a TW moment.

Just imagine a medley with the Robot man, going into Mrs potato head, that would give them nightmares.

Good work Schitzo

If at first you don't succeed, it probably wasn't worth doing in the first place

In reply to:

---

that gig at the mental institution sounds good

---

Just don't tell them your name otherwise they might not let you leave.

This Time It Works

Best thread ever...anywhere

I hate coffee

Oh my god, these are brilliant. Every single one of them. Although all lyrics were superb, a few lines from the songs really stuck out for me as purely genius randomosity:

1. "All my friends have bananas in their eyes" Hahaha!!!!
2. *All of Mrs. Potato Head*
3. "(robot man will burn everyone you care about)"
4. "I'm a bear." <---You were sneaky with this one.
5. "Muffins will eat YOU - in the doom room!" This image reminds me of those evil man-eating mushroom thingys in that
Mom and Dad save the universe movie. They kinda look like muffins...nevermind.

All in all: If you made a CD of this, not only would I buy it, I'd advertise it to the WORLD!!! Mwahahaha!






"We are getting aggravated."
"Yes we are."

In reply to:

---

Best thread ever...anywhere

---

Assuming you're not being sarcastic...

Wow.


It's a TW moment.

PHOENIX sarcastic? Never!

This Time It Works

In reply to:

---

Assuming you're not being sarcastic

---

You assumed correctly

I hate coffee

In Flames:

It's another beautiful day
in hell

wake up in the morning, my bed's in flames
my bed's in flames and my house is gone
my street's in flames and my feet are in flames
and it burns my flowers when I mow my lawn

CHORUS:
I'm in hell
you want a fucking postcard?

I can't reboot my computer's in flames
as commuters run away from the flaming rain
picked up the phone, the reciever's in flames
and all I hear are screams of pain

CHORUS

The town's in flames, I'm drowning in flames
I'm drowning in flames and the pools are closed
pools and schools and jews and jewelers
clones and drones and office poolers
apes and rapists, april foolers
teeotallers and re-toolers
bats and hats and cats and coolers
pens and pencils, rules and rulers
going up in flames
going up in flames

CHORUS

In Yo Face!!!!!!11!!1!

I love it!
It's my favored one.


____________________________
stop that!
that's SILLY!
It started nicey with old women beating up young men
But now it just got silly - Monty Python

Desperado:

How did my car get so big?
A million photos, a million lungs
A million lips, a million tongues
How did my car get so big?

I'm a desperado
In a foreign movie
You ought to recognize me
I'm the guy with a gun

How did my car get so big?

How did my son get so gay?
A million jobs, a million wives
A million golf shoes, a million knives
How did my son get so gay?

And I'm a desperado
In a western movie
I'm going on a killing spree
Ain't no monkey gonna mess with me.

How did my son get so gay?

And it's a gorgeous summer day
and I'm feeling really good
and a gun is in my hand
and my car is out of gas
and the service station's closed
and my apartment's out of town
and I like the way you're dressed
and can I step inside your house?

In Yo Face!!!!!!11!!1!

Both are superb, but my favorite is "In Flames." What a great chorus!

"We are getting aggravated."
"Yes we are."

I must concur. "In Flames" is the best one yet.

You 12,314 guys are my best friends, though thick and thin, we'll always be together. We're 12,314 of a kind, 'cause these 12,314 are one. You're my best friends. I love you guys.

Mr. Oversized Novelty Colostomy Bag:

I know a guy who's at the top of his game
He's on heavy medication but we like him just the same
Well, this cat is really smart
He rides around town in a shopping cart

CHORUS:
Check him out, he ain't no drag, He's Mr.
Oversized Novelty Colostomy Bag!
Check him out, he ain't no drag, He's Mr.
Oversized Novelty Colostomy Bag!
Oversized Novelty Colostomy Bag!

(Otter skins and auto lube,
Stick this in your I.V. tubes!)

REPEAT CHORUS

(spoken): In other news, two hundred people were killed at the beach yesterday. Nobody knows the cause, but all that was left were some rubber beach toys...and a duck.

Nyeeeeeeaaaagh.

Leather:

LEATHER!
LEATHER!
LEATHER!
LEATHER!
OH!
GIANT GORILLA MAN!
LEATHER!
GIANT GORILLA MAN!
(etc.)

(spoken): Hello. Cheeldren, this is Ah-nuld Shwarzeneggah. Do you want too grow up to be beeg and strong and healthy like me? Well...you won't! (incomprehensible dialogue)

Nyeeeeeeaaaagh.

Edited by schizophrenic on 09/14/04 10:24 PM (server time).

Since 'In Flames' and up till now i thought u'd lost it

But youre bacK!

All Sliced Up And Sealed Tight In Baggies
Guess Love Makes You Do Funny Things

In reply to:

---

Assuming you're not being sarcastic...

---

PHOENIX, obviously wasn't being sarcastic.

Perhaps, condescending.

And if you regard his commendation as a seal of approval, you don't set your standards very high, do you?

Just as well.

NEXT!

In reply to:

---

And if you regard his commendation as a seal of approval, you don't set your standards very high, do you?
Just as well.

---

Bah! I was hating my own stuff way before it was cool. Poseur.

Nyeeeeeeaaaagh.

Now schizophrenic, you should listen to Shyster.

If you get a compliment from me and like it, you should be ashamed of yourself.

But don't let that stop you from acknowledging my unsurpassable brilliance please.

Let that be a lesson to the rest of you too, a compliment from PHOENIX is the seal of death. Not only do I base my ability to judge your work on my incredible excellence, but I take that thumbs up to be a sign of universal truth. The true hallmark of someone with serious delusional problems.

Now on with your business, I've got me some more crap to heap my valuable praise on.

You 12,314 guys are my best friends, though thick and thin, we'll always be together. We're 12,314 of a kind, 'cause these 12,314 are one. You're my best friends. I love you guys.

Hang Out:

Hang out!
'cause when you're fat
You get fat.

Hang out!
'cause when I drink
I get mad.

CHORUS:
I got a boat.
It's a big-ass boat.
I got a boat.
Hang out!

'cause purple pants and porpoise paws
make for a sexy Santa Claus.

Hang out!
'cause when you're hot
You get shot.

Hang out!
'cause when you're purple
You're a dickweed.

CHORUS (x2)

Damn to the misery!

Nyeeeeeeaaaagh.

Sys, it followed me home. Can we keep it Sys? Canwecanwecanwe?

I like flowers, puppies and KITTENS!

Just this once. But don't think you can keep every thread that you've made into following you home, we don't have enough money to feed them all.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

Well, I may not be Mr. TW, but having my thread kept is pretty damn cool. So, a new song then!

Cannonballer Melon:

Fletchy is a walrus
Fletchy the detective
Fletchy is fleshy
In a van? In a van.

Fletchy sells placebos
Cannonballer melon
He looks like Robin Zander
With no gums? With no gums.

(repeat until beaten senseless)

Yes I can.

"(Otter skins and auto lube,
Stick this in your I.V. tubes!)" Hahahahaha! The Santa Claus lyric was hilarious, as well.
I wish I could hear the songs.

Anyway, the muffin lyric from an earlier song reminded me of this little film..


I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol. - Steven Seagal

This one is sort of a followup to The Doom Room.

Clown:

The funhouse doors are open
It's packed in like a zoo
You cam in for a laugh, you said
Now who's laughing at who?

I'm the clown
And nobody fucks with the clown

Come on all you children
Let's go and have some fun
You know you'll have to trust me
Because I've got a gun (Why?)

'Cause I'm a clown
And nobody fucks with the clown

Don't say I didn't warn you
This ain't no make-believe
Like Hotel California
It's a circus you can never leave

Because I'm the clown!
And nobody fucks with the clown.

Yes I can.

Squeeze The Sponge:

Tonight the subject is love
No, tonight the subject is pain
I'm an alien, baby
Squeeze the sponge and turn the water black
(alcohol)

I'm gonna try and get drunk
And I'm gonna leave you my car
I'm a matador, Steven
Squeeze the sponge and turn the water black
(gasoline)

Is he still waiting for me?
Well, he'll know just what to expect
I'm a carousel, mommy
Squeeze the sponge and turn the water black
(suicide)



Re-DUN-dant! Re-DUN-dant! Re-DUN...DANT!

Disco FBI:

We are going out tonight.
Hmmm. Hmmm.
We are on our dancing shoes.
Hmmm. Hmmm.
We put on our dancing shoes, keep bullets in our dancing shoes.

Disco...
FBI.

Now we're at the Discothèque.
Hmmm. Hmmm.
Their skirts are hiked up way too high.
Hmmm. Hmmm.
Their skirts are hiked up way too high, a switchblade strapped on every thigh.

Disco...
FBI.

And when you are a dancing spy
The pay's never high and the hours drain you dry
But you can't be seen with a tear in your eye
Or
You
Will...


DIE!

Like the song, but I REALLY am getting freaked out by that new avatar. Please...get..rid of it!!! AHHHHH!!!! DISTURBING!!! (though knowing you, this was exactly the kind of motivation you needed to KEEP the new avatar)

Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?
~Airplane

Well, now that you mention it, I have been looking for an excuse to revive the monkey avatar.

The monkey's good although I did like the smiley face.

I fly to the nearest bar

Yes, I know no one cares anymore. Shut up.

Philosophy:

Burger sleep
Dump on bus
Kill for God
WEEEEEEEEEEE!

Buy LA
Smell the funk
Glove your dog
AAAAAAAAHHH!

Beefheart shoes
Smack your mom
Can't say no
GLUUUUUEEEEE!

Listen to it here.

e-mail: lumpy_monkey@hotmail.com
password: marshmallow

"I'm simply not clicking on a link to foreskin.org. No, I'm not." - Emil

There are at least two songs here I regret ever posting. See if you can guess which ones.

In the meantime, I have some new songs to help...um...well, I have some new songs.

Fist:

We can do the bleachy
We can do the glue
We will file for bankruptcy without a dance to do
Evil wants our number
Evil wants us dead
Evil wants his baby with a bullet to the head

Fist.

They gonna give you drugs
They gonna give you daughter
They gonna drink your gospel wine and spit out toilet water
But gas mask has a weapon
Gas mask has a plan
Gas mask is our master now - a failed everyman

Fist.

I'm always down for some Wang Chung... in bed.


Edit: Ah, maybe I'll add the others later.

Edited by schizophrenic on 01/09/06 09:48 PM (server time).

I love that! Rock.

I want to poop back and forth. ))<>((