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(cracked actor)
10/02/04 10:58 PM
Re: ...and as they got to the top of the hill... new [re: ChesireCat]  

Sorry.. this drags a little because it was originally about climbing the hill and I had to do a rewrite cuz Cheshire beat me to the punch!

In reply to:

Everybody turned around and, to everyone's amazement, they saw ...

....A Lebanese midget dressed in bondage gear.
LMDIBG: Good day.

::TWers:: .....Good day.
Schizo: I THOUGHT I heard a Lebanese midget dressed in bondage gear.....
RealThing: Hey, are any of you guys as thirsty as I am?
th0mas: Would you like a sip from my juice box?
RealThing: I was actually hoping for something that comes in a flask.. not a box... that is unless it's a case of beer... or perhaps wine in a box?
Brad Dourif puppet: Here, little lady. How bout a few swigs of my homemade moonshine?
Sugar: Hey! What'd I say about the alcohol? ..And when did you find the time to make moonshine without me knowing?
Dourif: You take lots of cat naps.
Omar: Hey, can we focus?
Schizo: Did you just speak out of turn, my minion?!
JarethsGirl: ::whispering and nudging Elvenlass:: I can't believe we just hiked backwards up a mudslide and fought off giant tigers with "the man" himself!!
RealThing: Did someone say Mudslide?!
Sys: No, you lush!
Jollygood: Yeah dude.. stop acting like Brigitte Neilson.
Elvenlass: ::to JarethsGirl:: ........Ok you stopped talking like thirty seconds ago, why are you still nudging me?
Sys: EVERYBODY! Seriously, let's concentrate on the mission.
Pablo: But I thought we faced the third test already..
Sys: Not necessarily. I mean, the cave was just to set an eery atmosphere. We really didn't have to overcome any obstacles until the hill, am I right?
Cheshire: Well let's continue towards the mansion. That's really all we CAN do...

Bowie: Could someone hold my cloak for a second?
::All TWers scamper to his aid::
Bowie: ....And... continue forward on one leg..
::All TWers but BlackTropic continue hopping forward::
Bowie: ..Ha.....
JarethsGirl: Holy Smokes, we're almost there! I can't believe it!
Elvenlass: You know it's not gonna be THAT easy.. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if we get to the gate and waiting for us is some grotesque creature hungry for human flesh.
Schizo: Joan Rivers?
Sugar: Elvenlass, I think you just jinxed us big time. You better knock on wood.
Elvenlass: Oh come on, you don't believe in silly superstitions like that, do you? Besides, where am I gonna find some wood?
Black Tropic: Here, rap on my leg....... lost it in Nam.
::TWers silent::
Black Tropic: ......Okay... lost it in a freak bird watching accident.
JollyGood: So THAT'S why you didn't walk on one leg when David asked! You already were!
Black Tropic: Well, no. I just don't care for "Simon Says." Actually there's a funny story behind that..
Bowie: LOOK!

Suddenly, the TWers realized they had reached the gate to the mansion... and they were stunned and terrified at what they saw before them......

PMs make my pulse quicken.

(wild eyed peoploid)
10/03/04 02:26 AM
Re: ...and as they got to the top of the hill... new [re: JarethsGirl]  

It was Joan Rivers ...... and she had a bloodthirsty smirk on her face.

Schizo: I believe that this is going to be the scariest thi----
th0mas: What in Bowie's name is going on?
Blacktropic: i THINK ...... it's trying to sing
Bowie: There are no powers available in my Jedi mind to destroy Joan Rivers ..... she is just TOO powerful
Elvenlass: Let's be thankful it's not Rosie O'Donnell
Rosie: Hey, Hey, Hey!
Sysio: It cant get any worse than this, can it?
Tom Arnold: Hi everybody, this is Tom Arnold and i ---
CheshireCat: The easiest thing to do is shoot ourselves .....

Andy! Can I have a cup of coffee? ..... And a drummer?

All Sliced Up And Sealed Tight In Baggies
Guess Love Makes You Do Funny Things

(stardust savant)
10/03/04 04:06 AM
Re: ...and as they got to the top of the hill... new [re: blacktropic84]  

A bolt of lightning crackles from the swirling dark cloud and strikes the rooftop. Suddenly Bowie turns around to face himself and the TWer's cannot believe what they see before them. Bowie starts to grow before them making cats look like rats. As he does he first looks like Ziggy, then Halloween Jack, Thin white duke, continuing onwards through many incarnatations, until before them stands a twenty foot high Goblin King

"Jareth!!" Squeals Sugar as she runs towards him staring at his crotch!

Schitzo: Omar do something, earn your money
Omar stares at Schitzo as he's still trying to wipe goo off his suit: Sorry, I quit and if we get out of this I'm gonna sue the ass off you.

Blacktropic: Oh my God, what are we gonna do?

JG: MMMmmmmm Jareth!

Elvenless puts her head in her hands and says: Good grief!

Jareth looks across at Sysiyo: Sysiyo, come closer.

Sysiyo doesn't move: Er Um, Hi Jareth, err about earlier on the plane, I er, well in '72 you did say you was bi, so I thought, um, you know, that err, you um wouldn't um OH MY DOG, I'M SORRY!! he falls to the floor and sobs.

Brad: Hey sugar, who's the guy in the tight trousers, I though you were interested in me?


At this point Jarethsgirl faints.

Jareth disappears as though he was never there.

OK, what do we do now? Says Realthing.

In front of them stand Rosie O'Donell, Joan RIvers and Tom Arnold.

Pablo: I think when we said their names we invoked them.

Sugar, well in that case we just need to think happy thoughts.

Sysiyo:I raped David Bowie and he's going to kill me, he sobbed.

Schitzo: Shut up you fool! and kicks him.
Elvenlass: Sugars right, hold on, let's see what I can do, as I think, (looks around the group) that I'm the most level headed, sensible one among us that I can think the nicerest thoughts of anyone here.
She closes her eyes, a smile comes accross her face and looks serene.

Blacktropic: OH SHIT, WHY DID YOU THINK OF THAT??..........

If people were banned for not being sensible who would still be here?

(stardust savant)
10/03/04 01:25 PM
Re: ...and as they got to the top of the hill... new [re: pablopicasso]  

All of a sudden, WWII fighter planes wizz overhead and out of one, jumps a single solitary man...wait woman...no man...in a parachute.

All the TWers stood looking in awe at the captain of the 1st Batallion Transvestite Brigade. He had FANTASTIC make-up, a fantastic gun, tight vinyl pants, a long red coat and black 4 inch heeled boots. It was: EDDIE IZZARD!!!

Eddie landed on the ground next to the TWers with his massively impressive gun pointed at the sucky comedians, who were dumbstruck.

Eddie: Go on, give me your best shot, sucky comedians.

Immediately the moment that Joan Rivers was about to open her mouth, Eddie shot her in the head. *crunch*, her brain spilling out like ooze.

Eddie: I never liked her. Next?

*Tom Arnold begins*

Eddie: *yawning* I banish you to charm school!

And with that Eddie got out his can of hairspray and sprayed it in his eyes.

Tom: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm blind!!!

Eddie: Oh hell. *shoots Tom in the belly* Fantastico!

Now Eddie looks at Rosie O'Donnel who has begun pointing her finger into his chest...

Rosie: Listen buster! You may have been able to kill all these other guys, but you can't kill me, I'm Rosie o'donnel!!!

Eddie: And I'm Emporer Fabulous!

Rosie O'Donnel: Listen, you European! Frankly, the only thing you guys ever contributed to humanity was the BUBONIC PLAGUE!

Eddie: You're right, Rosie. And it just so happens that I've collected a fair amount of fleas in my travels in Europe. Would you like to see?

*Eddie stratches his head and messes his hair like a cat, and lo and behold fleas start jumping off of him. Fleas, fleas, fleas, in such multitude locusts would be jealous. All the fleas jumped onto Rosie's face, her body, her legs, the ground around her, until no part of her anatomy was visible. Her screams were annoyingly deafening, that is until fleas started to fill her mouth and choke her. It was a slow and painful death. And there was much rejoicing.

All the TWers were huddled in a mass of amazement. Rosie was dead. Joan was dead. Tom was dead.

All TWers: Hooray!!! Huzzah! Yipee! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!

Eddie fixed his hair and began to speak

Eddie: Well, it seems that my job is done. You won't be troubled by the likes of them, I can assure you that. I must be off to the hairdresser's now.

Elvenlass: Thanks Eddie.

Eddie caught the next plane out of there and the bodies of the strange comedians disappeared, leaving only one thing between all the TWers and the inside of that mansion: A a massive wood and steel door.....

"Caroline, the day you see anything through to the end, I'll stick my own dick in my ear." - Kevin Spacy in The Ref

(thunder ocean)
10/03/04 01:38 PM
Re: ...and as they got to the top of the hill... new [re: elvenlass]  

And now everyone was staring at the door.

th0mas: "Well, I presume that must have been the final test."
Sys: "Yes, but we didn't solve it ourselves, did we?"
Blacktropic: "Oh, does it matter?"
Omar: "Well, it might, because you have not fulfilled the requirements to their proper charter."
JarethsGirl: "How about we just knock."
Sugar: "Great idea! You do it!"
JarethsGirl: "Why me? I thought maybe Pablo could."
Pablo: "Me? No way-"
Bowie: "Oh for crying out loud! Step aside!"

All the TWers took a step back, to let Bowie to the door (except Sys who aligned himself so he could crope Bowie's butt as he passed). Unfortunately the TWers were not standing in line or even facing the same direction, so many toes were accidentally stepped on. However, Bowie got to the door relatively unharmed (except for his groped butt, that he pretended not to notice), raised his hand...

...and just as everyone were expecting some neat jedi trick from Bowie, he simply knocked on the door. After a few moments of nerous waiting, shuffling footsteps were heard from the inside, and then the sound of a latch being opened. With a screech the door opened to reveal...

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

(leasing the moon)
10/03/04 03:27 PM
With a screech the door opened to reveal... new [re: Sysiyo]  

..Algeria Touchshriek.

There was a very loud silence from the TWers.

Sys: "Bloody hell. I thought we killed you in the TW Ghetto already!"
Sugar: "And you're not even real, you're just a postmodern figment of hypertextual reality!"
Brad-puppet: "Damn right!"
Touchshriek: "Don't ask me. I'm just the butler for this special occasion.. the owner of this castle doesn't keep any regular staff, you see. So when he decided to have this party, he thought it convenient to solve his other problem by hiring me."
Elvenlass: "Er.. what other problem?"
Touchshriek: "Well, I had been stalking him with murderous intent for the past two years."

There was an even louder silence from all the TWers, until Bowie stepped forward and into the castle past its creepy part-time -butler: "Right, come along, folks, I bet there's got to be free drinks in here somewhere."
Brad-puppet: "Hooray!"
Sugar: "You're going nowhere near the drinks or it's the sock drawer for you!"

I like to pay attention to the men behind the curtain.

(stardust savant)
10/03/04 03:51 PM
Re: With a screech the door opened to reveal... new [re: SugarPlumFairy]  

The band of TW'ers walked down a long Oak panel lined corridor, leading from the main entrance way to the depths of the mansion. All sort of sounds emanating from the house, the polished floor creaking and echoing the footfalls of the intrepid and esoteric band of travellers.

Pablo: I have a bad feeling about this.

Blacktropic: Now that was a blatant piece of plagarism from Star Wars, if you haven't anything constructive to say, shut up.

Elvenlass, who was walking next to Pablo, leans closer and whispers:I feel the same, something is wrong.

It takes the group, what seems like ages to reach the far end of the corridor, mainly because Algeria Touchshreik being about one hundred years old could only walk very slowly and seemed to be muttering something about aftershocks and interest drugs.

Brad: Did someone mention AfterShock?

Sugar: OK I warned you! and promptly stuffed him in her pocket.

Brad: MMmmmm MM MM MMM

Sugar: Shut up!

When they reached the end Algeria started to open the door, the handle was very stiff and he had trouble turning it. Finally the lock clicked and the door opened with a blood curdling screech.

The group walked inside with much hesitation.

Schitzo: What the.....

In the room, which in more opulent times might have been a ballroom were five chairs, facing away from the group, three of the chairs were occupied....

The middle chair spun around slowly.

Sysiyo: ADAM, Am I glad to see you.

Adam smiled at the group and said in a sinister voice: I'm pleased to see you made it. On his lap was a little Terrier with a Diamond Collar, that was barking in a high pitched voice, which made the sound like Yay! Yay!

The two inner chairs which were occupied spun around to show that they held OhRamona and EJSunday.

Adam Gestures to Sysiyo: Come join us, sadly we know not what has happened to our fifth member. As he says this he strokes the dog, which continues to bark.

Jareth'sGirl:ADAM, what are we doing here, when does the party start?

Adam laughs and says ok, let me tell you a story........

If people were banned for not being sensible who would still be here?

(electric tomato)
10/03/04 06:23 PM
He's playing a Jedi mind trick!! [re: pablopicasso]  

Adam is about to start his story when all the TWer's suddenly hear a terrible scream and from another not-noticed-before door way comes a man, running and waving his arms.

Elvanlass: Wait is that a man? he's wearing makeup!
Bowie: He looks oddly familiar...
Sugar: Oh my! That's Brian Eno!

Eno comes crashing in and throws himself between the mud covered TWers and the three chairs.

Eno: Don't trust him! He's not Adam!
Adam: what are you doing? How did you escape? EJ grab her!
Sys: her? I mean I know Eno liked makeup and all, but I'm pretty sure Eno is a man.
Eno: Guys- he's not Adam! Someone is playing a Jedi mind trick on all of you!

All the Twers look at Bowie.

Bowie: It's not me! I'm not on the dark side...
Sugar: than who is it?

Eno: I don't know! All I know is that's not Adam! Adam picked me up from my house a couple of hours ago. We arrived here and started looking around for a costum for him. He went into the closet and he he came out all of the sudden he went psycho and locked me in a strange stair filled room. I'm telling you- it's not Adam!

No one seems to notice that the Cheshire cat hand puppet is some how making his way out of the room.

Sugar: But, wait if you're a 'her', but you look like Brian Eno.... who are you?

Brian Eno reached up and slid his face mask off.

Bowie: Oh my its TC! Look out! EJ's gonna get you!

Fads they come and fads they go, and man, I love that rock'n'roll

(crash course raver)
10/03/04 06:41 PM
Re: He's playing a Jedi mind trick!! [re: TalentedChild]  

(Sorry I couldn't get back to this sooner, thanks for keeping me in this guys!)

... Too late!

EJ tackles TC viciously

TC: Hey! Watch out! This Eno suit was expensive!
EJ: Sorry, couldn't help myself.
Elvenlass: So TC if you're not really Eno, is that really Adam?
TC: Beats me.
Sys: Lot of help you are!
TC: I'm not sure, if it IS Adam, he's certainly not himself!
Bowie: Well, whoever it is, he's gone now.
RealThing: What do you mean, he's gone?
Bowie: He just ran off...
RealThing: Ran off? Why didn't you stop him?
Bowie: Well, this isn't really any of my business...
RealThing: Listen man, we could all be in grave danger or something, and you just let him run off...!!
Elvenlass: RealThing! Calm down!
Sys: Yes, we should think about this for a minute....
RealThing: I need a drink....
Sugar: You ALWAYS need a drink!
RealThing: Yes, what's your point?
Sugar: I didn't really have one, but now that you mention it, I could go for a drink myself....
Sys: Anyway, we should find out who that Adam impersonator is!
Elvenlass: Let's follow him!
Sys: Because a large group of people following someone isn't suspicious at all....
Elvenlass: Well, it sounded like a good idea to me.

All the TW'ers were busy planning their next move (or drink, as the case may be), they were not aware that they were being watched.

TC: Hey, does anyone get the odd feeling that we're being watched?
RealThing: Don't be silly! I only get that when I'm drunk!
Elvenlass: Are you drunk now?
RealThing: No, and I feel like I'm being watched....
TC: That's pretty messed up.
Sys: No good can come from this....
Elvenlass: Well, now nothing good is going to come from this!
Sys: Why's that?
Elvenlass: It's like saying 'I'll be right back' in a horror movie, THEY NEVER COME BACK!
Sugar: Elvenlass, it'll be okay....
Elvenlass: Will it? WILL IT REALLY????

...And then, a strange figure emerged from the bushes!

Inconsiderate and uncultured, that's an educated edge!

(stardust savant)
10/03/04 08:55 PM
Re: He's playing a Jedi mind trick!! [re: RealThing]  

Which was weird because they were inside a mansion.

Realthing: Who would keep bushes inside a castle?

JarethsGirl: Please don't say "castle." It makes it seem so much more horror-movie-ish.

Elvenlass: Shut up you guys. I hear something approaching.

*all the TWers were silent, and their hearts were pounding in their throats*

There was a deep growling, and a frightening bark, as some wolf-like creature approached. Actually, it more like a horrendous hybrid of wolf and man, but twice as violent as a wolf, and twice as intelligent as a man. A werewolf?

With supernatural speed, it ran towards the first thing it saw...Omar, and sank his teeth into his jugular, and jerking his head around, broke Omar's neck.

Pablo: *terrified, but still a little curious* I wonder why it's always Omar that get's mauled and eaten in this story.

RealThing: Probably cause no one has any emotional attachment to him.

Just as Realthing finished talking, the Werewolf turned his firey eyes and bloody, snarling jaws toward her. He let out a sick howl and jumped at her!!!...

Elvenlass: Watch out!!!

"Caroline, the day you see anything through to the end, I'll stick my own dick in my ear." - Kevin Spacy in The Ref

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