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   >> I Was An Artiste
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PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
07/27/06 04:03 AM
Have YOU read between the lines? (kept thread)  

One night, not too long ago, I was sitting amongst a throng of horny women watching Manpower, with the gyrations, thrusts and random crotch attacks. Crutch attacks if you're British apparently.

When the show was over I asked the ladies around me what they thought it meant. They were puzzled. They told me it was a bunch of hot oily guys dancing. I could see that! What I wanted to know is the hidden meaning behind the act. Perhaps some critique of the West's strategy to secure the oil reserves of the world. They were covered in oil, just like our government is covered in oil and the blood of lesser nations.

When I brought up this possibility the ladies wouldn't talk to me anymore. Not even when I stripped down to my underpants and gyrated my crotch at them. (I gyrated my crutch at them if your British, apparently). The artistic communication between Manpower and these ladies was equally ineffective. The poor silly horny idiots had no idea.

But is it any different when you are confronted by some of Bowie's truly great work? The song Too Dizzy is brought up again and again as a topic of criticism and hate. But nobody looks close enough. Lazy! Silly! Very silly! And very lazy....

Look closer...let me guide you.

There's too much talking for a night drive.

Obviously a decision has been made to go on a "night drive" between the singer and an unknown person. But this person won't shut up, therefore making it impossible for the singer to go get his car keys, put shoes on and grab his wallet. There's too much talking for a night drive. Perhaps we'll go tomorrow when you're less excitable. For now we'd better just have a conversation, even if it is one-sided. I can't even make a cup of tea you're talking so much.

Too much mist in front of my eyes.

The only misty thing I can think of is pesticide. So, the picture becomes clearer. The singer is spraying pesticide on his vegetables in the back garden, AND he's having his ear talked off, all the while trying to get ready to go on a night drive. This stressful situation is making him pump out too much pesticide by mistake. It's getting in his eyes and all.

I'm trying not to lose control.

No wonder!! It's making more sense now isn't it? The singer is about to have some kind of breakdown. Too much going on! If he doesn't concentrate more on spraying pesticide he's going to have a very serious oopsy.

But you're just pushing for a fight.

So now Miss Talky is showing her real motivations for going on that so called "night drive". It's Tyson vs Stegmire down at the concert venue and she wants to go. She's just pushing our singer into driving her to the big fight. That's all she's doing. And our poor singer is feeling the stress, but Talky doesn't care.

You look trapped turn the radio on.

Now you see what she's done? The singer has decided to take her after all, but with all that pesticide in his eyes he has a major car accident. There's smoke and fire. And Talky is trapped in the wreckage. The singer can't get her out, so he turns on the radio to amuse her until the emergency services arrive.

Too much smoke air conditioning gone.

Talky is choking on the smoke, and the air conditioning is beyond repair.

But I'm helpless in love with you

He can't do anything for her. Probably saying goodbye by saying he loves her, despite her being a pushy shithead.

But you're just looking for a break.

Talky can't move her legs. She feels them to see if there are any broken bones.

Is it love or is it what?

That doesn't make any sense. He's so worried he's talking gibberish.

Who's this guy I'm gonna blow away?

Umm. The only thing I can think of is that he's got a call from his young daughter and wants to kill the guy who knocked her up.

What kind of love is he giving you?

Anal, vaginal or oral? Dad wants to know.

I'm a dizzy is what I'm trying to say

Still under the influence of the pesticide.

Too Dizzy - You can't have a lover

Getting very confused now.

Too Dizzy - It's me and no other

I don't want to accuse the singer of incest. But I have to.

I'm a bad loser - I'm shaking in anger

Well...as he still waits for help he listens to a horse race that he had a bet on. And loses. His fucked up day is starting to get to him now.

Too Dizzy - You can't have no lover

Personally I think he should wait for the pesticide to wear off before he says anything else.

You can go on dreaming every night

When Talky is dead

But I'm not letting you out of my sight

He's gonna watch her burn

I'm ten times a man than any guy around

He's hysterical now

But you're just itchin, twitching for a break

What's the point?

The meaning of the song is not to drive when you've breathed in pesticide. Not to talk to your daughter under the influence of pesticide. And to get your air conditioning looked at, it might save your life, or at least give you a bit of cool comfort just before you burn to death.

See the world of red_phoenix_red. His cat wants him to kill again

Edited by K on 08/03/06 01:22 PM (server time).



PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/01/06 10:45 AM
I've got this forum all to myself new [re: PHOENIX]  

Neighborhood Threat

Down where the paint is cracking

That'll be just above the tub in the bathroom.

Look down your backstairs buddy

Oh. Well, ok. I guess the stairs leading down to the garage do need a coat or two.

Somebody's living there and

What?!?!

He don't really feel the weather

No wonder! He's squatting in my fucking garage! There are shelters he could go to.

And he don't share your pleasures

That would be the last straw. It would also make me feel quite ill.

No He don't share your pleasures

Got it the first time, but thanks for the reassurance.

Look at his eyes

Ok

Did you see his crazy eyes?

Yes!

You're so surprised he don't run to catch your ash

Actually I'm not. My ashtray is right here and he's using my garage to keep out of the rain.

Everybody always wants to kiss your trash

Now you're just being silly.

You can't help him

I was going to give him a few bucks.

Nobody can

He's got cancer?

Now that he knows

He found something in my trash didn't he?

There's nothing to get

He's doing pretty good so far

Will you still place your bet

I'm trying not to let this garage man stop me doing what I want to

On the neighborhood threat?

If he's threatening the whole neighborhood then he's really gotta go.

Somewhere a baby's bleeding

HOLY SHIT!

Somewhere a mother's needing

What was that about a BLEEDING BABY??

Outside a boy is lying

This is more important than a bleeding baby?

But mostly he is crying

Is he bleeding too?

And he just shouts in anger

He's certainly busy.

You'll find him interesting

Well, he's distracted me from a bleeding baby, so obviously.

Look at his eyes

Whatever happened to the garage dude?

Did you see his crazy eyes?

Yeah, It's going around a bit

You're so surprised he doesn't build for you

Again, I'd probably would be surprised. He doesn't even have any cement.

Everybody always wants to run with you

Popular route that morning riverside track, it might not be all me.

Verdict = Just a completely crazy fucking song which makes no sense at all.

See the world of red_phoenix_red. His cat wants him to kill again

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
08/01/06 03:21 PM
Truly disappointed new [re: PHOENIX]  

In reply to:

That'll be just above the tub in the bathroom


I thought this was going to be about tubgirl.

stop smiling at me
treat me unpleasantly



PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/02/06 06:02 AM
Post traumatic tubgirl syndrome new [re: RabbitFighter]  

If you'd read between the lines of me reading between the lines you would have realised that Tubgirl is exactly what it was all about.

'87 and Cry

It's just a one dollar secret

I don't think it's worth listening to then.

A lover's secrets in the UK

Don't go on about it.

Torn apart in the UK

I find that fact a bit melodramatic.

In the dribble of May-Day

I hope to God that's another word for rain.

'87 and Cry

Huh?

'87 and Cry

What?

And there's nothing inside

You got that right David.

And there's nothing in mind

This doesn't mean you have to write silly things.

And only you
Rocket on thru the sky


You're drunk again aren't you?

It couldn't be done without dogs

You opened a hotdog shop?

It couldn't be once without us

I'm completely losing you buddy.

'87 and Cry

Oh don't start this again.

'87 and Cry

Sounds just as unfathomable the fourth time.

When the days were the days were the days boys

Right.

When blue ties were for the biggy guys

Am I reading the right lyrics or some joke lyrics?

Frannie dressing down for the enemy

I haven't understood a single line yet Dave.

You saw him hangin' on the enemy

Sure.

And there's no one in love

Frannie is dressing down for an enemy he's hangin' on, in a time when biggy guys wore blue ties. Days gone by that are held in high regard? You really think this shit is gonna fly?

And there's nowhere to scream

Who's screaming David?? WHO?? Who wants to scream?

And only you
Race on to wonder where


Everybody does when you sing this song.

It couldn't be done without dogs

A greyhound race? WHAT can't you do without dogs?

It couldn't be once without us

Here we go again.

'87 and Cry

I am.

'87 and Cry

Fuck you.

You can't make love with money

You can too. It is possible.

You can't make mistakes with babies

Like putting it in the oven instead of the turkey?

Nothing looked good on you

Nice...

That's how I liked you best

I sure don't give a shit by now.

Now you're ready for the real McCoy

You do realise, don't you David, that I can't even pretend to know what the fuck you're talking about here.

Deep in the heart of Cupid

Ok, a theme is love.

Murders on the heels of love

And gangsters and killing.

Just the ghost of a story

Not even that. Bastard.

Just a one dollar secret

I feel like crying right now.

Baby these were the sounds
Baby these were the sounds


...I give up...

And only you
Whisper these things aren't true


This is like William Burrough's nightmare

It couldn't be done with dogs

I think the guy who did the lyrics was a bit tipsy.

It couldn't be once without us

David too.

'87 and Cry

FUCK OFF!

'87 and Cry

I HATE YOU!!!

If you're a mod, and you're reading this thread, could you please put it in the artiste's forum?

I really don't know where this thread belongs. But it does belong.

Strawman
(acolyte)
08/02/06 08:23 AM
Bus Stop new [re: PHOENIX]  

There's a cry that is heard in the city

"BIG ISSUE!!"

From Vivian at Pentecost Lane

What's hir surname? Though I'm certain I still wouldn't have heard of hir.

A shriekin' and dancing till 4 a.m.
Another night of muscles and pain


Sounds like a great party - were you invited?

I love you despite your convictions
Though God never laughs at my jokes


Tell 'im the one about the rubber cross.

I'm a young man at odds with the Bible

Having faith in that book seldom works.

But I don't pretend faith never works



When we're down on our knees

Praying with Viv I presume?

Prayin' at the bus stop

Where else?

Now Jesus he came in a vision

Right..

And offered you redemption from sin

Generous - I think she'd have prefered the winning lottery ticket?

I'm not sayin' that I don't believe you

Right..

But are you sure that it really was him

So you don't believe hir?

I've been told that it couldn've been blue cheese

Eversince first hearing this song I've tried desperately to trip on Stilton, but all I've ever done is practically shit myself & run out of crackers.

Or the meal that we ate down the road

Could you provide the name & whereabouts of that restaurant?

Hallelujah

Yeah, thank fuck that's over.

If You Don't Know Me...

PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/02/06 08:49 AM
Now it's allowed to get shitty! new [re: Strawman]  

Huzzah! For a while there it felt like I was doing the monkey in church.

I really don't know where this thread belongs. But it does belong.

Vanessa_Y
(crash course raver)
08/03/06 00:15 AM
Re: Now it's allowed to get shitty! new [re: PHOENIX]  

You are funnyyyyyy. LMFAO.




PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/03/06 07:16 AM
It's not as it started! new [re: PHOENIX]  

A Big Hurt

To meet her once just to know it through and through

You should meet her first yeah.

I know, I know

Yup

But it ain't finished till the fat lady sings

I won't tell her you said that.

I know, I know

Don't get too presumptuous now.

How can I help you?

Make it clear what the hell you're singing about.

You're just a wanna-be

Hey, anybody can make up ridiculous lyrics buddy!

I'm a believer

Oh yeah. You get all the good traits.

You're a sex receiver

My official occupation?

And me with a big hurt

Oh! Why didn't you tell me?

You know I had a big hurt

I didn't!!

From the very start

I promise! I didn't know!!

I'm hurting so bad

I got panadol.

'Cause you're my roommate from hell

Oh. You were being a smartass.

Got to take some blows on the stepping stones

That's your third catchphrase so far.

Speak in extremes

Or catchphrases.

It'll save you time

It'll save me time if you stop fucking around.

You were a saint abroad

I know!

But a devil at home

Yeah...I know

Come on here, woo-woo

I don't like the sound of that.

And kiss it for me

No!! PUT IT AWAY!

To meet her once just to know it through and through

You're just flopping it out for everyone aren't you?

I know, I know

It's not enough just admitting it, you have to start behaving yourself.

Even a glass eye in a duck's ass can see that

Ok. Now I'm really worried about you.

I know, I know

I mean, here's you - the guy who wrote Space Oddity writing about glass eyes in duck's assholes.

How can I help you?

By stopping with the asses and the kissing it.

I'm hit with a big hurt

Oh don't start that again.

You know I had

I don't know if I can believe in anything you say anymore.

A great big hurt

Then go to the doctor, I'm not dealing with it.

From the very start

A great big...naughty episode!!

I'm hurting so bad

Promise you are?

And here come the indians oooo

YOU BASTARD!

Kiss it for me, woo-woo

GO GET FUCKED! I'M NOT YOUR FAN ANYMORE!

Kiss it for me

I'm telling everyone! I'm gonna post it!

Woo-woo, kiss it for me

This is deplorable!

Come on here, woo-woo

Immature!!

Kiss it for me

Childish!!

Kiss it where it counts

This is harrassment you know!!

Kiss it for me

Leave me alone!

Come on here, woo-woo

Go away!!

Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo

And put that thing away too!! Disgusting!!

Kiss it for me

You know I used to think you were suave!! You're a sick bastard.

I know

Here's my psychiatrist's number.

How much sweaty Travolta can you take?

littlechinagirl
(kook)
08/03/06 09:11 AM
Re: It's not as it started! new [re: PHOENIX]  

Phoenix, this thread is classic! I've actually printed it off



schizophrenic
(acolyte)
08/03/06 01:20 PM
Re: Have YOU read between the lines? new [re: PHOENIX]  

I concur with the general consensus. This thread is genius.

"Vasectomy is your friend." - RabbitFighter


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