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   >> I Was An Artiste
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PHOENIX
(stardust savant)
07/27/06 04:03 AM
Have YOU read between the lines? (kept thread) new  

One night, not too long ago, I was sitting amongst a throng of horny women watching Manpower, with the gyrations, thrusts and random crotch attacks. Crutch attacks if you're British apparently.

When the show was over I asked the ladies around me what they thought it meant. They were puzzled. They told me it was a bunch of hot oily guys dancing. I could see that! What I wanted to know is the hidden meaning behind the act. Perhaps some critique of the West's strategy to secure the oil reserves of the world. They were covered in oil, just like our government is covered in oil and the blood of lesser nations.

When I brought up this possibility the ladies wouldn't talk to me anymore. Not even when I stripped down to my underpants and gyrated my crotch at them. (I gyrated my crutch at them if your British, apparently). The artistic communication between Manpower and these ladies was equally ineffective. The poor silly horny idiots had no idea.

But is it any different when you are confronted by some of Bowie's truly great work? The song Too Dizzy is brought up again and again as a topic of criticism and hate. But nobody looks close enough. Lazy! Silly! Very silly! And very lazy....

Look closer...let me guide you.

There's too much talking for a night drive.

Obviously a decision has been made to go on a "night drive" between the singer and an unknown person. But this person won't shut up, therefore making it impossible for the singer to go get his car keys, put shoes on and grab his wallet. There's too much talking for a night drive. Perhaps we'll go tomorrow when you're less excitable. For now we'd better just have a conversation, even if it is one-sided. I can't even make a cup of tea you're talking so much.

Too much mist in front of my eyes.

The only misty thing I can think of is pesticide. So, the picture becomes clearer. The singer is spraying pesticide on his vegetables in the back garden, AND he's having his ear talked off, all the while trying to get ready to go on a night drive. This stressful situation is making him pump out too much pesticide by mistake. It's getting in his eyes and all.

I'm trying not to lose control.

No wonder!! It's making more sense now isn't it? The singer is about to have some kind of breakdown. Too much going on! If he doesn't concentrate more on spraying pesticide he's going to have a very serious oopsy.

But you're just pushing for a fight.

So now Miss Talky is showing her real motivations for going on that so called "night drive". It's Tyson vs Stegmire down at the concert venue and she wants to go. She's just pushing our singer into driving her to the big fight. That's all she's doing. And our poor singer is feeling the stress, but Talky doesn't care.

You look trapped turn the radio on.

Now you see what she's done? The singer has decided to take her after all, but with all that pesticide in his eyes he has a major car accident. There's smoke and fire. And Talky is trapped in the wreckage. The singer can't get her out, so he turns on the radio to amuse her until the emergency services arrive.

Too much smoke air conditioning gone.

Talky is choking on the smoke, and the air conditioning is beyond repair.

But I'm helpless in love with you

He can't do anything for her. Probably saying goodbye by saying he loves her, despite her being a pushy shithead.

But you're just looking for a break.

Talky can't move her legs. She feels them to see if there are any broken bones.

Is it love or is it what?

That doesn't make any sense. He's so worried he's talking gibberish.

Who's this guy I'm gonna blow away?

Umm. The only thing I can think of is that he's got a call from his young daughter and wants to kill the guy who knocked her up.

What kind of love is he giving you?

Anal, vaginal or oral? Dad wants to know.

I'm a dizzy is what I'm trying to say

Still under the influence of the pesticide.

Too Dizzy - You can't have a lover

Getting very confused now.

Too Dizzy - It's me and no other

I don't want to accuse the singer of incest. But I have to.

I'm a bad loser - I'm shaking in anger

Well...as he still waits for help he listens to a horse race that he had a bet on. And loses. His fucked up day is starting to get to him now.

Too Dizzy - You can't have no lover

Personally I think he should wait for the pesticide to wear off before he says anything else.

You can go on dreaming every night

When Talky is dead

But I'm not letting you out of my sight

He's gonna watch her burn

I'm ten times a man than any guy around

He's hysterical now

But you're just itchin, twitching for a break

What's the point?

The meaning of the song is not to drive when you've breathed in pesticide. Not to talk to your daughter under the influence of pesticide. And to get your air conditioning looked at, it might save your life, or at least give you a bit of cool comfort just before you burn to death.

See the world of red_phoenix_red. His cat wants him to kill again

Edited by K on 08/03/06 01:22 PM (server time).



PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/01/06 10:45 AM
I've got this forum all to myself new [re: PHOENIX]  

Neighborhood Threat

Down where the paint is cracking

That'll be just above the tub in the bathroom.

Look down your backstairs buddy

Oh. Well, ok. I guess the stairs leading down to the garage do need a coat or two.

Somebody's living there and

What?!?!

He don't really feel the weather

No wonder! He's squatting in my fucking garage! There are shelters he could go to.

And he don't share your pleasures

That would be the last straw. It would also make me feel quite ill.

No He don't share your pleasures

Got it the first time, but thanks for the reassurance.

Look at his eyes

Ok

Did you see his crazy eyes?

Yes!

You're so surprised he don't run to catch your ash

Actually I'm not. My ashtray is right here and he's using my garage to keep out of the rain.

Everybody always wants to kiss your trash

Now you're just being silly.

You can't help him

I was going to give him a few bucks.

Nobody can

He's got cancer?

Now that he knows

He found something in my trash didn't he?

There's nothing to get

He's doing pretty good so far

Will you still place your bet

I'm trying not to let this garage man stop me doing what I want to

On the neighborhood threat?

If he's threatening the whole neighborhood then he's really gotta go.

Somewhere a baby's bleeding

HOLY SHIT!

Somewhere a mother's needing

What was that about a BLEEDING BABY??

Outside a boy is lying

This is more important than a bleeding baby?

But mostly he is crying

Is he bleeding too?

And he just shouts in anger

He's certainly busy.

You'll find him interesting

Well, he's distracted me from a bleeding baby, so obviously.

Look at his eyes

Whatever happened to the garage dude?

Did you see his crazy eyes?

Yeah, It's going around a bit

You're so surprised he doesn't build for you

Again, I'd probably would be surprised. He doesn't even have any cement.

Everybody always wants to run with you

Popular route that morning riverside track, it might not be all me.

Verdict = Just a completely crazy fucking song which makes no sense at all.

See the world of red_phoenix_red. His cat wants him to kill again

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
08/01/06 03:21 PM
Truly disappointed new [re: PHOENIX]  

In reply to:

That'll be just above the tub in the bathroom


I thought this was going to be about tubgirl.

stop smiling at me
treat me unpleasantly



PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/02/06 06:02 AM
Post traumatic tubgirl syndrome new [re: RabbitFighter]  

If you'd read between the lines of me reading between the lines you would have realised that Tubgirl is exactly what it was all about.

'87 and Cry

It's just a one dollar secret

I don't think it's worth listening to then.

A lover's secrets in the UK

Don't go on about it.

Torn apart in the UK

I find that fact a bit melodramatic.

In the dribble of May-Day

I hope to God that's another word for rain.

'87 and Cry

Huh?

'87 and Cry

What?

And there's nothing inside

You got that right David.

And there's nothing in mind

This doesn't mean you have to write silly things.

And only you
Rocket on thru the sky


You're drunk again aren't you?

It couldn't be done without dogs

You opened a hotdog shop?

It couldn't be once without us

I'm completely losing you buddy.

'87 and Cry

Oh don't start this again.

'87 and Cry

Sounds just as unfathomable the fourth time.

When the days were the days were the days boys

Right.

When blue ties were for the biggy guys

Am I reading the right lyrics or some joke lyrics?

Frannie dressing down for the enemy

I haven't understood a single line yet Dave.

You saw him hangin' on the enemy

Sure.

And there's no one in love

Frannie is dressing down for an enemy he's hangin' on, in a time when biggy guys wore blue ties. Days gone by that are held in high regard? You really think this shit is gonna fly?

And there's nowhere to scream

Who's screaming David?? WHO?? Who wants to scream?

And only you
Race on to wonder where


Everybody does when you sing this song.

It couldn't be done without dogs

A greyhound race? WHAT can't you do without dogs?

It couldn't be once without us

Here we go again.

'87 and Cry

I am.

'87 and Cry

Fuck you.

You can't make love with money

You can too. It is possible.

You can't make mistakes with babies

Like putting it in the oven instead of the turkey?

Nothing looked good on you

Nice...

That's how I liked you best

I sure don't give a shit by now.

Now you're ready for the real McCoy

You do realise, don't you David, that I can't even pretend to know what the fuck you're talking about here.

Deep in the heart of Cupid

Ok, a theme is love.

Murders on the heels of love

And gangsters and killing.

Just the ghost of a story

Not even that. Bastard.

Just a one dollar secret

I feel like crying right now.

Baby these were the sounds
Baby these were the sounds


...I give up...

And only you
Whisper these things aren't true


This is like William Burrough's nightmare

It couldn't be done with dogs

I think the guy who did the lyrics was a bit tipsy.

It couldn't be once without us

David too.

'87 and Cry

FUCK OFF!

'87 and Cry

I HATE YOU!!!

If you're a mod, and you're reading this thread, could you please put it in the artiste's forum?

I really don't know where this thread belongs. But it does belong.

Strawman
(acolyte)
08/02/06 08:23 AM
Bus Stop new [re: PHOENIX]  

There's a cry that is heard in the city

"BIG ISSUE!!"

From Vivian at Pentecost Lane

What's hir surname? Though I'm certain I still wouldn't have heard of hir.

A shriekin' and dancing till 4 a.m.
Another night of muscles and pain


Sounds like a great party - were you invited?

I love you despite your convictions
Though God never laughs at my jokes


Tell 'im the one about the rubber cross.

I'm a young man at odds with the Bible

Having faith in that book seldom works.

But I don't pretend faith never works



When we're down on our knees

Praying with Viv I presume?

Prayin' at the bus stop

Where else?

Now Jesus he came in a vision

Right..

And offered you redemption from sin

Generous - I think she'd have prefered the winning lottery ticket?

I'm not sayin' that I don't believe you

Right..

But are you sure that it really was him

So you don't believe hir?

I've been told that it couldn've been blue cheese

Eversince first hearing this song I've tried desperately to trip on Stilton, but all I've ever done is practically shit myself & run out of crackers.

Or the meal that we ate down the road

Could you provide the name & whereabouts of that restaurant?

Hallelujah

Yeah, thank fuck that's over.

If You Don't Know Me...

PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/02/06 08:49 AM
Now it's allowed to get shitty! new [re: Strawman]  

Huzzah! For a while there it felt like I was doing the monkey in church.

I really don't know where this thread belongs. But it does belong.

Vanessa_Y
(crash course raver)
08/03/06 00:15 AM
Re: Now it's allowed to get shitty! new [re: PHOENIX]  

You are funnyyyyyy. LMFAO.




PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/03/06 07:16 AM
It's not as it started! new [re: PHOENIX]  

A Big Hurt

To meet her once just to know it through and through

You should meet her first yeah.

I know, I know

Yup

But it ain't finished till the fat lady sings

I won't tell her you said that.

I know, I know

Don't get too presumptuous now.

How can I help you?

Make it clear what the hell you're singing about.

You're just a wanna-be

Hey, anybody can make up ridiculous lyrics buddy!

I'm a believer

Oh yeah. You get all the good traits.

You're a sex receiver

My official occupation?

And me with a big hurt

Oh! Why didn't you tell me?

You know I had a big hurt

I didn't!!

From the very start

I promise! I didn't know!!

I'm hurting so bad

I got panadol.

'Cause you're my roommate from hell

Oh. You were being a smartass.

Got to take some blows on the stepping stones

That's your third catchphrase so far.

Speak in extremes

Or catchphrases.

It'll save you time

It'll save me time if you stop fucking around.

You were a saint abroad

I know!

But a devil at home

Yeah...I know

Come on here, woo-woo

I don't like the sound of that.

And kiss it for me

No!! PUT IT AWAY!

To meet her once just to know it through and through

You're just flopping it out for everyone aren't you?

I know, I know

It's not enough just admitting it, you have to start behaving yourself.

Even a glass eye in a duck's ass can see that

Ok. Now I'm really worried about you.

I know, I know

I mean, here's you - the guy who wrote Space Oddity writing about glass eyes in duck's assholes.

How can I help you?

By stopping with the asses and the kissing it.

I'm hit with a big hurt

Oh don't start that again.

You know I had

I don't know if I can believe in anything you say anymore.

A great big hurt

Then go to the doctor, I'm not dealing with it.

From the very start

A great big...naughty episode!!

I'm hurting so bad

Promise you are?

And here come the indians oooo

YOU BASTARD!

Kiss it for me, woo-woo

GO GET FUCKED! I'M NOT YOUR FAN ANYMORE!

Kiss it for me

I'm telling everyone! I'm gonna post it!

Woo-woo, kiss it for me

This is deplorable!

Come on here, woo-woo

Immature!!

Kiss it for me

Childish!!

Kiss it where it counts

This is harrassment you know!!

Kiss it for me

Leave me alone!

Come on here, woo-woo

Go away!!

Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo

And put that thing away too!! Disgusting!!

Kiss it for me

You know I used to think you were suave!! You're a sick bastard.

I know

Here's my psychiatrist's number.

How much sweaty Travolta can you take?

littlechinagirl
(kook)
08/03/06 09:11 AM
Re: It's not as it started! new [re: PHOENIX]  

Phoenix, this thread is classic! I've actually printed it off



schizophrenic
(acolyte)
08/03/06 01:20 PM
Re: Have YOU read between the lines? new [re: PHOENIX]  

I concur with the general consensus. This thread is genius.

"Vasectomy is your friend." - RabbitFighter

Bamboo7
(crash course raver)
08/03/06 03:32 PM
Re: Have YOU read between the lines? new [re: schizophrenic]  

I was originally going to post a jealous comment about how PHOENIX has already started a kept thread having only been back a few days, you know, to boost his ego and all, but damn, schiz. That avatar is so creepy that it made me forget everything I was about to type.


______________________________

Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis.

Is this haunted room actually stretching?


Froggy Starlust
(acolyte)
08/04/06 08:00 PM
Father, I want to kill you. Mother, I want to ... new [re: PHOENIX]  

I forgot what my father said

"Where did you get that chainsaw, son?"

I forgot what he said

Well, you sawed his head off rather abruptly, so it could be that he just said "Aaaarghglggl!"

I forgot what my mother said

"Where are your pants, son?"

As we lay upon your bed

You can guess the rest.

A city full of flowers

Amsterdam?

A city full of rain

London?

I got seven days to live my life

Well, you got more than that: you're almost 60 BLOODY YEARS OLD.

Or seven ways to die

Plenty to choose from, that's cool.

I forgot what my brother said

"Where's dad?"

I forgot what he said

Well, memory lapses are quite normal when you're almost 60 BLOODY YEARS OLD.

I don't regret anything at all

You fucking incestuous psycho killer.

I remember how we wept

But at least you have feelings.

On a bridge of violent people

Well, who's been violent of late?

I was small enough to cry

You're a fucking incestuous psycho killer AND a pussy.

I got seven days to live my life
Or seven ways to die


Seven is the magic number, yes.

Hold my face before you

Fag.

Still my trembling heart

Sissy.

Seven days to live my life
Or seven ways to die


Seven's still the magic number, apparently.

The gods forgot they made me
So I forget them too


You're all totally senile, obviously.

I listen to the shadows

At least you're not harming anyone for once.

I play among their graves

You fucking necrophiliac nihilist.

My heart was never broken

Hmmm, you were weeping a minute ago...

My patience never tried

Because you chose your victims carefully.

I got seven days to live my life
Or seven ways to die


The sooner the better, you freaky old pervert.

All styles are good except the tiresome kind.

PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/05/06 01:54 AM
I don't like BBQ chicken as much as I used to now new [re: PHOENIX]  

Miracle Goodnight

Burning up each others' love

Oh baby. Yeah. Hot!

Burning up our lives

Sizzle!

Tried all kinds of working out

Lets get physical!

Miracle goodnight

Uhh. Does that mean you're saying goodnight to a miracle, or it's a miracle you said goodnight? "Thank fucking God she said goodnight already - I'm tired!"

Future full and empty knocking on my door

Is that some kind of riddle? A well fed person going door to door for donations! And nobody's given him any money yet! And umm, he hasn't got to your door yet.

Ragged limbed and hungry mama

Hungry mama? Now all I can think of is a morbidly obese Italian woman eating pizza.

Miracle no more

I agree.

(Skin tell me) turn it around

Ohhh! You're making barbeque chicken!! For your hungry mama!

(Head tell me) make it alright

You better. Especially if she's hungry.

(Nobody dancing)

On what I've heard so far I'm not surprised at all.

Morning star you're beautiful

(But fat)

Yellow dime on high

You know, you can rub out these silly lines if you're using a pencil.

Spin you round my little room

It's not easy, you're so damn heavy.

Miracle goodnight

Yeah, you'd need to go back to bed after that.

Evening flower all alone

I don't think flowers really mind.

Puzzling capeche

Pencil David.

Haven't got a death wish

And with a girlfriend that fat people are wondering.

Just want a little more

No! For her health's sake!

(Skin tell me) turn it around

More chicken???

(Head tell me) make it alright

You're just fattening her for your sick fetish!!!

(Nobody dancing) miracle goodnight

Nobody's dancing because they're standing open-mouthed in shock!

(Breath tell me) turn it around

She's choking under her own weight! And David, "It"??? Christ!

(Heart tell me) make it alright

Your heart's in the wrong place buddy.

(Nobody dancing) it was only make believe

Phew!! Oh thank God. But it will be a long time before we dance again after that.

I wish I was a sailor a thousand miles from here

You just gotta stop embarrasing yourself.

I wished I had a future, anywhere

It's touch and go after reading all of that.

I love you in the morning sun

Awww. That's better.

I love you in my dreams

Awww. Sweet!

I love the sound of making love

*slap-slap-slap-slap-slap*

The feeling of your skin

I hope you haven't been talking about the barbequed chicken for the last four lines.

The corner of your eyes

(But the rest of you I really really hate)

I long forevermore

Don't brag.

I never want to say goodnight

The last time I went to bed without saying that to my girlfriend she went nuts. It doesn't matter if you want to or not Dave.

Miracle Goodnight

I think that's taking it too far anyway. How about "Fortunate goodnight"?

Don't want to know the past

Did you ever see Memento?

I want to know the real deal

Right. Now I got issues with the guy who wrote down these lyrics.

I really don't want to know that

Sorry.

The less we know, the better we feel

Hey. Bob didn't know you couldn't shove a fork into the toaster, and he feels fucked!

Morning star you're beautiful

Just tell me you're not fucking cooked chicken Dave. Reassure me.

Yellow diamond high

Oh. Now it's "diamond" instead of "dime on"! Hedging your bets Mr Lyric transcriber?? Well I'm flipping you the bird right now.

Spinning around my little room

I always thought your bedroom would be palace-sized.

Miracle

...that the cops aren't asking what happened to your fat girlfriend.

(Skin tell me) turn it around

There are other things beside barbequed chicken you know. What's this? Your fourth?

(Moon tell me) make it alright

It was just some kids being rude. You don't have to read so much into everything.

(Nobody dancing) it was only make believe

Will you take a polygraph? I think you killed your fat girlfriend with chicken.

(Eyes tell me) turn it around

Look. FORGET the chicken for a moment! I'll help you hide the body ok?

(News tell me) make it alright

It's too late. Don't freak out on me now!!!

(Nobody dancing)

That's the least of your troubles!!!! Pull yourself together!!!!

How much sweaty Travolta can you take?

Persilot
(stardust savant)
08/05/06 12:02 PM
Re: Have YOU read between the lines? (kept thread) new [re: PHOENIX]  

Heres what "Heathen- The Rays" means to me...

Steel on the skyline

Bugger, have I really woken up hungover somewhere in Sheffield again?

Sky made of glass

Whoops, looks like I feel asleep in some old codgers allotment greenhouse as well.

Made for a real world

Aye, they don't make greenhouses like this anymore... proper decent British engineering.

All things must pass

It's probably rude to take a piss in his potted plants, but I'm desperate.

Waiting for something

Damn... I hate it when you can't go straight away... guess I'll just have to stand here and hope it.... ahhhhh that's better.

Looking for someone

Better make sure there's no one looking... keep an eye out for the police too. Just in case.

Is there no reason?

If only I could remember how I ended up in here and what I was trying to do? Perhaps I developed a sudden drunken urge to eat cucumbers?

Have I stared too long?

Whoops, should have been paying attention... now I've pissed all over my leg. Great, just great.

You say you'll leave me

Ah, that's right. My girlfriend said she was going to leave me if I didn't improve my disgusting personal habits... so I went out and got hideously drunk.

And when the sun is low

I suppose I'll have to wait till it gets a bit darker then I can go sneaking out of here.

And the rays high

It's bloody hot in this greenhouse though.

I can see it now

Oh bugger is that a police car pulling up over there? I'm so totally screwed now.

I can feel it die

Errrr, I think that tomato plant I just had a whizz on has died. I wonder how many years you can get for killing a 78 year old mans favourite plants?

"Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale
Vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man."


PHOENIX
(funny little bunny)
08/06/06 02:33 AM
An open letter to David Bowie new [re: PHOENIX]  

Dear Mr Bowie,

Let me first say that I think you're doing quite well for youself. The whole music thing was a good idea. That's not to say though, that when it comes to writing lyrics you are any good. I've scratched my head like I have lice when reading many of your lyrical moments of madness.

I'd like to draw your attention to one of the songs in Never Let Me Down. You know which one already don't you? Zeroes. What were you thinking?

Please read my notes on these lyrics. I know 19 years have passed and you've recorded many more albums, but to be frank, things haven't improved much.

Yeah Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah


Look. I understand that when you start writing it's often difficult to come up with something inspiring. Unless you just put the "Yeahs" in for the time being, and forgot to go back and put something in there, I think your fans will only be angry when they start listening to this song. Must I remind you of the "Oop bop - do do do do do do do do" fiasco in Fashion? If you decide to write a short story, and begin with "Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah" I dare say you would find it hard to get it published.

You've arrived in the land of a thousand different names

You see, it's ok to exaggerate some of the time to give your lines added impact. But 1000 different names? I would have put 30 at the absolute most. Even 30 would have been pushing it. You are certainly not going to get away with 1000 - and I dare say the first time anybody listened to this they would have audibly scoffed.

Where the fabulous sons have crashed their planes in flames

Don't write that. What kind of contradiction are you aiming for? The most blatant contradiction? If somebody crashed their plane you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who thinks they are "fabulous". You could have put down "Where the sons with poor piloting skills crashed their planes in flames." It would have had everyone nodding along to the music instead of grabbing their headphones and throwing them to the floor.

Now tomorrow is back claiming redemption is on your heels

I've actually asked people tripping on acid, and even they tell me that tomorrow is not going to come back. It's finished! Never mind the confusing and nonsensical way you insist it's "claiming redemption on my heels." What did I do to need redemption for anyway? Even if I did do something it's not going to come out of the blue like that - like "Oh it's Wednesday the 24th again! And my neighbour forgives me for strangling her cat! Hurrah!" It's silly David. Enough with the silly stuff.

And a toothless past is asking you how it feels

Well, apparently, I'm living in the past right now. If you're going for imagery the only thing in my head is a doddering old senile fool with no teeth saying "Ow Bub id Beel?" That inevitable makes me think that perhaps he's blowing me, and that's why he took his teeth out. That does not make me feel like dancing David!

And me my little red Corvette has driven by

Rubbing our noses in the fact you are rich by slipping this line in is deplorable and immature. We know you're rich and could have any girl you want. We're actually trying to forget that fact while listening to your music. I suppose there's another line you scrubbed out that said "...throwing mud into your face as I laugh..."

My fair weather heart has fallen in

I don't even want to talk about that line.

My rainy day girl is feeling down

I'm not trying to just assume anything here, but I get the feeling that you are just writing whatever the hell pops into your head. We've gone from a magical land, to weird imagery and now we're just learning about how rich you are and how your latest fling is going. I think Never Let Me Down should have been called A Random Collection of Confusing Thoughts (Unstructured Edition). It would have at least been honest.

And she tells me that the world is spinning round

Jesus fucking Christ. Did she also tell you it orbits the sun? Why David? WHY did you write that? What purpose does it serve? That your girlfriend is borderline retarded, but that she's on the good side of that line? Everybody's already reeling from the previous lyrics. By the time they get to this stage of the song some are actually getting dizzy, falling over, and being sick.

I say the dream was all for you

You never ever tell us things like what the dream is or what act needs redemption. It's like you don't know yourself, but your trying to placate us by saying "Look, just trust me, there's a dream right??? The rest of the song is going to be awesome so just go with it." Nobody's falling for it. Why do you think people at your concerts start crying when you play this song? That they're so happy? No, they have bad memories of actually listening to what you're saying.

You're nobody else

I'm not saying I don't love you Mr Bowie. I'm just disappointed in what you wrote there. When I tell someone I like your music I'm just really hoping so much that they never heard that line. That's why I feel I'm taking a huge chance when I tell people that I'm your fan.

Tonight the Zeroes were singing for you

I guess that's the big kicker is it? Some cheap band is playing for your semi-retarded depressed girlfriend? Yet we know it's not even that. Bands say they're singing for you, but they're singing for cash and sex. Well, you may be rich but at least your telling us how things really are.

Yeah

It's extraordinary that you put that one "Yeah" in after what's gone before. I feel like I've just been kicked in the balls after my nutsack skin was grated off.

Hi, Can I walk you home again today

At least you're making sense now. By the way, why don't lyric writers ever use question marks?

Gotta get forgive and forget hey-hey

Dave. Dave? Why is the word "get" in there? Is it "get, forgive and forget"? If so, get what? You're sneakily ruining everything by inserting random words again aren't you?

Something good is happening I don't know what it is

The sentence makes sense. But I still have no idea what's happening. Your first erection?

Don't you know we're back on trial again today

It's like you introduce some new aspect to the story with each line - and then you forget about it.

And it's breaking wine for you

You were one small misprint away from making the Never Let Me Down lyric booklet a whole lot funnier.

Hell it's only 'cause you're true

So, lets say I have this honest neighbour, Bob. I see him gardening when I walk to the mailbox and yell out to him "Hey Bob!! It's breaking wine for you!!" Do you think Bob would understand what I'm saying? If I was sitting near you David I'd be smacking you in the side of the head with my hand.

Someone outtimed my heart

That just sounds like someone needs to call an ambulance. Or else Uma from Kill Bill Vol 2 did a number on you.

Stopping the preaching and letting love in

Now, after being mysterious, it's getting more and more sappy. Those wanting sap have already skipped to Glass Spider - those not have skipped to another recording artist.

You are my moon, you are my sun

You write things like that when you're in love, but you don't show everyone. And try to be a bit more original about it too. I'm crying, but not because I'm feeling the "romantic" vibes. It's because I'm hurting myself by looking at this song.

Heaven knows what you are

You should have quit this stuff three lines ago. (I've just remembered this song is about David's retarded/depressed girlfriend. Dave, listen. It's not wise to doubt her humanity. You don't win fans that way. Unless they hate retarded people).

Tonight the Zeroes are singing for you

Good God, I forgot about your retarded and depressed girlfriend. That makes the lines above...disturbing in a different way.

Yes they were

Nobody's doubting you Dave. Nobody is even listening anymore. Don't get all argumentative on my ass.

Tonight the Zeroes were singing for you
Tonight the Zeroes were singing for you


Or so they said. And I guessed you had to pay them too. Well, she's retarded so I guess it won't take much to impress her.

Doesn't matter what you try to do
Doesn't matter what you try to do


This doesn't mean you're holding her captive does it? I've come across this theme in Miracle Goodnight and it is horribly disturbing.

Doesn't matter where you try to go

Of fuck. It does.

Doesn't matter who we really are

And on that philosphical note your song ends. I very much hope this gives you a good impression of how worrying your lyrics are. I could come to no other conclusion by the end that this song is about retardation - and the exploitation of retardation. Considering the themes of other songs I've examined have you feeding your morbidly obese girlfriend until she dies, watching your girlfriend burn to death after an auto accident and exposing yourself it would be wise to simply make things clearer and cut it out with the urge to just slip in random words and phrases.

Yours very sincerely,



PHOENIX

How much sweaty Travolta can you take?

Vanessa_Y
(crash course raver)
08/06/06 02:47 AM
Re: An open letter to David Bowie [re: PHOENIX]  

My rainy day girl is feeling down



Sounds like a Carpenter Lyric




Mxy
(crash course raver)
08/06/06 06:57 PM
Re: An open letter to David Bowie new [re: Vanessa_Y]  

Since I feel like giving this a try but I don't wanna limit Phoenix's song possibilities for the future, I'm gonna interpret that only crappy Bowie tune I know he couldn't do: "Al Alba", the spanish version of "Day-In Day-Out", translated back to english and deciphered by me.

Al Alba

Al Alba / At Sunrise

Ok, so this clearly places our story at a given time frame. Good start.

Al Anochecer / At Sunset

Whoa! Night already? That was fast!

Al Alba / At Sunrise

It's sunrise again?

Al Anochecer / At Sunset

This is fucked. I suggest this story takes place in planet Mercury or something, where the days and the nights last much shorter. Our protagonist is a Mercur...ian, sitting on a rock watching the sun and the moon come and go every few minutes, and pointing them out to amuse himself.

Oo Oo

See? He's having fun.

Oo Oo Oo

Barrels of fun. He's probably clapping and giggling as he sings.

Nacimiento de bolsa / Birth of a bag

A bag is born. I think this is pretty clear and needs no interpretation.

???????????

This is what TW's lyrics page for this song says. At first I thought maybe the person transcribing the lyrics couldn't figure out what David was saying, but after listening to the song myself I can confirm that he does indeed sing 11 question marks at this point. I think this means that the Mercurian is puzzled over the gender of the baby bag.

Esta falta de apoyo / This lack of support

Some rare social commentary on Bowie's part here. He's denouncing the lack of support the Mercurian government provides for newborn bags of indefinite gender. This explains the controversy caused by this song back in 1987. The political pressure was so strong that it was only broadcast once, and then destroyed. At least David could find consolation in knowing he was pushing the right buttons.

Nada vale la pena / Nothing is worth it

The Mercurian is getting desperate. He's contemplating killing the baby to spare it a life of poorness and sorrow. DON'T KILL THE BABY, DAVID! THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE!

Tendre que encontrar el dinero / I'll have to find the money

Oh, thank God he's listened to me. He's going to raise the baby himself. Note that he says "find" the money and not "make" it or "earn" it. This suggests that the protagonist is a careless person who goes around misplacing large quantities of cash. Can this sort of person really be trusted with taking care of a baby?

o que pagar el alquiler / or pay the rent

So, if he doesn't find the money he'll have to pay the rent? This shows that the Mercurian system has increasingly became so unfair, it's literally turned backwards. Only poor people are charged rent, whereas people with money can live in classy apartments without paying a dime.

Este es el muro de proteccion que todos quieren obtener / This wall of protection everybody wants to obtain

Ah, but it's even worse. Like a gang of common thugs, the government provides "protection" from accidents such as mysterious misplacement of money (seems I misjudged our main character before). Everybody wants to have access to this "protection" (do they even have a choice?), but few people can afford it.

Al Alba / At Sunrise

In the face of all this social injustice, and the tragedy of watching your adopted child grow in a place like this, the protagonist's only solace is being able to amuse himself for a few minutes by watching the show of lights in the sky.

Al Anochecer / At Sunset

He smiles, remembering less complicated times, as tears flow down his purple alien cheeks.

Quedate / Stay

A bit of self-reference. "Ah, I remember when I could write good songs..."

O Dejame / Or Leave me

I feel this is the song itself, telling me to stop trying to decipher it and go home. Well, I am home, buddy. And I ain't moving.

Oo Oo

The protagonist tries to recapture his past happiness, but fails pathetically.

Oo Oo Oo

There is no joy in these Oos. Only nostalgia for the past.

Al encontrarse ciudadano / When finding oneself citizen

What happens when you wake up one morning and you find your nationality has suddenly been changed overnight? We've all wondered about that at one time or another, and David is gonna tell us:

Todo acaba bien / Everything ends well

Thanks for the reassurance. That doesn't help me stop being a Palestinian, though. It doesn't help me at all.

Pero creciendo en el USA / But growing in the USA

I don't think this needs explaining, but I'll do it anyway, just in case. The word "el", meaning "he", is used to describe the USA. This means that we're not talking about the country, but about a male person named USA. That's not his name, though: they're the initials for Ursula S. Andrews. Yes, Ursula is a woman's name, but then how could someone grow inside USA if he wasn't a woman? In short, Ursula is a pregnant woman posing as a man, as part of an hilarious scheme to regain the love of her children.

Alguien da la campana y todo acaba / Somebody gives the bell and everything ends

This line paraphrases a Biblical quote: "A bell is given, and the world endeth". The Apocalypse is coming. Days turn into nights turn into days. Aliens give birth to plastic supermarket bags. Men named Ursula become pregnant. Prepare yourselves for the Judgement Day.

Decidirse por hacer algo / Deciding to do something

DO SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING!!

Robando por exitacion / Stealing for excitement

Sexual excitement? If we were talking about another songwriter it could be up for debate, but since this is David "Take My Tip" Bowie, there's little doubt that any dirty interpretation we can think of is not only valid but deliberate. So, Ursula steals things on account of his tremendous sexual urge. What's he stealing, then? Why, dildos, obviously.

Al Alba / At Sunrise

He masturbates all day.

Al Anochecer / At Sunset

He fucks all night. No wonder he's pregnant, the tramp.

Quedate Conmigo / Stay With me

"Don't leave yet," he says to a sailor he picked up at the docks, "I want to make love to you all night long."

O Dejame / Or Leave me

He's bipolar. It's probably just the hormones.

Oo Oo

Ursula reaches an orgasm.

Oo Oo Oo

Multiple orgasms! Oh my.

Le hacen falta minutos / He needs minutes

Ursula needs to buy a new card for his cell.

tal vez ????????? / maybe ?????????

Ursula sees ????????, the now grown up alien bag of indefinite sex, and wonder if he could ask it for some money to buy more minutes for his cell. But hey, why ask for it? Why not just steal it? And while we're at it, why not steal its dildos too?

Ella no tiene dinero / She has no money

But ???? the bag has no money. Or dildos. So a coked up Ursula beats her up with some chains.

Extrana el otro lado / Misses the other side

Now Ursula is in jail for sending ???? to the hospital, and, oddly enough, finds himself missing the outside world.

Vamonos muchacha / Let's go girl

Push! Push! Ursula's baby is being born inside the prison. The inmate delivering the baby calls Ursula "girl" because Ursula is his bitch.

?, la noche, la guardia, ? / ?, the night, the guard, ?

? doesn't hold a grudge and as soon as he comes out of the hospital, he/she tries to break into prison at night to rescue his/her friend Ursula.

Con un billete a ningun lugar / With a ticket to nowhere

Ursula: "How can I thank you for saving me, "?"?
?: "By going away."
Ursula: "But... But... I love you!"
?: "I know. But you tried to steal my dildos and beat me up. We can never be together. I'm asexual and you're transgendered. It would never work, toots."
Ursula: "*sob* Where am I supposed to go?"
?: "Nowhere. They'll never find you there. Here's a ticket."

Se va montando en el tren / She's mounting the train

NO! IT'S NOT A HORSE, YOU FOOL! IT'S A TRAIN! YOU'LL FALL AND DIE!!!

No la conocen ni la llaman / They don't know her or call her

? begs the machinist to stop the train and warn Ursula that it's not a horse, but he goes "Why should I do that? I don't know her. If she was a personal friend or somethin' I'd do something, but I don't even know her name."

Esta deseada por el / She's desired by him

YET... Yet the machinist loves Ursula. Such is her manly charm. He stops the train and declares his undying love for Ursula. ?? is jealous and pissed off.

?? arma de fuego / ?? firearm

?? is so angry he grabs up a flamethrower and kills them all.

Apuesta a Dios y la droga / Bet to God and the drug

High on illegal substances, ?? goes to the races and bets all his money on God. "But... God is not a horse, sir..." the man in the stall says. ?? shows the guy his/her flamethrower and insists.

Tampoco esta sobre aviso / It's not over announcement either

Obviously it's not over announcement, either. How else could it be?

Es una muchachita enojada / She's an angry little girl

I can't make heads or tails of this line. Someone please help.

Al Alba / At Sunrise
Al Anochecer / At Sunrise
Quedate Conmigo / Stay With me
O Dejame / Or Leave me

Ok.

Mxy's Bizarre Webcomic. Updated daily.

PHOENIX
(phunny little bunny)
11/08/06 04:23 AM
Fear at the Train Station of Madness new [re: Mxy]  

(Otherwise known as 5:15 The Angels Have Gone.)

5:15
I'm changing trains
This little town
Let me down


Oh poor shameful Grinnsthorpe, bow down to the lord of everything and hope David will not sue your asses for the timetable misprint. Ass.

This foreign rain
Brings me down


Insulting our rain will only get you frowned apon and ridiculed.

5:15
Train overdue


Do you have any more problems? Maybe you'd like it if we built you a little hut while you wait? You're pushing it buddy.

Angels have gone

Yes, they got sick of you bitching. And having angels to keep you company while you wait for a train isn't likely to ever happen again. Nice one.

No ticket

Oh great. You're just full of surprises today. I guess that's our fault too? Maybe we should follow you around showering you with tickets?

I'm jumping tracks

You're supposed to use the pedestrian bridge!! Get back here!! I'm sorry!

I'm changing time

Not without angels you're not.

We never talk anymore

Oh don't go all weepy on me.

Forever I will adore only you

I don't trust angry people at train station who say that to me. They usually want me to go with them to the toilets.

5:15

5:23 now Dave. It doesn't stay the same just because you don't check your watch.

All of my life
Angels have gone


Hang on a minute...it's bin night!! I didn't put my bin out!!

I'm changing trains

We're covering old ground. And it's not the kind of ground that's interesting the second time around.

Angels like them
Thin on the ground


You should have thought about that before you fucked it all up.

All of my life
All legs and wings
Swings turn the eyes


I'm going to stand over there now.

5:15
Train overdue


It's not overdue if it's still 5:15!!! Pull yourself together man!

Angels have gone

And now here I go. Notice a pattern emerging?

Cold station all of my life

It certainly feels that way.

Forever I fear

Right, lets end things with a gross overstatement. I don't want you on the 5:15. You got no ticket anyway. I'm standing over there now, and I mean it this time. Davi?...oh God David no!! BLOOD!! OH GOD STOP IT!!


Am I suspended in gaffa?


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