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Kristin Machina
(electric tomato)
05/08/01 00:28 AM
Re: Splitting Headache--Transmittion new [re: Starbuck]  

Suffragette City--TVC15 Tower

"NO, NO!" Thomas Newton pounded on the multitude of TV screens. All were recieving nothing but static.
Newton was another movie character--but his life mirrored Bowie's own so closely--an briillant alien in a foreign land, who falls to temptation. Newton was the City's resident scientist, but he'd rather watch TV all day. His occupation became that of monitoring and maintaining the city's television transmissiion tower.

"Oh, does this mean I have to go outside?" Newton took a swig of water. He opens the door onto the roof of the control office. Immediately he is blinding. Gifted--and cursed--with hyper-sensitive sight, the normal crackle of energy in the sky would be painfully bright. White noise intermixed with red and blue, gold and silver--the energies of all the Bowies combined. The residual aura of the late Ziggy Stardust, who sacrified his life to save the body.
This time, there was an additional energy, invisible to the naked eye except Newton's. The white noise was amplified ten times. Newton found it unbearable.

He walked back inside, and over the intercom called, "Ground Control the Major Tom...can you hear me, Major Tom?"

No response.

Newton fished out of the cabinet his special pair of shades, that adjusted to the level of brightness--his own invention. He once again walked outside, allows the shades to adjust, and looked up at the tower.

Major Tom lived in a capsule on the top of the tower. The astronaut used the tower to observe the entire subconscious mind, and Newton would relay signals by request.

Now, the capsule was hanging off the tower by its own connecting cables--and the cables were starting to give way!

Pierrot was up on the tower already--a mysterious harlequin that haunted the Major--trying to pull the Major's capsule back up. But the capsule was huge and heavy, and it would take more strength to rescue it!

"OH NO!" Newton screamed, "I've got to call for help!"

To be continued...

Don't understand me, just love me

Kristin Machina
(electric tomato)
05/10/01 02:20 AM
Re: Splitting Headache--Magical Beings new [re: Kristin Machina]  

Suffragette City...The Moonage Daydream

The tavern was buzzing with activity. Dory was curled up by the fireplace asleep, resting from last night's wild chase. Monte was serving coffee to two customers sitting at the counter--Berlin and Leon Blank. Berlin wore black jeans, a black leather jacket, and black shades. Leon was a young man of 22 years, half-black, half-white. He and Berlin were excitedly discussing the goings on off last night. Leon didn't notice the heavy-set, middle aged man with a brown hat and a scar on his cheek, sitting at the poker table.

"And you guys keep askin' me why I don't finish my diary!" Prof. Detective Nathan Adler arranged his cards. He spoke with a husky New York accent. He didn't notice Leon at the counter. Better for Leon--he was a suspect in a grizzy art-killing that Nathan was perpetually investigating.

"Hate to tell you this, mate," Earthling was arranging his own cards, "but I don't think you were ever meant to finish it. You're trapped in a hyper-circle...."

"I WILL finish, I tellin' ya!" Nathan pounded the table. "You will see my 'Contamination'"

"Riiiight..." chorused the whole tavern.

"I've got all my notes, I just have to organize them...or find them...they're...in my office...somewhere..." Nathan's voice trailed off.

"Berlin, darling!" Zane shouted. "Storm keep you up?"

"Oh please, liebling," Berlin smirked, "we haven't gone to bed yet!"

"We got inspired," Leon continued, "we recorded the thunder, sped it up, looped it--Berlin added some ambient crackle and pop noise from the lightnin'--we got some phat beats! We're just on break..." Leon saw Nathan. Nathan saw him.

Leon: "Er, Berlin, I'll meet you at the loft..."

Nathan said, "Relax, son, you're free--for now. There was no real reason to keep you in jail. Just keep your nose clean, OK? You too, Berlin, know what I mean?"

"I'm clean, I swear!" Berlin said, "I've still got headaches fromt the Duke! Why don't you go tell Richocet..."

"I DID NOT INHALE!" Richocet got defensive.

"That's not what Carlos said," Leon said.

"Carlos is a wanker!" Richocet huffed. "Besides, it's Halloween Jack's fault..."

"WHERE?!" Dory arched and bristled.

"Calm down," Earthling said, "he ain't here."

"Dory, you've got claws," Tin asked, "go scratch him in the nuts!"

"I'm a love-urr, not a fight-urr," Dory purred.

"I don't know what you're all talking about," Yankee said, engrossed by the TV, "cocaine isn't addictive."

"Tell him," Tin nudged Earthling.

"Nah, let him figure it out," Earthling said. "Otherwise, Richocet may start losing." Richocet glared at Earthling.

"Yank, anything on TV?" Nathan inquired.

"The body's making morse code signals to some bald kid across the street."

"Moby?" Earthling asked. "He's a nice kid. What are they saying?"

Yankee translates: "The... Director...is...a...giant...prick...I...want...to...stay...home...and...shag...my...wife..."

"I'm sure Moby REALLY wanted to know that," Leon gulps his coffee.

Then, Earthling's mini-computer rings. A robotized voice buzzes, "You've Recieved Messages!"

"What happened to "You've Got M..." Nathan started, but the tavern shouted: "DON'T SAY IT!"

"Aw, c'mon," Nathan spit, "He ain't gonna know here!"

"Can't take chances, mate," Earthling opened the message. By holographic projecting, Boz--the cyborg embodiment of the BWW (Brain-Wide-Web)--appeared in the middle of the table for all the group to see and hear. He announced:

"Message recieved from T.J.Newton@davidbowiebrain.com at 1000 reads:
HELP! TVC15 tower collapsing..."

"Uh oh, here we go," Zane commented, "Speaking of addicts, Tommy's gonna go into withdrawal..."

Boz continues: "Major Tom trapped in TVC15 Tower. Send help ASAP!

"OH S**T!" The whole tavern rushed out!

"Meet you there!" Tin Machine ran down the street towards his apartment as the others ran to the tower.

At the tower....all the Bowies had congregated...

"I don't know what to do!" Thomas cried, "Pierrot's not strong enough to pick up the capsule alone, and the hatch is sealed shut!"

"Oh no, poor Major!" Liza wept. "Someone do something!"

Zane tapped Dory on the shoulder, "Come with me, quickly!"

"OK! EVERYONE CLEAR THE AREA!" Nathan announced to an anxious crowd. Across the crowd stood a woman--green skin, jet black spiky hair, chain mail skirt and black Jack-boots. She stood in front of a large, shadowy minotaur, and next to another man--long, white spiky hair and black cloak.

"Do you think he will die?" the cloaked man smiled coldly.

"If he does, I've got first dibs on his kidneys!" she cruelly licked her lips.

An old man next to her objected, "I need those! I've been on the waiting list for years!"

"Get away, you old pervert!" she kicked him away.

"Don't shoo me away, Ms. Stone--remember who your supplier is?"

"Apologies, Mr. Touchshriek, but you've had your kidneys long enough..."

"They're not for me..." Mr. Touchshriek polished his specs, "I've got customers of my own..."

"Oh, how commercial!" Ramona threw up her hands.

Meanwhile, in the town square, at a gold-winged statue...

"Help me, Dory..." Zane held Dory's paw. A sphinx is the symbol of magic, and Dory was a living power supplier of occult energy. Zane and Dory chanted:

"Magical being chained to live...Spider, awake!"

The statue flapped its wings, and underneath the statue, its glass pedistal stirred. It stood up on eight legs. The gold statue, Zero, sat on the Glass Spider's back!

"Why have I been awakened?" Zero stretched.

"As of now, you're on probation," Zane said, "Follow us, quickly!"

As the Glass Spider approached the tower, from another street, thundered the Tin Machine IV--Tin's giant robot warrior. Tin spoke from the robot's mouthpiece, "I'll hold the tower, someone get Major!" The Tin Machine IV braced the tower with its own metal body. The Glass Spider spit webbing onto the capsule, securing it so to prevent it from falling.

While Ramona was still argueing, Nathan grabbed her by the shoulder and yelled, "Your blowtorch, now!" There was a blowtorch on her belt.

"Why?" Ramona sneered. Nathan snatched it off her belt and ran off, to Ramona's indignified protest.

"Here, someone!" Nathan handed it off to Zero, as the winged statue flew to the capsule. Zero cut a hole in the capsule, and pulled out the unconscious astronaut.

Then, a bright flash of white lightning hit the tower! Zero flew off quickly with Major in his arms. Tin Machine, however, was being electrocuted! Tin screamed in pain from inside. The tower and Tin Machine IV glowed white hot and then....

It exploded in a brillant flash. The crowd ran for shelter screaming!

When the light died down, the tower was reduced to nothing but ashes. So had Tin Machine IV. Heavy smoke hung in the air.

"TIN!" Zane screamed!

The Bowies gazed in horror. Dory wept. The chorus girls wept. Ramona dissapeared, so had the cloaked man.

"HEY!" Leon shouted. From the smoke, emerged a figure, carrying an unconscious Tin Machine. The slender figure shone silver-blue, red hair, and a red-and-blue lightning bolt streaked across his peaceful, but somewhat sad face. He lay Tin on the ground, and without a word, in a sparkle of red and blue, vanished.

To be Continued

Don't understand me, just love me

Kristin Machina
(electric tomato)
05/12/01 02:42 AM
Re: Splitting Headache--Incurably Ill new [re: Kristin Machina]  

Later that morning...

He should have stayed at home. That's what his wife told him. That's what he was thinking to. David was in a cab to the video shoot, anyway--an indie theatre in the Village. He is a professional after all, he thought. He's played Carnagie Hall with the flu. He's performed drunk, high or hungover--and in most cases gave his best performances in those states! Or so others tell him...David doesn't remember....

I can see a doctor after the shoot, David thinks to himself. I'll survive in the meantime....
Suffragette City...Angel of Life Hospital

"I'm FINE, for f**k's sake!" Tin Machine insisted loudly. He was trying to get out of bed. The poker group was holding vigil, tending to his care. They were insisting that Tin stay and rest.

"Quit being so damn stubborn!" Ricochet scolded, "you were almost electrocuted to death!"

"No one here is really 'alive'," Zane said. "The body is what's alive. We're all either memories of David's past selves or invented characters. No one can really die..."

"Ziggy Stardust died," Yankee noted.

"Um...well...yes, true..." Zane paled.

"Still, wha' happened?" Tin swallowed some water. "One moment, I was in TM IV, the next..."

"Aladdin Sane pulled you out," Earthling explained. "He laid you on the ground, and then vanished without a word."

"F**kin' wierd," Tin mumbled. "He almost never leaves the Shrine. I would have liked to have said thank you."

"Aladdin and Duke have always kept the other in check," Zane said. "The two fought violently many years ago after Ziggy died. They contested over who should take his place as ruler of David's mind. Sometimes, Aladdin dominated, when David was happy. Other times, the Duke dominated, when David was unhappy. The war caused violent mood swings. Now, David's mind has been very stable over the past 10 years or so, because he has been very content, but now..."

"Has the Duke gotten stronger?" Ricochet asked.

"Or has Aladdin gotten weaker?" Yankee shuddered.

"Well," Zane thought out loud, "Peggy died very recently--it's caused David a lot of pain, and the Duke thrives on negative emotions. And Aladdin's hasn't left Ziggy's shrine in years--he thinks Ziggy is going to resurrect very soon and he needs to stand watch."

"Aladdin's nuts," Tin looked around to room for his clothes, "He's a sweet little thing, but he's nuts."

"If you're looking for your clothes," Nathan told Tin, "too late--they're ashes. We had to cut them off."

"F**K!" Tin spat.

Knock, knock! A voice was heard, "Tin--you decent in there?"

"No, I'm buck-ass nekkid!" Tin shouted.

Berlin walked in, smirking, "Not like I don't know what's there."

"How's Major Tom?" Earthling asked.

"He'll be fine...he just got a good bump to the head. Tommy and Pierrot's been there all day. The other Major also saw him--working on some lawsuit."

"That was fast!" Nathan lit a smoke.


Nathan: "But EVERYBODY smokes!"

A sprinkler from above douses Nathan: "PUT IT OUT, DETECTIVE".

"Fine..." Nathan spits out the cig and wipes his hat off.

"Lawsuits, hell!" Tin once again climbed out of bed, and wasn't concerned that his bare bottom was showing. "Let's go kick the Duke's ass!"

Knock, knock!

"If this is about that suit, Major Celliers, thanks but no!" Tin answered.

It wasn't Major Celliers. Two frightening creatures walked though the door--white, wrinkled skin, grotesque faces, eyes bound with black tape. The tape wrapped around their hideously bony, deformed bodies, with dead fish interwoven.

They spoke in unison, in monotone: "Zane-Ouvere-LeChien?"

"Yes?" Zane answered, quite puzzled.

Nathan thought to himself, "What do her goons want with Zane?"

The fish-men: "By-order-of-the-Thin-White-Duke, you-are-under-arrest."

"WHAT????" Zane bolted out of his seat. "Why?"

"No-questions. Come-with-us-or-else."

"No way!!" Zane protested. "The Duke almost killed Major Tom and Tin!"

One of the fish-men held up a hand, as electicity sparked from its bony fingers. It touched Zane only lightly, but shocked the frocked man into great pain. Zane fell backwards.

Nathan pulled his revolver--and his Bowie knife. So did Richocet, Earthling, Yankee and Berlin. All Bowies carried this blade around. All had silver handles with certain years inscribed, according to its owner. Tin, temporarily unarmed, curled his fists in a boxing position.

"In case you haven't noticed," Nathan said cooly, "you're outnumbered. So why don't you gentlemen go on an tell the Duke..."

Then, a pink mist poured from the ventillation ducts. It filled the room quickly.

"Um..." Yankee wobbles on his feet, "why is everything dancing?" He collapses.

Tin goes out next, then Earthling, then Zane...

"Smells of...peaches..." Richocet falls. Then Nathan.

When the five wake up...

"Zane!" Zane was gone! So were the fish-men.

"I'm going after them," Nathan gets up, "this was an illegal arrest."

"I'm coming too!" Tin got up slowly.

"NO you're not!" Earthling, Berlin, Yankee and Richocet set him back in bed.


"Tin, if you move from this bed," Richocet looks him straight in the eyes, "I'm telling the nurses you're constipated and requesting an enema."

Tin lay down without a word.

The group runs outside to find Halloween Jack tied to a tree, muzzled. Berlin cuts off the muzzle, as the dog barked: "The Duke nabbed Dory!"

"Gather the troops!" Earthling shouted, "we're staging a jailbreak!"

To be continued...
Don't understand me, just love me

Kristin Machina
(electric tomato)
05/14/01 01:29 AM
Slaughter in the Air new [re: Kristin Machina]  

Shortly after the collapse of TVC15 tower...at Angel of Life Hospital...

Major Tom opened his eyes, slowly, drowsily.

A white harlequin face looks down on him.

"Pierrot? Am I alive?" Major hoarsely speaks. Pierrot nodded.

"Where am I?" Major asks. Pierrot does not speak verbally. He makes wing gestures with his hands.

"Bird? Pink monkey-birds? Are they nesting on the tower again?"

Pierrot shook his head vigorously, and tried to explain again. Using body language, he re-created the tower, the capsule, the lightning storm, the rescue...

"So I'm in a hospital?" Major guesses. Pierrot nods.

"I hear weeping..." Tom tried to turn his head, and found that he's wearing some sort of brace. Pierrot makes gestures of a man removing a mask, and points to the TV in the room, now blank.

"Newton's here?" Tom moved his hand, stiffly and somewhat painfully. He felt a bald, scaly head by his bedside, and felt and heard that it was trembling.

"Oh, the tragedy, the carnage..." Newton wept so hard, his mask fell off. He was fully exposed as the alien he is.

"Newton." Tom rubbed the little alien's head.

"MAJOR!" Newton stopped weeping immediately, jumped up and threw himself on Major, embracing him tightly.

"OW, OW! Geddoff!" Major tried to push him off.

"I'm sorry, I'm just SO glad you're OK! But...oh, the humanity...Wah-hah-haaaah!"

"Was anyone hurt?" Tom asked.


"Am I...that badly hurt?"

"Oh, no, the doctors said you'd be fine--you were just knocked out cold. The brace was just a precaution." Newton removed the brace. Tom slowly sat up, with Pierrot's assistance.

"Then what happened?"

"MY TVC15...Oh, oh..." Newton started weeping again, "It's gone! The Duke obliderated the whole station!"

"But why?"

"I don't know--it was a good thing Zero pulled you out in time..."

"Zero and the Glass Spider? Weren't they sentenced to spend eternity as a statue?"

"Well, I guess, but Zero saved your life..."

Knock, knock! Berlin peeked in the door, "Is Major OK...OH! Newton, you scared me!"

"It's OK, come in," Newton put his wig and mask back on.

Major smiled, "Berlin, I'm fine, thank you."

"Someone's here to see you, sir," Berlin showed a man to the room, just as the alien was back in human-form. The visitor looked like Ricochet's twin, except he wore green fatigues, a hat and a red scarf. Upon entry, the visitor saluted respectfully.

"This is Major Celliers," Berlin introduced.

"I know, Berlin, thanks. Major," Tom saluted, "nice to make your acquaintance."

Celliers was a soldier, but he is also the town's attorney. He was a quiet man, but intelligent and well-spoken, "I'm sorry about your unfortunate incident, and I am happy that you are in good health. I've been called about a possible suit against the Duke..."

"I'm not suing the Duke," Tom interrupted. "I'm fine..."

Newton stood up and interrupted Tom, "I'm NOT! I want to sue the Duke for one billion pounds..."

"Newton, calm down," Tom grabbed his hand and sat him back down, "There are other ways of handling this."

"I agree," Celliers pointed to a WWII rifle that he always carried, "if I hadn't sworn off warfare..."

"Gentlemen, please!" Tom shouted. "The Duke is not an unreasonable man. Cold-hearted, yes. Insensitive--yes. Cruel--most definately. But I am determined to find the meaning of all this chaos without resorting to legal or physical warfare."

"It's too late," Berlin said, somberly, "The Duke seems to have already declared war on the whole city--all because of the cigarette shortage."

"Still," Celliers thought, "the initial incident with Major Tom's capsule being struck seems to have been an accident. Other objects, like trees and such, were also struck. But the second strike seemed very intentional. Question is...why?"
Zero rides the Glass Spider back to the town square. Liza, Veronica and Nana spot him.

"Zero!" They shout to him.

Zero, unfortunately, had been rejected by the entire city. He is the embodiment of David Bowie's worst period, artistically. He was often sneered at and mocked by almost everyone. At the time of Tin Machine, The Duke wanted him dead. Aladdin would not have another dead Bowie. To shield him from the Duke's wrath, Aladdin, Dory and Zane turned Zero into a statue--as a reminder of Bowie's falibility. The Duke could not destroy the statue--and only the three who cast the spell could undo it.

Now, Zero is alive again. And a target again.

"Please," Zero said sadly, "leave me alone."

"But you're a hero," Liza told him.

"Berlin is "Heroes". He was so mad at me for "Sons of the Silent Age..."

"No, no," Veronica said, "you saved Major Tom's life!"

Nana spoke, "We know we've all given you such a hard time, dear, but, we're sor..." Before Nana got the words out, the minotaur jumped out of the shadows and attacked the Glass Spider, shattering it to pieces!

The chorus girls ran screaming for cover, as Zero narrowly dodged the attack. He flew to another corner of the square, as the Spider quickly pieced itself together. The Spider then engaged in battle with the raging minotaur. Zero watched as he felt a sharp blow to the back. It felt like a bottle had been thrown at him.

Actually, it was a crystal orb.

Where the orb struck him began to sting, and burn. Zero quickly removed his gold jacket--acid had begun to burn it! Zero shielded himself with his gold wings and spun to face his attacker.

White spiky hair, white face, black facial tattooes, black coat, black gloves, cold smile... "By order of the Duke, you are sentenced to death!"

To be continued

Don't understand me, just love me

Kristin Machina
(electric tomato)
05/15/01 03:16 AM
Splitting Headache--No Control new [re: Kristin Machina]  


David didn't quite get the concept of this video. Nor did he care. The video's director, Nigel McCool, was more busy barkig orders at his crew and constantly reminding everyone how HE directed a TRL-winning video...

"Whatever," Gail Ann Dorsey rolled her eyes. She sat on the edge of the theatre stage next to David. "Notice how I'm being a good girl and not smoking in front of you."

"Thanks, Gail," David smiled.

Gail turned to him, "Why are you doing this?"

"I've a responsibility to your fans..."

"NO, no, I'm not hearing that! That excuse is what caused Glass Spider."

Suffragette City...

"You see, Zero, even the humans don't respect you! You're better off dead!"

Zero: "And who are you? You look like Axl Rose joined the ballet!"

"I am the King of the Goblins, you insolent snot!"

"Look, it's really complicated...," David went to stand up.

"...like you," Earl Slick, his guitarist, noted. "What's really happening, Dave? No pun intended."
Rrrrrinnng! The phone rang in Major Tom's room...

"Hallo?" Major Tom answered.

"Turn on the TV!" Tin shouted over the phone!

"The TV stations are gone, Tin."

"WAH!" Newton sobbed.

"Oh, stop!" Major snapped.

"No, only the "reality station" is working! Turn on the TV, now! This is SOOO f**kin' juicy!" Tin chuckled.
"I don't wanna be wasting my time here if you don't," Earl said. "I think Mike, Sterling, Holly, Em, Lisa, Gail and Mark would agree with me. Just tell us why."

David took a deep breath...
Major Celliers was walking back to his office, thinking over the events of the last few days. He was lost in thought, common for him to be so. He has had a lot to think of--his brother, his life, the war, that Japanese soldier, his death... He wondered why he lived while Ziggy was dead. 'I couldn't be more important than he, can I?' Celliers mused, 'I'm a movie character, almost a second-class citizen in this place." He didn't see three women rounding a corner....

POW! Three bodies collided with his, sending all to the pavement...

"Ow! Oh," Nana groaned, "so sorry!"

"Argh, that's OK," Major helped them all to their feet, "Any of you hurt?"

Liza dusted off her skirt, "No, but you really should look where..." she looks at Celliers, "...you're...going..." She blushes, and grins.

Veronica brushes her hair back, and smiles, "Oh my, Major Celliers, what's a strong, handsome officer and gentleman like yourself doing..."

Nana screams, "THERE'S NO TIME FOR FLIRTING! Jesus," turns to Celliers, "you'd think they'd never seen a man in uniform before."

Celliers' face is bright red, "I...should be going..."

Nana grabs his arm, "No, no! You can't! We need help! There's a fight in Town Square! Zero is being attacked!"

"By whom?"

"Jareth!" Liza shouts.

"And the Minotaur attacked the Glass Spider!" Veronica added.

"We've got to bring them under control," Celliers grabbed his rifle, "they could tear this city apart! Ladies, get to somewhere safe, and stay away from the Square!" Celliers ran down the street.

Veronica and Liza sighed, "He's so brave!"

Nana shook her head and sighed.
"Nigel's father was a photographer," David explained.

"Yeah," the band listened.

"And, he took some pictures,"

"Uh-huh," Earl said.

"Nude pictures."

"Aw, c'mon!" Holly said, "Some of us saw "Man Who Fell to Earth." The band looked at her, and she blushed.

"Not me," David said.

"Iman?" Mike asked.

"One of those 'before-she-was-famous' moments?" Sterling guessed.

"No, no...Iman never did nudity." David said.

"Then who?" the band asked.

"A good friend of mine--a lady-friend-- was an aspiring model about 30 years ago."

"And now?" Lisa asked.

"She's running for Parliament."

The band: "OH!"

David: "Shhh..."

"But what does this have to do with you?" Earl was puzzled.

David: "I'm in the same pictures."

"Aw, damn..." Gail disolved into laughter. "I'm sorry, I know this isn't funny..."

David continued, a little annoyed, "I was fully clothed in the pictures--it wasn't porno. It was part of Nigel's dad's photography project for college. Or so he said. We were all so young and stupid..."

"But, Dave, this is blackmail!" Mike said, "You've got to tell the police!"

"If I do, it will be in the news: 'Bowie Involved in Politician's Nude Pic Scandal.' My friend will be ruined, either way! I can't let that happen."

Tin: "Whatta f**kin' Carton of a guy..."

"Nigel's dad died years ago, and Nigel still has the negatives. He'll release them to me at the end of his shoot."

"Better idea," Earl smacked his fist into his palm, "let's all kick his ass..."

"NO! That'll only make things worse! Please, let me handle this, my way. Alright?"



The band mumbled in chorus: "OK..."
"This is sad," Major Tom shook his head.

"The Duke has weakened him," Newton said. "If he hadn't been causing these storms, David would find another way to fight this."

"I think it's rather noble what the Body's doing but..." Major answered the ringing phone again.

"This is F**KIN' pathetic!!!" Tin screamed. "David Bowie has turned pussy! It's the Duke's fault, you know!"

"What's most frightening is," Major noted, "if David is surrendering to some callow pipsqueak of a director, who else will he surrender to?"

"We're doomed..." Newton sighed...
Zero and Jareth were locked in battle. Jareth threw burning crystal orbs at terrible speed, yet Zero's gold wings allowed him to dodge them, often by a hair. Zero drew his knife, and lunged at the King. Jareth transformed into an giant owl, and flew away from Zero's knife point.

"You want to fight, you piece of shite!?" Jareth screeched. Jareth swooped at Zero with his razor-sharp talons. Zero tried to dodge, but Jareth did manage to nick his scalp, taking a lock of golden hair. The cut wasn't deep, but it bleed profusely, and it stung.

Zero and the owl-goblin-king swooped at each other again, in a potentially deadly collision course...The arial dog fight raged, as the Glass Spider and the Minotaur lumbered down below. The giant beasts wrestled with each other, trading blows for cruel blows. The Spider's razor sharp legs did not do much damage to the shadowy Minotaur, and for every ounce of damage the Minotaur caused, the Spider regenerated. They tossed each other across the square, knocking out walls to buildings, streetlights, power lines... A power line snapped and, like a crazed surpent, spat electricity across the square, whipping in a mad frenzy....

Meanwhile, at the castle...

Earthling, Leon Blank, Lord Byron, Berlin, Nathan, Halloween Jack, Ricochet and Yankee all banged on the door. All brandished knives. Nathan drew his revolver.

"OPEN THIS DOOR!" Nathan banged on the door, "Official police business!"

"You'll never save Zane or Dory," Halloween Jack said somberly.

"Jack's right," Byron twitched nervously, "This is scary...let's go home..." He tried to run, but Leon grabbed him by the scarf.

"Nobody goes anywhere until we get Zane and Dory back," Leon glares at Byron.

A growling sound came from around the castle. From around each dark corner, a pack of hideous dog-like creatures surround the group.

"Good boy, Jack," Ricochet smiled confidently, "you brought reinforcements..."

The Dogs were growling at the Bowies. One snapped it teeth towards Yankee.

"YIKES! Um, Jack, tell them we're the good guys..." Yankee shook.

Halloween Jack growled.

"Jack? What's going on?" Earthling approached Jack, but Jack jumped on him, pinning him to the ground. Jack's mouth foamed, teeth bared.

Low, humorless laughter echoed from within the castle. The doors opened---five fishmen came out with knifes of their own. The group was surrounded--and outnumbered 3 to 1. Following was Ramona, with a raygun. She stood smugly in the doorway, aiming the gun at the stunned men.

Then, the Duke emerged...dragging Zane and Dory by their golden hair.

"Stupid Earthling," the Duke clucked his tongue, "how do you think Dory was captured in the first place?"

"I don't believe this shi..." Leon started towards the Duke with his knife, when one of the Diamond Dogs sank its teeth into his arm. Leon screamed and dropped the knife. Blood oozed from his arm.

"Drop your knives, now!" Ramona cocked the gun.

The group obeyed--fighting would be foolish at this point.

The Duke said: "I don't like being disobeyed.."

"What the hell are you doing?" Nathan shouted. "Why did you attack Zane and Dory?"

"They broke the law! They revived Zero..."

"But Major Tom was in danger," Ricochet spoke, but another dog snapped at him.

"Silence, you overbaked banana!" The Duke boomed. "I am the rightful ruler of this city--and my will is law!"

"The hell it is!" Nathan spat, "Who died and made you..."

"Ziggy! That's who! Ziggy and his mentally-incapacitated twin, Alladin brought nothing but chaos to this realm. I brought order!"

"And you almost killed us all," Yankee mumbled.

"I wouldn't talk, if I were you," The Duke growled. "After All, who started the Everlasting Winter? Or was it Halloween Jack?" The Everlasting Winter was 4 years of unrelenting snowfall. Cocaine, in other terms.

The Duke continued, "It was glorious--the whold world covered in beautiful white! No color anywhere! David was never quite so brilliant as those Golden Years! The years when he dispensed of that extraterrestrial freak-of-nature and is assinine ideas of 'love for all'! But was David content to live in such a heavenly haze...OF COURSE NOT! First, he," The Duke glares at Berlin, "cuts the cocaine. Little by little, he starved me!"

"David starved him?" Earthling mumbled. Jack snapped his jaws--his teeth came dangerous close to his face.

"Shut up!" The Duke shouted. "I had lost my precious snow. I lost the alcohol. I lost the orgies. If it wasn't for the nicotine, this body would become a bougeous shadow of its former self." The Duke sneered, "NOW, he's 'happily married' with his 'beautiful wife' with his 'darling baby' and his 'never has to make a record again' because he's 'set for life' and 'content with getting old' and....do you have ANY idea how this is KILLING me???!!!!" the Duke screamed. Lightning flashed across the skies.

"Now," the Duke continued, "The Body is quitting the cigarettes. The cigarettes, gentlemen. An object which has become part of our collective identity! Thoughout good times and bad, rich or poor, brillant and not-so--thoughout all the 'ch-ch-changes' this body has been through," he shakes Zane a little, sneering, "there has only been one constant. I...certainly would die...in this insufferable hell...if it were not for the nicotine. And now...it's going. Going. Almost gone. I...will not...repeat...will NOT...allow this to happen! And I will tear this place apart unless the Body changes the error of his ways!"

"And why do you think the Body will go back to smokin?" Nathan asked?

"Why," The Duke sighed, "look at how much pressure the Body is under. Poor David is soooo tired--he can't even defend himself against his blackmailer. And 'poor Mummy.' The Body feels so guilty about 'all of the very bad things he's done to hurt her'." Every syllable dripped with sarcasm.

"And Ramona," Nathan asked, "What's your role in this?"

Ramona wrapped her free arm around the Duke's slender waist, "Why, I've been rather concerned of the lack of artistic quality that the Body's been making. The Duke and believe very strongly that David's art must be preserved," she and the Duke share a long, tonguey kiss, then break, "Anything that interferes with the art must be eliminated."

Leon fights back the urge to vomit.

"You're both insane!" Ricochet shakes his head, "you honestly believe that if David stops smoking, the music goes down..."

"Why not?" Ramona says, "listen to Berlin's Trilogy...'Low' was quite good--"Lodger" was crap! Why? Less cocaine!"

"When the cocaine stopped," the Duke continued, "We were reduced to some middle-of-the-road pop singer--like you, Ricochet! Can you even imagine what will happen if the cigarettes stop?"

Byron was shaking, "Pardon me, your highness, but..are you going to kill us?"

The Duke stood silent for a moment, then looked at Ramona. Ramona laughed. The Duke sighed and said, "No. Jareth should be done killing Zero by now. That peeping-Major-Tom is out of action, for now. But...if The Body does not resume my desired income of nicotine..." he speaks darkly, "Zane and Dory will be executed!"

To Be Continued...

Don't understand me, just love me

Kristin Machina
(electric tomato)
05/16/01 03:22 AM
Splitting Headache--Steely Resolve new [re: Kristin Machina]  

The shoot was torturous. Nigel insisted on 10 different camera angles for each 10 seconds of the song. He was constantly screaming at the cameramen to move "just an inch to the left..no right! TOO CLOSE! Get that bald girl out of the way! No, too far, I can see wrinkles--Clarise!! More pancake..."

Ten hours had passed. Two of them was Nigel's lunch break. That and he simply HAD to go to Tower and buy the new Britney video--the one HE directed!

David was at the end of his patience, "I would gladly kill for a cigarette right now."

"It's OK, Dave," Gail muttered. "If you will, kill HIM!" nodding to Nigel, who was now screaming at a hapless PA for scuffing his Doc Martens.

Suffragette City...

"Better yet, David," the Duke lounged on his throne, Ramona draped across his lap, "I'LL kill if you don't have a cigarette!"

Zane and Dory were tied, standing up, back to back, on a stone pillar. A fishman stood by with a giant guitar-axe, ready at the Duke's command.

"Now, dahling," Ramona cooed, "it is right that we kill those two? After all, they are our forefathers."

"If it wasn't for Zane, there would be no Tin Machine. And Hunky Dory is nothing but a sappy love-letter to Lou and Bob and his baby," the Duke stuck out his tongue in disgust. "They are just rough drafts--WE," he nipped on her ear, "are the true masterpieces!"

In the dungeon...

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULTS!" Byron screamed. "We're trapped in a damp, dark, slimy dungeon--They're no circulation, my hair is already getting all frizzy..."

"OH SHUT THE F**K UP!" Leon shouted, re-bandaging his arm. "We've got bigger problems!"

"Right," Ricochet leaned against the wall, "if the Body stops smoking, Zane and Dory are done for."

"I can believe Jack turned on us," Earthling lie on the cot.

"The Duke is a powerful sorcerer," Yankee said. "Jack was probably under a spell." He shivered.

"Here, kid," Nathan offered him his trenchcoat.

"No thanks, I'm not cold..." Yankee said.

"Surprised, since ya ain't got an ounce of fat to keep yer bones warm," Nathan said.

"I was just remembering the Eternal Winter," Yankee put his chin to his knees.

Berlin said, from a corner, "Yank, you could not have really caused the Winter, right?"

"Let's just say I didn't help." Yankee sighed. "It kept me up at night. It gave me lots of time to write--otherwise I'd just keep snortin'. Wrote a whole album in a week. I didn't know..."

"You couldn't have," Ricochet said.

"I was feeding a monster," Yankee said. "I thought it was the ghost of Ziggy, but the true monster was the Duke And the Duke didn't even have a name at that point! Didn't even know he existed."

"Where's Zero?" Leon asked.

"God only knows..." Byron sighed.

"Dear God, don't sing that song again!" Leon covered his ears.

"Wherever he is," Nathan slumped against the wall, "he's a..."

"Dead man walking?" Earthling cocked an eyebrow.

"Flying is more accurate," Nathan thought he heard booming from a distance. Maybe it was the Duke again...or...

In the Square...

Zero and Jareth traded blow for nasty blow. Blade against claw--dodging and swooping, clashing and slashing, until...

The owl tore one of Zero's wings off in a devastating strike. Zero crashed to the ground in a tail-spin. Not only was one wing gone, but his back was slashed and bleeding.

Jareth turned back into human form--if you can call him human. From under his cloak, the King drew a long, wicked-looking blade. He held the hilt by two hands, aimed carefully at the wounded Zero and....


A bullet knocked the sword out of Jareth's hands. The Goblin King howled in shock and outrage. His eyes flashed red, as he spun around...

To look into the business-end of a rifle.

Jareth's alabaster-pale face drew even paler. A visible fear swept his elfin features--black-rimmed eyes grew wide with horror.

"You...and your mad cow...cease and desist...now," Major Celliers said cooly, aiming the gun right between the eyes.

Jareth is allergic to iron. His reaction would be serious injury or death. Jareth's brow poured sweat, as he bellowed, "Minotaur, heel!"

The Minotaur, locked in deadly battle with the Spider, stopped immediately. The Spider, too, stepped back.

"Go home," Celliers made a mad kind of grin, "and don't let me catch you bothering this boy or anyone else again."

Jareth's face then grew red with anger, "Don't let me catch YOU without your gun!" Humiliated, he turned into an owl again and flew off. The Minotaur vanished.

Celliers stooped down and examined Zero's wounds.

"I...can't...feel...my legs," Zero muttered. Celliers deduced that Zero may also have some broken ribs--the former golden-statue was bleeding from the mouth and nose.

"Relax, boy," Celliers tried to soothe him, "I'll get help..."

"Let...me...die..." Zero wept. "I've...disgraced...the Bowie name. I've...*gasp*...brought nothing...but pain and embarrassment...I...*cough, cough*...Aaaah!"

"Stop it!" Celliers tried to stop the bleeding, "Self-pity never helped anyone--I should know..."

"It's because...of me...that Zane...and Dory..will die."

"What?" Celliers was puzzled. "Zero?"

Zero passed out.

"ZERO!!?? Wake up!"

Celliers suddenly felt a hand on the shoulder.

"Didn't I tell you girls to stay away," Celliers barked angrily, but turned around to see...

"Oh...I..It's you..."

To Be Continued...

Don't understand me, just love me

(electric tomato)
05/16/01 08:57 AM
Re: Splitting Headache--Steely Resolve new [re: Kristin Machina]  

This is magnificent!!! Simply brilliant, and soooooooo much fun!
Do keep going. I can't wait to see what'll happen next...

"Because we kiss in time, because we love our kind,
because we're wonderful...sometimes."

Kristin Machina
(electric tomato)
05/20/01 10:56 PM
Splitting Headache--Aladdin Sane new [re: Kristin Machina]  

Aladdin Sane hovered just above. Brilliant red hair, naked silvery skin, and that unmistakable red-and-blue tattoo--he exuded tranquility.

He knelt by Zero's broken body, and placed his slender hands on Zero's chest. A light shimmered through the fallen battler. Zero stiffened up, and was a statue once more.

Aladdin looked at Celliers, and pointed to a wing lying in the street. Celliers got up and picked up the disembodied wing. He gave it to Aladdin, and the little genie reattached it.

Aladdin raised his hands to the sky, and the statue levetated off the ground. By magic, the statue was replaced at the Square center, on top of the Spider. The Spider set it's legs down flat on the ground, and there it stayed.

Major was in awe--he had never seen Aladdin this close before. He cautiously approached the genie, as if her were a precious butterfly about to fly away again. Celliers gently tapped Aladdin on the shiny shoulder, "Um....Mister Aladdin Sane...sir?"

Aladdin turned around. Celliers saw the look of anguish on his tattooed face. Opalescent tears fell from his red eyes.

Aladdin said, "Ziggy's children are in danger."

Celliers: "Yes, Zero told me that Zane and Dory are in trouble. Jareth hurt Zero pretty badly. And Major Tom and Tin are..."

"I must confront the Duke once more," Aladdin said somberly. "He is threatening the well-being of everyone in this realm."

Celliers: "Is Zero being punished again?"

Aladdin: "It is best for him to remain a statue. Otherwise, he would be a moving target for the Duke."

Celliers: "Berlin said that Zane and Dory had to release him. Major Tom was in trouble."

Aladdin nodded, "Their intentions were good--but they only compounded the problem. The Duke struck that tower deliberately--to kill Zero."

Celliers' face went red, "But it's not their fault! You can't blame them for trying to save a life."

Aladdin calmly said, "I'm not blaming anyone. It does not matter, anyway. The Duke has gone mad. He must be brought under control."

Celliers clasped his rifle, "Let me come with you to the Duke's! I can't let him hurt anyone else!"

"No," Aladdin said, "I will not put anyone else in jeopardy. Go home." With that, Aladdin began to float skyward, but Celliers grabbed his foot...

"You don't get it!" Celliers shouted. "We're ALREADY in jeopardy! We can't just sit idle, waiting to be blown to oblivion on some whim! No you can fly off, but I'm coming with you, whether you like it or not!"

Aladdin looked skyward, and thought silently, "Should I, Ziggy?" Aladdin mused for a few moments, then, "Follow me." Aladdin flew down the streets, as Celliers ran after....

Don't understand me, just love me

Kristin Machina
(electric tomato)
05/22/01 03:51 PM
Splitting Headache--Get Me Out of Here! new [re: Kristin Machina]  

It's midnight in Manhattan. The balcony scenes are taking forever. Nigel wants Bowie to look like he's watching a movie, reflecting on his long, painful life.

Bowie thinks: "The only thing long and painful is this shoot. Nigel, we need to talk!"

Nigel glides over to David in a cock-sure manner, "Hey, Davy, Whazzup?"

"First of all, it's Mr. Bowie to you. Second, do you have the foggiest idea of what you're doing?"

"Suuure!" Nigel waved. "You see, I'm trying to capture the...um...essense of...what it's like to be really old and...."

Bowie jumped from the balcony seat, "THAT'S IT!! I've had it! I'm sick and tired of this video. I'm going home to my wife and child! Mates," Bowie called down to his band, "we're leaving!"

The band cheered: "About time...you tell 'im, Dave!"

As Bowie stormed to the door, apologizing quietly to the stunned staff, Nigel cooly called out, "That's just toooo bad. Of course, I'm sure YOU'RE used to being smeared in the tabloids by now." David stopped cold. Nigel continued, "I mean, I'm sure you don't care what others say, 'cause you think you've got nothing to lose. You're a rock star, after all. Bad press is still good press," Nigel slithered up to David, and whispered, "But to an aspiring politician, bad press is still bad press. If you know what I mean."

David clenched his fists and teeth. His face went red. He then let out an exasperated sigh, turned around and said, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Simple." Nigel said. "Instant credibility. Once Hollywood knows that I directed a David Bowie video, I can get out of the teeny-bopper gig before it loses steam. I'll be directing all the REALLY big names, and who knows--I may even direct a feature film! Now, can we be professionals and finish the shoot?"

David's mismatched eyes flashed cold flames. He then meet his band at orchestra level.

"Well?" Gail hoped for an end.

David shook his head, "I'm sorry...."

"Damn it!" the band spat!

"Nigel," David called to the director, "can we have a cigarette break?"
The Duke's Castle

"Finally!" Ramona rejoiced, "He's guaranteed to smoke at least 3 at once after that little pipsqueak's little threat.

"I've got him right where I want him," The Duke coldly smirked.

Zane and Dory breathed a sigh of relief...and defeat.

Meanwhile...in the dungeon...

"Leon?" Berlin was shaking the napping prisoner. Leon mumbled.

Nathan called, "Leon?"

Leon shot up in bed, "I'm telling you...I haven't been to Oxford Town!!"

"Calm down, geez," Nathan said. "Berlin thinks he knows how to get out of here."

Berlin said, "Everyone listen up. We're going to pretend that Yankee is sick, since he is the sickliest of all of us..."

"F**k you," Yankee flipped him off.

"Please, Yankee?" Richocet asked.

"Oh..fine!" Yankee took Leon's place on the mat. "OOOOOOOOHHH....the pain....the PAIN!!"

"Help!" Earthling cried out to the guards. "Our friend is sick! Somebody help us!"

The guards did nothing but stand still at their posts.

"I told you it was a stupid idea," Byron sneered.

"Oh, you have anything better?" Berlin glared.

"That was no good," Nathan said. "The fishmen and Dogs have no reverence for life."

Leon was standing in a corner, when he felt something move under his feet. He stepped aside to inspect, when he saw a panel move, and two little hands emerge. It was too dark in the hole to make out a face.

"Oh, excuse me," a soft, tiny, female voice was heard. "I took the wrong tunnel. Excuse me..."

"Wait!" Earthling ran to the hole. "Can you get us out of here?"

"My master will be very angry with me."

"Don't worry, we'll protect you," Ricochet said. "We just need to find two friends of ours. One has a blue dress, the other looks like a half-human, half-cat. Have you see them here?"

"No." The little voice said.

"Damn," Earthling spat. "Well, can you at least show us out of this cell?"

"It's not safe for you," the voice whispered. "You'll only get captured or killed, like that winged man."

"Zero's dead??" Byron's eyes widened.

"I thought no one cared about him," Nathan asked.

"He still didn't deserve to die, poor bloke," Byron said. It could have been me, he thought to himself.

"She's got a point," Berlin said. "We really need to keep out of Duke's sight."

"I can hide you. Follow me..." the voice disappeared down the hole. The opening was narrow, but the slender Bowies were able to just about able to fit through. Nathan had a bit more difficulty.

"Oof," Nathan squeezed down the hole, holding his breath. The others pulled on his legs and coat, until he plopped down on solid ground like a cork out of a bottle.

"Nathan, one word--diet." Byron smirked.

"Follow me..." the voice was heard down a tunnel. It was pitch dark, so the Bowies had to feel their way slowly down the narrow pathway....
Angel of Life Hospital

Major Tom's wounds healed quickly. The benefit of an imaginary character is the rules of human healing don't apply here.

Newton and Pierrot were eating popcorn on the hospital bed, watching the only station available--what David was seeing now.

Knock, knock!

Tin swung the door wide open, "Hey, Tommy!"

"Which one?" Newton and Major asked.

"Both of ya, and the clown too! Tired of this reality s**t?"

"Worse than 'The Mole.'" Newton nodded.

"Great--let's break outta here and kick the Duke's ass!!"

"We can't just walk out!" Major Tom objected.

"Don't worry. Monte had a 'very nice chat' with the nurses. If anyone asks, we're on a 'cigarette break.'"

"Oh, good," Newton said, "because David is going to light up a..."

"Just move yer arses!" Tin, Major and Pierrot were off and away...

Don't understand me, just love me

Kristin Machina
(electric tomato)
05/29/01 06:56 PM
Splitting Headache--Castle Rumble new [re: Kristin Machina]  

"Phew! We're out!" Ricochet stepped into an open space--a cobblestone catacomb, lit by torches. It looked like it was set up as a laboratory--there were tables filled with strange specimens in jars, bubbling liquids and parchments everywhere.

The other Bowies followed. Berlin looked around and said, "Where the hell are we?"

"Hey, little girl? Little girl?" Ricochet called, but she was no where to be found.

"Hush, y'all, look!" Leon whispered. A hammock was slung in a corner, and Jareth was fast asleep inside. He seemed to be angrily mumbling in his sleep.

"Great," Nathan whispered, "she delivered us straight to the fruitcake."

"Our knives!" Berlin found their blades neatly laid out on a table.

"Great," Lord Byron snatched his, "let's off the Duke! He killed Zero!"

"Byron, hush," Earthling covered Byron's mouth, "lower you voice! We're still outnumbered. Let's just find Zane and Dory and get out of here."

A sudden, loud crash was heard upstairs, and a great alarm was sounded!

"What's going on?" Yankee jumped. Then, gunshots and the sound of yelping dogs was heard.

Jareth fell out of his nest, "What the bloody hell is....?" As he tried to recover, a hand yanked at a large lock of his wispy hair, and a knife was held to his throat.

"Not one move, birdbrain!" Leon hissed, "or my criss-criss machete cuts your pipes."

"Leon, don't!" Nathan found his revolver on the table and pointed it at Leon.

"Relax, Professor Detective. Jareth's gonna lead us to our friends. I ain't gonna kill him...yet."

"Don't hurt him!" the little voice came out of the shadows. In the light, her identity was revealed--a lithe body, just out of puberty, limbs wrapped in bandages, a dirty shift dress, long dirty blond hair...

"No...." Leon's face went pale. "It's can't be..." He lost his grip on Jareth and fainted backwards. Nathan was stunned. The others were confused.

"Grace Blue?" Nathan gasped.

A volley of lightning crashes were heard upstairs.
"NOOOO!" The Duke screamed. "I'm too close to getting my smoke!"

Aladdin Sane shouted, "Release the prisoners, now!" He tossed a pair of red and blue bolts, but the Duke countered with two white bolts.

Major Celliers was surrounded by the Diamond Dogs and Halloween Jack. He tried holding them off with his rifle, but they slowly closed in on him. Then...

A wall crashes in, an a hulking metal monster stomps in. The Dogs are frightened off and flee, except for Jack.

Out of the machine's top hatch comes Tin, "Meet the Tin Machine V! Three tons of kick-ass!" Major Tom, Pierrot, Monte and Newton crawl out.

"Just in the nick of..." Celliers couldn't finish his thanks when Halloween Jack pounced on top of him. Celliers blocked Jack's dangerously powerful jaws with his gun. "Don't worry about me--Get Zane and Dory!!"

"But..." Newton objected.

"THAT'S AN ORDER!" Celliers bellowed. As the soldier and the dog struggled against each other, the others ran down the corridors to find the captives...
Taking advantage of Nathan's shock of finding a murdered girl alive, Jareth threw a crystal ball directly at Nathan's gun, knocking it out of his hand. He then formed another orb--a ball of fire and took aim....

Yankee socked him in the jaw, and the wizard reeled backwards, tripping over the passed-out Leon!

"Good boy, Yank--I've taught you well," Ricochet said.

Nathan retrieved his gun, "Now, take us to our mates or it's bye-bye, birdie!"

"STOP IT!" Grace grabbed Nathan's thick arm in desperation. "No killling!"

"You little traitor!" Byron sneered. "You lead us to a trap!"

"No, no! Master revived me--I thought you could help him revive Ziggy!"

"WHAT??" the Bowie gasped.

"Whoa, whoa, you're gettin' ahead of me!" Nathan released her grip. "Are you saying Jareth is trying to revive Ziggy Stardust?"

"Right, Master has a theory..."

"Excuse me, but we don't have time!" Berlin interrupted. "Our friends are in danger, and it sounds like there's a war up there!"

"You'll...never save them..." Jareth pulled himself up, "the Duke is far more powerful than all of us. You had best stay out of our business."

"And what business do you have with the Duke?" Berlin glared.

Grace said, "Master's going to overthrow the Duke."

"SHUT UP!" Jareth snapped.

"Geddoff!" Leon woke up and pushed Jareth aside.

"Since Master revived me, I'm his slave. If he revives Ziggy, he'll have the most powerful servant in the realm, and..."

Jareth snapped his fingers and sew Grace's mouth closed.

"You're cracked," Earthling shook his head. "But why are you working for him?"

"I'm not as stupid as you look," Jareth sneered. "If I oppose the Duke, he'll burn me to a crisp. I'm just pretending to work with him until I can gather the means to undermine him."

"Here's an idea," Nathan said, "why don't you help us? Your magic can fend off the goons, while we retrieve our friends."

"No," Jareth refused and spun around, straight into Leon's face.

Leon: "I don't think that was a request."

"Never mind," Ricochet made his way to the steps, "if he thinks he's too weak of a wizard to take on the Duke..."

"What??!!" Jareth squeaked.

"Right," Earthling added, smirking, "I guess when it comes down to it, his balls just ain't as mighty as he thinks."

"MY BALLS ARE POWERFUL!" Jareth screamed indignantly. "My balls can crush..." He stopped when he detected some snickering in the group. Blushing, he spit, "Fine. I'll prove I can take him on. I don't care if you all get fried to a crisp...."
***************************************************************************David stood in the back alley of the theatre, with his band beside him, slowly drawing a cigarrette. He went to light it, but stopped short of igniting.

He stared at the little stick of tobacco.

"Dave?" Earl asked. "You OK?"

David put the stick to his lips and...
"Get out of my way!" Duke threw more bolts. "I need my smoke!"

"Release the prisoners first!" Aladdin countered. The throne room shook with the force of their blows. The light was blinding.

Zane and Dory squeezed their eyes shut.

The axemen were dazed. They lost their orientation and couldn't find their captives.

Aladdin realized that his battle may inadvertently destroy the captives, so he lounged for the Duke, grabbed him by the collar, and the two flew off to the rooftop, crashing threw the ceiling.

The light dimmed, and the axemen could now see. The captives were gone! Instead, they were zapped by a man in a spacesuit....

"Follow me!" Newton led Zane and Dory out, but were blocked by Ramona, holding a very large gun.

"Don't move!" Ramona aimed.

Newton drew his revolver, "I've got a gun too! Let us pass!"

"Go on, little alien, shoot!" Ramona dared him.

Newton pulled the trigger, a loud bang was heard, but Ramona stood unharmed.

"Um, Tommy," Zane asked, "are there still blanks in that?"

"Oh, nuts..." Newton felt very helpless.

"No blanks in mine!" Ramona taunted, when something hit her sharply across the back of her head. With a cane.

"Nana!" the three balked.

Nana, Liza and Veronica stood behind Ramona, "We couldn't just sit by and..."

Ramona got up and retrieved her gun, "You meddling bitches!" Then, almost out of Charlie's Angels, Veronica roundhoused the gun out of Ramona's hand, and Liza punched her in the face. The mad artist was sent falling to the floor.

"Now let's..." Dory found that they were now quickly surrounded by fishmen and Diamond Dogs. "Uh, oh...."

An orb shattered against the head of a fish-men, knocking him out!

"Charge!" Earthling and company, including a reluctant Jareth, charged against the canine army.

"What did you say, David?"

"No." David stamped out the cigarrette before he could light it. "I beat coke. I beat booze. I beat pills. If I can beat this, that little twerp doesn't stand a chance." He stood tall and upright, with a new burst of energy. He then stormed through the stage doors.

"David!?" his band called after him. "What are you doing??"
"What is he doing??" The Duke stopped cold. "No, he can't!!"

"He can!" Aladdin proclaimed. "You're reign of terror is over!"
"Attention, McCrap!" Bowie grapped a microphone and defiantly announced. "I may be pushed around by a worthless piece of shite like you, but I'm not giving in to my addiction."


"I'm quitting!"

"You can't quit!" Nigel screamed, "We have a contract!"

"I meant..."


David's headache was coming back, but he felt strangely numb to it...

"I've quit the cigarrettes. Forever."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the Duke screamed. "I'LL DESTROY IT ALL!!! I'LL DESTROY THIS WHOLE REALM!!" The Duke then conjured the most violent thunderstorm ever!

"Duke, STOP!" Aladdin begged.


"What's going on?" Tin felt the castle tremble like an earthquake. The trembling got worse--the walls started to crumble. A bright light filled the castle....

The combatants all stopped cold....

Aladdin glowed brightly, "In the name of Ziggy Stardust, I won't let you....!" Aladdin summoned all his energy and....
"AAAAHHH!" David fell to his knees, tightly grasping his throbbing head.

The crew rushed to his side, and so did his band.

"DAVID!!" Earl shouted. "Someone call an ambulance!"

Then, a bright flash filled the theatre, lasting no more than a quarter of a second, and all the lights go out....

To be continued....

Don't understand me, just love me

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