What's the one thing Bowie could say to you that would make you punch the man in the face? Like really hard?

Me, I've narrowed it down to several:

"I've been bald for the last twenty years."
"I had an affair with Elton John."
"I'm your real biological mother."
"I was asked to appear on 'The Simpsons,' but I told them to piss off."
"You know that 'Barbie Girl' song by Aqua? I wrote that one!"
"I'm going to re-form Tin Machine."

Anyone else...?

In reply to:

---

"I had an affair with Elton John."

---

That would be a punch, complete beat-up and throwing him off a cliff.
There's no forgiving that. Yuck!

In reply to:

---

"You know that 'Barbie Girl' song by Aqua? I wrote that one!"

---

Oh man, that's really funny! Still, I wouldn't be so surprised if we found out Bowie actually wrote 'Barbie Girl'. Seriously, it wouldn't come as a big shock.


"Broke my hand on a pineapple. Didn't even care." Bruce McCulloch

"Those rape allegations from '87 were true, y'know".

"Your mother makes lousy breakfast".

"I'm about to sing Shake It".

"Your special someone thinks about me when she closes her eyes. Look into your soul, twister, you know it to be true".

"Hit me! Come on, hit me!"

"Claude's a better poster than you are".

"Please, call me Sailor..."

I hope that I can say the things I wish I'd said.

"I think The Wallflowers greatly improved 'Heroes'."

Do you think you scare me, twister?! Huh?! You wouldn't do anything to me. You love me too much. Besides, I would have Marius go over to your place and take back all of my albums if you did. It's not worth it, fucker. It's just not worth it. You wanna play with Daddy, asshole?!

Oh, and Claude would have come up with something better.

Bye bye we love you.

"You know how your club is gone? I'm the one who shut it down."
"Jeff Buckley was a talentless fool."
"I joined Hanson!"
"For the next tour I'll open for The Backstreet Boys."
I'm sure there are more, I just can't think of any. . .

"That's right mom. Eat the rotton pears. That'll get you into heaven.
-Maria to her mom"
http://www.geocities.com/jagger_bowie

"Brittney Spears really is quite talented."
"JLo has a nice butt"
"You know, i will be closing down B-Net soon"

I have been saving up for BNet forEVER. If he shuts it down before i get it, i would scream. Loud. Give my indian call and throw him off a cliff.

Todos Las Tipo Jovenes
En
Ciudad Sufragio

"I'm doing a song with P.diddy"

"Since everyone wants me to make 2. Contamination so much, I thought it'd be funny to take the master tapes from the 1. Outside sessions and piss on them."
"I shot JR"
"I have recently signed up to make "Labyrinth" 2 through 5 and "Into the Night" 2 through 7"
"I like to touch small children"
"The man you once knew as David Bowie no longer exists... please welcome MC Furious Mac Daddy D, the 5th and newest member of Limp Bizkit"

It's a deal
It's a steal
It's the Sale of the fucking Century!

Oooh, I like! Great posts, all! My personal ones would be:
"I hate you, and all the other fans, I do it for the art and don't want to hear about how much you sad little people love me."
"You know, I'm not really a man. I was born a woman."
"I think the pop music scene in America today is really where I'm heading next."
"I've decided to move to the Himilayas, with my wife and child, and not ever sing, write, produce, or even appear ever again to anyone except those two people."
(In the last example, I would not punch Bowie, but slap him, to knock him back to his senses.) :-)

"Inside every teenage girl there's a fountain."-Candidate

In reply to:

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the 5th and newest member of Limp Bizkit

---

There already are five members of Limp Bizkit. But nice try anyway.

Or: HAHHAHAHAAHAHAHA

An affair with Elton John would seriously disappioint me but I'dive him a knuckle sandwich if he said "I'm not going to release any more original material. No new albums."

"You know, when we are making love, I have fantasies about your best friend."

In reply to:

---

There already are five members of Limp Bizkit.

---

The fact that you know that sickens me

It's a deal
It's a steal
It's the Sale of the fucking Century!

In reply to:

---

The fact that you know that sickens me

---

The word you are looking for is embarrasses.

In reply to:

---

The word you are looking for is embarrasses.

---

And I thought I was immature... you're just one Freudian slip away from "I know you are, you said you are but what am I?"

It's a deal
It's a steal
It's the Sale of the fucking Century!

In reply to:

---

[Sailor] Claude would have come up with something better.

---

How would he have done that, copied and pasted it from another source, or made each line into a seperate post? You 'Sell Me A Coat'-singing mother-fucker.

In reply to:

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[Babygrace9] "I hate you, and all the other fans, I do it for the art and don't want to hear about how much you sad little people love me."

---

Hit him in the face? I'd give the man a hug. If he weren't such a cabbage loving cunt, anyway.

I hope that I can say the things I wish I'd said.

Would you really wish to give him a hug after he'd just proclaimed his utter hate for you and your affection? Brave soul, Twister. But I guess I see your point.

"Inside every teenage girl there's a fountain."-Candidate

In reply to:

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"You know, I'm not really a man. I was born a woman."

---

you know, i'd consider that a good thing... and, either way, it wouldn't be that big a deal, would it?




Men du lyssnar ju inte på mig!
Nej.

"Your dad was good last night"
"Y'all knew i aint been british all them years"
"I wrote and directed the choreography for N*sync's Dirty Pop."

::Hallo::
::Did you just say hello?::
::No, i said 'hallo', but that's close enough::
::Aren't you a...worm?::
::Yeah, s'right::

"It's actually been Milli Vanilli you've been listening to all these years; I just mimed the words."

"My therapist is Dr. Phil."

"I enjoy writing Labyrinth fan fic." *hahaha can of worms!*


Ah mate, it's a dickhead free environment which means I don't think you will be anywhere near.

One, two, three and four

Honestly?

"Yeah, I do love Iman and all that, but how about you come up to my room later tonight for a little bit of fun?"

Said to me, my sister or any of my friends. (particularly the second one. I'd kill him.)

"i've decided that from now on i'm going to perform only 'let's dance' at every concert and repeat it it for two hours straight and then walk off stage"
"remember that series i did? the hunger? well i'm going to quit music and devote all of my time to resurrecting that and doing new episodes to air every day"
"i'm christina aguilera's real dad"
"i'm having my teeth put back the way they were" (that would be more of a slap upside the head)

"Once you've had Jaggar, you never go back."
oh, and...
"If you punch me, I'll have sex with you."

actually i prefer his teeth the way they were

I was going to say that too! I think it added something to his face. It made him look a lot more interesting. (He still is, mind you.) But I think it was cooler before.

"you know, stone temple pilots really suck"
"bnet is better than tw"
"from now on, i will only sell my cds to bnet members"
"i dont really write any of my own stuff"
"thats so gay"

honestly, i cant picture him saying any of that, and ireally dont see my self punching him, well, i would if he insulted STP...honestly, i would!!! starbuck

LOUDER!!!

"Have you ever just wanted to burn down your parents' house? Just smash it all up and walk away smiling?"
"Yeah, that whole thing with Mick? Just a hoax! PRANKED YA!"
"I wanted to screw Tim Curry SOOOO BAD after watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show"
"I've had your dog"

Come! See the beautiful Ziggymonkeys!!

In reply to:

---

An affair with Elton John would seriously disappioint me but I'dive him a knuckle sandwich if he said "I'm not going to release any more original material. No new albums."

---

You know, one day he WILL say that. When he's like 180 years old.
Because we all know that David is invincible and he will live that long.


Come! See the beautiful Ziggymonkeys!!

"I post on TW occasionally. My username is Tyler."

"Remember that woman who claimed she wrote "Heroes"? Well, she did write it. And shortly after, I had her killed"

"I have no intention to tour Austalia. Instead, I am using it as a testing ground to gage my popularity after I retire."

"My new remix with Puff Daddy is terrific . It just repeats over and over my favorite lyric: "I like to play. I like to play. I like to play the doo da horn".

"I can honestly say that after all this time in the studio, the one song I am happy with is the remake of "Ching a Ling".

"There's a simple reason why Alecz was allowed the trip to NYC......to piss you off, you moron!".

"I admire Jennifer Lopez...In fact, I'm going to change my name to D-Bo."
"You know, the only song I ever really wrote was The Laughing Gnome..."
"Teenage Wildlife? What, is that a porn site?"
"When we filmed Labyrinth, I wore an extra pair of socks, if you know what I mean..."
"What did you think of that duet I did with Tina Turner?"
"I'm giving up music so I can live out my days chasing my daughter around the tomato plants."
"Mark Chapman? Ha ha, that's what they all think..."
"I took Carlos Alomar's name off the Quickdial list on my phone...why would I ever need to contact him?"

extended version of original entry:
"I had an affair with Elton John...but he ended it because he said I wasn't good enough for him."

"I will release a new album in spring"

Не будем о грусном..

Most definitely if he told me the reason for growing his hair again was so that he could replace Gerri Halliwel in the new Spice Girls lineup. Something to do with the outfits, red hair and especially the SHOES.......

me too

In reply to:

---

"I'm your real biological mother."
"I post on TW occasionally. My username is Tyler."

---

For some reason, I'd absolutely love to hear him say these two.


The inevitable return of the
Laa.

Or I'll stop this career right now. You two behave!

Bye bye we love you.

In reply to:

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You 'Sell Me A Coat'-singing mother-fucker.

---

Them's fightin' words!!

I'll beat your ass into my puffy-haired period, you sorry shit!

Bye bye we love you.

In reply to:

---

"There's a simple reason why Alecz was allowed the trip to NYC......to piss you off, you moron!".

---

Not just you, Adam.

Did you really think that it was by chance?


Bye bye we love you.

"I respect P-Diddy as an artist."
*winds up and lets fist fly*

In reply to:

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"I've had your dog"

---

Right before I saw that I was thinking the EXACT SAME THING! How freaky! lol..

"From now on P.Diddy will produce all my records and he will also be writing my songs."

First I would kick him in his balls, then I would drag him down by his hair then sit on top of him sobbing "Why David... Why?"

"P.Diddy gives awfully good blow jobs."

I'd hack off his wanker. That's all there is to it.




If you don't like my Bowie then I don't like you!

In reply to:

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One, two, three and four

---

Ok, I wasn't expecting that at all...
Never before have written words made me laugh so hard for so long

It's a deal
It's a steal
It's the Sale of the fucking Century!

"I'm helping Kriss Kross get back on their feet again"
"I'm helping Paula Abdul have children"


Let's put on our fishnet clothing and feather boas and STRUT!!

In reply to:

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"bnet is better than tw"

---

It'd be a punch worthy offense if he didn't say that


It's a deal
It's a steal
It's the Sale of the fucking Century!

"Where the hell did you get JAW from?! It's 'Beware the savage LURE of 1984'!!"
"Can you dance around a bit? I want to see your Balls Keep Swinging."
"Eno did pretty much all the songwriting and music-arranging...I just fetched the coffee."
"Do you want to re-enact the lyrics to 'The Width of a Circle' with me?"
"My God...My fans are getting uglier and smellier every year."

"I'm thinking of steering my career in the direction of rap-rock fusion. I can honestly say I've learned a thing or two about music from Mr. Durst."

"Carson Daly's cool."

"I must say I'm proudest of my work from the 80's."

"If only I could do 'Dancing in the Street' again..."

In reply to:

---

"You know that 'Barbie Girl' song by Aqua? I wrote that one!"

---

"To give credit where it's due, I wrote the music, Iggy wrote the lyrics"
"I'm planning to record it myself and make a comeback into mainstream pop"
"And just because the titles match so perfectly ... it's going to be a bonus track on Toy"
"And in the video clip I'm going to be cavorting on the beach with a blond blow up doll .... or Britney Spears, whichever is cheaper"

Thwack. :0)

"I'm going to appear on the cover of Vanity Fair"
"With a bunch of people who aren't even on the same par with me"
"And I'm going to sit in the back and pose like Fabio"

Mreow. What a nasty little job of a person!

In reply to:

---

"My God...My fans are getting uglier and smellier every year."

---

"And older"


NoGame is on again ... are you ready...?
Connecting People?

"I trained Charles Manson."
"I really admire Mark Chapman."
I don't know if I'd punch him or start crying. Probably both. Not just Bowie, but if anyone said this, I would be pushed over the edge.

Peace,
theladyprimrose

Turn and face the stranger!

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID POST!!!

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID ANON!!!


If you don't like my Bowie then I don't like you!

"Jennifer Connoly is such a great actress... one would almost forget she was...14."
"Ziggy Stardust was actually a robot-spider-alien from mars that wrote all the songs on the album while I was in Berlin with Iggy. Cheap suckers."
"I'm giving P. Diddy all the rights to my music for free so he can use more of my bass lines and guitar riffs to make millions off of."
"Brian Eno does not exist. I made him up."
"Ive considered cutting my hair into a Jareth-inspired mullet. But this time, it will be silver and ice-blue: the color of the new millenium."
"Radiohead has absolutely nothing going for them. I prefer the 'plastic soul' that inspired my work in the mid-70s"


Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy.

"well gotta go, got an appointment with micheal jackson's plastic surgeon"

"yeah, beck's going to be covering everything i've done thru the 70's"

"'scuse me, can i get a cigarette... er.. fag! i mean fag! aw hell, you caught me. i'm not british"

Joethelion
And it was cold and it rained so I felt like an actor

For the benefit of new arrivals.

I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it.

In reply to: "The man you once knew as David Bowie no longer exists... please welcome MC Furious Mac Daddy D, the 5th and newest member of Limp Bizkit"


OH GOD! NOOOOOOOOO! *dies*

(to the tune of "Pretty Vacant")
WE'RE SO FRUITY OH SO FRUITY! YEAH, WE'RE BACON!

In reply to:

---

OH GOD! NOOOOOOOOO! *dies*

---

Congratulations, Remade/Remodeled. One down...

I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it.

"I don't care what anyone says, Never Let Me Down was the greatest acheivement of my life!!"
...just thinking about him saying that makes me sick to my stomache...
"oh yea, i've been lying to you. do'ya know that chick on Bnet? Kaity? yea, shes been cheating on you, with ME! Ahahaha!!!"
...eh....

i will leave this "group" and create my own coven, full of bi-sexual, japanese vampires with fancy french names, who will soon be rock-super stars!!!

eh?
Since when am I bisexual?!?!
More like this : "Well, Kaity, you see, there was this guy off bnet..well, sorry, darling, your kinda outta the picture now. Its nothing personal or " WHAM!!!!!!!!

This dot . marks your location
GBA

In reply to:

---

More like this : "Well, Kaity, you see, there was this guy off bnet..well, sorry, darling, your kinda outta the picture now. Its nothing personal or "

---

ok, here is the REAL thing....:

"Candice, Dahling, i can't see you tonight. Kaity said that i should come over to her place, she's having a mass orgy...i think she said iggy and mick were coming, and something about both the brians, but...whats that look for?
i don't think you were invited, but your lovely! um.. she's such a fantastic 15 year old girl!"

he would be a dead "famous" man.

i will leave this "group" and create my own coven, full of bi-sexual, japanese vampires with fancy french names, who will soon be rock-super stars!!!

there are a lot of things that if ANYONE said to me I'd punch them. the only Bowie one I can think of that has not been posted yet would be:

"Actually, Queen and I stole Under Pressure from Vanilla Ice."

Visualize Whirled Peas

"Do you come here often or do you usually wait till you get home?"

THUMP!!

Get Bowie to Australia.
G.B.A - All The Way

I'm dead.

Well that's like your opinion, man.

Big right fist punch: "I love Bayern Munich and the Dutch are gonna win Euro 2004."

Another hard open right hand hit: "I am glad Reeves has accepted my plea to come back."

Medium strengh open left hand slap: "No, I am not gonna play "Sunday" in Berlin."

Double mega-brutal twin-fister in my own teeth: "Wasn't that you sitting next to me in that ski lift in Austria last winter without recognising me?"

And I want to believe
In the madness that calls 'now'

In reply to:

---

"I don't care what anyone says, Never Let Me Down was the greatest acheivement of my life!!"

---

That's a statement that would make me actually hug David Bowie. Like really hard. And if he went on to say that Beat Of Your Drum was the greatest song he ever made, I would profess my desire to bear his children, in spite of the inherent medical difficulties.

Me responding to a thread I created two years ago. That's really non-pathetic.

Are the remnants of religion any more laughable than the gods - drugs, popstars, footballers, even science - we believe in today?
Nicky Wire

"I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love"

http://www.BowieLive.com wants you!

In reply to:

---

"Hit me! Come on, hit me!"

---

I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

In reply to:

---

"You know that 'Barbie Girl' song by Aqua? I wrote that one!"

---

God! I cannot get my daughter to stop singing that damn song!

In reply to:

---

"I'm about to sing Shake It".

---

I know shake it isn't his best, but I love the song. So, in that case, I'd say, hey thanks, can I record it?

In reply to:

---

"Your special someone thinks about me when she closes her eyes. Look into your soul, twister, you know it to be true".

---

I would say" my special someone only thinks about you out of insecurity, being afraid that I love you more than my special someone."

In reply to:

---

"I joined Hanson!"

---

I would slap him in the face for that one.
Then say " HOW DARE YOU?!?"

In reply to:

---

"The man you once knew as David Bowie no longer exists... please welcome MC Furious Mac Daddy D, the 5th and newest member of Limp Bizkit"

---

I would fall down on the ground laughing.

"You know how you have joked about me being your biological father, well, You were right. I am, and I've been keeping tabs on you all these years."

"I sometime's post here under the alias, Strangedrugs.

Would you like to come out and play tonight?

I don't know about all that but every time someone gets on my case about touring in Australia I want to smack them. Any country that produced both Paul Hogan, Yahoo Serious, and the Crocodile Hunter is one that I generally try to stay away from.

If you're gullable and have a credit card, click here!

In reply to:

---

"My God...My fans are getting uglier and smellier every year."

---

I would simply say that's because they look up to you as a role model... you should feel proud!

In reply to:

---

"I had an affair with Elton John...but he ended it because he said I wasn't good enough for him."

---

I would punch EJ first!!! (Wasn't good enough? Don't make me laugh...)

In reply to:

---

"I admire Jennifer Lopez...In fact, I'm going to change my name to D-Bo."

---

LOL!!! Or how about Lil' D-Bo?


I can't really think of anything I would punch him for... there's probably something out there ...

" the only time I was truly happy was when I was with the Tin Machine. *sigh*"
" the name of my new album is Pinups 2."

"Sometimes terrible things happen quite naturally."

Okay, I got one.

"I find myself attracted to both your parents"

I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

My name is David.Robert.Jones and im actually an American citizen with a fake British Passport,i would lose all crediblity in him straight away,even after all these years...

London Bye Ta-Ta...

Lou can't write good lyrics

Fans I only need them for money

and many more

------------------------------------------------
Free Tibet!

I can`t talk to you because my mum told me not to talk to strange men.You could get a part in "Prisoner cell block H".

All these things would make me want to kill the man and then myself!

T.ReX☼BowiE


There's never gonna be enough drugs,so I'm never ever gonna get high and I'm never ever gonna get low

"Hit me! Come on, hit me!"

:-) Very good one!!! So simple :-)

Bettina

------------------------------------------------
Free Tibet!

"You can't sing for shit."

Actually, I think that would make me commit suicide.

How about . . .

"I had sex with both of your parents, and I'm not touring anymore."

"I will not, nor ever, tour Australia."

That would earn a skin pinch and a shackles to each foot and be forced to preform.

"Your a shitty fan, look, you've only got 15 CD's and their all fake copies!"

Probably just a slap in the face.

"Your friends are laughing behind back... kill them!"

If my friends were indeed laughing behind my back about my love for Bowie music, I would indeed kill them. *thanks to Weird Al Yankovic for the lyrics*

W_O

A Typical Kleptomaniac’s Anonymous Icebreaker “I’m Laura, I’m fourteen and I’m a, oh, sorry, this is yours…”

Oh! Oh! How about: "You know, I'm really sick of the music business. I've decided to run for Governor of New York."

Nazgul King: Hinder me?! Thou Fool! No living man may hinder me!
Eowyn: (Laughs) But no living man am I. You look upon a woman!

Edited by Myriada on 10/25/03 11:22 PM (server time).

In reply to:

---

Any country that produced both Paul Hogan, Yahoo Serious and the Crocodile Hunter is one that I generally try to stay away from.

---

Fair enough.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off doing till next week.

Funny old thread. Here are mine:

"I'm running away with your husband." (I really would hit him for that one)

"'Tonight' was my best work." (I probably wouldn't hit him, but if he INSISTED this were true, I might)

"Angie invented the whole Ziggy concept, wrote all the songs on the album, and even played guitar--Ronno just faked it on stage, but Angie was always on lead guitar--God, I rue the day I let go of that kind, selfless, shining star." (He's lose teeth over THAT one)


Zigbot

I've decided to run for Governor of New York."
Fair enough.
(He's lose teeth over THAT one)
Bowie, I would indeed kill them.
My fans are getting uglier and smellier every year
The man you once knew as David Bowie no longer exists
For the benefit of new arrivals

well i'd break my own fist trying to punch someone but...
he would need to say...
- my real REAL name is Frank
- i am your math teacher
- i like cream corn in between my toes
I would need to punch him if his real name was frank because i wrote his name on every thing i own. Frank...HA!

"You know, it really is my best work since Scary Monsters."

Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off doing till next week.

I am disgusted with you! How dare you treat a fan like this. Why not just let it go and get on with life you'll never see Twister in your lifetime hopefully. Why waste your mind thinking of comebacks to someone whom you will never meet?

"I'm recording Tonight 2"

"I'm going to tour again , only performing Tonight/NLMD/Tin Machine albums in thier entirity"

"Have you ever considered cosmetic surgery?"

In reply to:

---

What's the one thing Bowie could say to you that would make you punch the man in the face? Like really hard

---

"Either punch me in the face or blow me. I'm like really hard".

Lycurgus, Numa, Moses, Jesus Christ, Mohammed, all these great rogues, all these great thought-tyrants, knew how to associate the divinities they fabricated with their own boundless ambition.
Marquis De Sade

'The heart surgery? Faked it. The weight gain? Hamburgers.'

Ok, so I'm bored.

later,
Chris...

I could stay if you asked me,
So for God's sake don't ask me to stay

In reply to:

---

My name is David.Robert.Jones and im actually an American citizen with a fake British Passport,i would lose all crediblity in him straight away,even after all these years...

---

Still hate bastardized Yankee blood?

stop smiling at me
treat me unpleasantly

In reply to:

---

Still hate bastardized Yankee blood?

---

Only if it isn't FAB!

(insert catch phrase)

Would that be non-homosexual blood?

stop smiling at me
treat me unpleasantly

In reply to:

---

Would that be non-homosexual blood?

---

[insert tasteless AIDS joke here]

"Vasectomy is your friend." - RabbitFighter