Teenage Wildlife

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ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/19/04 10:12 PM
Spaceship TW new  

Planet Earth is about to blow. Okay, planet Earth blows already, what it's about to do is ....blow up. Everybody on the planet is going to die, except for, miraculously, 13 TWers. We here at TW have managed to horde away enough supplies to sustain 13 people until the nuclear clouds clear away. Supposing that you want to stay alive, (and I know that many of you are only living for death, so you can skip this game) what qualities have you got to give us, so that you will be one of the 13 chosen who will be responsible for repopulating the planet? C'mon. Sell yourself. What makes you invaluable?



shitr

SugarPlumFairy
(acolyte)
02/19/04 10:20 PM
Oh the horror new [re: ohramona]  

I refuse to repopulate.

Besides, can you imagine what kind of world order I would come up with?

Actually, I'm a lab mouse on stilts.

elvenlass
(stardust savant)
02/19/04 10:23 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

I'll make everyone laugh. My funny genes will help populate the planet with funny people, thus making the people of the future more calm, more easy going, and more entertaining!!!

Vote Kerry! Clark dropped out.

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/19/04 10:24 PM
For the good of all new [re: SugarPlumFairy]  

Not everybody needs to be a *breeder*, SPF. You know, if you want to make an argument to stay alive, perhaps you could aspire to be a scullery maid, or a sanitation engineer, or a Finch instructor.



shitr

SugarPlumFairy
(acolyte)
02/19/04 10:30 PM
Re: For the good of all new [re: ohramona]  

Ah yes. Wouldn't it be cool if the whole future world spoke a demented fangirl-assimilated version of Finch?

Actually, I'm a lab mouse on stilts.

JarethsGirl
(crash course raver)
02/19/04 10:57 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

JarethsGirl's qualities:

Reproductive capabilities - I'm willing to attempt reproduction at a near constant rate until I am impregnated. And a side note: STD Free Since '93.

Entertainment value - They don't call me "Anything For A Life Kaitlin" for no reason. If earth blows up, no more TV, movies, books, theatre, etc. That's where I come in. I have the memory skills to recreate dozens of movies. I have also comitted several episodes of Friends to memory. Not only this, but I am apt to create original productions, such as musicals about cheese and ninjas and Corey Haim. I can also write, draw, sing, act; to be frank, I could hold up the Fine Arts department of the new generation. And I know lots of dirty jokes.

I am a good mediator. When people start freaking out, I'll be there to calm them down with my soothing voice and ample bosom to rest upon. I'm like a human pillow.

I'm a team player. When shit needs done, give me my task and I'll do it. At the same time, when I need to be a leader, I am also well equipt to do so.

Granted, I am still young. I have a lot to learn. But this also means I have plenty of time to make lotsa babies. Little future Student Council Presidents and leads of the school musical ( once we get a school up and running) and dorks. And every society needs a dork, right?

In addition, if things get really bad, I'd feed many people..
Hey, I'd just be glad for making it that long. But at least be civil folks, don't eat me alive. Club me first.



Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/19/04 10:59 PM
Commencing countdown, engine's on ... new [re: elvenlass]  

Okay, elvenlass, how am I going to put this to one of the sweetest TWers that ever posted? A sense of humor is indeed important. There is even research indicating that a belly laugh is beneficial to one's overall health. But, honey, sweet as you are, I don't recall you ever launching one of those belly laughs. If you've got indication that you are riotous, I suggest you post it here. Either that, or dare I say you learn to *multi-task*, and sell a few more of your charms. A mild sense of humor, compounded with another, more critical sort of skill, and well, you'd be on the *maybe* list.



shitr

dukewhite
(stealing for that one good rush)
02/19/04 11:02 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: JarethsGirl]  

In reply to:

I have also comitted several episodes of Friends to memory.



That might not have been the wisest thing to divulge if you want to live past the apocalypse.

This is Dukewhite's Signature Side 2, hence it contains no words

WildWind
(acolyte)
02/19/04 11:33 PM
The important things, y'know new [re: ohramona]  

With me around, you can be assured that the English language will not degenerate into poor usage and meaningless grunting despite the unfortunate apocalypse we've endured.

Plus, I'll disappear for months at a time every now and then so you don't have to worry about me getting on anyone's nerves.

WW

The average American walks less than 400 yards a day. The average American needs to get off his lazy ass and go for a walk -Mark Stevens

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/19/04 11:46 PM
... sitting in a tin can ... new [re: WildWind]  

hmm ... pedantics ... fangirl Finch ... pedantics ... fangirl Finch ... *thinking ... thinking ... thinking* ...

These things need not coexist. One of you is expendable.



shitr

Monkeyboy
(stardust savant)
02/19/04 11:48 PM
As if I need to remind you new [re: ohramona]  

Okay we all know that I am invaluable to any future society and we all know why but I'll give you the rundown anyways:

- I can make a drinking game out of anything. This will, of course, come in handy on those long boring nights when we're all sick of hearing about who's a vegetarian and why.

- I do funny celebity impersonations. You don't know this about me because this board doesn't have an audio component (yet). You haven't lived until you've heard my routine of Charlton Heston teaching Woody Allen to speak Spanish. Not a dry pair of pants in the house, ladies and gentlemen.

- I'm a good shoulder to cry on. This is, of course, apparent in my posts here. I don't think that there is a single lonely, misunderstood teenager here that hasn't recieved the love and care that only I can give.

- I can fart the alphabet. 'Nuff said.

- We will need a strong leader, who better to do this than a person who has two presidential races under his belt.

- I've got a bunch of dead baby jokes just waiting for an audience.

- I can arrange things in fun and interesting ways - especially when the inevitable dead body is involved.

- Show me a couch and I'll make you a fort.

- I'm a really horny bastard. This will come in handy when the repopulation part comes in. I'm also quite the pervert so the sex wouldn't get boring for a while.

- [edit]As one of Teenage Wildlife's few (perhaps only?) bona-fide gym rats I can do the heavy lifting. Lets see you cross-dressing, chain-smoking sissies haul around loads of crap. I crush you like insect. [/edit]

- If not picked, my lawyer has documents ready to sue your sorry ass.

To summarize, I would essentially be like a drunken, unwashed cruise director that is always ready with a bad joke or a good roll in the hay. Sometimes vice-versa. Besides, these genes I gots are fucking gold!

Monkeyboy for America
Dedicated to making pay and play politics work for once.

Edited by Monkeyboy on 02/20/04 00:20 AM (server time).



Lacrimans
(kook)
02/19/04 11:58 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

Let's see...

I can function many hours without sleep.
I can go a few days without eating before I get hungry.
People in my family tend to live until they're about 90 or so.
While not physically strong, I am mentally strong. I could find solutions to most problems we might face, from planning a colony to dealing with those pesky radioactive zombies.
I'm about to graduate with an fine arts major and writing minor. I could teach the wee ones about sculpture, painting, drawing, prose writing, journalism, and art history (if I had my art history books).
I'm open-minded.
I'm strong-willed.
And that's all off the top of my head.





Do NOT make me LAUGH!




poorsoul
(acolyte)
02/20/04 00:07 AM
Jump new [re: SugarPlumFairy]  

In reply to:

I refuse to repopulate.

Besides, can you imagine what kind of world order I would come up with?



Both excellent reasons for your inclusion.

I Forgot To Change It Before

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 00:30 AM
leave the capsule if you dare new [re: Monkeyboy]  

Monkeyboy, you are so in. On the basis of any of the characteristics you delineated? No, but because 1 Monkeyboy =, well, at least 12 other individuals, and your quantity is your quality in this case.

JarethsGirl: You are on the short list so far. While your fecundity is not proven (as is your TW Spaceship self-appointed captain's), I suppose that with a minimal physical examination, we could take a gamble on you. And with your entertainment value, you multi-task girl! You are a definite maybe!

Lacrimans, you've done a swell job selling yourself as a Jack-of-Many-Trades. You've made the 1st cut so far, but please don't eat any of the rations, yet.

The position of most Cunning Linguist is still a toss up between WW and SPF at this point. Oh, how to lean? What else can they offer?




shitr

Monkeyboy
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 00:35 AM
Awesome! new [re: ohramona]  

I'll take a bottom bunk since the high consumption of alcohol that I plan to inspire almost always leads to bedwetting.

Monkeyboy for America
Dedicated to making pay and play politics work for once.

WildWind
(acolyte)
02/20/04 00:45 AM
He said there'd be plenty new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

The position of most Cunning Linguist is still a toss up between WW and SPF at this point. Oh, how to lean? What else can they offer?


I bet I can match Monkeyboy drink for drink.

WW

The average American walks less than 400 yards a day. The average American needs to get off his lazy ass and go for a walk -Mark Stevens

Tin
(cracked actor)
02/20/04 00:59 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

Me, I am a fabulous cook. I'm also able to tend an abundant garden, edible and non . My skill with animals is one comparable only to Dr. Dolittle's. My background working with musicians, club bookers, agents and hair dressers and children makes me an excellent negotiator and overall ego juggler.

Of course, I am a virtual encyclopedia of pop music knowledge and pop trivia. Able to create smooth segues in a 1/3 turn of a turntable. Known to entertain thousands for hours as a dj. Occasional bouts of historical facts and fiction are available for the discussion.

I am a crafty wench. Tell me what you need and I will fashion it out of whatever is available. I prefer not working with road kill, but can make exceptions. Also handy with small appliances.

Lastly, as I can be modest at times and don't care to overwhelm with my prattle, I am quite imaginative. Thus enabling me to come up with many ideas and schemes for all situations -- be them usual or unusual.

I really do not care to pop out any babies, but I'd be happy to "mold" the little ones' minds. I've got lots of stories, and many yet told.

"You've gotta laugh when you can't cry no more." - DOT 3, "Palo Alto's finest voodoo funk band"

Monkeyboy
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 01:37 AM
Re: He said there'd be plenty new [re: WildWind]  

In reply to:

I bet I can match Monkeyboy drink for drink.


Sounds like a challenge to be settled in the chat room some time.

Monkeyboy for America
Dedicated to making pay and play politics work for once.

Glitterbot
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 01:51 AM
i'm glad he's dead new [re: Monkeyboy]  

In reply to:

Sounds like a challenge to be settled in the chat room some time.


Remember to turn on your webcams, so if you die of alcohol poisoning you can capture it on camera, like that one dumb kid.

Isn't it great how we hate the same things?

guiltpuppy
(kook)
02/20/04 02:27 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

I suck a mean cock and will teach the others.

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

Ville
(kook)
02/20/04 03:09 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

You'll be needing someone to negotiate with the cockroaches. And wouldn't you know I of course am fluent in Cockroach in most of its dialects.

Leave me out and you can give yourselves a sweet "told you so" from me when dirty ol' cockroaches crawl in and out of your eye sockets.



SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
02/20/04 04:11 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

Let's see... well, obvioucly you're going to need more than one moderator to keep the hordes under control.

I'm still young, so I'm able to reproduce for quite many years (and more than willing to do so ).

I have an excellent memory, and I'm very interested in history, so I could be the historical memory banks of the attempt.

Generally, I try to be adaptable and approach things from several different angles, an ability I think would be useful in the circumstances the saved people would be facing.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

Nature_Boy
(kook)
02/20/04 04:56 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

You NEED me because:

- My Master's in Astrophysics will prove invaluable to negotiate the stars and find a suitable new planet to live on.

- I can bring my guitar and we can all sing 'Five Years', then 'Five Months', 'Five Hours', gasp..wheeze, cough...

- I can bring my X-Box and we can play multi player Halo.

- I can get hard again soon after cumming

- I've stuck with TW so far, so unlucky to jump ship for the U.S.S. Bowiewonderworld.

Its about time I had a signature

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
02/20/04 06:04 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

I´m not giving up my front seat on armageddon!

I´d spit on your heaven
if I could find one to believe in



th0mas
(acolyte)
02/20/04 06:39 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

i am the asshole who will tell you all which topics have been discussed before. this keeps you from having the same boring discussions over and over again.
also i am a pessimist. i will keep you from doing useless shit which won't work anyway.
and reproduction... okay.. that might be my main disadvantage. but i could try to reproduce with StrangeDivine most of the time.
oh, and of course i am able to use photoshop, 3ds Max, Digital Fusion, After Effects, Reel DVD, Avid DV, Pinnacle Edition, Dreamweaver... well, a bunch of video/multimedia programs. just in case such things are needed (what would be better for a population of 13 people than a well made animation?).

"Have you tried... not being a mutant?"

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/20/04 06:51 AM
Re: The important things, y'know new [re: WildWind]  

U sed it.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/20/04 06:55 AM
Re: As if I need to remind you new [re: Monkeyboy]  

Well on the assumption that Monkeyboy would be allowed,Im wondering how long it would take me to throw away his"Mainstream" DVD collection?.

Plus there could be a chance that i would throttle him,Then who give's out justice?.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

SugarPlumFairy
(acolyte)
02/20/04 06:55 AM
Re: The important things, y'know new [re: diamondogz74]  

I propose that ddogz be included so that the pedantic section will have someone to correct. I mean, what's the point in having grammar specialists if everyone already speaks a perfect English? And, err, that's why I'd be better than WW - there's absolutely no way to get perfect in Finch. Even ol' Tolkien had to give up trying to learn it. And fangirl-Finch is even more bizarre, of course.

Actually, I'm a lab mouse on stilts.

karmastarman
(wild eyed peoploid)
02/20/04 07:17 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

If you want to create a strong society, you will need someone to hate.

(C)Karma Cornelius Starman-Productions

Myriada
(electric tomato)
02/20/04 07:34 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

I'm cute, smart, reproductively viable, well versed in all kinds of trivia, a good storyteller and writer, and a generally tolerant and pleasant person.

Actually, the only reason I would try to be selected is to make sure that some of the other people here don't get picked! (shudder)

Don't tell me! You're from outer space!
No, I'm from Iowa... I only work in outer space.




Strawman
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 08:08 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

It's impossible to imagine a world minus a strong English bloodline, and with having planted the seed for five legit children & at least three bastards, that surely qualifies me for a place on the shortlist.

Besides being a first-class chef, also skilled in special dietry needs so's Rob's eating habits can be monitered, that's assuming he makes the final thirteen; I've also covered fence- erecting (including chain-link, which is incredibly difficult), carpentry (You should see me on a lathe > fruit-bowl extraordinaire) and paint-spraying aircraft, mainly DC10's.

To cap it all i'm multi-phrenic , so never a dull day.



diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/20/04 08:17 AM
Re: The important things, y'know new [re: SugarPlumFairy]  

Awwww!,Can we sit next to each other on the space ship?.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

krettis
(crash course raver)
02/20/04 08:21 AM
Re: The important things, y'know new [re: diamondogz74]  

I can make people laugh... not on this board though.
And I just treaten you all twelve with my gun to take me with you.

Andy I'm late, Andy please help me. I never get the silverscreen. I'm not exactly your galleryteen

JonnyManic
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 09:02 AM
blast off new [re: ohramona]  

Alas, my research into postmodernism and international relations is unlikely to serve me or anyone else on this journey. My outspoken opinions on everything will become redundant and, no doubt, grating when the food's running out. In short, I'd be the Dr Zachary Smith of the craft.

On the other hand, I'm brilliant.

Silence Is The Voice Of Complicity

eraserhead
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 09:20 AM
You would look great in a Stooges cap new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

Sell yourself. What makes you invaluable?


I have the biggest Iggy Pop collection.

I even have an Iggy Pop wardrobe that could provide you all with clothes, so that you don't have to repopulate the planet naked.



If this is the music of the future...let me die now.

Edited by eraserhead on 02/20/04 09:22 AM (server time).



EJSundayModerator
(acolyte)
02/20/04 11:28 AM
The Only Survivor Of The TW People's Gang new [re: ohramona]  

So far I think only Strawman has fully and convincingly qualified.

But as it is the cockroaches that survive the final bang you will have to have Shyster in your team. Sorry.

For myself I can only argue with my incredibly good looks.

And I want to believe
In the madness that calls 'now'


Monkeyboy
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 12:11 PM
Re: As if I need to remind you new [re: diamondogz74]  

In reply to:

Well on the assumption that Monkeyboy would be allowed,Im wondering how long it would take me to throw away his"Mainstream" DVD collection?.


You know, dropping an argument before its settled means that you really shouldn't make references to it unless you want to pick it up again.


Monkeyboy for America
Dedicated to making pay and play politics work for once.

Beltene
(electric tomato)
02/20/04 12:26 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

I talk about my precious qualities in my profile. Other than that I'm pretty much useless.

Psycho maniac interblend, shoot it up. Shoot it up now.


Lacrimans
(kook)
02/20/04 01:58 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

I suppose it might be useful to mention that I can make decent booze from scratch if I have the right materials.

Do NOT make me LAUGH!




strangeDivine
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 02:22 PM
Talentless, but new [re: Nature_Boy]  

In reply to:

I can get hard again soon after cumming


Oh yeah? Well can you cum a second time without loosing the initial erection? Absolutely no refractory period? Sometimes I get really bored...

Other than that, I'm going to take this spiel in a bit on an unconventional direction. I'm a neurotic idler with social anxiety problems and frequent bouts of depression. How can that be an asset? Well, if ever someone is needed for a dangerous or suicidal mission, like crawling into a tunnel to retrieve essential provisions that have fallen into it during a time of famine, you could select me during one of my depressions. Just say something like "go get the food Gregory, you have no will to live anyway." And then I'll say "okay." The anxiety might be a hinderance, though, as long as there is a supply of alcohol and sufficient angst, I think I'd be capable.

Also, the plots (and many of the jokes) of every Golden Girls episode ever made are stored permantly in my brain. Of course, that means that everyone will have to refrain from making Bea Arthur jokes in my presence. Though you can make Michael Jackson jokes, even though I've been known to masquerade as him. Just do a search for the word "halloween" in Coffee Shop and visual confirmation of this claim can be located.



The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone.

SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
02/20/04 02:26 PM
Re: Talentless, but new [re: strangeDivine]  

If I'm accepted to join the mission, I must demand strangeDivine be taken too. Golden Girls was the best TV series ever (after al lthe other best TV series ever).

Besides, like RabbitFighter said, 'such a hot young boy goes well even without sake'.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/20/04 03:08 PM
Re: The important things, y'know new [re: krettis]  

You are very welcome on board,With or with out your gun:-)

Its always a pleasure to hear from you.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/20/04 03:12 PM
Re: blast off new [re: JonnyManic]  

Nonesense,I would welcome you on board with open mouth.

You bobble headed booby:-)


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/20/04 03:19 PM
Re: Talentless, but new [re: strangeDivine]  

Im viewing the Golden Girls again on UK Living,One of the Murdock sky channels.

Its long been a favourite of mine,The combination of those four women is very,very funny.

It puts tripe like Will and Grace in its place.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

strangeDivine
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 04:36 PM
Talentless, but not Sysiyoless new [re: Sysiyo]  

In reply to:

If I'm accepted to join the mission, I must demand strangeDivine be taken too. Golden Girls was the best TV series ever (after al lthe other best TV series ever).


Now that is sweet! I refuse to board if Sysiyo is not included. And I don't remember that RabbitFighter quote, but I'll take your word for it!

The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone.

SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
02/20/04 04:46 PM
Re: Talentless, but not Sysiyoless new [re: strangeDivine]  

The quote took place in the TW ghetto chat, originally.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

strangeDivine
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 05:05 PM
Re: Talentless, but not Sysiyoless new [re: Sysiyo]  

Oh, all the things I miss! And I just edited my post. I changed the word 'not' to 'now,' otherwise the sentence didn't make any sense. Much like everything else I say.

The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone.

SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
02/20/04 05:07 PM
Re: Talentless, but not Sysiyoless new [re: strangeDivine]  

I realised you must have meant 'now'.

Actually, there's very little going on the ghetto chat, I've been in about two conversations thus far this year.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

Starlite
(cracked actor)
02/20/04 05:31 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

You know, originally, I thought I had nothing to contribute, and that there'd be no reason to let me on.

But, seeing the applicants, I think I've come up with an angle.

I can help a vast quantity of you feel better about yourselves, and serve as an ego-stroker/therapist/groupie! I have experience, I swear. I can provide references.

I can converse about VG and Oscar Wilde and Neil Gaiman and Derrida with SPF, so that all her book learnin' will find an outlet, and so that the rest of you won't be deluged with random outbursts of literary theory and Foucault fangirl-ism (it can happen!).

In reply to:

JonnyManic: On the other hand, I'm brilliant.


I shall follow Jonny around and obligingly agree with him on how brilliant he is, even though we might never agree on Nicole Kidman's acting ability. But I'm willing to be his slut!

I can entertain Eraserhead with my Jesus-love, so that he doesn't drive the rest of you crazy with his messiah complex. I can even pretend to be the Virgin Mary for him, if he's into that kinky shit.

I can make sure that Greg doesn't slip from that entertaining and useful pretty-pouty-philosophical-angst into a dull log who's curled up all alone in a corner. And I can counsel him on various mental, social, and sexual health matters.

I can do the same for RabbitFighter, and make sure he doesn't turn homicidal on yo' asses. I'm willing to take on everybody's problems!

In short, I have nothing to offer by myself, but I have services to offer to others among you, to make sure you can be your very best. And I don't eat much. I'm not too much into the sex thing, but I have no gender preferences if it comes down to that, so no-one has to be lonely. And I love kids and would like to take them off your hands for you, if you're a breeder but not a keeper.

One thing though, I'd like to put a vote for JarethsGirl to be on the spaceship. 'Cause if I'm accepted, I'm gonna need her to entertain me once in a while!

I need a new signature.

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 07:37 PM
Tin is in, like Flynn new [re: Tin]  




Now this is one well-padded resume! Tin can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. I can't believe we got this far before somebody mentioned food. Tin, with your profuse and useful skills in plant and animal farming, you are invaluable! You've also got a couple of other strengths under your belt, but I'd like to see them channeled in another direction. Do you think you could take your background in dealing with hairdressers and become the ship barber? We are all going to need low maintenace styles. And one other thing, since you are disinclined to reproduce (and at our advanced age, Tin, it's probably wise--although, fortunately, if it comes to that we've got Monkeyboy around to organize our little mongoloids into an ace Special Olympics bowling team), do you think you could learn to lactate? I think we are going to need a wet-nurse due to the slow trickle of willing and capable breeder applications I'm getting. JarethsGirl is going to have to be in a constant state of pregnancy at this rate, and we ought to take it easy on her.



shitr

mudley
(crash course raver)
02/20/04 08:19 PM
Re: Tin is in, like Flynn new [re: ohramona]  

OK, you absolutely totally need MUDLEY.

I can -

* cook fantastic food

* will have sex with just about anyone

* play guitar, piano & drums

* i will stage and musically direct complete and interpretive bowie cabaret performances for years to come and never use the same idea twice

* be a natural leader and people organiser

* bring my cd collection of nearly 2000 cd's

OK, so basically, admit it, you're completely fucked without MUDLEY!

THE RETURN OF ZIGGY STARDUST - LIVE ON STAGE 15 MAY 2004

elvenlass
(stardust savant)
02/20/04 08:55 PM
Re: Commencing countdown, engine's on ... new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

I don't recall you ever launching one of those belly laughs. If you've got indication that you are riotous, I suggest you post it here.


Well obviously!!! Almost all my comedic talent is shown IN PERSON. Facial expressions, a quick wit, and an archive of Eddie Izzard and Robin William quotes are just a few of my tools of humor. You've got to be with me in person, and I'll make your day so much more pleasant!

But if we MUST add a few more things:

~I'm fertile and have good genes
~I can surrealistically illustrate our new history book
~I can fill in ANY gap in conversation
~I like pie.


Vote Kerry! Clark dropped out.

poorsoul
(acolyte)
02/20/04 11:19 PM
Cruise new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

The position of most Cunning Linguist is still a toss up between WW and SPF at this point. Oh, how to lean? What else can they offer?



Cunnilingus?

÷±¥±÷

poorsoul
(acolyte)
02/20/04 11:39 PM
Repetition new [re: strangeDivine]  

In reply to:

I refuse to board if Sysiyo is not included.


I refuse to let Sysiyo board if I'm not included. Besides which, you'll need me to engage him in conversations about Mike Oldfield and which is the best version of Tubular Bells in order to spare the rest of the group.

÷±¥±÷

Atonalexpress
(acolyte)
02/21/04 00:08 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

OK, I am a composer, part-time. I work full-time, but can still write some of the most exciting music on the planet. Just go here and listen to Transcendence in the Age of War, which I completed last month and am transcribing for my first Concert Band piece! Music will be needed, to create a mood for those chosen, to sustain love making for hours. I would not charge anyone a commission fee, as most present day composers do. I will only require good food (thanks Tin) and a comfortable bed.

The Atonal Express left the tonal world behind...
Atonalexpress

eraserhead
(stardust savant)
02/21/04 03:16 AM
Golden boys and golden girls new [re: Starlite]  

In reply to:

an outlet, and so that the rest of you won't be deluged with random outbursts of literary theory and Foucault fangirl-ism (it can happen!).


Hey, you girls only like Foucault because he was gay.


In reply to:

I can entertain Eraserhead with my Jesus-love, so that he doesn't drive the rest of you crazy with his messiah complex. I can even pretend to be the Virgin Mary for him, if he's into that kinky shit.


How is that kinky? I like the idea of what you're offering, but I don't find it that kinky, as in sick or perverse.

I would also like to take this oppurtunity to state that I was the first TWer ever to publically declare my love for Rose and all the other...girls in The Golden Girls. I used to watch that show all the time a few years ago. I told WildWind (I think) back in 2001 how much more quality and sexiness there was in that show compared to new shit like Sex and the City. She didn't agree with me. Neither did you Starlite, so you better make up for that by pretending to be Virgin Mary for me NOW!




If this is the music of the future...let me die now.

White Prism
(electric tomato)
02/21/04 07:33 AM
our commander still, space dog new [re: eraserhead]  

My qualities are too abundant to list individually, so here are the main points. (I’ll assume turning stones into loaves of bread is taken for granted.)


- I'm a trained astronaut. Yeah, I haven't mentioned this before, largely because I've always thought of this as something of a false career move, but it's true that I undertook an expansive training course in the mid-90s for such an actuality. If verification is required, I can produce my astronaut diploma, issued by Daniel Goldin himself, former Head of NASA! If you're going to be lumbered up in a spaceship during the holocaust, you'll need someone to fly the damn thing.

- I entertain children at kiddies parties. Please bear in mind that the neutralizing of a nuclear holocaust make take up to 50 years to complete, which makes the spaceship journey long and tedious. As well as seasoned favourites such as Musical Chairs, I know over 50 different card games. I’m more than willing to volunteer blowing up condoms for party balloons.

- I know my vacuum cleaner intimately. Put simply, few can boast my level of experience of having sex in zero gravity.

- As certain TWers can corroborate, my knowledge of geography is quite staggering, allowing for the smoothest possible reintroduction with planet Earth. As well as being able to name a handful of major continents, I’m also able to differentiate between sea and land; a useful trait, I’m sure you’ll agree, when it comes to choosing a suitable settlement.

- The long-term planning of safe housing and transport is essential for humankind's survival. Financing and the distribution of teamwork will require expert planning. However, having completed SimCity on no fewer than five occasions, I have proven that I'm perfectly capable of administrating this.

- If you want loyalty and dependability on your side, look no further. As long as I'm in agreement with you, I will backstab anyone and everyone to propel myself to the top!

I knew you’d be convinced. Now, far be it for me to judge other people and influence the final decision, but of all entries so far I think eraserhead’s is by far the worst. Not only does he take a contemptible liberty of listing the best attributes of Iggy Pop and ascribing them to himself, but in over a month’s absence from the boards we learn that he hasn’t been immersing himself in education or a true spiritual awakening, but compiling items for an Iggy Pop Wardrobe! Much as it pains me to displace eraserhead, it’s my duty to raise the question: ‘Is this really the kind of person you would welcome onto your planet?’ You know if you come on the spaceship, eraserhead, there’ll be no room for Mimi!


Fifteen jugglers, Fifteen jugglers
Five believers, Five believers
All dressed like men


guiltpuppy
(kook)
02/21/04 07:45 AM
Re: our commander still, space dog new [re: White Prism]  

White Prism wins, mainly because he bears a strong resemblance to a character in a short story I wrote a while back (mainly the trained as an astronaut, works as a birthday clown part)... That's uncanncy, so he gets points.

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

eraserhead
(stardust savant)
02/21/04 08:59 AM
raising turtles, the grapefruit is winning new [re: White Prism]  

In reply to:

in over a month’s absence from the boards we learn that he hasn’t been immersing himself in education or a true spiritual awakening, but compiling items for an Iggy Pop Wardrobe!


Yeah, well, my teacher likes it when I showcase my Iggy Pop wardrobe. At this point I'm the proud owner of:

* 2 Stooges t-shirts
* 2 Stooges sweatshirts
* 1 Iggy Pop New Values t-shirt
* 1 Iggy Pop Lust For Life t-shirt
* 1 Iggy Pop Skull Ring t-shirt

I don't wear them to look good, I wear them for the same reason people wear, I don't know, John Kerry t-shirts? I'm promoting.

But it's not like I haven't been immersing myself in spiritual awakening. I don't want you to believe that. Since we last spoke, I've contemplated 4 books on the Near-Death Experience, 1 Jesus biography and 1 Buddha biography, not to mention having watched 30+ episodes of John Edward's Crossing Over "talkshow", where he, as a spirit medium, connects people with their dead relatives.

I kind of realized though that, no matter what I do, I will never be as enlightened as Mimi. That's the impression I get of her. That she is enlightened. Or she's just a very good actress. But she has this enlightened look. Everybody in her family has this look, like they are Buddha or Krishna or something. Like her uncle Xylex, he has this really enlightened look on his face.


In reply to:

but it's true that I undertook an expansive training course in the mid-90s for such an actuality.


So were you one of those kid astronauts, White Prism? Is there such a thing? I mean, there are dog astronauts, mice astronauts, adult human astronauts, why wouldn't there be kid astronauts? Frank Black has this song called "Billy Radcliffe" that goes: "[Billy Radcliffe] was the first boy born in space" and, I mean, why would Frank lie? Unless he's saying Earth is in Space, which it indeed is.



If this is the music of the future...let me die now.

bulletprooffaces
(wild eyed peoploid)
02/21/04 09:14 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

guiltypuppy: I suck a mean cock and will teach the others.


i only suck friendly cocks, but i can be useful too!

i'm also incapable of breeding, so you wouldn't have to worry about any more of me cropping up!

In reply to:

(what would be better for a population of 13 people than a well made animation?).


as an animation major, i could come in handy as well.

i also have most of the works of william burroughs, jean genet, aldous huxley, sartre, and ray bradbury committed to memory. i'm sure all of that could come in useful.

i would also keep everyone annoyed/entertained with my limitless '74 bowie knowledge.

i also have a huge collection of books about astronomy, black holes, and space/time travel, which could be useful in finding a suitable planet and getting there. =0)

did i metion that i have snoopy tattooed on my ankle? you can't do this without me. i promise...

my bowie site: in English | Deutsch | français | Português

krettis
(crash course raver)
02/21/04 09:47 AM
Re: The important things, y'know new [re: diamondogz74]  

Thanks , :)

Andy I'm late, Andy please help me. I never get the silverscreen. I'm not exactly your galleryteen

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
02/21/04 10:18 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: Starlite]  

In reply to:

I can do the same for RabbitFighter


Hey, I never wanted to come in the first place!
I´ll be standing on a hilltop laughing for the death of humanity and being extremely glad that it´s all going to end soon.
Going homicidial sounds good though, i´ve come to a conclusion that I just might get a kick out of murdering someone.

I´d spit on your heaven
if I could find one to believe in



beatled
(cracked actor)
02/21/04 01:15 PM
pratt promise new [re: ohramona]  

three reasons:

1. i am not a lawyer!

2. i do not want to have sex with you.

3. you don't have to ask me to leave.

don't touch me, your hands feel like salad tongs

ohyeah
(grinning soul)
02/21/04 02:31 PM
Obligations new [re: ohramona]  

1. the one that always dies/gets killed early



Earthling7
(electric tomato)
02/21/04 02:58 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

I have grand ideas. Once the apocalyse anf the fallout is behind us, a brave new world will be upon us. A new religion will see the light of day. Centuries will pass and the little tribe and their beliefs prosper. A millennium later a sole relic remains, a 12"x12" faded illustration of the blonde deity.

Humankind needs religion. The old failed. We will create a new one.

Submit your live related Bowie material to BowieLive today!

CAwesome
(wild eyed peoploid)
02/21/04 03:24 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: Earthling7]  

How delightfully diabolical.

Enjoy Reality or I WILL BREAK YOU

White Prism
(electric tomato)
02/21/04 05:16 PM
Interstellar Overdrive new [re: eraserhead]  

Ah! That’s more like it: I knew you would not neglect your intellectual pursuits. A Jesus biography, though? What kind of things could be discussed in there, other than whether or not Jesus existed? I’d have thought that the Bible remained the most accurate (read: highly inaccurate but copious, at least) account of Jesus’ life, and that the best any hack-biographer could do was to offer a highly speculative and sensationalized portrayal, seen before only in the likes of the notoriously hostile Nazareth Chronicle. Jesus, I’m sure, was a very good man at heart, who doesn’t deserve to have his visits to brothels, his attendance of wedding feasts and surfeit on alcohol, and his act of auto-cannibalism at the Last Supper splashed all over the front pages. If I were Jesus, I’d sue from the grave. Or not the grave, but rather wherever Jesus hangs out these days.

Funnily enough, I read the Sex and the City thread you mentioned just last week. It was very interesting if not incredibly protracted and verbose, and I’m not sure I can even remember the gist of the arguments now. But you and I had the genesis of the same discussion brewing in Glitterbot’s suckiest artists threads a few months ago, where you renounced heartless plastic commercialism; but I think I confused you because my tastes are more eclectic than yours. Well, eclectic enough not to have a wardrobe full of Iggy T-shirts anyway.

Actually, I’ve just noticed that that picture of Xylex bears more than a passing resemblance to your Iggy avatar. I’m sure you could airbrush Iggy in the place of Xylex’s head and people wouldn’t bat an eyelid. I like the idea of Bulletproofface’s Snoopy tattoo, also.

Okay, I’ve moved as seamlessly as I possibly could through the various topics, but we need to back peddle to my brief career as an astronaut. I wish I could say that I volunteered myself to be sent into space, but it was actually part of my parents’ wishes. I had a fairly happy though impoverished childhood, and it was only because my dad had connections with high up places – a brother’s auntie’s dog’s friend’s cousin’s owner, in fact – who promised to send me into space and keep my best interests at heart. My mother jumped at the chance and arranged for me to be posted to NASA straightaway, yet I still have the remaining impression that I was being used as a human guinea pig of some sort. . .

As you may have gathered by now, it was a fairly routine mission, as space mission go; just a test flight in a new shuttle which had an unprecedented use of a uranium power source, the kind of thing which sadly doesn’t make international news. The guy who was in charge of coordinating the mission – the brother’s auntie’s dog’s guy – really only wanted a child on-board as something flashy that he could write on his CV. I think he used me as a means of claiming that he had sent the first child into space; a development which, as you can imagine, he tipped as heralding a new era of the space age where children could become self-sufficient in space and presumably seek out inhabitable planets and repopulate them of their own accord. I was given a fairly minimal training programme, even though most of the controls on the shuttle were operated from a terrestrial base, but I kinda twigged what was going on with the coordinator’s selfish motives to exploit my position, and resolved to be difficult and obstinate once I was finally blasted into space.

Of course, I was young and fearless, so being sent into space was no big deal, just something that beat the shit out of a daytrip to the zoo. As soon as lift-off was successful, I immediately carried out my revenge on ground control by smearing excrement over the CCTV cameras (something for which I was severely reprimanded on my return to Earth), but once the main objectives of the mission were completed I was given a free rein for a brief spell. So I completed a few 360 degree spins and looped-the-loop. I was only six years old, after all.

Fifteen jugglers, Fifteen jugglers
Five believers, Five believers
All dressed like men


ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/21/04 05:26 PM
Put your helmet on new [re: Nature_Boy]  

*

In reply to:

(Nature Boy) - My Master's in Astrophysics


You're in. See, a singular quality will do, when it is this critical!

In reply to:

(elvenlass) ~I'm fertile and have good genes


That's what I wanted to hear, and you're in your early 20's, right? You're in.

In reply to:

White Prism - I'm a trained astronaut.


Okay, but two astronuts is my limit. Your jizz count better be good, too.

*Acceptances are tentative. Candidate must pass a physical exam including, but not limited to fertility tests. Besides, somebody better than you just may come along. Acceptances are not guaranteed until blast off.

shitr

RealThing
(electric tomato)
02/21/04 05:53 PM
Attachment
Re: Put your helmet on new [re: ohramona]  

All right, my turn to sell myself:

In reply to:

Do you think you could take your background in dealing with hairdressers and become the ship barber?


That's something I can do. Since I've been in university, I've cut or dyed the hair of almost everyone I know. I even keep my own hair looking neat. I'll even provide a picture.

I'm also a great seamstress. I can sew just about anything, I've been known to hem pants, sew on buttons, jazz up a jacket and even make floor length dresses. I am pretty talented in that area.

Not only that, but I can play guitar and sing songs 'round a fire, I'm full of random and useless trivia (Do YOU know the half life of radioactive potassium? I do!), I have dozens of very amusing true stories, I can fish, fire a gun, use a bow and arrow, I also have some survival training. Not only that, I'm a bartender, and I'm sure I could keep up with Monkeyboy and WildWind in a drinking competition.

Now then, how about it, take me with you?

Inconsiderate and uncultured, that's an educated edge!



bulletprooffaces
(wild eyed peoploid)
02/21/04 06:04 PM
but i'm afraid to die! new [re: ohramona]  

i am youthful and vigorous! and i could have children if i had my norplant removed! does my 1974-bowie-fandom count for something? i can also eat fire, glass, juggle flaming sticks, and pound nails up my nose! i'm ambidextrous, omnisexual, and multilingual! i have entertainment value, damnit!

my bowie site: in English | Deutsch | français | Português

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/21/04 06:47 PM
There's something wrong! new [re: ohramona]  




You one-skill wonders just don't get it, do you? With only 13 spaces available, (12, excluding mine), you have to be able to offer more than one ability. And it would really behoove you if it were critical to survival! if I get one more application from a *comedian*, I'm gonna barf. I find myself needing to clear some of these files off my desk. So it is with true sadness, in some cases, and without a scintilla of emotion in some others, that I make the following cuts. If your name is not here, or previously mentioned under *accepted*, your file is still currently under review.

1.

In reply to:

(WildWind) I bet I can match Monkeyboy drink for drink.



I am not convinced of the utility of this *skill* now, or in the future. Sounds like you're just going to hog the Captain's Harp and Cabernet. I've also come to the conclusion that there is no tangible need to keep a linguist around. The new language of humanity will be evolving with the pioneers, and it is a forgiving tongue. It is with heavy heart, WW, that I must deny your entrance onto the ship.

2.

In reply to:

(diamonddogz74)



Uses too much oxygen.

3.

In reply to:

(krettis) I can make people laugh...



This statement is unfounded. If I were just to take your word for it, I would have employed elvenlass on this basis. And we are not afraid of your gun.


4.

In reply to:

(guiltpuppy) I suck a mean cock and will teach the others.



and

5.

In reply to:

(Beltene)I talk about my precious qualities in my profile. Other than that I'm pretty much useless.



Yes. Diversify, folks. Besides, nobody's gonna be lacking in the big O department. The new world will be rampantly sexual, to the point where a gratuitous orgasm is like washing your hands after urinating: expected.

6.

In reply to:

(Ville) I of course am fluent in Cockroach



Useless.

7.

In reply to:

(eraserhead) I have the biggest Iggy Pop collection.



Bigger is not always better e'head. We're going to have to travel light, and besides I think that Iggy appeals to a rather narrow crowd. Come on, that's not even a talent! If we really wanted your Iggy collection, we'd just take it after you're blowed up!

8.

In reply to:

(EJSunday) For myself I can only argue with my incredibly good looks.



Your inarguably good looks will only get you so far, EJ, and I'm afraid it's not onto the ship. I'm sorry.

9. and 10.

In reply to:

(strangeDivine)



There will be no warm bodies taken along merely for expenditure, Gregory! I made that perfectly clear in the mission statement. No anhedonists! And since you and Sysiyo are a matched set, I guess he can take this as his rejection notice, also.

Make your peace, brothers and sisters.



shitr

SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
02/21/04 06:53 PM
Re: There's something wrong! new [re: ohramona]  

Darn, and I had my hopes high.

Well, at least now I won't end up in arguments on how to raise crop, and weather or not all the five different Tubular Bells recordings are worth saving.

Of course they are, since they're better than Hunky Dory.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
02/21/04 06:57 PM
Re: There's something wrong! new [re: Sysiyo]  

Think of the positive side, you´ll get to experience the demise of human race with yours truly. Maybe with the last gasp of breath we can spit on God´s face. Sounds good ,eh?

My love is only for me
My love needs nobody else
Did you know that my love is a liquid?



Strawman
(stardust savant)
02/21/04 06:58 PM
Soporific... new [re: bulletprooffaces]  

In reply to:

i am youthful and vigorous! and i could have children if i had my norplant removed! does my 1974-bowie-fandom count for something? i can also eat fire, glass, juggle flaming sticks, and pound nails up my nose! i'm ambidextrous, omnisexual, and multilingual! i have entertainment value, damnit!



That's too much like the story of the ambitious cook who goes for a position as a chef in a top hotel and the Chef de cuisine requests for him to show what he his capable of; so he places a frying-pan with oil over heat, goes to the otherside of the kitchen, takes an egg from it's tray & proceeds to throw it in the air, brings it down tentatively on his right foot, flicks it up & poises it on his his fucking great French-like nose, bends backwards, rolling the egg slowly on to his scantily-clad rib-cage so it actually vibrates the tune of the first four chords of 'Changes', downwards on to his left knee & finally airborns the egg again so it drops on the edge of the frying-pan, cracks, the shell falls outside the pan & the egg commences to cook perfectly.>

Prospective & expectant cook : Do I get the job?

Chef De Cuisine : Nah......You fuck about too much.





bulletprooffaces
(wild eyed peoploid)
02/21/04 07:05 PM
didn't want a ride on yr damned ship anyway... new [re: Strawman]  

ah, fuck it then. I'll just fuck about here on earth then, with Sysiyo and RabbitFighter et. al., and die a dignified death (probably involving a drug overdose).

my bowie site: in English | Deutsch | français | Português

Beltene
(electric tomato)
02/21/04 07:30 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

Fine, ohramona. You're not welcome on my ship either, cause unlike most of you here, I at least have the skill to design one.

Booyeah.

Psycho maniac interblend, shoot it up. Shoot it up now.


ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/21/04 07:54 PM
Take your protein pills and pad your resume some new [re: Myriada]  



In reply to:

(Myriada) I'm cute, smart, reproductively viable,



You didn't make the 1st *reject* list because, well face it, the *breeders* still just aren't rolling in like we need. But you're a bit past prime breeding age. Aren't you in your mid 30's? A great age for the old world, but realistically, what can we expect from you in the way of 1st-rate babies? 5 or 6? I'm really counting on a 10 minimum per breeder. But if you could find one more salable skill (storytelling? come on!), we'd like you on board.

In reply to:

(Strawman) first-class chef, ... i'm multi-phrenic ,



Well, we've already got Tin, who can not only cook, but tend plants and animals. Plus, being from the left coast of the US, as opposed to England, I suspect her cooking would be a healthier version. However, when she begins her wet-nursing duties, she may not be able to put 24/7 into food services. She could probably use an assistant.

I'm intrigued by the possibilities that your multi-phrenia could imply. If you mean *multi-phrenic* in the Art Spiegelman sense, as in having lots of personalities, I'm wondering if we could find out if the different personalities have different genetic materials. Genetic diversity is of paramount importance early in colonization. Of course, we do have Monkeyboy and his 12 alter-egos ...

Anyway, get back to me on that. For now, I'll keep your file on my desk.

In reply to:

Rob ... assuming he makes the final thirteen;



Are you thinking we're gonna need a purser on this ship?

In reply to:

(Atonalexpress) composer



Well, as I've said, everybody needs more than one function. But you address an area that hasn't really been hit on yet: art, and being a perfect developmental psychologist (and by perfect I mean I scored perfectly on the developmental psychology portion of my certification tests) I know that music and art (music in particular) do wonderful things for the brain development of children. We need an instructor. In fact, we need a school marm in general. Can you do this? Can you teach music, art, math, writing, etc? I know a couple others have mentioned area specific knowledge, and they can be drawn upon to help educate the bairn also, but we need a main teacher. Let's discuss.



shitr

Lacrimans
(kook)
02/21/04 08:02 PM
Re: There's something wrong! new [re: ohramona]  

Okay, here's what else I have to offer.

: I can make booze with the right materials from scratch.

: I have decent knowledge of the human anatomy; while not a doctor, I could perform light surgery, mend wounds and broken bones. Most of this knowledge comes from anatomy books and surgery television shows. I'm not squeamish either.

: I can take criticism without getting pissy.

: I can follow orders, or give them if it comes to it.

: I have a decent knowledge of computers. If there's a problem with the software or hardware, I could most likely fix it.


Do NOT make me LAUGH!




elvenlass
(stardust savant)
02/21/04 09:52 PM
Re: Take your protein pills and pad your resume so new [re: ohramona]  

Thank you for the acceptance!

In reply to:

I'm really counting on a 10 minimum per breeder.


I'm 18 years old, I've got a looong reproductive life ahead of me. 10 children? Psh! Try 20. At least!

Vote Kerry! Clark dropped out.

poorsoul
(acolyte)
02/21/04 10:59 PM
Xenon new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

Of course, we do have Monkeyboy and his 12 alter-egos...



So wouldn't that make the ship full already?

÷±¥±÷

Starlite
(cracked actor)
02/22/04 01:23 AM
Jesus loves me, why can't you? new [re: ohramona]  

Hey, where am I among all this? Accepted, rejected, dejected, injected?

Okay, to whore myself out some more:

1. Since WildWind's no longer on, I can take care of her grammatical duties. I'm not overly anal about using perfectly proper grammar on TW, but I am a literature major, with top-notch scores on all my English and lit tests (standardized and other) to prove it.

2. I may not be Elvenlass' spry 18, but I'm still young: 21 and willing for some babies.

3. Even though Eraserhead has been rejected, I can still be your Virgin Mary, mother of all woes.

4. I'm damn good with makeup. Sounds trivial, but it's surprisingly useful. You have no idea the number of times my makeup skills have saved people's lives.

5. Having grown up in Russia, where we did old-school stuff like that, I know how to make home remedies from herbs and plants. I know which plants are antibiotic, which ones get rid of a fever, and which ones are good for backpain and arthritis. I can make splints, and I still have my package of easily-referenced notes from my middle school Emergency Medicare class. (I can also theoretically perform CPR.)

6. I can communicate with the dead and spirits, and am on good terms with several deities. You want rain? I got your rain. You need mystical guidance from above? I can be your Pythia and oracle in one. Someone died and you want to know where they've put their stash? Just leave it to me, kids.

I don't know if I'm helping or hurting here, but what the hey.

I need a new signature.

Atonalexpress
(acolyte)
02/22/04 03:10 AM
Re: Take your protein pills and pad your resume some new [re: ohramona]  

Thank you for the consideration. I was granted a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology and will be available for debriefing sessions and group or individual counseling/therapy sessions. Whenever you get a group of people together you always have diversity, conflict and the establishment of pecking orders. The group will need someone who can reduce tensions and promote healthy relationships.

I would be able to teach music (theory and piano) and psychology, but my advanced math skills are not strong.

One of my strengths is in organization. I am able to organize and plan a strategy of action when the need arises. Form is essential to music making, and I will bring organizing skills to the group.

I am easy going and rarely lose my temper. My father taught me how to garden and raise vegetables, but don't count on me to hunt for meat.

Finally, I believe that raising mentally healthy children should be one of the groups' goals. I would be an exemplary role model and would teach the children about healthy relationships and how to work cooperatively with their peers.

The Atonal Express left the tonal world behind...
Atonalexpress

eraserhead
(stardust savant)
02/22/04 05:44 AM
Jesus & Space new [re: White Prism]  

In reply to:

A Jesus biography, though? What kind of things could be discussed in there, other than whether or not Jesus existed


Well, whether or not he was gay, those kinds of things. He wasn't though, for the record. But he cared about how he looked, apparently (according to the book) so I guess that makes him a little gay-ish, but, you know.


In reply to:

Well, eclectic enough not to have a wardrobe full of Iggy T-shirts anyway.


Well, I also have a Public Enemy t-shirt, a Bob Marley t-shirt and... a Marilyn Manson t-shirt. :) Top that if you can! The only way you could top that is to say you have a Robbie Williams t-shirt. Come on, say it!


In reply to:

Okay, I’ve moved as seamlessly as I possibly could through the various topics, but we need to back peddle to my brief career as an astronaut. I wish I could say that I volunteered myself to be sent into space, but it was actually part of my parents’ wishes. I had a fairly happy though impoverished childhood, and it was only because my dad had connections with high up places – a brother’s auntie’s dog’s friend’s cousin’s owner, in fact – who promised to send me into space and keep my best interests at heart. My mother jumped at the chance and arranged for me to be posted to NASA straightaway, yet I still have the remaining impression that I was being used as a human guinea pig of some sort. . .

As you may have gathered by now, it was a fairly routine mission, as space mission go; just a test flight in a new shuttle which had an unprecedented use of a uranium power source, the kind of thing which sadly doesn’t make international news. The guy who was in charge of coordinating the mission – the brother’s auntie’s dog’s guy – really only wanted a child on-board as something flashy that he could write on his CV. I think he used me as a means of claiming that he had sent the first child into space; a development which, as you can imagine, he tipped as heralding a new era of the space age where children could become self-sufficient in space and presumably seek out inhabitable planets and repopulate them of their own accord. I was given a fairly minimal training programme, even though most of the controls on the shuttle were operated from a terrestrial base, but I kinda twigged what was going on with the coordinator’s selfish motives to exploit my position, and resolved to be difficult and obstinate once I was finally blasted into space.

Of course, I was young and fearless, so being sent into space was no big deal, just something that beat the shit out of a daytrip to the zoo. As soon as lift-off was successful, I immediately carried out my revenge on ground control by smearing excrement over the CCTV cameras (something for which I was severely reprimanded on my return to Earth), but once the main objectives of the mission were completed I was given a free rein for a brief spell. So I completed a few 360 degree spins and looped-the-loop. I was only six years old, after all.


A couple questions.

1. What's a CV?
2. Have you suffered any side-effects? What, do you think, would your life have been like had you not had this horrifying experience at the tender age of 6?
3. Do you feel like you are "above" normal people, because of what you've been through?
4. What's a CCTV camera?
5. You shouldn't ever read my old posts.




If this is the music of the future...let me die now.

Ville
(kook)
02/22/04 05:49 AM
Re: There's something wrong! new [re: ohramona]  



I warned you.



SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
02/22/04 06:47 AM
Re: There's something wrong! new [re: RabbitFighter]  

In reply to:

Think of the positive side, you´ll get to experience the demise of human race with yours truly. Maybe with the last gasp of breath we can spit on God´s face. Sounds good ,eh?


Actually, i was thinking of building a TW Ghetto spaceship and forcibly dragging you along so that I won't have to have fun with strangeDivine alone.

Actually, your plan sounded better.

Just out of professional interest, though: Hey captain, would you care to 'rank' my skills and such disregarding my affection to strangeDivine?

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

EJSundayModerator
(acolyte)
02/22/04 07:35 AM
Retrial new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

Your inarguably good looks will only get you so far, EJ, and I'm afraid it's not onto the ship. I'm sorry.


That doesn't explain my rejection . You have to have good looking things aboard to cheer people up once in a while. That function shouldn't be underestimatet.


And I want to believe
In the madness that calls 'now'


diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/22/04 09:34 AM
Re: There's something wrong! new [re: ohramona]  

Huh! ruddy cheek of it.

I'll build my own Space Ship then,See if i care lol.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
02/22/04 10:51 AM
Re: There's something wrong! new [re: Sysiyo]  

In reply to:

Actually, i was thinking of building a TW Ghetto spaceship and forcibly dragging you along


Jesus christ! That´s the lamest idea i´ve ever heard. What kind of a person would like to escape armageddon in the first place?
Drag me along choo choo boy and i´ll be forced to slaughter all of you in a vicious manner. I promise i´ll shed a few tears afterwards but there´s no way i´m going to let anyone come between me and my perfect date with the end of the world.

My love is only for me
My love needs nobody else
Did you know that my love is a liquid?



ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/22/04 11:12 AM
You've really made the grade! new [re: Starlite]  

I'm in the process of sifting through the files I've got left here. Please remember, if you've not been accepted or rejected thus far, your file is still under consideration. Also please remember that acceptances, although I feel pretty good about these choices so far, are not written in stone.

Some criteria taken into consideration when making choices:

1. Potential breeders are of course a primary concern. If you are a young and healthy female, you're nearly a shoe-in, but there are exclusionary factors such as heavy drug usage or smoking. I'm feeling pretty good about the breeder corps we've got now.

2. All men are expected to provide jizz, no exceptions. If you're shooting blanks, you're not coming with. However, no man without something else to add, will be considered. Homosexuals will not be excluded on this basis, 'cause if you can't get it up for one of our breeders, we have medics and turkey basters.



The tentative line-up so far:

Captain: me, ohramona

Chief Steward: Tin
Tending produce and livestock; producing nutritious and delicious meals; hairdresser; educator; dj.

Navigation Officer/Engineer: Nature Boy
Intergalactic navigation; music/entertainment

2nd Navigation Officer/Engineer: White Prism
Intergalactic naviagtion; childcare; future urban planning

Crew/Medical Officer Lacrimans:
Technical support specialist; educator; brewer; light surgery, mend wounds and broken bones

Crew: Monkeyboy
Fitness instructor; entertainment; heavy lifter

Breeders:

JarethsGirl
Entertainment; art educator; potential emergency food source

Elvenlass
Educator; artiste

Starlite
Educator; assistant medic




shitr

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
02/22/04 11:23 AM
Re: You've really made the grade! new [re: ohramona]  

People, hear the advice of raging armageddon fanboy. Need an extra seat? Easy, ditch the captain. With that kind of an attitude she´ll end up taking a walk to airlock sooner or later anyway. I assume you´ll eventually build a statue for that death embracing prick who saved you from a fascist regime.


My love is only for me
My love needs nobody else
Did you know that my love is a liquid?



Tristan
(acolyte)
02/22/04 11:37 AM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

1. As the oldest TWer I bring expierence.

2. I'm damn good at budgeting money.

3. I have the largest and most diverse music collection of anyone here with the exception of classical. That's atonal's department.

4. Being as horny as 10 men put together, I could satisfy the needs of all the women.

5. I enjoy giving pleasure as much as receiving.

6. I like kids.

7. I cook and wash the dishes.

8. I'm the only TWer (I believe) to actually see 'Hunger City' in the flesh.

9. If you don't chose me, screw you, I have my own space ship(s).





If you don't have anything nice to say, go to London and say it in front of 2000 people. NM.

SugarPlumFairy
(leasing the moon)
02/22/04 11:38 AM
Re: You've really made the grade! new [re: ohramona]  

Well, it's pretty clear I'm not going to make the crew, as my sole abilities are incomprehensible fangirliness and making animated pictures where Jacques Derrida transforms into a fluffy bunny.
But I would refuse to board without Sys and Greg anyway, so I guess I'll be joining the Completely Useless But Ultimately Much More Fun Ghetto Spaceship Crew.

And if there's one thing I've learned from science fiction, it's that something always goes disastrously wrong with rehabilitation schemes over the centuries spent in space, so there's no point in being useful. We might as well go down in the best, most entertaining company we know.

Actually, I'm a lab mouse on stilts.

RealThing
(electric tomato)
02/22/04 12:43 PM
Re: You've really made the grade! new [re: ohramona]  

Well, add to my resume that I'm a 19 year old healthy female, just fine for breeding!

Inconsiderate and uncultured, that's an educated edge!



diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/22/04 02:12 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: Tristan]  

Dear Tristan,You forgot to mention your modesty.

And the Space Ships are real Cool.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

Earthling7
(electric tomato)
02/22/04 02:15 PM
Re: You've really made the grade! new [re: ohramona]  

It is obvious I should be the 13th passenger for reasons already stated. People need a spiritual leader.

Halelujah@jesusislord.hev

BowieLive is a Christian channel in a closet

Myriada
(electric tomato)
02/22/04 02:40 PM
Re: Take your protein pills and pad your resume some new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

But you're a bit past prime breeding age. Aren't you in your mid 30's?


Well, I just turned 33, but ever since I've been a teenager, I've always looked a number of years younger than I really am. It was a drag then, but pretty cool now. And of course, I don't act my age. What fun is that? I don't have any kids yet, so I hope I'm not past my prime. My mom had me when she was 38 -- and though I was her last, she could have had several more children if she had really wanted to.

Hmmm... most of my skills are in the modern world or artistic endeavors which probably wouldn't be very practical in the environment you're talking about. However, I am good with plants. I've never had a house plant die, although I've had to nurse a few back to health. I've been involved with farming and gardening quite actively since I was very little. We grew all sorts of things -- onions, potatoes, corn, lettuce, carrots, green beans, peas, turnips, pumpkins, asparagus, cabbage, tomatoes, peanuts, sunflowers, etc. I've also tended all kinds of fruit trees and berry bushes. Of course, we would need to have generators/batteries running fluorescent lighting, plus a lot of spare bulbs. Also, while I was never in scouting myself, my three brothers were all Eagle scouts and much of what they knew I picked up second-hand. I actually really enjoy a survivalist environment. I used to consider my family's yearly two-week camping trips to be better than Christmas! So am I in?

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.



Strawman
(stardust savant)
02/22/04 02:50 PM
My last card... new [re: ohramona]  

I cannot believe, Tin, takes the chief stewards position over a Dorchester Hotel trained & qualified chef. Nonetheless, you're ships' captain, Ohramona, & I trust your decision.

This is my final chuck of the dice, so to speak :-

Go here

Email - msusan489@aol.com

Password - heggatt

This 'new' civilisation has to have a Bowie impersonator. Doesn't it?






diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/22/04 03:37 PM
Re: My last card... new [re: Strawman]  

I do wish you would stop going on and on about how you can open a tin of soup.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/22/04 03:41 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: Tristan]  

Just how old are you dear Tristan?.

You hide your profile,So my guess is that you are about your mid fifties?.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

Grey_Nihilist
(kook)
02/22/04 04:07 PM
Re: You've really made the grade! new [re: ohramona]  

Here we go...

1. I'm an alter-ego, therefore you get two people for the price of one!
2. I go good with ketchup.
3. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of rock music. You gotta have someone teaching the kids about rock music.
4. I'm young and disease-free.
5. I know tons of They Might Be Giants songs.
6. I'm really good at making mixes for long car rides.
7. I love you.
8. I'm really good at putting on puppet shows.
9. If someone dies, I can do a really dramatic "NOOOOOO!"
10. I like to move it, move it.
11. My alter-ego is a sweet, caring, sensitive guy who is a skilled keyboardist, writer, and goofy comic-maker. He also goes good with ketchup.
12. My version of "I've Been Working On The Railroad" kicks ass.


I'm a DUMBASS!

Tristan
(acolyte)
02/22/04 07:03 PM
I'm younger than Bowie. new [re: diamondogz74]  

In reply to:

You hide your profile,So my guess is that you are about your mid fifties?


I am NOT in my mid fifties.
People say things today that might not be relevant tomorrow. My profile was written years ago and I can't figure out how to change it. Thus it remains hidden.

If you don't have anything nice to say, go to London and say it in front of 2000 people. NM.

Halloween Jill
(cracked actor)
02/22/04 07:22 PM
Re: Spaceship TW new [re: ohramona]  

1. i'm double jointed

2. i make a damn good pizza

3. i'll bring my legos

is this it?

JonnyManic
(stardust savant)
02/22/04 07:44 PM
For the good of the world... new [re: ohramona]  

I suggest all 13 be breeding-age females. Prior to take-off, we men would donate quantities of semin to use for insemination. This will allow for the maximum possible genepool diversity and of course, we'd screen the donors to make sure clowns like dd74 are out of contention.

The problem is, of course, that all the men born to these 13 women would grow up gay, wearing pink and sporting sharp side partings. To counter this, we can send along few Die Hard videos and a compilation of Harrison Ford and Robert De Niro's best bits.

For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.

Coldfyr
(acolyte)
02/22/04 07:55 PM
Re: For the good of the world... new [re: JonnyManic]  

Lord of the flies.... that's all I'm sayin'



"A" is for Atonal, artfully adding audible auras

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/23/04 07:21 AM
Re: I'm younger than Bowie. new [re: Tristan]  

A poor excuse if ever i've heard one.

Me thinks you doth protest too much:-)


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
02/23/04 09:16 AM
Re: My last card... new [re: Strawman]  

In reply to:

Tin, takes the chief stewards position over a Dorchester Hotel trained & qualified chef


Dictators have no real interest in culinary delights. Ohramona´s already planning her first genocide...

My love is only for me
My love needs nobody else
Did you know that my love is a liquid?



bulletprooffaces
(wild eyed peoploid)
02/23/04 11:45 AM
I'm younger than Bowie, too! new [re: Tristan]  

hey tristan, let's build our own damn spaceship. out combined 1974-bowieknowledge would make it much cooler than that other one...

In reply to:

Well, whether or not he was gay, those kinds of things. He wasn't though, for the record. But he cared about how he looked, apparently (according to the book) so I guess that makes him a little gay-ish, but, you know.


jesus was metrosexual like me!

In reply to:

but there are exclusionary factors such as heavy drug usage or smoking.


oh, well i guess that explains my rejection. =0)

my bowie site: in English | Deutsch | français | Português

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/23/04 02:44 PM
Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too! new [re: bulletprooffaces]  

In Metrosexual,You mean it only takes place underground?.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
02/23/04 04:10 PM
Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too! new [re: diamondogz74]  

'Metrosexual' is really the meaningless anti-word of our time that's become fashionable to drop in conversation durinmg the last year or so.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

EuropeanCanon
(crash course raver)
02/23/04 05:32 PM
EuropeanCanon - the thinking woman's viagra! new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

2. All men are expected to provide jizz, no exceptions. If you're shooting blanks, you're not coming with. However, no man without something else to add, will be considered.


I think it's time to throw my hat into the ring. With all due respect to my fellow male TWers, judging by this thread so far, it strikes me that there's going to be an awful lot of sexually frustrated females on board. It's quite obvious that Tristan, for example, having been starved of the female form for so long would become far too easily excitable at the merest flash of a bare ankle. Besides, our escape into space from Armageddon might be doomed to failure from the very outset by Tristan's unfeasibly large testicles weighing down our TW spaceship. With Strawman similarly aged and decrepit and JonnyManic favouring relationships with lanolin-rich farmyard animals the future looks very bleak indeed.

But what of my qualities? As we all know, the English are renowned as passionate lovers, easily putting the Italians and French to shame, and I come from the same brooding stock that produced the likes of Mr D'Arcy, albeit with a slight beer belly. I'm also fortunate in that I come from a fine gene pool that has blessed me with high cheekbones, firm thighs and a natural ease in public showers.

I've proved that I can fire live rounds by fathering two healthy, beautiful daughters and more importantly, I sacrificed a promising career as a gurner of some repute by staying at home and raising my children from infancy to school age. Also, as well as satisfying the breeder corps, my genitals offer entertainment of a very different kind. There's the housewives favourite "The White-Eared Elephant" or the intensely moving experience of "Sausage on a Plate" and "The Last Turkey in the Shop", while who can fail to be less than impressed by "Groucho Marx".*

On a journey potentially fraught with danger, it's possible that on our enforced absence from Earth we'd encounter other life forms. As a dab hand at Halo on the Xbox, I'd be ideally skilled to zap any pissed-off extra terrestrials. Should they wish to parley, however, with tact and diplomacy being the order of the day, what better way is there to break language and cultural barriers than through the universal humour of "The White-Eared Elephant" et al, thereby single-handedly preserving the breeder corps and with it the very survival of Earth itself.



*Available for bar mitzvahs, childrens parties and funerals etc. Half-price in the winter. "Standing To Attention For The National Anthem" optional.

What do I say to normal people?

Strawman
(stardust savant)
02/23/04 06:07 PM
Re: EuropeanCanon - the thinking woman's viagra! new [re: EuropeanCanon]  

In reply to:

With Strawman similarly aged and decrepit


You've got to be having a giraffe <(It's what my son say's for 'laugh') haven't you? I've got more lead in my *pencil than there is on the average church roof; plus i'm extremely handsome, ask sonofsilence. There'd be no frustrated females with me on the scene, matey, with emphasis on the 'females' there, 'cause I don't do the marmite-mining, not with blokes anyways.

* = French loaf.

Wolves are doing well, aren't they?



bulletprooffaces
(wild eyed peoploid)
02/23/04 06:09 PM
Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too! new [re: Sysiyo]  

i think it was just the last few months or so.... until then, people just thought i was lesbian. now they think i'm metrosexual, after my repeated insistence that i dig guys. but anyway, i think we were talking about jesus. space travel is pretty meaningless too, unless you can travel faster than the speed of light. but nothing with mass can do that, according to the theory of relativity. so these bastards are just gonna get old and run out of air and food in their spaceship. fuck 'em, is what i say...

my bowie site: in English | Deutsch | français | Português

Strawman
(stardust savant)
02/23/04 06:19 PM
Sour Grapes... [re: bulletprooffaces]  

Just 'cause you haven't got a seat aboard the Cuntship Enter-Prize.



pablopicasso
(kook)
02/23/04 06:31 PM
he he he new [re: Strawman]  

while all the bickering takes place by the front of the spaceship, I make my move and sneak in via the storage hold and hide behind the luggage.

And the wrong words make you listen
In this criminal world
Remember it's true, loyalty is valuable
But our lives are valuable too


WildWind
(acolyte)
02/23/04 06:34 PM
Too bad his glamour shot is probably archived new [re: EuropeanCanon]  

I'll throw my lot in with EuropeanCanon as breeder. I've seen his picture.

'Cept this:

In reply to:

the English are renowned as passionate lovers


shows a bit of a tenuous grasp of reality, so that may be a red flag.

WW

The average American walks less than 400 yards a day. The average American needs to get off his lazy ass and go for a walk -Mark Stevens

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/23/04 08:29 PM
10 ... new [re: RealThing]  

Welcome aboard RealThing. As well as being our 4th breeder, you'll be seamstress and laundress. You'll be in charge of making, repairing, and tending to clothes and spacesuits, including for the babies.







shitr

Monkeyboy
(stardust savant)
02/23/04 08:51 PM
Re: You've really made the grade! new [re: RealThing]  

In reply to:

Well, add to my resume that I'm a 19 year old healthy female, just fine for breeding!


Wow! How did I miss this one? Young and a drunk?! I think I'm in love. Tati might have some competition for the title of Unrequited Object Of My Scary Online Desires.

Catfight!! Yes ladies this basement, sofa bed, and milk crate furniture can be yours.


Monkeyboy for America
Dedicated to making pay and play politics work for once.

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/23/04 08:52 PM
. 9 . . . new [re: Strawman]  



Who would win in a fight?


California Cuisine



British *Cuisine*




View the results for this poll




C'mon, Strawman, I offered to make you Tin's assistant if you'd supply about a dozen different genetic materials.




shitr

JonnyManic
(stardust savant)
02/23/04 09:03 PM
spicy muck new [re: ohramona]  

Even though you went out of your way to find an ugly looking plateful, the Full English Breakfast still beats those disgusting Fanjeetas hands down. If Strawman really did train at the Dorchester then he's hands down the best candidate for chef.

For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.

guiltpuppy
(kook)
02/23/04 09:11 PM
Re: spicy muck new [re: JonnyManic]  

JonnyManic, stop being a pansy. I know there are stars to be travelled, but nowhere in the universe will you find a place where deflavored eggs and cardboard stand a legitimate chance against totally awesome Mexican food. Even goddamn Taco Bell is better than the "finest" British restaurant. A lot of good things have come out of that island, but food is not one of them. (Unless you count potatoes, which rock only because they make burritos more awesome.)

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

RealThing
(electric tomato)
02/23/04 10:33 PM
Re: 10 ... new [re: ohramona]  

Thanks OhRamona, I'm flattered to be on board!

Monkeyboy: Hope you like it rough, I tend to be a bit violent when I'm drunk. I've been known to take on guys twice my size.

Inconsiderate and uncultured, that's an educated edge!



diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/24/04 06:20 AM
Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too! new [re: Sysiyo]  

Thanx Sys:-)


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
02/24/04 06:22 AM
Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too! new [re: diamondogz74]  

You're most welcome.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/24/04 06:25 AM
Re: spicy muck new [re: JonnyManic]  

Strawman trained in Dorchester.

A subtle difference.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

Tristan
(acolyte)
02/24/04 09:29 AM
diamond dog babies. new [re: bulletprooffaces]  


In reply to:

hey tristan, let's build our own damn spaceship. our combined 1974-bowieknowledge would make it much cooler than that other one...


Hop aboard my young diamond dog. Will start our own colony.


If you don't have anything nice to say, go to London and say it in front of 2000 people. NM.

Strawman
(stardust savant)
02/24/04 11:55 AM
Tasteless heat... new [re: ohramona]  

For fucks sake, ohramona, the Dorchester is a world renowned hotel dealing in International cuisine & I happened to complete five years there under famous Swiss chef, Anton Mossimann, during the late seventies/early eighties, working my way up to the note-worthy position of Chef Tournant.

I was even amongst a brigade that catered for Bowie & co, & you're opting for some Hispanic wafers & overly-spiced mince & onions, traditionally washed down with copious amounts of Tequila to disguise the fecking taste !?

Doesn't seem to matter what one orders from a Mexican menu, it still arrives at your table looking & tasting the same; only distinguishable feature is the way the glorified shit is folded.


Where did you lose it?

Tin
(cracked actor)
02/24/04 06:21 PM
Re: Tin is in, like Flynn new [re: ohramona]  

Yay, I'm in?! I haven't read this entire mammoth thread yet, so I think I am honored.

Ships barber, no sweat. With the right chem lab, I could even graduate to hair specialist and do colors and other chemical treatments. Got my own tools already and donned my own Ziggy-doo, cut by moi, for years.

This wet nurse bit (bite?) could get tricky. I'm not terribly inclined to the thought of gravity breasts, but I suppose I could go Karmic and abide for the right infants.

Now about this chem lab and it's multi-purpose possibilities... Will there be provisions?

"You've gotta laugh when you can't cry no more." - DOT 3, "Palo Alto's finest voodoo funk band"

Tin
(cracked actor)
02/24/04 07:01 PM
Cleavers up, sauté pan at the ready new [re: ohramona]  

I must step in and defend my culinary skills and throw out a concept as well.

While a chef is one of much skill, those skills are less likely to be as well-rounded and diverse as mine are. My background includes home cooking, vegetarian and vegan, multiple ethic varieties (many recipes from those of the region) and baking skills to boot. I have the advantage teachings from a mother who was the homey cook, a father who was a chemist, a stepfather who is a gourmet chef (self-trained), master cake maker and fine ale brewer, and a sprinkling of friends from all over the world. Incidentally, I've made excellent beer batter fish 'n chips. Of course, infant purees and children's menus are no trouble at all.

I believe an arrangement could be made for rotating kitchen duties. Diversity is the spice of life in space, and food will reign.

Almost forgot that my arts background and ECE units make me an excellent choice for an immersion-style approach to teaching the youth a variety of subjects through the arts.

ohramona, a dictator? Nay, do I sense a feeling of strong female threat in such a statement? Someone has to make the final call and ohramona is providing the craft.

But, power can corrupt. Can we create a set of guidelines to prevent this, ohramona?

P.S. I am happy to see more breeders, while bowling is fun... I was fearful of THAT league!

"You've gotta laugh when you can't cry no more." - DOT 3, "Palo Alto's finest voodoo funk band"

Strawman
(stardust savant)
02/24/04 07:16 PM
Seven words... new [re: Tin]  


Jack of all trades, master of none.

Where did you lose it?

JonnyManic
(stardust savant)
02/24/04 07:43 PM
Mexican "cuisine" : spice to hide the rancid meat new [re: guiltpuppy]  

In reply to:

Even goddamn Taco Bell is better than the "finest" British restaurant


Yeah, I guess the Ritz or River Cafe would have a hard time standing up against cheap meat covered in chilli powder and stuffed into a roll by spotty teenagers.

And potatoes didn't come from Britain...

For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.

Tin
(cracked actor)
02/24/04 10:45 PM
Wrong words. new [re: Strawman]  

*Tsk* I offer an olive branch and am given slights in kind.

My mastery is that of music, and it is my trade, as yours would be food. I serve up music on the radio and in live venues for the enjoyment of others. My own tastes create a unique blend of sounds and styles, much as you might create a uncommon pairing of cuisines.

My other interests and skills are simply gravy and the result of an interesting life. Proud, yes sirree bob! I've earned it all.

"You've gotta laugh when you can't cry no more." - DOT 3, "Palo Alto's finest voodoo funk band"

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/25/04 07:53 AM
Re: diamond dog babies. new [re: Tristan]  

Fat lot of good you'd be on another planet.

You cannot even manage to go into your secretly guarded profile and alter it.

But your Space Ship is FAB!.


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
02/25/04 09:39 AM
Re: Cleavers up, sauté pan at the ready new [re: Tin]  

In reply to:

do I sense a feeling of strong female threat in such a statement?


You might, but it´s still all in your head.
I hate people in general but I can assure that my hatred towards men is far deeper...

My love is only for me
My love needs nobody else
Did you know that my love is a liquid?



Tristan
(acolyte)
02/25/04 12:15 PM
DiamondDunce74 new [re: diamondogz74]  

Everytime I think I'm starting to like you, you insult me.

If you don't have anything nice to say, go to London and say it in front of 2000 people. NM.

Tin
(cracked actor)
02/25/04 01:03 PM
Re: Cleavers up, sauté pan at the ready new [re: RabbitFighter]  

In reply to:

You might, but it´s still all in your head.



More clutter in that mess? Bah, I'll remove that random thought to clear space for meaningful things like cheese.

I hate people in general but I can assure that my hatred towards men is far deeper...[/quote]

Hmmmm, interesting. I think I know your kind, and swear not to reveal the fluff under your bristling exterior.


"You've gotta laugh when you can't cry no more." - DOT 3, "Palo Alto's finest voodoo funk band"

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/25/04 04:16 PM
... 8 ... new [re: Strawman]  

In reply to:

Jack of all trades, master of none.


But, see, Strawman, Jacks are exactly what I'm looking for. With only 13 people on board, I need folks who can perform more than one function ... who can wear more than one hat ... and I chose Tin primarily because she can supply the food as well as cook it (adequately for most tastebuds, I'm sure). Having a Michelin rated spaceship is astronomically less important than having the raw ingredients, and with Tin, we've got fresh ones! I gave suggestions on how you could have padded your resume to get on the ship, (and I was rooting for you) but you persisted on this one track. Tin even offered a compromise, which I had no objections to, but you didn't accept it. In fact, you seemed offended by it. (Btw, Tin, we now have enough breeders so that your services as a wet nurse probably won't be needed. Thanks for keeping an open mind.)

I'm sure that you are a chef of extrordinary talents. I'm even thinking that the Spaceship TW crew may come to your establishment and have our bon voyage meal there. I, for one, will dine with a small, glimmery tear in my eye, 'cause I'd thought you might be good company to traverse the universes with.

Oh yes, and "California Cuisine" is winning.



shitr

EJSundayModerator
(acolyte)
02/25/04 04:38 PM
Earthlings new [re: ohramona]  

Don't worry Strawie, we'll stay here and watch Euro 2004, if there is still enough time left for this planet.

And I want to believe
In the madness that calls 'now'


pablopicasso
(kook)
02/25/04 05:04 PM
Re: Earthlings new [re: EJSunday]  

Ha Ha No one seems to have noticed they had a stowaway. My plan has worked.

And the wrong words make you listen
In this criminal world
Remember it's true, loyalty is valuable
But our lives are valuable too


Earthling7
(electric tomato)
02/25/04 05:10 PM
Re: Earthlings new [re: pablopicasso]  

So that's why the bloody thing never took off and the "lucky 13" became nuclear fallout along with the rest.

Guess the 14th was too much for the delicate engines...

Submit your nuclear star to BowieLive today!

pablopicasso
(kook)
02/25/04 05:18 PM
Re: Earthlings new [re: Earthling7]  

OOooppss!!

Sorry everyone.

And the wrong words make you listen
In this criminal world
Remember it's true, loyalty is valuable
But our lives are valuable too


Strawman
(stardust savant)
02/25/04 05:44 PM
Re: Earthlings new [re: EJSunday]  

In reply to:

Don't worry Strawie, we'll stay here and watch Euro 2004, if there is still enough time left for this planet.


That'll do me, EJ.

110% better than the prospect of riding on ohramona's imaginary cosmic dildo.



Kirk Douglas

Monkeyboy
(stardust savant)
02/25/04 08:34 PM
Re: 10 ... new [re: RealThing]  

In reply to:

Hope you like it rough, I tend to be a bit violent when I'm drunk.


Just don't break skin and its all good.

Monkeyboy for America
Dedicated to making pay and play politics work for once.

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/25/04 08:49 PM
. . . 7 . . . new [re: Strawman]  



shitr

RabbitFighter
(acolyte)
02/26/04 09:45 AM
Re: Cleavers up, sauté pan at the ready new [re: Tin]  

In reply to:

I think I know your kind


My kind? Please do enlighten me, if there really are decent chaps like myself out there, the world is a much worse place than I had realized. As far as i´m concerned, that old anonymous asshole broke the mold after the grave mistake of creating me. Please try to understand if i´ll start ranting about being an antichrist, it happens occasionally...

My love is only for me
My love needs nobody else
Did you know that my love is a liquid?



Tin
(cracked actor)
02/26/04 02:24 PM
"You Know What You Are" new [re: RabbitFighter]  

In reply to:

My kind? Please do enlighten me, if there really are decent chaps like myself out there, the world is a much worse place than I had realized.


Well, this diagnosis comes without benefit of any formal testing, only observation. Trying to not blow your cover, I can just say that I perceive you as one who is full of contradictions. That gruff exterior is your shield. Inside may be quite a different story.

The manly model I've used for contemplating your persona is based on a real person. One who, on the outside, hates everyone and says so. In an unguarded moment, you will catch his true feelings and they do not reflect hate so much as healthy antagonism. However, anyone who does not know this man personally lives under the belief that he hates everything and everyone.

Rant on...

"You've gotta laugh when you can't cry no more." - DOT 3, "Palo Alto's finest voodoo funk band"

white rabbit
(acolyte)
02/27/04 12:14 PM
cuyahoga new [re: ohramona]  

If you haven’t all 13 slots filled yet, I’ll enter the competition for the position. I’m not completely out of my child bearing years altogether but would rather not reproduce if I can help it, although if the survival of the species depends on it, I could be persuaded. Especially if the high cost of day care is not a factor and most especially if EuropeanCanon is on board. I have a bachelor’s degree in elementary education with a media endorsement, though it’s presently collecting dust in a box somewhere, but the knowledge gained in those seven years of college may prove useful in helping to shape our young offspring’s minds and lives. In its heyday, my toddler storytimes always had waitlists and I have more nursery rhymes committed to memory than the average person. At the very least, I can write a mean Madeline Hunter style lesson plan in five minutes or less.

It seems that food preparation is accounted for but I could assist Tin with many of her many duties including livestock care taking. What she meant to say was “My skill with animals is one comparable only to white rabbit’s.” Somehow I have a feeling we’d work very well together.

You mentioned having supplies – “We … have managed to horde away enough supplies to sustain 13 people …” – but one thing that no one has addressed (and if they have and I missed it, then I do apologize) is who will be in charge of these supplies? Surely you will need someone to organize, account for, and ration them much like the task Sir Ernest Shackleton appointed to Thomas Orde-Lees aboard the Endurance on the heroic 1914 Antarctic expedition. And who better to do this duty than one who catalogs items for a living? I believe I am up for the challenge in this area.

In addition, I’m also generally personable, trustworthy, discreet, mostly non-confrontational and don’t eat much. I also have years of experience dealing with stark, monotonous scenery and endless, mind-numbing hours of solitary thumb-twirling having grown up in Nebraska. I can’t think of any better preparation for a journey of undetermined length and peril into the far reaches of space than that (except perhaps living in North Dakota).

If this is not enough to convince you, well, I guess I’ll be back on earth waiting for the end of the world while watching sports with EJ and Strawman, but only if they allow me to squeak in some televised figure skating every now and then.

Thank you in advance for your consideration.



I can't be late I got a date

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/27/04 05:37 PM
. . . 6 . . . new [re: white rabbit]  

Seven years to obtain a bachelor's degree, Bunny? Regardless, it's good to finally get a teacher on board. You offer copious skills, and we'll be glad to take you on. I've reread EuropeanCanon's application, and I'm not sure he has a lot to offer besides sex/jizz. I'm really not sure 'cause I don't know what all that elephant talk was about! He is certainly allowed to beef up his resume if he desires, and resubmit. But in the meantime, if you will commit to bearing two cosmo-babies, you've got the positions of Chief Educator, Supply Manager, and assistant to Tin. Hope to see you aboard!

This brings us to 11 positions filled (not counting the stowaway).


shitr

poorsoul
(acolyte)
02/28/04 03:03 AM
Naked new [re: ohramona]  

I will kill your babies.

÷±¥±÷

Kristin Machina
(stardust savant)
02/28/04 03:23 AM
Not like I'll get on but... new [re: ohramona]  

I have 2 and a half years medical experience--I know CPR and first aid. I have legal access to controlled substances.

I don't make a lot of noise. I certainly don't eat much.

I'm willing to work the 'night shift'.

I work with the mentally instable on a regular basis.

Finally, three words: Splitting Headache Two!

Don't understand me, just love me

diamondogz74
(cracked actor)
02/28/04 08:10 AM
Re: DiamondDunce74 new [re: Tristan]  

My dear Tristan,You must know im pulling your lil leggies lol.

I've liked you from day one,So there:-)


________________________
Humming Rheingold
We scavenge up our clothes.
________________________
London Bye Ta-Ta...

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/28/04 09:16 AM
. . . 5 . . . . new [re: Kristin Machina]  

Are you willing to have 10 babies?



shitr

AnnLanders
(grinning soul)
02/28/04 05:42 PM
Re: . . . 5 . . . . new [re: ohramona]  

Dearest ohramona,

I may not be able to deliver 10 babies, but I can sure dish out advice. With 12 other chosen Bowie fans, who will be responsible for repopulating the planet, my invaluable advice will be to teach the young ladies and gents the secrets of tantric sex. In the many Hindu or Buddhist religious writings procreation concealments are revealed. Only under certain conditions will our fellow female travelers be prepared for the seeds of life to continue.

All will be revealed during the journey,
Ann

Kristin Machina
(stardust savant)
02/29/04 05:15 AM
Re: . . . 5 . . . . new [re: ohramona]  

Well, if Grandma can do it...

Don't understand me, just love me

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
02/29/04 04:06 PM
. . . 4 . . . . new [re: Kristin Machina]  

I'll take that as a yes, Kristin Machina.

Updated roster:

Captain: me, ohramona

Chief Steward: Tin
Tending produce and livestock; producing nutritious and delicious meals; hairdresser; educator; dj.

Navigation Officer/Engineer: Nature Boy
Intergalactic navigation; music/entertainment

2nd Navigation Officer/Engineer: White Prism
Intergalactic naviagtion; childcare; future urban planning; captain's secret crew slut

Crew/Medical Officer: Lacrimans:
Technical support specialist; educator; brewer; light surgery, mend wounds and broken bones

Crew: Monkeyboy
Fitness instructor; entertainment; heavy lifter; genetic materials of however many personalities he's responsible for

Head Educator: white rabbit
asst. steward; breeder 2nd class (cause I know she can reproduce like a rabbit)

Breeders:

JarethsGirl
Entertainment; art educator; potential emergency food source

Elvenlass
Educator; artiste

Starlite
Educator; assistant medic

RealThing
Laundress and seamstress

Kristin Machina
Mental health intern (the night shift); resident novelist

Believe it or not, all resumes are still under consideration for that 13th spot!




shitr

EJSundayModerator
(acolyte)
03/01/04 04:27 AM
The Final Straw new [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

Believe it or not, all resumes are still under consideration for that 13th spot!


There is one really important position you have omitted from your list so far: Who is looking after the kids? Your breeding department is quite large but you will need a friendly but firm character to take care of the constant flow of kids growing up inside the space ship. As the breeders will be busy with all things involved in, well, breeding, where is the person that plays with the ever lively little ones, helps them through their small and large miseries, is there when they need a shoulder to cry or a head to bang on? Who teaches them what they need to know about the world they are in, the world that was left behind and the world that may come? Who fixes the girls' broken Barbie Doll and who kicks the ball about on the upper deck with the little space Beckhams and extraterrestrial Figos? Who fights with them over the TV programs to watch and the time they go to bed? Who goes up in the middle of the night when they are hunted by nightmares of dragons flying through the kids deck? And these are just the easy tasks.

So what you need is a Childcare Officer and from all the TWers around there can be only one to get the job: Strawman. He has proven how well he meets their demands and needs, knows how to work hard at unpleasant times and loves football (or will it be called soccer onboard?). He's your 13th man. No doubt.


And I want to believe
In the madness that calls 'now'


Starlite
(cracked actor)
03/01/04 06:10 AM
Re: The Final Straw new [re: EJSunday]  

In reply to:

Who is looking after the kids?


Hello? What do you think all of us educators are doing? I think quite a few people specified that they're good at telling stories/nursery rhymes/etc.

And I think I even said that I'd rather look after the kids than breed 'em, though I'll do that too. I'm a good baby-sitter/caretaker: my parents' friends have developed a rather annoying habit of inviting me to parties, just to then direct me to a room full of their toddling-to-preschool aged offspring. It sucks, 'cause
a) I am not a free babysitter, dammit,
but b) I like kids too much to be able to withstand them for long, and nearly always give in and spend all my time entertaining them anyway.

When I was 14 and attended Russian School, I was also used by the teachers as a difficult-child-management device: ie, when they couldn't control the kid, I'd be called out of class, and asked to take over. (Ended up having like a mini-nursery of my own!)

I can provide further resume info. My specialty is curbing violent/hostile behavior in young boys (if they fall in puppy-dog love with me after that, though, I'm not responsible).

Maybe if I write this now, while drunk, you'll all understand.

ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
03/01/04 06:59 AM
. . . 3 . . . new [re: EJSunday]  

We've got White Prism, White Rabbit (hey, one more White and we'd have the KKK!) and all the breeders to look after the astrotots. Which is too bad because, yeah, Mr. Strawman adds a little ray of sunshine everywhere he goes.



shitr

EJSundayModerator
(acolyte)
03/01/04 07:00 AM
Re: The Final Straw new [re: Starlite]  

In reply to:

What do you think all of us educators are doing?


Educating, probably. But that's not what I meant. You need someone who is with the kids, a friend for them not just an educator and functioning breeder. A grown up who is not part of the grown up system. A grown up with a kid's mind and heart whose function it is to be there for them. All the time. How will you do that when you are pregnant? And how will you do that when you are breast feeding? How will you do that when your nerves have reached the end of their tether? How will you do that when you are heavily engaged in getting pregnant in the first place? No, you cannot fulfill all of that. And there's even more to it than what I have mentioned. As I said before: You need an expert. A grown up with a kid's heart. Strawman.

And I want to believe
In the madness that calls 'now'


white rabbit
(acolyte)
03/01/04 10:25 AM
The Love Shack new [re: EJSunday]  

In reply to:

Seven years to obtain a bachelor's degree, Bunny?


That joke about seven years of college down the drain in Animal House used to be funny. My parents didn’t have a college fund set up and I was too shy (at the time) to apply for a scholarship so I worked my way through school only taking as many classes at a time as I could handle and afford – sort of like now again. The upshot is that I finished completely debt-free. Slow and steady wins the race. I guess you could add perseverance to the list of qualities.

In reply to:

I know she can reproduce like a rabbit




Well, there’s less incentive without EC. But there’s still Monkeyboy who if I recall correctly, has very nice teeth.

In response to EJ’s concerns regarding childcare, since there are only 13 people in this space commune of sorts, it is necessary and expected that everyone will do their part by multi-tasking. The breeders will actually have to act as mothers to their children instead of just sex machines pumping out the bundles of joy. It can be done – just look at the catholics! When they are otherwise – ahem – occupied or need a break, the other peeps on board can act as nanny, caretaker, friend or whathaveyou to the children. Not that I’m saying that Strawman wouldn’t be very good at this, mind you.


I can't be late I got a date

HotJareth
(absolute beginner )
03/01/04 10:42 AM
Re: The Love Shack new [re: white rabbit]  

In reply to:

Slow and steady wins the race.


Then you've got your icon all wrong, darling.



pablopicasso
(electric tomato)
03/01/04 02:15 PM
Update new [re: HotJareth]  

And still the stowaway goes undetected, ha ha ha, my plan will work.

And the wrong words make you listen
In this criminal world
Remember it's true, loyalty is valuable
But our lives are valuable too


ohramonaModerator
(stardust savant)
03/01/04 04:35 PM
. . . 2 . .. new [re: white rabbit]  

Now I am all ! I am seven years out of school and working on paying off a big chunk **cough**18k&somechange**cough** of dough to the government that was kind enough to lend it to me. I'm an aggressive payer, though. I've already paid back well over 1/2 my total. Although the monthly payment **cough**400&somechange**cough** is manageable, I wish I'd taken a different route. If I were to choose a route for skeezix to follow, I'd recommend yours. Anyway, I guess this makes you CFO on the ship, too.

And thanks for explaining multi-tasking again, perhaps better than I did. If we meet any aliens out there, we'll make you Spokesperson.



shitr

Strawman
(acolyte)
06/24/05 09:41 AM
Re: . . . 2 . .. new [re: ohramona]  

I still can't believe I didn't make this fucking gig!!



Strawman
(chameleon, comedian, corinthian and caricature)
12/05/07 06:09 PM
Re: . . . 4 . . . . new [re: ohramona]  

And this is why you never got those fucking maltesers, Kerri.



How about, Shelle? Would she of made your final list?





"With the issue of immigration, it's very difficult because although i don't have anything against people from other countries, the higher the influx into England, the more the British identity disappears." - Morrissey

beatled
(cracked actor)
12/05/07 08:09 PM
hey, i can dig the appeal of tweedy's thighs... new [re: ohramona]  

so...if you haven't gotten to the last one yet, allow me to explain these lovely qualities:

i can cook real well. anything ya want, i can make it.

i can always figure out what cord goes to what in a tangled mess of ports and wires. if you really need surround sound hooked up to the plasma screen dvd player/tv on the dashboard of the ship, i'm yer gal.

oh yeah, and i'm totally clairvoyant. that's probably useful, eh?

there's bourbon on the breath of the singer you love so much
he takes all his words from the books that you don't read anyway


Monkeyboy
(band intro)
12/06/07 05:50 AM
Re: He said there'd be plenty new [re: Monkeyboy]  

In reply to:

I bet I can match Monkeyboy drink for drink.


So this is the thread where that started...

"OK, I quit. You win. Last post. The end. Goodbye." - Stu, 1 October 2007

ohramonaModerator
(acolyte)
02/18/08 04:43 PM
. new [re: Strawman]  

In reply to:

And this is why you never got those fucking maltesers, Kerri.


Grudge much, Mark?



In reply to:

How about, Shelle? Would she of made your final list?


Prolly. She's got skills.

Btw ... the student loan is ALL PAID OFF this month! Could be a brain fart, but somehow I think that's related to this thread ... somewhere!





****THIS SPACE FOR RENT**** ****CALL NOW TO FIND OUT HOW**** ****1-866-366-2382****

Monkeyboy
(band intro)
02/01/10 01:23 AM
Re: He said there'd be plenty new [re: Monkeyboy]  

And by the way: totally won that challenge. By one beer but still.

"OK, I quit. You win. Last post. The end. Goodbye." - Stu, 1 October 2007

ohramonaModerator
(acolyte)
02/10/10 10:34 PM
Re: He said there'd be plenty new [re: Monkeyboy]  

Only a step behind me.



let them eat opiate


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