Shame on you man. Talking about Commando without immediately mentioning Bennet's erotic precense (or chain mail for that matter) is a grave offence for any cheesy 80's action lover.

"You know who else makes creatures? Satan." - Schizo

Jareth's True Anal Stories vol. 6.


Plot Oh please, no, make it go away!!!

Subplot Whimper!!!

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I'm not a piece of teenage wildlife

Goddamn, the frenetic activity in coffee shop blew this thread clean outta view!


Film: The Cabinet of Dr Caligari

Plot: Mad doctor/travelling act programs somnambulist to murder in Holstenwall.

Verdict: Silent, expressionist mise en scene. This film is totally gay!


Film: Metropolis

Plot: Futuristic class dystopia, presented on a Wagnerian scale. Entrepreneur's son conspires with the 'underclass'.

Verdict: Easier than I thought it would be to imagine why it became one of Hitler's favourite films, and also one of Dogz's.


Film: Gone With the Wind

Plot: Upper-class southern family decimated by American Civil War. Eldest O'Hara girl repeatedly marries impetuously, before finally selecting wealthy 'cad' Rhett Butler to restore her fortune.

Verdict: Gable's halitosis really oozes off the screen, dontcha think?

On the plus side, there's a character called Prissy in there who, iirc, is black. So, Pablum, take notes and put the two together for your spanking new super-insult.

Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head . . .

Some more video nasties watched over the last couple of days

Castaway

So... Tom Hanks gets stuck on an island, cuts himself a lot and talks to a volleyball for 4 years.

But... They never showed how he found a source of water! Are we supposed to believe he just drank dew out of leaves the whole time??

Oh, and it was boring, too...


Shaft

He's a complicated man... Samuel L. Jackson battles crooked cops, assorted spics and a lame plot in order to find a pouting Toni Collette and put smarmy Christian Bale away for good.

And no-one understands him but his woman... Didn't Richard Rountree get laid all the time? Jackson only bedded one woman and she was pretty average.

His dick was, indeed, private.


Deny your culture of consumption;
This is a culture of destruction

Noted and apologized for, Rabbit. Here's a revised subplot summary of Commando for you:

Subplot - Wow, Rae Dawn Chong is both less attractive and less talented than Arnold, which helps to explain why the real sexual tension here reaches it's climax with Arnie penetrating Bennet's body with his massive rod.

In related news, I heartily recommend the climactic Axe vs. Log fight of Walking Tall as a lesser heir to what is surely one of cinema's richest on-screen fist fights.

Oh jujubee
What don't you want with me?
I'm a celebrity!

Picture: Amarcord

Plot: Snapshots of '30s Rimini. Whimsical reminiscences, salutations to Il Duce, boy smothered by breasts.

Opinion: Yes, I really like that Album!



Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head . . .

Kate Winslet has spontanously gone to a clinic and erased her boyfriend (Jim Carrey) out of her mind.

A great movie, second time you see it, it's even better ;)

"J'ai perdu mes repères..."

Murder by death.

Peter Falk, Peter Sellers, David Niven and Maggie Smith all ponce around a mansion acting as great detectives whilst they try to defeat the Evil Blind Butler played by Alec Guiness.

Funny for all the wrong reasons...

"I know you believe you understand what you think I've said. But I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant."

The Boondock Saints

Pretty much... Fairly amusing sub-Tarantino laughs/violence ruined by bollocks final 15 minutes.

But... What would Dr. Freud say about the fact that I thought gargoyle faced Willem Dafoe looked decently attractive when he played a self-hating repressed homosexual?

Deny your culture of consumption;
This is a culture of destruction

Clerks 2

Plot: About the same as the first, but less amusing and more formulaic.

But, seriously folks... Can you really believe that you used to like and expect great things from Kevin Smith? He's matured just about as well as a bottle of Bandrock Station...

Deny your culture of consumption;
This is a culture of destruction