When in a crowded place where celebrities might appear: "Isn't this [insert recently deceased celebrity] there?"

Alternate version: mention someone whom no one can recall if they're dead, or still alive but a bit idle lately, like Ariel Sharon or David Bowie.

Fashion makes you look pretty ugly.

Q: What's do fags and K-mart have in common?
A: They both have little boys underwear half off.

Two fags were walking down the street and passed a handsome guy. One
fag turned to the other and said, "See that stud there, Bruce?"
"Sure."
"Well, let me tell you, he's a tremendous fuck!"
"No shit?" Bruce asked.
"Well, hardly any."

How do you know when you’re in a fag church?
Only half the congregation kneels to pray!


godhatesfags.com

Fag.

Fashion makes you look pretty ugly.

It's a pun but it's in English:
If someone farts and I return the favor, I tell them that this is the Revenge of the Shit.

Another one, when I take my dogs out before bedtime, I refer to it as Long Piss Goodnight.


It's LABRYNTH, idiot!

Nice, thanks for sharing!

Satie's Faction

... and that's why we won the war.

Je est un autre

In reply to:

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Nice, thanks for sharing!

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I've been dying to showcase those for a long time, thanks for giving me the opportunity.


It's LABRYNTH, idiot!

Anytime anyone asks me what time it is, I tell them "Time to get a watch."

Like a Nun on the Run, I'm terrible fun.

In reply to:

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Anytime anyone asks me what time it is, I tell them "Time to get a watch."

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That's so old! But I use it on people too... So I can't complain.

The movie version of A Prairie Home Companion has a song dedicated to tasteless jokes. I smile when I watch the movie or listen to the soundtrack because it's so bad. For example:

When God created woman,
He gave not two breasts but three.
When the middle one got in the way
God performed surgery.
Woman stood before God,
With middle breast in hand.
Said "What do we do,
With the useless boob?"
And got created man.

or the classic...

Gramps turned 80 the other day,
He never did find his way.
He dressed up in a brand new suit,
Sitting in a big lawn chair.
When a beautiful young naked woman,
Stood up in front of the group.
She offered gramps some super sex ,
And he said, "I'll take the soup!"



__________________________________________
Jareth's speech: Love Me, Fear Me, Do as I say, and I will be your slave. Heathen track: Show me who you are And I would be your slave
Coincidence? I think not.

Hey, Percy, welcome back! I thought you were dead, not a post in 5 weeks... Were you pissed all the time?

Satie's Faction

In reply to:

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Hey, Percy, welcome back! I thought you were dead, not a post in 5 weeks... Were you pissed all the time?

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Nothing quite so dramatic, just seemed to lose all my native wit and charm... the shock of almost having this place torn asunder from me seems to have restored me somewhat...

Like a Nun on the Run, I'm terrible fun.

Seems like you just hit bottom.

Satie's Faction

When someone farts unexpectedly and it's particularly high-pitched I like to yell out "Who stepped on the duck?!"

Yeah, I know....

If I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

That's lame.

Satie's Faction

I agree... but it's useful in filling the awkward pause after a public fart when everyone is silently wrestling with acknowledging or ignoring it.

If I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

'No, madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15."

TW GOD OF FOOTBALL

That one is actually really cute. I think if I told that one I'd change the name of the horse every time for my own amusement.

If I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

A wasp with enormous tits hovers into a bar and shouts "If anybody in here wants a fight you've come to the right place!" The bartender exclaims "In all my years as a bartender come deep-sea parachutist, I've never seen a pair of tits like that on a wasp!" The wasp sulkily replies "And that's why nobody, not even fellow wasps, take me seriously."


Conversation Piece

When anybody asks me if skeezix is my only kid I say "The only one that I know of".



****THIS SPACE FOR RENT**** ****CALL NOW TO FIND OUT HOW**** ****1-866-366-2382****

That's a good one. Reminds me of that African family we had here, that had to undergo DNA testing to prove that they were indeed a family: turns out 2 of the 6 kids were genetically unrelated to both parents...

Satie's Faction

My favorite of recent vintage:

-KNOCK KNOCK!
-Who's there?
-9/11
(wary pause)
-9/11 who?
-(pause for effect) You said you'd never forget....

And, in improper company:

Q: What's the difference between jelly and jam?
A: I can't jelly my dick down your throat.

I don't walk it like I talk it cause I run it

Grossly unamerican.

Satie's Faction

Q: What's red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.

"What's Tonga?" - Christopher Meloni