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to_dizzy
(cracked actor)
01/30/10 10:23 AM
A pit bull against an enraged chimp? [re: ]  

I've been thinking lately about a classic battle between two vicious animals.

What would happen if an enraged chimp went up against a trained pit bull? Neither animal feels fear or inhibition or mercy.

You've heard about the recent chimp attacks against humans. With the strength and fury of 10 men, the chimps ripped off faces, gouged out eyes, chewed off complete hands, left their victims a sad, mutilated mess. When one human victim of a chimp attack went on Oprah recently, she had to wear a veil to cover what once was a face.

And what about the awesome strength and brutality of a pit bull? They don't let go. They will rip to shreds a helpless five year old baby. These dogs are so fierce they should put them in zoos, with a sign that reads, "These monsters used to roam the streets."

Lest you think I'm cruel imagining what these two animals might do to each other, think of the movie King Kong. Didn't that pit a gorilla against a dinosaur? That was an awesome fight. Why can't I wonder about a good match like this one? I'd like to imagine that the chimp might win against the bull. However, I don't know. Would you like to see this fight? What if it featured the most fearsome of each species? How much would you pay to watch. What would happen, do you think?



Persilot
(Reality Ale)
01/30/10 01:20 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: to_dizzy]  

Would it change matters if it was a trained chimp against an enraged pitbull?

Like a Nun on the Run, I'm terrible fun.

Monkeyboy
(band intro)
01/30/10 02:25 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: Persilot]  

I'd put my money on chimp. Thumbs and intelligence win.

"OK, I quit. You win. Last post. The end. Goodbye." - Stu, 1 October 2007

to_dizzy
(cracked actor)
01/30/10 02:36 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: Monkeyboy]  

Picture it: two magnificent creatures, both magnificent murderers, at the top of their game. It's a matter of pride among both animals, which one is most vicious, most talented at tearing the other apart.

Believe me, both beasts are experts at tearing others apart. Let 'em go at each other. This could be a great sport. I don't feel sorry for them. I don't think either can feel pain!



sonofsilence
(two inch thoughts)
01/31/10 04:42 AM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: to_dizzy]  

I agree that the Chimp would win because of intelligence too. Also the Chimp has the advanatge that it can climb and swing around and possible drop objects on the dog.

TWAT.





to_dizzy
(cracked actor)
01/31/10 07:36 AM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: sonofsilence]  

So you're saying intelligence wins against a pit bull? I don't know about that. I think it'd be a great war. If I had to bet $1,000, I'd put it on the pit bull. The little "street thug" would clamp down and not even a Haitian earthquake would persuade it to release.



Persilot
(Reality Ale)
01/31/10 08:09 AM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: to_dizzy]  

Where exactly is this fight taking place? That could have a big impact on the outcome. The forest? The pleasant grasslands? Asda carpark?

Like a Nun on the Run, I'm terrible fun.

to_dizzy
(stardust savant)
01/31/10 08:45 AM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: Persilot]  

In a large cage.



Adam
(cricket menace)
01/31/10 09:26 AM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: to_dizzy]  

The strength and cunning fighting of the chimp would provide victory.

On a related matter, I recently read about a confrontation between a pitbull (one of my least liked animals) and one of my favourites (the Tasmanian Tiger or Thylacine) having just returned from Tasmania. This is apparently what happened when one of the best domesticated fighting dogs from the northern hemisphere faced the marsupial dog from the south:


"A bull-terrier once set upon a wolf (thylacine) and bailed it up in a niche in some rocks.

There the wolf stood, with its back to the wall, turning its head from side to side, checking the terrier as it tried to butt in from alternate and opposite directions.

Finally, the dog came in close, and the wolf gave one sharp, fox-like bite, tearing a piece of the dog's skull clean off, and it fell with the brain protruding, dead."

~ Hugh Mackay (quoted by Le Souef and Burrell 1926)




Tasmanian Tiger (Thylacine)


.....as evidenced here, the jaws of this animal could crush skulls. Likewise, it's nearest living relative - the Tasmanian Devil - has the strongest bite of any mammal alive today (about 10 times the psi [pounds per square inch] of the most powerful canines). Even though the Tassie devil is shy and quite small, it is suspected it would even have the advantage over a dingo in a one to one....



Tasmanian Devil


Richard Kingsmill (Triple J FM): "Do you mind if we throw to a song by your old man?.
Duncan Jones (Bowie's Son): "Oh God ... if you have to ... OK ... but have a look at Nick Armstrong and The Thieves"


to_dizzy
(stardust savant)
01/31/10 10:54 AM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: Adam]  

It's very sad the Tasmanian Tiger is extinct, especially since the last one in captivity died of neglect, locked out of its shelter during a freezing night.

I wish there were at least several left; we could fight one against a pit bull and see what happens. It would be fun to see a monstrous thug get its ass beat.



Strawman
(chameleon, comedian, corinthian and caricature)
01/31/10 12:34 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: to_dizzy]  

Depends how intelligent the chimp is; intelligent enough to grab the legs and rip them apart, hence tearing the dogs heart?

Mind you, if the monkey was that clued up it would probably be carrying a revolver.



Adam
(cricket menace)
01/31/10 06:22 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: to_dizzy]  

If that particular thug had taken away the well being of humans or harmless animals, then yes, I'd have no problem leaving the gate open for it to play with my pet thylacine.



Richard Kingsmill (Triple J FM): "Do you mind if we throw to a song by your old man?.
Duncan Jones (Bowie's Son): "Oh God ... if you have to ... OK ... but have a look at Nick Armstrong and The Thieves"


sonofsilence
(two inch thoughts)
02/01/10 07:41 AM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: Adam]  

what 's the next fight? a python against........

TWAT.





power2charm
(cook)
02/01/10 02:25 PM
You gonna be startin' something? new [re: Adam]  

Let's make it truly interesting:

The chimp has a miniature tape player on a neckace that plays a loop wherein an authoritative voice commands: BAD DOG! NO! SIT! I SAID, SIT!!!!

The Pit Bull has a modified grenade launcher strapped to his back that shoots a banana 20 feet into the air every five seconds.

Now, who wins?

____
Kid, you've paid your dues...dues and dues. ~J. Tweedy

Marquis
(wise like orangutan)
02/01/10 03:14 PM
Battle Beasts new [re: power2charm]  

A: Everyone

I don't walk it like I talk it cause I run it

sonofsilence
(two inch thoughts)
02/01/10 03:49 PM
Re: Battle Beasts new [re: Marquis]  

In reply to:

Mind you, if the monkey was that clued up it would probably be carrying a revolver.


then again if you trained the chimp how to use a gun against the dog then maybe he would win.

TWAT.





Strawman
(chameleon, comedian, corinthian and caricature)
02/02/10 03:44 AM
Brian? new [re: sonofsilence]  





sonofsilence
(two inch thoughts)
02/02/10 04:48 AM
Re: Brian? new [re: Strawman]  

shit you've put on weight.

TWAT.





infidel
(cracked actor)
02/02/10 12:56 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: Monkeyboy]  

In reply to:

I'd put my money on chimp. Thumbs and intelligence win.


I am reliably informed that a pit bull will cease and desist an attack on a person or animal, if a finger (or thumb) is inserted into it's anus.

Of course it doesn't have to be your finger ... you could use someone else’s digit.
Or otherwise use a stick, broom handle, fishing rod, oboe ... whatever takes your fancy.

Maybe use this very stylish Obama Finger Puppet.


Clicky pic.

...



Persilot
(Reality Ale)
02/02/10 04:19 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: infidel]  

Surely sticking your finger up anyone or anything's arse would stop it from attacking whatever it was fixated on but several seconds later result in a new target getting completely mauled?

That's like saying, I'll get that skinhead to stop beating up that guy by blowing him a kiss.

Like a Nun on the Run, I'm terrible fun.

infidel
(cracked actor)
02/04/10 10:58 AM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: Persilot]  

In reply to:

Surely sticking your finger up anyone or anything's arse would stop it from attacking whatever it was fixated on but several seconds later result in a new target getting completely mauled?


The idea is that it would stop the pit bull for a few seconds, thus giving you enough time to hit back or hopefully for a quick dash to safety.
(There’s always the chance that the pit bull might like it).

Before the finger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . After the finger
.

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................


Seriously though, the only chance you would have against a pit bull, would be to poke your fingers (or punch) into its eye/s.

Most animals, if poked in the eye back off..... No animal will keep attacking if its getting badly hurt.
There have been surfers attacked by a shark and have been able to save themselves by poking the sharks in the eye.




to_dizzy
(stardust savant)
02/04/10 09:24 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: infidel]  

I think that's just what the chimp would be doing!



EuropeanCanon
(cracked actor)
02/06/10 07:29 PM
Skippy Balboa new [re: to_dizzy]  

Everyone knows that the true Guv'nors of all fighting animals are kangaroos with boxing gloves on. Admittedly, with aforementioned boxing gloves on, they'd be unable to stick their marsupial fingers up a pit bull's hoop but, frankly, they'd just simply jab their way to glorious victory against either foe.

God's footballer hears the voices of angels
Above the choir at Molineux


to_dizzy
(stardust savant)
02/07/10 07:16 AM
Re: Skippy Balboa new [re: EuropeanCanon]  

You're right, I never thought of the dangerous kangaroo. The kangaroo would easily outpoint an enraged chimp or pit bull.



infidel
(cracked actor)
02/07/10 12:07 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: to_dizzy]  

The following website ... 'Interspecies Conflict' gives the win to the chimpanzee.

Yet this site 'here' seems to suggest it’s a victory for the pitt-bull.

Either way it will be a gruesome fight, both animals instinctively go for tremendous mutilation.

....................................................................................................................................................................................

I have no big sympathy for Pit bulls or chimpanzees, which shouldn't be owned by people as pets.

Both creatures are vicious animals and extremely unpredictable. There have been many cases of these 'pets' turning on their owners and maiming or killing them. Having a chimp or pit-bull at your home is like having a tiger in your home. It's not really very different, they’re all very dangerous beasts.

Frightening story 'here' of what a chimp can do to a human in a few seconds.




MarkIsolar
(grinning soul)
02/07/10 12:10 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: to_dizzy]  

A SWAN WOULD BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF BOTH NO PROBLEM
THEY CAN BREAK A MANS ARM IN AN INSTANT AND THEY WOULD FLY AROUND AND PICK THEM UP AND DROP THEM FROM A GREAT HEIGHT END OF STORY
SWANS ROCK
MAYBE A GOOSE WOULD BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME
CHICKEN OBVIOUSLY WOULD LOSE HENCE THE NAME CHICKEN COZ THEY NEVER WIN ANY FIGHTS



to_dizzy
(stardust savant)
02/07/10 01:01 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: infidel]  

Do you mean there's a site devoted to this subject? That's barbaric and tasteless. Whom can I contact about this?



to_dizzy
(stardust savant)
02/07/10 01:10 PM
Re: A pit bull against an enraged chimp? new [re: MarkIsolar]  

Oh fuck you what would a swan do? Throw its feathers against a pit bull? Oh that's scary. I hope it doesn't tickle the thug to death.




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