HI, this thread is in response to all the "You know you're a redneck when..." jokes. I don't like rednecks.

You know you're an intellectual when:

You'd rather listen to the Smashing Pumpkins than watch the Super Bowi.

You spend a lot of time thinking of chord progressions when you're at work away from your instrument

You'd rather look like an emaciated British rock star than a weightlifter.

You prefer coffee and a telecaster to beer and chicken wings.

You will only wear black, leather shoes with jeans, never sneakers.

You'd much prefer to wear a Lou Reed t shirt than get a tattoo.

You'd rather drink hot tea and research the great rock albums on the internet than attend an alcoholic fueled party.

You really don't encounter anyone like you in your daily life.

When an interestinv movie comes out, you very much enjoy going to Metacritic to read the professional reviews.

There's nothing more boring to you than a car chase scene in a film. Unless it's a long shootout, or a huge explosion.

You will live forever but you will be alone.

You must read while you eat dinner. You never eat unless you are reading at the same time.

You know you're an intellectual when:

You attract women by the way you act.

The internet is the greatest invention for you. To be able to look anything and research anything is pure joy.

The highlight of your day is receiving a new CD of art rock in the mail.

When you realise you are better than everybody else

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Your eyes have a fierce, intense gaze.

When you find a thread on "you know you're an intellectual when..." thread by to_dizzy to be overtly music-oriented and not intellectual enough.

Trololololololololololololololololo

Your boss, who by the way is not a former U.S. president, starts complaining about the complexity of your general sentence structure, the overall text length and last but not least the amount of technical terms, each time he or she receives a work report from you. Adopting redneck logic after a while you start to ask yourself, whom he or she slept with to get into his or her position.

Even at school you always got straight As for your essays, because the teachers were to ashamed to confess they actually got no clue what you were writing about. Their logic behind this was if they didn’t understand it must be either pure crap or pure genius. And they weren’t to keen on taking any risk.

People start to call you a sophisticated motherf***** just because you read things like
Sartre’s Being and Nothingness or Joyce’s Finnegans Wake for no other purpose than your own enjoyment. After some ugly incidents you start to switch bindings so that people at the work rest room or subway think you read Barney Stinson’s The Playbook: Suit up. Score chicks. when you’re actually reading Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita.

Your professor at university refused to correct the first draft of your diploma thesis with the sole justification: “Too long and complicated for a diploma thesis, better save this for your doctoral thesis !”. Once again adopting redneck logic after a while you start to ask yourself, whom he slept with to get into his position.

People don’t understand that you also befriend women you don’t want to score. You come to the realisation that you may actually have discovered a sociological phenomena and formulate the following hypothesis: The sole purpose to be friends with someone from the other sex just because you can have interesting conversations with them seems to forever remain a social paradox to the redneck mind – male or female.

You’re the only one in your band with a knowledge in general music theory and who’s able to read and write "staff notation", because you actually went to music school for years and didn’t learn your instrument “in the street” (which in most cases today means they “studied” via internet videos and downloaded tabs). Never changing a winning team you enter the realms of redneck logic for a further time and after a while you start to ask yourself, whom they slept with to get into the band.

Your other band members generally consider you the whacky arty type just because your written songs make use of such “progressive elements” like uncommon chord changes, ghost notes or change of tempo. You ask yourself if it wouldn’t have been better to join that guy you knew from jazz school, who now fronts an art-rock band.

Every time you put on a Cecil Taylor album in a redneck environment you find yourself confronted with comments by the other people in the room like: “What the bloody hell is this stupid noise? My two year old child could play trash like this. Turn it off!”

You wish somebody invented a dictionary “from intellectual to redneck” each time you start a conversation with somebody who hasn’t at least a university-entrance diploma to avoid phrases like “I don’t want to sound arrogant, but on this subject I strongly doubt I can use expressions you might be able to fully understand.” In your mind such a book seems to be a profitable business idea.

You have an academical interest in Rock’n Roll and are willing to show and prove it in every discussion arousing about “recent” music history (just to prove other people wrong), which drives most of your other band members and especially the drummer mad.

You prefer Woody Allen’s Annie Hall to anything starring Jenna Jameson.

You prefer Allan Holdsworth over Jimi Hendrix.

You own well over 400 books and have actually read them all more than once.

Every time you take a redneck chick home you go through the same procedure, “Gosh! I’ve never seen so many books outside a library. Have you read all of ‘em ?” To which you feel forced to reply with sarcastic comments like “Yeah. By the way which one do you want to read for foreplay? May I suggest Nietzsche’s Beyond Good and Evil? To me personally it’s like a viagra from the 19th-century.”

There are weekends you turn down the chance of getting shitfaced in some local pup, because you prefer to spend the time alone with your thoughts and a good book.

There are occasions you turn down a date with a beautiful girl with phrases like: “I’m sorry but I can’t date this weekend. I’ll have to finish these J. G. Ballard books first !“

If you put your nose in a book, social interaction becomes obsolete.

You prefer absinth and a Les Paul to coffee and a telecaster. (Sorry to_dizzy I couldn’t resist)

Your IQ and ego are equally developed. So your above average arrogance is backed by above average intelligence.


"I like big-ass vicious noise that makes my head spin. I wanna feel it whipping through me like a fucking jolt. We're so dilapidated and crushed by our pathetic existence we need it like a fix." (Steve Albini)

I think you're confusing "intellectual" with "intolerable"

i'm 2 much for these niggas and 3 much for these hos

You prefer the company of the erudite and learned to just about anyone else.

You're more interested in Leopold and Loeb than Lady Gaga.