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Grey_Nihilist
(electric tomato)
03/26/04 06:25 PM
Re: word wrap new [re: CAwesome]  

In reply to:

That was even more disturbing than the time I read Roy Orbison wrapped in clingfilm fan fiction.




That's simultaneously the most funny and disturbing thing I've read in a while.


"It's not who does it first, it's who does it second" - Bowie.

CAwesome
(kook)
03/26/04 07:33 PM
Re: word wrap new [re: Grey_Nihilist]  

What, the post or the fan fiction?

I'll be appearing LIVE in Toronto April 1st. Sure, it's a David Bowie show but you're all coming to see me. More importantly, you're coming to see me in my awesome new pants.

Grey_Nihilist
(electric tomato)
03/27/04 10:46 AM
Re: word wrap [re: CAwesome]  

Just the concept of someone writing that makes me double over.

"It's not who does it first, it's who does it second" - Bowie.

dukewhite
(stealing for that one good rush)
03/27/04 02:46 PM
Re: word wrap new [re: Ruskie]  

Thank you, ruskie. This page now stretches so far to the side I can't read any of it. But your point it well taken.

I'll be seeing YOU in Philadelphia, Boston, Kansas City, St. Louis, Moline, Wantagh, and Holmdel. So dress sharp.

CAwesome
(kook)
03/27/04 06:21 PM
Re: word wrap new [re: Grey_Nihilist]  

If just the concept makes you double over, well, you might not want to read this if you have a heart condition.

In reply to:

It always starts the same way. I am in the garden airing my terrapin Jetta when he walks past my gate, that mysterious man in black.

'Hello Roy,' I say. 'What are you doing in Dusseldorf?'

'Attending to certain matters,' he replies.

'Ah,' I say.

He apprises Jetta's lines with a keen eye. 'That is a well-groomed terrapin,' he says.

'Her name is Jetta.' I say. 'Perhaps you would like to come inside?'

'Very well.' He says.

Roy Orbison walks inside my house and sits down on my couch. We talk urbanely of various issues of the day. Presently I say, 'Perhaps you would like to see my cling-film?'

'By all means.' I cannot see his eyes through his trademark dark glasses and I have no idea if he is merely being polite or if he genuinely has an interest in cling-film.

I bring it from the kitchen, all the rolls of it. 'I have a surprising amount of clingfilm,' I say with a nervous laugh. Roy merely nods.

'I estimate I must have nearly a kilometre in the kitchen alone.'

'As much as that?' He says in surprise. 'So.'

'Mind you, people do not realize how much is on each roll. I bet that with a single roll alone I could wrap you up entirely.'

Roy Orbison sits impassively like a monochrome Buddha. My palms are sweaty.

'I will take that bet,' says Roy. 'If you succeed I will give you tickets to my new concert. If you fail I will take Jetta, as a lesson to you not to speak boastfully.'

I nod. 'So then. If you will please to stand.'

Roy stands. 'Commence.'

I start at the ankles and work up. I am like a spider binding him in my gossamer web. I do it tight with several layers. Soon Roy Orbison stands before me, completely wrapped in cling-film. The pleasure is unexampled.

'You are completely wrapped in cling-film,' I say.

'You win the bet,' says Roy, muffled. 'Now unwrap me.'

'Not for several hours.'

'Ah.'

I sit and admire my handiwork for a long time. So as not to make the ordeal unpleasant for him we make small talk on topical subjects, Roy somewhat muffled. At some point I must leave him to attend to Jetta's needs. When I return I find he has hopped out of my house, still wrapped in cling-film. The loss leaves me broken and pitiful. He never calls me. He sends no tickets. The police come and reprimand me. Jetta is taken away, although I get her back after a complicated legal process.

There is only one thing that can console me. A certain dream, a certain vision...

It always starts the same way.


I'll be appearing LIVE in Toronto April 1st. Sure, it's a David Bowie show but you're all coming to see me. More importantly, you're coming to see me in my awesome new pants.

Grey_Nihilist
(electric tomato)
03/28/04 02:08 PM
Re: word wrap new [re: CAwesome]  




Wow.


I may never sleep again.

"It's not who does it first, it's who does it second" - Bowie.


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