The New TW for dummies

Buy this thread now from all good thread shops.
Are you a relatively stupid or lazy member of TW maybe a newbie just passing through.
Finding it harder to understand the contemporary internal workings of TW.
Don’t know who your friends or you're enemies, well this is the thread for you.

TW for Dummies - will tell you all you need to know. Questions like this will be solved in a simple easy to understand format.
E.g what the hell was that handbag fight about between Monkeyboy and EJ all about. Who are the Dark forces?
A simple step by step plan on how to detect an Alter. Learn where to place yourself in the TW circle, will you ally yourself with Monkeyboy or maybe join forces with Beltene Kinky Gang of Attack Robots.
What to do when the bullies start to attack you. All will be solved in this thread.

Anyone prepared to help construct a TW for Dummies thread? So that Lazy and new members can understand this site better? It would be good if some people can write some mini essays on there specialist topic.

Jamie


The British Ministry For Sarcasm Our Motto “Like we need your help”!

Who are the 'holy cows'?

I could be a genius if I just put my mind to it.

Oh crap, Jamie. This would actually be such a good thread if you could only spell and punctuate correctly so that I could actually bear to read through that bundle of word diarrhea you typed out.

Edited by Starlite on 11/04/05 03:38 PM (server time).

Yeah, too many question marks is confusing.

Alabama Spaceboy
Always enjoying the same crash (auf der Autobahn)
"Homos"

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Yeah, too many question marks is confusing.

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Could you repeat that please?????????????????????????

And don't gang up on Jamie, I like him.


London Bye Ta-Ta...

Yeah, you two play in the same league. I wouldn't be suprised if he wore a blue shirt all the time.

Alabama Spaceboy
Always enjoying the same crash (auf der Autobahn)
"Homos"

For Starlite's benefit here is an edited version I've done without Jamiesims permission (but he can pay me later)

TW for dummies.

Are you losing the thread... literally?
Do you find it a struggle to plough through the chaff and idiocy of the TW boards? Perhaps you're a newbie, still fresh faced and Bowie enamoured wondering why people are so disrespectful around here?

Well here is the answer you've been looking for.

TW for Dummies will tell you all you need to know, about absolutely everything (including how to get chewing gum out of the carpet). Learn direct from the knowledge of the masters and make new friends and influence people whilst you do so.

"It is FAB. Effee and I, plan the posts we will make, if we can post the posts we make with the plan" said one satisfied customer.

Latest features include a fantastic guide to Alter Ego’s, DD74’s scintillating words of wisdom and a guide to autumn fashion for the stylish Bowie fan.

Buy now... pay later. You know it makes sense.

"Look mate, jus cos I'm wearing a Berghaus jacket and asking you for tabs, don't mean I'm a chav." - Anonymous Chav.

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Alter Ego’s

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Shirley you meant "Alter Egos"?

Alabama Spaceboy
Always enjoying the same crash (auf der Autobahn)
"Homos"

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Shirley you meant "Alter Egos"?

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Well I wanted to put something in that reflected the spirit of the original poster... and speaking of spirits I've knocked back enough to excuse the occasional lapse of grammar.


"Look mate, jus cos I'm wearing a Berghaus jacket and asking you for tabs, don't mean I'm a chav." - Anonymous Chav.

I just had four pints and I know that if I go to bed I will puke, so I guess I'll forgive your faux pas.

Alabama Spaceboy
Always enjoying the same crash (auf der Autobahn)
"Homos"

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DD74’s scintillating words of wisdom

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It's nice to be appreciated at last, besides writing posts while under the influence of pale ale is not advisable


London Bye Ta-Ta...

Apparently you haven't knocked back enough since you missed the punchline to this:

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Shirley you meant "Alter Egos"?

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the end of your reply should have certainly read — "and don't call me Shirley!" *tsk* Pound back another.

(and since this is the TW for dummies thread, that quote is from Airplane as said numerous times by Leslie Neilson.)

It is my opinion and I am unanimous in this, because it is my opinion, which is, in fact, mine.

I think I heard that Shirley thing in a documentary on U2 (Achtung Baby era): Larry Mullen is asked a difficult question starting with "Surely" and escapes it by answering "Don't call me Shirley!"

Alabama Spaceboy
"Homos"

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that quote is from Airplane as said numerous times by Leslie Neilson.)

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Hmm! nice beaver



London Bye Ta-Ta...

I've got to dig up that interview. Love Larry and would love to hear that reply and, perhaps, see the look on the interviewer's face.

It is my opinion and I am unanimous in this, because it is my opinion, which is, in fact, mine.

It's only a dim memory, but I think it was on the "Zoo TV live" VHS. I watched it once, years ago, so I may be wrong.

I think this must have been the first pun in English I ever heard, which is why I still remember it. I thought it was sad that we had no pun lessons at school. This is much more fun than writing essays on the Apartheid.

Alabama Spaceboy
"Homos"

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I thought it was sad that we had no pun lessons at school. This is much more fun than writing essays on the Apartheid.

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No kidding! Apparently there is a universal here when it comes to school. We never had such fun either, even when learning Spanish, which I barely can speak now.

I was lucky to have a couple of punny parents and am pretty bad with them myself. Witness my radio airname — Rosa Corn with the show's title being In Your Ear. I think that's pretty self explanitory as a pun to an ESL fellow such as yourself. (But it will never be as nutty as the surely/shirley, that one's a classic.)

P.S. Thanks for the Zoo tip, I'll give it a search.

It is my opinion and I am unanimous in this, because it is my opinion, which is, in fact, mine.

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Rosa Corn with the show's title being In Your Ear.

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I don't get it.

Alabama Spaceboy
"Homos"

Rosa Corn equals rows of corn, as in a cornfield. In your ear is the second part of the pun referring to an ear of corn. Get it? It's not a pure pun, more of a play on words. Here's another Lisa Car or, spelled out.... lease a car. har har, ok, I'm choking on my own tripe now.

Got any French puns?

It is my opinion and I am unanimous in this, because it is my opinion, which is, in fact, mine.

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I just had four pints and I know that if I go to bed I will puke

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Darling, as much as I've been admiring your Seal fandom from afar for some time, if you're going to puke after four pints, you clearly need some help from the Masters.

Two bottles later,
WW

I am not a crook! I am a spatula!

I believe it is on the "Achtung, Baby" promotional video "Interference", which contains videos, interviews and such for the early stages of the ZooTV tour. Speaking of, I think the "ZooTV Live in Sydney" is one of the best concerts ever filmed.

slip

I was watching Live in Sydney the other week, and you are right, it is a fantastic record of that tour.

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Rosa Corn equals rows of corn, as in a cornfield. In your ear is the second part of the pun referring to an ear of corn. Get it?

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OK. That's advanced level punning for me, I'm not there yet.

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Got any French puns?

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Well we have this game "Mr and Mrs X have a son/daughter, guess his/her name."

Example: "Mr and Mrs d'Hurine have a daughter, what's her name?" or "Mr and Mrs Manjouis have a son, what's his name?"

Alabama Spaceboy
"Homos"

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Darling, as much as I've been admiring your Seal fandom from afar for some time, if you're going to puke after four pints, you clearly need some help from the Masters.

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I forgot to say I hadn't had dinner, which of course is quite a handicap to start with.

How were you able to remember my Seal "fandom" when you seem to come here twice a year? Great brain cells you have.

Alabama Spaceboy
"Homos"

Well, I'm happy to be a guide to more thrilling punning in Engilsh.

Now it's my turn to say huh? I think I get where the Mr/Mrs. son/daughter thing is going... but am stumped on your examples. I'm guessing you'd end up with something like Mr and Mrs. Asswhipé named their son Richard, everyone calls him Dick. Dick Asswhipé. (that one is a bastardization of a Saturday Night Live sketch.) Am I on the right track?

It is my opinion and I am unanimous in this, because it is my opinion, which is, in fact, mine.

1) Anna-Lise d'Hurine

2) Gérard Manjouis

I know it's gross. Don't thank me.

Alabama Spaceboy
"Homos"

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I forgot to say I hadn't had dinner, which of course is quite a handicap to start with.

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Well, yes, but four pints with no dinner = heavily buzzed, not vomit territory. And aren't you French? Really, you should have much higher tolerance than that.

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How were you able to remember my Seal "fandom" when you seem to come here twice a year? Great brain cells you have.

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Anything to do with Seal is permanently etched in my great brain cells. Plus there's the username to remind me.

WW

I am not a crook! I am a spatula!

I practise a lot, but I'm still quite bad on an empty stomach. I'm sorry.

Alabama Spaceboy
"Homos"

And, being French, those would have been pints of wine that you were drinking, n'est ce pas?

No worse than anything I've heard or participated in when hanging with a gaggle of male musicians in a van for nine hours. At least I didn't have to hear these with my ears.



It is my opinion and I am unanimous in this, because it is my opinion, which is, in fact, mine.