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AdamModerator
(crash course raver)
10/23/02 05:00 AM
Future Bowie albums revealed new  

Having charted Bowie's progress in the 1980s and 1990s, we can make several predictions about what will appear in the next decade.

Heathen appears to be a stop gap album to fill a void between 1999 and 2003, whereby Bowie will return to his global plan:

2003
Operating on a ten year cycle, 2003 will see the release of a funk influenced Nile Rogers produced album. Following the trend of previous decades (and the longevity of Heathen in the charts), this album will debut at number 1 in the UK.

2005
Following up this album, Bowie will retreat from the mainstream and release one of his most creative, underground records ever. Critics will suggest that Bowie has learnt his lesson from the 1980s, although more observant fans will point out that the album was in fact due and can only be released in years divisable by 5. This album will be produced by Eno or Visconti or potentially both.

2007
Another ten year cycle, here we shall see an album which fuses the earlier funk/dance aspects with heavier guitars. In terms of side men, this will be recorded with a mixture of both new and old, although the guitarist is likely to draw some strong opinions.

2009
A simpler rock guitar oriented album will be released, and more than likely a reunion with Gabrels if not the maligned Sales brothers. In previous decades this occurred in form of Tin Machine 1 & 2). This album alternates between the start and end of each decade. Expect a sequel in 2011 and a live album in 2012.

2014
An MOR easy listening album. These albums operate on a 15 year cycle and have previously occured in the form of Hours (1999) and Tonight (1984). Fortunately, the next one is not due until 2014.


get bowie downunder

mercuryrev
(mortal with potential)
10/23/02 05:07 AM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: Adam]  

i demand a better future!



Gilly
(wild eyed peoploid)
10/23/02 05:20 AM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed [re: Adam]  

I so hope you're right with your 2005 prediction!

Gilly

ziggfried
(cracked actor)
10/23/02 12:11 PM
I've seen the future and it will be new [re: Adam]  

2007

On his sixtieth birthday, Bowie promises his Australian fans that he will do a tour down under for them next year, and he asks for their continued patience.

2017

Bowie celebrates his seventieth birthday. He apologizes for never getting around to that Australian tour, and says that he's now to old to undertake the exhausting task of going there and doing a few gigs. He says to his fans, "You still have the memories of the Glass Spider tour. Cherish those memories!"

2018

A weird-looking bearded assailant, dressed in combat fatigues and a beret, puts a knife through Bowie's heart and cries, "You betrayed the Aussies! Die! Die!" A 50-disc set of Bowie rarities is released the next day to phenomenal sales.

3001

England still hasn't won the Ashes series since 1986.

"We speak for the dead, remember?"
"Screw the dead. What have their mouldering asses ever done for me?"


Strawman
(electric tomato)
10/23/02 06:07 PM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: Adam]  


Adam is the King of prognosis.

But I hope you're not too close with some of those predictions.


3001

Australia fail again in qualifying for the soccer World cup; being beaten 3-0 by the Solomon Islands in an Oceania zone play-off.

England go on to win the World Cup for the umpteenth time, beating Brazil in the final by 8 goals to nil. Strawman scores a hat-trick.



xii
(grinning soul)
10/23/02 08:16 PM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: Adam]  

2004
Bowie will create another groundbreaking album. Fans will continue to believe that this is record introduces, like the Earthling and the Heathen. Bowie will insist that those where just titles to a record. Of course fans ignore this and dissect all of the songs. Believing that they are a part of a complex story. Bowie will announce that they are just songs. Fans think its an act.

2006
Giving birth to the persona "Tha Bed Azz Muther" Bowie will make a jump in styles, creating a rap album.

2007
2.Contamination is released. Only the title is spelled 2Conetamanashun, proving once again that this will be another rap album. The misspelling of the track listing confuses many people, such included are Boonse Tgy Starrdost, Lts Dans remxxx (hooe dans 2), yet it will still gather a cult following due to the fact that it is not eazzly accessable, much like 1.outside.

Late 2007
Fullfilling the contract with Lucifer a remix album is made.

2009
Another artsy album is made. Everyone will hail it as an comback, critics will adore it. On a creative wave Bowie announces he will make 3.Me.

2012
3.Me is realesed. All of the tracks are in fact a set of laws that do not exist, this confuses everyone....untill in a public announcment is made that Bowie is absolute ruler of the planet.

2015
Despite being a ruthless ruler Bowie creates another 'classic' record.

2019
After many attempts to over throw our Supreme Master of the Realms Lord Bowie, the majestic one records Tonight 2. All of the Earths citizens are forced to buy it, or they will be forbidden to have sex, as puishment forever.

2022
An album is created praising how great our master is.

2025
Numerous Best Ofs are made. Everyone must buy it.....or no sex...FOR EVERYONE!!!!

2027
Iman kicks Bowie in the balls for being such an asshole. Bowie apologises by releasing all of his rare recordings, tours for free, performes laughing gnome live, gives up the throne, and has sex with everyone.

2029
Another groundbreaking record is made.










poorsoul
(wild eyed peoploid)
10/24/02 02:29 AM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: xii]  

In reply to:

2027
Iman kicks Bowie in the balls for being such an asshole. Bowie apologises by releasing all of his rare recordings, tours for free, performes laughing gnome live, gives up the throne and has sex with everyone.



Now you're just trying to scare us...

The dazzle of light
The rape of life
The seed, the curse
The jazz of life


trendy rechauffe
(stardust savant)
10/24/02 09:39 AM
Re: I've seen the future and it will be new [re: ziggfried]  

In reply to:

A weird-looking bearded assailant, dressed in combat fatigues and a beret, puts a knife through Bowie's heart and cries, "You betrayed the Aussies! Die! Die!" A 50-disc set of Bowie rarities is released the next day to phenomenal sales


But as usual it is only available in Australia on import!

bye tr

trendy's trainpage is at http://www.geocities.com/trendy_rechauffe

"No peachy prayers, no trendy rechauffé
I'm with you so I can't go on"

G.B.A.

Emil
(cracked actor)
10/24/02 12:33 PM
Future Bowie album REVIEWS revealed new [re: Adam]  

Further prognoses:
2003: Reviewers exclaim: Finally Bowie as we knew him is back!
2005: Reviewers exclaim: Finally Bowie as we knew him is back!
2007: Reviewers exclaim: Finally Bowie as we knew him is back!
2009: Reviewers exclaim: Finally Bowie has found his true self!
2011: Reviewers exclaim: Finally Bowie as we knew him is back!
2014: Reviewers exclaim: Finally Bowie has found his true self!
...



HelenaOfGale
(wild eyed peoploid)
10/25/02 08:41 AM
Re: Future Bowie album REVIEWS revealed new [re: Emil]  

You forgot: The best since Scary Monsters. Very important, that one.

"It's better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven." -- Satan, Paradise Lost by John Milton

AdamAdministrator
(acolyte)
03/11/04 08:15 AM
Your god damned fortune teller new [re: Adam]  

Moderator Adam......you were wrong about the Nile Rogers album and it wasn't even a UK no. 1!

You did, however, have the year of release correct and it was a more commercial nature.

So you get 2/4 for this first effort.

According to Bowie's latest comments and movements, I would say he is pretty much on target for the 2005 experimental album.



Bowie in Australia 2004 | Join the Community

hangontoyourself
(wild eyed peoploid)
03/11/04 04:12 PM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: Adam]  

he'll be 67 in 2014, i think easy listenng is all he'll be capable of. LOL.

If you think we're gonna make it...
http://groups.msn.com/keithism

jump93
(grinning soul)
04/05/04 08:41 AM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: hangontoyourself]  

now youre scaring me!
in parts of hours though i think he sounds around that age

*covers mouth*

"Don't listen to the crowd, they say jump"
www.fivedaysofstatic.cjb.net


Adam
(cricket menace)
08/06/08 08:34 AM
Original predictions are looking good now new [re: Adam]  

2004
* Bowie has a heart attack and retires.

2005
* Bowie takes a "year off".

2006
* Year off continues.

2007
* Year off continues.

2008
* Year off continues.



Bowie Downunder

Emil
(acolyte)
08/07/08 05:01 AM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: Adam]  

In reply to:

2005
Following up this album, Bowie will retreat


You were correct thus far.


It's LABRYNTH, idiot!

jump93
(crash course raver)
08/07/08 05:20 PM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: Emil]  

No he wasn't, he hasn't done anything since 2003. That's 2 painful years longer.

__________________________________________
I'll never touch you...
...but I will prick you!


Blog

Emil
(acolyte)
08/08/08 05:06 AM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: jump93]  

In reply to:

he hasn't done anything since 2003.


In 2004 he toured the world.


It's LABRYNTH, idiot!

jump93
(crash course raver)
08/08/08 03:02 PM
Re: Future Bowie albums revealed new [re: Emil]  

Ok, he hasn't done any albums since 2003, smart-ass.

__________________________________________
I'll never touch you...
...but I will prick you!


Blog

Emil
(acolyte)
08/09/08 03:19 PM
But you DID write... new [re: jump93]  

This is a debate none of us can win - one of those debates where either of us can at any point claim that any given post was just written in jest.

Who has a link to that picture that compares arguing on the internet with the paralympics?


It's LABRYNTH, idiot!

Auntie Prism
(stardust savant)
08/09/08 03:29 PM
Neither, not none, never. new [re: Emil]  

In reply to:

This is a debate none of us can win ...


You could appoint an arbitrator. Or have an alter ego count:


Who is correct?
Emil
Jerk93
I'm too cool to vote

View the results for this poll


Silence here takes on the quality of a dimension.


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