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svinepelz
(grinning soul)
01/28/04 04:06 AM
UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers)  

BAD MOVES ON THE BIG SCREEN

Never ever... be David Bowie
It's not all ha ha ha, hee hee hee, y'know...

THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH 1976
Bald, thieving, car-sick, unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed nancy-boy alien David Bowie slips on a wig and nips to Earth to steal some of our Earth water, because he and his space wife have drunk their own planet dry. After pawning his wedding ring, he's on his way to funding his mission, making billions of dollars with his self-developing camera that allows people to make DIY porn. Unfortunately, while waiting to make enough to afford to build his huge intergalactic water tanker, Dave hooks up with nymphomaniac motel clerk Candy Clark, who doesn't mind that he doesn't have genitals so long as there's fruit around, and introduces him to our Earth pastimes of guzzling gin and watching telly. Thus addled, he's not sharp enough to avoid suspicious government doctors, who lock him away for years and slice his nipples with razors. By the time he gets out, it's too late to go home, and he's doomed to life as a strangely ageless pop star whose albums end up in the bargain bin soon after release.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MR. LAWRENCE 1982
Following a spot on war crime, maverick South African brother of a hunchback David Bowie is sent to a Japanese POW camp in Java, where he's unfortunate enough to have self-loathing commandant Ryuichi Sakamoto fall in love with him; maybe it's the androgynous, free-spirited rebel rebel flair with which Dave flouts camp regulations; maybe it's just the way he ponces around handing out flowers. Either way, Ryuichi's head over heels, but, being a repressed maniac, can't stand how pretty thing Davy makes him see forbidden colours. So, when Dave plants a big saucy kiss right on Ryuichi's lips, he has him buried up to his neck and left to die beneath a blazing sun.

THE HUNGER 1983
When not attacking skaters, sharp-dressing Bauhaus fan David Bowie cruises New York discos with Catherine Deneuve, looking to pick up young punks, take them back to his apartment and suck them dry, like he does. Considering he's 300 years old, Dave's looking good, but when the first liver spots appear, he panics, and goes to see doctor Susan Sarandon. What with hospital waiting times, though, when Susie's finally ready for him, David's truly colossal age is showing and he's a wrinkled, crumbling, shambling, balding, weird-toothed old duffer. Taking one look at this grotesque spectacle, Catheine decides it's time to lock Dave away in a coffin in her attic, there to rot in living death for eternity.

TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME 1992
Dapper, suspiciously tanned agent David Bowie comes flouncing into FBI headquarters in Philadelphia apparently unaware that he's been missing for three years. Letting everyone know that he's not going to be talking about Judy, he starts screaming like a baby about how he was taken to a meeting of scary monsters above a convenience store where people talked backwards about a Formica table and there was a kid with a big-nosed white mask, except it wasn't a kid, it was a monkey and we're all living in a dream. Then, before you can say "Oy Vey Baby, what in the fuck was Outside all about," he disappears.

Notable exception:
Labyrinth (1986)... Or maybe not.



DAMIEN LOVE (c) Uncut, February 2004

----------------------------------------------------
Fill the cup with these sleepy souls

tv eye
(stardust savant)
01/28/04 04:34 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: svinepelz]  

what can i say... quite spot on.

basquiat would be my notable exception though.



baltapele
(grinning soul)
01/28/04 04:06 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoiler new [re: svinepelz]  

it's a hard blow even into my face, 'pelz...





zigbot
(electric tomato)
01/28/04 05:15 PM
WTF? new [re: svinepelz]  

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I'm pissed off. I love those movies--and David's performances in them.

TMWFTE--If you can't muster at least some level of compassion and sympathy upon watching David's portrayal of the brittle, lost Thomas Jerome Newton, you lack the small percentage of genes that separate humans from apes.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence--I love this movie. I remember seeing it in the theatre--in an advance release, actually, where they handed out little survey cards asking moviegoers questions about the film. I have David straight A's then, and I'd give him the same grade now. The film as a whole gets a B+ out of me, but David gets an A. I thought he was magnificent.

The Hunger--Pure 80s vanpire fun. And David was amazing. Watch the scene when he confronts Catherine Deneuve about his rapid aging and asks her who will now take his place as her lover when he dies. She tries to avoid the topic, ascending the stairs to get away from him. He stands at the bottom and the camera closes in on his tortured face as he screams "Miriam! What am I going to do?" There is such pain in his face. And I love how he changes his body language and carriage as his character ages (again, that mime training came in handy). Again, the film in general isn't worthy of great acclaim, but David's performance was very good.

Twin Peaks, Fire Walk With Me-- O.K., it is here that I cry uncle. In case you thought I'm one of them fans that loves all things David, here is my response. I hate this movie, and I hate David's performance in it as well. First, what the hell is he wearing? Second, what's with David Bowie doing a mock country-like accent? Good lord, this is true and utter rubbish--at least David is only in it for like 2 minutes, so his embarrassing performance at least isn't a LONG one! LOL

Labyrinth--This is a nice film. People forget that it's a children's film. I am not a Jim Henson fan. I am not a muppet fan. I am not generally a fan of fantasy storytelling. But I am a David Bowie fan (duh?) and he is the reason I like this film. He portrays the Goblin King with such melancholy. He's the bad guy, right, but you feel for him. You get the sense that he's only bad because he's lonely or otherwise sadly twisted, and not because he is truly evil. And when Sarah turns him down and we see his disappointment in slow motion on his face, I feel so hurt. David was lovely in this--not to mention the sexiest thing in tights I've ever seen!

Uncut is wrong, I tell you, dead wrong! I hope David acts some more in the future--not to the extent that he puts music on the back burner, but an occasional cameo or small role would be nice. I like his movies.


zigbot

laughbritish
(grinning soul)
01/28/04 06:17 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: svinepelz]  

you forgot one: his brief appearance in 'Into the Night" forget the fact that he looks dorky with a mustache and can't hold a handgun very convincingly, his performance as a maniac assassin just sucks for lack of a better word. great for saturday night live but just not convincing enough for a dramatic movie. i wouldn't bother watching it to see if i'm right if i were you. well, you can but i'm not responsible for the consequences.

when being chased by a shark it's not how fast you swim but how much faster your swimming than the person next to you.

diamondogz74
(crash course raver)
01/28/04 07:02 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: svinepelz]  

Well your avatar matches your wit!,So you consider Thomas Jerome Newton to be a "Nancy Boy"?lol,Just exactly what century do you come from?.I really never expected that kind of childish,ignorant talk on here.Grow up idiot.

London Bye Ta-Ta...

FaeRogue
(electric tomato)
01/28/04 09:46 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: laughbritish]  

In reply to:

you forgot one: his brief appearance in 'Into the Night"....great for saturday night live but just not convincing enough for a dramatic movie


That was a dramatic movie? I thought it was supposed to be a sort of comedy. Maybe I'm lucky I wasn't really paying attention when it was on.

And let's not forget Zoolander, Mr. Rice's Secret, Absolute Beginners (which is worth watching just to see Bowie dance on a giant typewriter) and The Linguini Incident (The greatest movie ever....with Rosanna Arquette in it)

"That's just, like, your opinion, man."

kipt
(kook)
01/28/04 09:47 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: svinepelz]  

I really, really enjoyed Bowie's performance in Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence. That said, I really haven't seen much else (on here, at least). Nonetheless, I really think he makes a far more appropriate actor than most musicians.



zigbot
(electric tomato)
01/28/04 09:53 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: diamondogz74]  

Hmmm . . . is this svinepelz's words, or is this from a review in Uncut? Now I'm confused. I don't think svinepelz is the "idiot" though. I think it's the Uncut writer.

zigbot

JonnyManic
(stardust savant)
01/28/04 10:13 PM
you are a prize idiot new [re: zigbot]  

In reply to:

I love those movies--and David's performances in them


The article is about why you wouldn't want to be David's character in the films since so much shit happens to them.

In reply to:

In case you thought I'm one of them fans that loves all things David, here is my response. I hate this movie


I certainly don't love all things David, but this is one of the greatest films of all time.

Silence Is The Voice Of Complicity

zigbot
(electric tomato)
01/28/04 10:16 PM
Re: you are a prize idiot new [re: JonnyManic]  

Why? What makes it so great? I've tried to watch it almost twice, meaning I watched it once and couldn't get into it, and then tried again and quit halfway through. Maybe I was tired. Dunno.

Who else loves this film? Should I give it another shot?

zigbot

Chinchilla
(wild eyed peoploid)
01/29/04 06:29 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: svinepelz]  

Well... I think Bowie just picks the wrong scripts... but then again, I don't think he considers the stories...he usually wants to get something more personal out of working on the films he picks. Unfortunately I think he should at least try to balance out his judgement a bit more.

I think the worst movie he has ever been in was B.U.S.T.E.D or Everybody Loves Sunshine as I think it was called in some places. I mean everybody's acting, including our David's, was really very dire. It made me cringe..... and then there's the story..... how fucking boring and cliche can one get.. it was really really horribly bad... I just wish Bowie had used his common sense. I mean I know he wanted to do it for his mate Goldie or whatever but did he even read the script? And what was with trying to look like Rolf Harris?



Soulman
(crash course raver)
01/29/04 07:07 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: svinepelz]  

Well I think that article is pretty funny. But as to David's movies in general. The Man Who Fell To Earth is a great movie. Mr Xmas Mr Lawrence has great photography, but as a movie it's a bit slow. More like a movie length music video for sakamoto's fantastic score. He's had so few decent roles. They're more like cameos usually.

Bowie seems to like films that end up in him dying or miserable.

My hormones don't rage. Oh sure, they get mad sometimes, but then they just stop speaking to each other

diamondogz74
(crash course raver)
01/29/04 07:50 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: zigbot]  

So these are not actually svinepelz's words?,In that case i apologize to svinepelz most profusely.
Does anyone have a link to this article please?.
I've never read such vitriol about Bowies film roles before,This person in Uncut is obviously very jealous of Mr Bowie.

London Bye Ta-Ta...

th0mas
(acolyte)
01/29/04 08:23 AM
Re: WTF? new [re: zigbot]  

In reply to:

Twin Peaks, Fire Walk With Me


well, bowie's appearance is still the highlight of lynch's try to grab some more money.

"Have you tried... not being a mutant?"

ermacowns
(wild eyed peoploid)
01/29/04 08:45 AM
Re: you are a prize idiot new [re: zigbot]  

In reply to:

Who else loves this film? Should I give it another shot?


I don't think so, unless you are willing to, or already have, watch the entire, 29-episode serie. The TP movie is a prequel of sort, but not something to introduce you into its universe; it's rather a nice, although far from essential, complement for fans of the TV serie (such as I) who crave for even more.

Oh and by the way: the Bowie part was my favorite part of the film, and that was before I got into his music so I wasn't biased. It's the only true moment in the movie where the spirit of the original serie shines through, especially before the dry second half of it.

--------------------------------------
Music is the best.

Nature_Boy
(kook)
01/29/04 09:02 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: svinepelz]  

That makes me laugh. In my mind I couldn't give a hoot about Bowie's films.

Bowie is good in The Man Who fell To Earth, but i hate the film itself. Its...just...dull!! There's no real sense that the film know's where its going, and rather than reach a climax, it just ends, leaving you unfilled.

Merry Chrimbo Mr. Mawrence - i recorded it off the telly and watched it once!

Zoolander i actually bought having never seen it. i regretted it!

the hunger is only good for its lesbo porn scene

which leaves Labyrinth as the best of the bunch. which is a very sorry state of affairs.

Dave, we love your music, forget the rest.

Its about time I had a signature

pablopicasso
(wild eyed peoploid)
01/29/04 09:07 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: Nature_Boy]  

Wish they would either show Baal again or release it on DVD.

Beatle boys, all snowy white
Razzle dazzle clubs, every night
Wish I'd sent a Valentine
I love you


Guust
(grinning soul)
01/29/04 11:13 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: pablopicasso]  

Nobody seems to remember 'Basquiat' (luckly!), which was really bad, with an awfully emberrassing Warhol-imitation. By the way, has anybody seen 'The secret of Mr. Rice'? I saw it once for rent, but the cover looked terrible. Seemed like a low budget, low inspiration movie to me. Is it like that?



tv eye
(stardust savant)
01/29/04 11:57 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: Guust]  

In reply to:

Nobody seems to remember 'Basquiat' (luckly!), which was really bad, with an awfully emberrassing Warhol-imitation.



you're quite out of your mind, aren't you....



diamondogz74
(crash course raver)
01/29/04 01:26 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: Nature_Boy]  

What a nice appreciative person you are of Mr Bowies film career.It would help you if you read the book of TMWFTE before viewing the film,Its made of paper and has pages ok.
As for the rest of your views on his films lol,It amazes me how ignorant you actually admit to being!!!.
Is that all your mind can think of?, The lesbo porn in The Hunger,What a moron.
Oh and actually his name is David,NOT Dave,For goodness sakes lets keep some respect here,You cheapen Mr Bowie with your lousy comments.

London Bye Ta-Ta...

SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
01/29/04 03:11 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: Guust]  

In reply to:

Nobody seems to remember 'Basquiat' (luckly!), which was really bad, with an awfully emberrassing Warhol-imitation.


I thought Bowie was the best part of the movie. But that's just me.

In reply to:

By the way, has anybody seen 'The secret of Mr. Rice'? I saw it once for rent, but the cover looked terrible. Seemed like a low budget, low inspiration movie to me. Is it like that?


It isn't really low budget, but it is a movie aimed at teens... Bowie's character is actually dead for the entire movie, and he is only seen in a bunch of flashbacks. His acting is very good, even though his role is perhaps a bit overdone. It's worth seeing, just once.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

Tin
(cracked actor)
01/29/04 06:02 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoiler new [re: svinepelz]  

I thought this was terribly funny, but am surprised "Just a Gigolo" wasn't included... maybe that's because its real synopsis doesn't really need any additional embellishments. Anyone else remember this 1979 stinkaroo w/Bowie and Kim Novak? I seem to recall his character being rather hapless... fitting the bill presented by Uncut. Can't recall the ending. Poor David -- destitute alien, buried lover, boxed lover. Sounds like a theme for a new movie...



"You've gotta laugh when you can't cry no more." - DOT 3, "Palo Alto's finest voodoo funk band"

zigbot
(electric tomato)
01/29/04 07:22 PM
Blaspemy! new [re: Guust]  

In reply to:

Nobody seems to remember 'Basquiat' (luckly!), which was really bad, with an awfully emberrassing Warhol-imitation.


Blasphemy! You heretic! Basquiat is a great movie. David's performance as Warhol is spot, and most of the critics agreed. Moreover, the soundtrack album is fantastic--and not just because David has contributed A Plot Of Land to it--just about every song on it is amazing. Last, the actor who played Jean Michel Basquiat was utterly amazing. How can anyone not love this touching, arty film?

zigbot

Odinsdracodottir
(grinning soul)
01/29/04 08:10 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoiler new [re: svinepelz]  

You all forgot The Last Temptation of Christ. Not much good or bad to say about that one as David is in it for all of what? 15 seconds? I could barely hear what he said even after watching the scene several times. I heard David and the horse didn't get along, though.

I liked all of David's movies that I've seen except for Twin Peaks which was simply not the type of movie I particularly care for anyway. I haven't seen Gigolo although David is said to have been terribly embarassed by that one himself. Nor have I seen Baal, Basquiat, B.U.S.T.E.D, and Mr Rice's Secret. Has anyone ever seen a copy of Christine F or The Virgin Soldiers?

My Neopets guild Ormheim

tv eye
(stardust savant)
01/29/04 08:17 PM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: Sysiyo]  

In reply to:

By the way, has anybody seen 'The secret of Mr. Rice'? I saw it once for rent, but the cover looked terrible. Seemed like a low budget, low inspiration movie to me. Is it like that?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It isn't really low budget, but it is a movie aimed at teens...


it was low budget - i believe it was intended as a tv only, but the distributor decided to run a limited theatrical release. determining its audiene is even more difficult, given such bizarre subject matter.

i also suspect sissy and zigbot bozo me and each other, as they repeated the very same point i made about basquiat



poorsoul
(acolyte)
01/29/04 11:55 PM
Uncut This new [re: svinepelz]  

In reply to:

Notable exception:
Labyrinth (1986)... Or maybe not.



And noone saw the joke?

Visitors From Alternate Universes Are People, Too

zigbot
(electric tomato)
01/30/04 03:55 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: tv eye]  

In reply to:

i also suspect sissy and zigbot bozo me


Why, I'll do no such thing! Your point about Basquiat was good enough to bare repeating anyway!

zigbot

SysiyoModerator
(thunder ocean)
01/30/04 06:28 AM
Re: UNCUT: Bad moves on the big screen (w/ spoilers) new [re: tv eye]  

In reply to:

it was low budget - i believe it was intended as a tv only, but the distributor decided to run a limited theatrical release. determining its audiene is even more difficult, given such bizarre subject matter.


Allow me to rephrase... it didn't come across as a really low budget movie to me.

KArt | Project Michelangelo | LiveJournal

RabbitFighter
(stardust savant)
01/30/04 09:57 AM
Re: you are a prize idiot new [re: ermacowns]  

In a little sick universe of my own Fire walk with me is one of the best movies that have ever seen the light of day (itīs right up there with the movie adaptation of Tommy). My only gripe is the butcherous editing that might explain why most people have a hard time following the plot. The original version was a hell of a lot longer (over three hours if my memory serves) but the production company wanted to cut it down to make it more suitable for theatere audience. If youīve read the original script you must have noticed that those missing scenes would have probably made the movie even more enjoyable. By the way, those missing scenes include Bowie...

Then again, I shouldnīt be talking about this at all, iīm as biased as possible. I consider myself a serious Twin Peaks addict.

Iīd spit on your heaven
if I could find one to believe in



JonnyManic
(stardust savant)
01/31/04 10:01 AM
wow bob wow new [re: RabbitFighter]  

In reply to:

My only gripe is the butcherous editing that might explain why most people have a hard time following the plot.


Much as I want to see the extra footage just to see more of Andy, Lucy, Pete and Big Ed, I don't think it would have added to the film at all. I don't look at FWWM being applicable only as part of the series, it's a tremendous film in its own right. Its a dark look at teenage life and family relations in which the narrative is subverted by the direction, where concoius and subconcious are confused. One of the most unsettling things is Ray Wise's role as Leland: Is he posessed or is that a coping mechanism for the attrocities he's compelled to commit. That's why the film works so well independantly of the series, as well as being a fantastic and revealing prequel.

It works very well as an antithesis to the TV series, in that it is infinitely more graphic in its portrayal of sex, drugs and violence, things that were beneath the surface of the series but highlighted in the film. This in itself serves as a comment on the superficiality of TV, something Lynch must have felt after the cancellation of the show.

Silence Is The Voice Of Complicity

RabbitFighter
(stardust savant)
01/31/04 10:42 AM
Re: wow bob wow new [re: JonnyManic]  

In reply to:

Is he posessed or is that a coping mechanism for the attrocities he's compelled to commit


I actually saw the movie before I had seen the entire series and the very same question popped into my head. It almost seemed like the Twinpeaks in the movie and in the series was a totally different place (thanks to the ridicilous policies on what you can and what you canīt show on tv). Sure, the town in the series was a pretty weird place with a sense of overwhelming gloom but the movie quite succesfully painted an ugly and desperate picture on what was really going on in the Palmer household. Besides, the more Frank Da Silva the better.
Itīs hardly a surprise the film flopped, to my knowledge the production company tried to market it as a teenage slasher movie...

Iīd spit on your heaven
if I could find one to believe in




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