Nyartholep. A guy, or more accurately, a thing, that thought he (or it, if you like) was not only the bees knees, but the entire bee, and a good portion of the hive to boot.
He also thought of himself as a man (thing) that needed no introduction, which wasn't quite true at all for he quite often needed to be introduced as hardly anyone knew who the hell he was. Still, he knew who the hell he was and that was the main thing.
He was more than an evil man/thing, he was pure evil. As if to prove this he snatched a fly from the air and did that rolling thing that is often used to kill flies. The rolling thing where the fly is rolled to death with the thumb and forefinger and then flicked. This man/thing rolled it with pleasure.
It was around the time when mankind started setting up complicated cave networks that the big ITS decided that they'd open a branch of evil of Earth, and they have since been overjoyed at how the business of evil thrived. Over a billion served. From the start Nyartholep had been there, in one guise or another.
A visit from his butler interrupted his rolling and flicking.
"What is it Gus?" the man/thing enquired.
"A reverse the charges call...from the sun", his inappropriately named butler wincingly replied. Collect calls from Sol at this time of the day were particularly pricey.
"Evil Pop!", chimed Nyartholep, "I'll take it in den...MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
"Very good sir", Gus sighed, "Here you go". He handed the man/thing the mobile in his right hand.
"Mobile? Where there goes my $5 of free calls" Nyar grumbled, and disappeared into the den.
At this time in the Earth's history children everywhere were getting more and more wary of strangers brandishing candy. Adults were getting more and more wary of strangers brandishing pamphlets. And David Bowie was getting more and more wary of strangers with strange earlobes giving him advice.
It's not as if it was a lesson in life his mother had given him, god rest her soul. It was just that lately he had been approached in the strangest places by curly earlobed happy people with all sorts of advice and information.
"It's not the side effects of the cocaine." The happy curly earlobed lady told him. "Or the drugs Iman gave you this evening"
David had made it safely to a train station that would take him to the airport where his plane awaited him. A plane that would take him to Paraguay. All of this had been arranged by Iman which made David ponder whether or not it would be adviseable if he took more control of things he did in his life, including talking to happy curly earlobed people.
His car chase had ended on a luckily good note in the end. He was driving his shiny BMW, which at first he thought was ominous because he had had quite a few accidents in that car to this date. He was always crashing in the same car. Did it mean something? Maybe it did for during a momentary episode of hallicination (what brought that on?) he crashed down an embankment just as a bus for Oxford Train Station rolled up.
Everything seemed to be falling into place.
Frustration. That word was on Nyar's mind at the moment. That and a few other F words.
Iggy's call had been a fruitless exercise in shouting "WHAT WAS THAT?" and "REPEAT PLEASE!". It was well known to scientists that solar storms would interfere with our mobiles and electrical equipment, but when you actually lived on the sun it made things touchy to say the least.
Now Nyar, the man/thing had a decision to make. A big decision. He thought that Iggy had told him to assassinate Father McKenzie, but it could most easily have been assist The Great Blaather MbBlenzy. What to do? Another call to the Sun was out of the question, after all, he had his car repayments and internet provider bills to think about.
He made the snap decision. Picking up the phone he made a reverse the charges call to a man he knew most well. His good friend, his close compadre, Don Giacomo Micardo.
"Hello, who is this?", the Don enquired apon accepting the charges.
"Nyartholep, the evil one", Nyartholep, the evil one answered.
"The man thing, You know...The Eeeevil one!"
"I'm sorry, can you refresh my memory?"
"The source of all evil, the destroyer of man's spirit!"
"Oh, errr, ok, what do you want?"
"Father McKenzie must die"
"Friday good for you?"
"Father McKenzie must die today"
"That'll incur a same day charge y'know?"
"That's ok, I have a coupon"
To be continued...
One sees great things from the valley,
only small things from the peak.