The year was 1926.
THE STRANGEST LIVING CURIOSITIES was the promise that was promised by the promising and faded sign. Inside were such oddities as "The Man With the Child in His Eyes", who was even more freaky than those people who can bug their eyes right out of their sockets. This Man had a living child floating in his grotesquely large eyeballs. He needed contact lenses as large as dinner plates.
Also there were the supermen, godlike creatures that had done everything that could be done a million times and had thought every thought a billion times. They had not only read everything that had been written, they had put to paper at some time or another every concievable combination of every concievable langauge making every concievable novel. They even wrote this when they were in a bit of a rut. All they did now was talk of suicide.
The show was a secret that only the special people on this planet knew about. Special meaning stars, presidents, kings and dastardly clever chickens disguised as kings.
Appearing as a special guest, on this the show's 3000th anniversary, was none other than a man known as David Bowie. His origins were unknown, his age was unknown. He was similar to the man who had come to the show to kill him, the man known as John Lennon.
John was feeling a bit under the weather. Hypnosis can do that to a fellow with seven brains. The real trouble was that John was so peculiar that he sweated purple sweat, and he was starting to sweat right now. He could only hope that he would be taken as one of the oddities. His hearts pounding, he continued on in his quest.
In a deserted corner a young Father McKenzie got ready to immerse himself in his tank with his trusty bass guitar. Underwater bass playing by priests hadn't really caught on yet in the Twenties. Some said he needed a gimmick, a pyrotechnics display or something. Oh how the monks would have laughed, for the word pyrotechnics in their holy language had a rude meaning.
Elsewhere an old old Quentin Tarantino licked at his ice cream.
Blaather got on the bus and pushed his fare on the counter while standing on his toes.
The bus driver leaned down and informed him that he was "only a wee lad, so tiny!"
"Thanks, I needed that", Blaather sullenly replied.
He headed down the aisle and spotted a pretty young lady with beautiful eyes looking his way. She smiled, and mouthed "Hi" at him. He smiled back.
Just then he dropped a dollar, which rolled back up the ailse. Blaather chased after it and tripped landing in an elderly woman's groceries. The woman shrieked at him and pushed him into the lap of and elderly gentlemen who screamed "OH NO! MY BRITTLE BONES!!!". Blaather then apologised, getting off him.
Then his pants fell down.
"This is why I'll never end up with a date in my life", he thought to himself. After all, first impressions were important, as were second, third and fourth ones. His calculus teacher had often told him that "n" impressions are important.
He sat down in the only spare seat left completely vacant, but was amazed when the pretty girl came and sat next to him.
"You are cursed you know." she informed him.
"Yes, by everyone I come across." he seriously replied.
"No, I mean someone has put a curse on you, you are blessed with a curse that could catapult you to the stars if you decide to come with me." She smiled at him again, and wiped the mud from his cheeks.
"Can I suck your tongue." was the unfortunate reply.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." was the fortunate reply to the unfortunate reply.
David cursed his damn rotten luck. The inflight movie was "Just a Gigalo". This was rotten luck indeed, what were the odds that the movie shown on an overseas flight would be "Just a Gigalo" and not "What Women Want" or "The Animal".
"We will be gods on nightflights" he crooned softly to Iman. Iman proceeded to hand him some pills.
"Here, take these" she told him.
"What if I don't want to take them?" David said sulkily.
"Then you won't get any ice-cream!" Iman scolded him.
David felt his chin. It was as if it was clean shaven. He looked for the monkeys, there was only one now, hanging on outside his window. He felt thirsty.
"Take them" Iman said, her voice lowering in pitch.
Just say No - David's mind was in conflict now. Something just wasn't right. What was it? Should he do what Iman says?
David thought back to his Bromley days. They had all watched a film about peer pressure.
He remembered all the recording studios in the early days. He remembered the media. He remembered his accountants.
He remembered EMI America. He remembered "Never Let Me Down".
He remembered the words spoken to him about offers made.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! NO MORE!!!" His scream made the last monkey flee in panic. Iman didn't flee, she grabbed him by the head and proceded to force his mouth open. If he ended up swallowing these pills he knew that something horrid would happen, something that didn't involve monkeys.
to be continued...
"Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God..."