The Tin Machine world tour wound through the United States, giving people headaches and sore ears. Many fled in terror, trampling their very own children in the stampede to escape the monster Bowie had unleashed in the US. Then silence, it was over.
In March David and Iman went house hunting in Ireland. They traded in their elephant guns for more appropriate house guns and bagged quite a few on their hunting forays. Of course houses are at a disadvantage since they can't run away like living animals. They were very close companions, all sugary sweet and happy. Old women would see them together and go 'awwwww, lookit that will ya?'.
On April 20th Bowie was invited to perform at Freddie Mercury's tribute concert. Bowie was shocked. 'Freddie's dead??' he screamed into the phone. Yes, Freddie was dead, but dead Freddie meant live Bowie so every cloud has it's silver lining.
At the tribute David recited the Lord's Prayer to the tune of 'Fame' while doing a funky dance. He performed a duet with Annie Lennox singing 'Under Pressure' after eating a curried egg sandwich. Then he was joined on stage by Mick Ronson and Ian Hunter when singing 'All The Young Dudes', deciding against changing it to 'No Longer Young Dudes' at the very last second.
The concert was seen by one billion viewers in 73 countries. Unfortunately they were all in the bathroom/toilet when Bowie was on so they missed it.
Concert Review - Dammit! They just don't give you enough time to go.
Yes, Bowie was no longer a young dude. It was time for him to marry again. On April 24th David slipped from his home in Switzerland quietly to Lausanne Town Hall for a civil ceremony. It was all kept secret, even from Iman who thought they were going for an ice-cream. There were many cries of 'You tricked me!' and 'Help!' all to no avail.
It was definately a year of celebrations. First he celebrated Freddie's death, then his marriage to Iman, and now it was Stickface's 21st birthday. Bowie celebrated in Mustique with his son on 28th May wearing a cardboard 'birthday hat' and doing the 'hokey pokey'. Much fun was had by all, and by the word 'all' I mean no-one.
Immediately after Lumpy's birthday David flew to Florence. He decided that the first wedding had been so much fun that - 'What the hell, lets have another one'.
This wedding would have the works. On June 6th at St James Episcopal Church in Florence they did it all over again. This time with Bowie in formal black suit and Iman in the nude. Bowie's son Joey, still fuming over his crappy birthday, was best man. There were roses and fireworks, choirs and confetti, bells and wine and cake and cocktail weeners. Allah was fuming.
Iman's parents, brothers and previous husbands attended. Also there was Bowie's mother, Yoko Ono, Bono, George Underwood (who split Bowie's lip at the reception), Eric Idle, Freddie Mercury, The Queen, world leaders, representatives of the United Nations and naturally God because it was his church. At one point there was concern that there were not enough weeners to go round.
Bowie - 'I'm not a religious person, I'm a spiritual person. I like Jim Beam and Johnny Walker especially. God knows I'll be completely soused tonight, and I hope those oysters stay down is all, maybe I'll pray for that. Those oysters are like eating boogers. What was I talking about again?'
Bowie and Iman spent the period of July and August honeymooning in France. We all know what they were doing. We're all adults and there is no need to snigger and titter about it.
David would spend the rest of the year resting from his exertions. Iman would appeal to US Senators and newly elected President Clinton to go into Somalia to create a good premise for the movie 'Black Hawk Down'. She would actually go to Somalia with a BBC TV camera to try and make her own version of 'Black Hawk Down', disappointingly only finding starving people instead of fast-paced rock'n'roll action.
2. And the eyes of them were both opened and they knew they were both naked, and Adam said to her, 'Stand back, I don't know how big this is going to get.'