The crowd was getting restless. David Bowie was due to start his Bahamas concert 10 minutes ago and still there was no sign of him. This was understandable though, as signs of David Bowie were not allowed at his concerts along with cameras and lollypops.
"WE WANT DAVID! WE WANT DAVID!" was the cry that could be heard loud and clear.
David Burnstein appeared at the microphone, and there was wild applause.
"Right!" someone in the crowd yelled. "Now that you're here David, we want to know where the other more famous David is!"
"Before I start telling lots of lies," Burnstein began, "I want to know how many of you smuggled lollypops in here."
Half the 90,000 strong audience sheepishly raised their hands.
"I'm talking about ANY flavour here."
The other half of the audience slowly raised their hands.
"How many times have we got to tell you people. Lollypops are fucking dangerous! How many more lollypop incidents is it going to take, before you all realise this?"
"Six more times?" a lady in her twenties nervously asked.
"It was a rhetorical question you nitwit!" shouted Burnstein just before being hit in the eye with a lollypop. "Aaargh! You see? Everyone, throw your lollypops away!"
Lollypops flew everywhere. People with lollypops lodged in their eye started to panic. It was only after an attack of nerve gas and much screaming that people started to calm down. The lollypops were shovelled with bulldozers into a heap near the stage.
"WE WANT THE MORE FAMOUS DAVID! WE WANT THE MORE FAMOUS DAVID!" The crowd once more grew restless.
The handsome lady with the mustache dragged the dead David Bowie along the platform. He'd picked up a fair amount of old chewing gum and dry leaves on the way, but that wasn't important to anything besides his dignity.
The lady was hoping to catch the express to the Bahamas, but her composure was struck a blow by the sign nearby :
THINGS NOT ALLOWED ON THE EXPRESS TO THE BAHAMAS
David Bowie's Dead Body
"Dammit!" she muttered. Quickly she licked David's entire body and rolled him around in the sand. She then tied his feet to his hands so he'd look EXACTLY like a doughnut.
"Mommy mommy! It's the sandman!" exclaimed a scared 4 year old when David's body rolled close to her.
"Don't be silly dear." said the girl's mother, "that's David Bowie's dead body."
So it appeared disguising David's body would be harder than first bargained for. The lady with the mustache quickly shaved a passing dog. Licked the sand off David's body. Then, her mouth already quite dry, she licked him a third time and stuck the dog hair to him. Dogs were not allowed on the train, but with any luck she'd be able to pass him off as an overweight cat.
There were some scary moments as she was boarding.
"Are you sure this isn't David Bowie's dead body with dog hair stuck to him?" asked the inspector.
"No! It's my pet cat Smoochy. He's awfully overweight, and by an amazing co-incidence smells like David Bowie's dead body."
"Ok then. All aboard!"
MbBlenzy was on his way to the Bahamas. Another dream about to be fulfilled.
He had always fantasised about being David Bowie for a day, and now his fantasy was about to come true. Unfortunately there was a logical flaw in his plans.
MbBlenzy was comforted by the fact that nobody had ever told him he didn't look like David Bowie, so he assumed that meant he did look like him.
Also, he couldn't sing. He didn't even know any of David Bowie's songs. He didn't sound like David Bowie, was half his size, wore different clothes, had two matching eyes, couldn't play guitar, didn't smell like David Bowie and had no sense of humour. In fact had no sense of anything much at all.
And he was scared of crowds.
But he could play the xylophone. So it was all a big mix of good and bad.
He sat and pondered. When he was sick of that he reached into his sack and got out the book he was reading. The one on letting things fall into place. He read and lost himself in the hazy red glare of Mars. Until he got to the last page, which was missing.
"Everybody! I lost the last page of my book!" shouted the little man, which instantly set off a panic in the train. People flung themselves out of the window, set themselves on fire and went mad.
"I must find that last page, it was a damn good read." thought the tiny tiny fellow to himself. "I have a feeling it holds the key to all of this."
TO BE CONTINUED...
I hate coffee