Far far backstage, a janitor swept up stuff like broken bottles and used condoms. He tried hard to ignore the ruckus on-stage, even though he was a big David Bowie fan.
For the first time in his life, he'd been close to him. He'd always thought Bowie would be a lot taller, and a lot less clumsy. Being a big fan of xylophone music however, he was outrageously happy to see David carrying a xylophone under his arm. When he heard his favourite song, Pop Goes The Weasel, being played on-stage, it took all of his might not to race to the wings to witness what must have been quite a spectacle.
The janitor, whose parents had never given a name to, opened the janitor's closet. Out flopped John Lennon's dead body which came as a big surprise, right between the eyes.
"John Lennon's dead body! That's a collector's item!" he exclaimed to himself.
"Psst!" pssted someone from behind a large pile of refuse. "Over here!"
The janitor was loathe to take his eyes off his big find. But he did eventually, and very reluctantly followed the Psst to it's origin. Behind the refuse was the hunkered down figure of a very alive John Lennon.
"John Lennon!" he shouted, and at that very moment a photographer poked his head over the pile of rubbish and snapped a photograph.
"Oh Great!" John Lennon snapped. "I spend 20 fucking years fixing up a double of myself in case Iggy Pop killed me, and some bozo janitor ruins it all in a second."
"You know, I always thought you'd be much nicer," the janitor intoned, clearly hurt. "What the hell is going on here."
"Something important. Listen, I need you to take this metal rod on-stage. Go up to David Bowie, he's actually the one who looks a lot like an overweight cat, and jam it in the orifice of your choice. It doesn't matter which one. For the sake of mankind, go do it now!"
The janitor always knew he'd have an important part to play in the history of all reality, and it made him wish all the more that his parent's had given him a name.
The crowd was going absolutely bananas, as they'd run out of nuts. "BOWIE! BOWIE!" they chanted as the Mustache Lady dragged his dead body on-stage. The Lady grabbed yet another microphone and pleaded with the audience to be quiet.
After they'd settled down a bit she shouted "These two are imposters! The little one isn't David Bowie at all!"
"We figured that out already!" shouted back someone with a half-eaten banana in his hand.
"Oh. Well, Iggy Pop over here wants to tell you the meaning of life to destroy the human race and start taking over the galaxy!" shouted the Mustache Lady.
"Ooooh, we hadn't figured that out yet..." said another member of the audience.
At that very exact moment, the janitor came racing out and shoved the metal rod into the nearest handy orifice of David Bowie. The crowed collectively gasped. A thundery crack split open the heavens and a blinding light lit up the stage. Lightning drove down with an almighty electric force and went down the rod into David's silent, motionless body.
Pop's eyes widened as he saw Bowie start to stir. Blaather MbBlenzy took this opportunity to try and grab the meaning of life from out of his hands, and started wrestling with him when he wouldn't let go of them. "You're gonna rip them!" and "Let go you rascal!" echoed through the stadium.
Bowie sat up slowly, he was perplexed as to why he was covered in dog hair, but overall he thought it was quite a good look. "Does this mean I'm a zombie now?" he thought to himself. He didn't feel the need to eat brains, at least anymore than he usually did. He slowly stood up amongst the turmoil and staggered over to the microphone.
"Hello Bahamas!" he said, and the crowd once again went wild. Someone off to the right yelled "Awesome!"
Mustache Lady remembered the last page of the book. It was still stuffed down the back of her jumper. She took it out, yelled to Bowie "David! Catch!", and threw it to him. The page flew through the air in slow motion, tumbling over and over.
David reached out for it as it came closer, his heart starting to beat faster. It came nearer, in slow motion, as Iggy and MbBlenzy wrestled on the floor close to him. He reached, it struck his hand, he grasped at it, and dropped it. So he just leant over and picked it up.
Bowie opened up the crumpled piece of paper, and started reading it. It was then that it all came back to him.
Ziggy Stardust lived a lonely life on Mars until he hooked up with Lady Stardust, the only other survivor of their ancient Martian race. They protected and guided the increasing population of seven legged spiders.
After searching for many years they finally located the spider source, a gigantic mother spider which lived in a truly stupendous tower it had built for itself. The remains of their Martian brothers were used for decorations.
The water on Mars became more and more depleted, the spiders more and more plentiful. By mutual agreement, the gigantic spider agreed to help them get to Earth. The mother spider wanted to provide water for her young, Ziggy Stardust wanted to figure out why he and Lady Stardust never grew old.
One cold Martian day, the mother spider simply blasted off, taking Ziggy and Lady with her. Once on Earth the mother spider settled down in Tibet, her children left for dead. Ziggy found similar people on Earth, and they banded together to try and find a solution. Lady Stardust became more and more distant.
Ziggy changed his name to David Bowie, and Lady to Pop. They drifted through the centuries, until this moment brought them to the climax of their lives.
He knew what he had to do, and what he had to say for it to happen, but before he could he heard a voice beside him calmly say, "Don't even think about it, I have a lollipop and I'm not afraid to use it."
David looked over, MbBlenzy was unconscious on the ground and Iggy Pop was menacing him with a lollipop. The crowd screamed in unison. David froze in fear.
TO BE CONTINUED...
I like flowers, puppies and KITTENS!