I can't think of a word for "odd," but since you talk of faith and whimsy throughout the song, methinks the word "doubt" might be somehow fitting? Although, if and exactly how it is - that's for you to decide.

I normally wouldn't be too keen on the idea of changing the lyrics to a song as sanctifiable as "Hallelujah," but I really like what you've done. When I think about it, I can't relate to the original lyrics very much on a personal level, but these are something everyone can wrap their arms around, I think...


This poem was actually somewhat inspired by the travesty I posted in Monekyboy's poetry forum. You'd think it would be the other way around, but not in this warped ol' noggin...



I'm tearing out each life line
I'm drowning down each drip
I'm tossing back each lifesaver
I thought
Held me adrift

I'll kick at palm-warmed emeralds
I'll kick, to sink or swim
I'm quick to slink below the waves
And, see all
That's hidden

The water kept me starkly numb
The water had been bobbing
With fingers, blue, clinging to you;
With dead
And foreign bodies

I've made it through to morning
Though, I bottled every message
That I submerged, then, with alcohol
To softly ease
Their passage

But, now the sun bleeds flame
And, spills a flicker on each word
So, now I lift the weapon
And, I free it
Like a bird

Your ship is in the bottle, now
The wind foresakes your sails
It's burning to the ocean floor
Where it will grow
More scales

"And don't call us Maltesers." - Marquis