Schizo, are you at all familiar with the song-poem industry? I have never seen an actual ad for song-poem submissions, but the idea is they bill it as an opportunity for lyricists to work with so-called hitmakers. Actually, it's just a big scam in which the songwriters are prompted to send cash to foot the production costs. The songs are then recorded by session musicians and hack singers in a very shallow parody of some popular genre, a few copies are sent to the writer, and then it's forgotten (despite promises to promote and distribute.)

As you can imagine, this process has spawned some truly bizarre material over the many many years this has been going on. Some of it falls under the unintentionally funny/offensive/ridiculous category, but there are a few gems in which the lyricist is obviously lampooning the industry (often in a decidedly irreverent manner.)

This is a classic example and one of my personal favorites - the best of the worst - and the full story behind it.

Anyway, I recently stumbled upon the Ramsey Kearney website (the man who performed Blind Man's Penis, above) and he apparently is still collaborating with aspiring lyricists. I have no idea what this guy charges, but I think it would be awesome if you sent him one of your songs - even if nothing came out of it, at least to gauge his response.

In 1986 I was hospitalized for approaching perfection