"i've decided that from now on i'm going to perform only 'let's dance' at every concert and repeat it it for two hours straight and then walk off stage"
"remember that series i did? the hunger? well i'm going to quit music and devote all of my time to resurrecting that and doing new episodes to air every day"
"i'm christina aguilera's real dad"
"i'm having my teeth put back the way they were" (that would be more of a slap upside the head)