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EuropeanCanon
(crash course raver)
02/23/04 05:32 PM
EuropeanCanon - the thinking woman's viagra! [re: ohramona]  

In reply to:

2. All men are expected to provide jizz, no exceptions. If you're shooting blanks, you're not coming with. However, no man without something else to add, will be considered.


I think it's time to throw my hat into the ring. With all due respect to my fellow male TWers, judging by this thread so far, it strikes me that there's going to be an awful lot of sexually frustrated females on board. It's quite obvious that Tristan, for example, having been starved of the female form for so long would become far too easily excitable at the merest flash of a bare ankle. Besides, our escape into space from Armageddon might be doomed to failure from the very outset by Tristan's unfeasibly large testicles weighing down our TW spaceship. With Strawman similarly aged and decrepit and JonnyManic favouring relationships with lanolin-rich farmyard animals the future looks very bleak indeed.

But what of my qualities? As we all know, the English are renowned as passionate lovers, easily putting the Italians and French to shame, and I come from the same brooding stock that produced the likes of Mr D'Arcy, albeit with a slight beer belly. I'm also fortunate in that I come from a fine gene pool that has blessed me with high cheekbones, firm thighs and a natural ease in public showers.

I've proved that I can fire live rounds by fathering two healthy, beautiful daughters and more importantly, I sacrificed a promising career as a gurner of some repute by staying at home and raising my children from infancy to school age. Also, as well as satisfying the breeder corps, my genitals offer entertainment of a very different kind. There's the housewives favourite "The White-Eared Elephant" or the intensely moving experience of "Sausage on a Plate" and "The Last Turkey in the Shop", while who can fail to be less than impressed by "Groucho Marx".*

On a journey potentially fraught with danger, it's possible that on our enforced absence from Earth we'd encounter other life forms. As a dab hand at Halo on the Xbox, I'd be ideally skilled to zap any pissed-off extra terrestrials. Should they wish to parley, however, with tact and diplomacy being the order of the day, what better way is there to break language and cultural barriers than through the universal humour of "The White-Eared Elephant" et al, thereby single-handedly preserving the breeder corps and with it the very survival of Earth itself.



*Available for bar mitzvahs, childrens parties and funerals etc. Half-price in the winter. "Standing To Attention For The National Anthem" optional.

What do I say to normal people?


 
Entire thread
Subject  Posted byPosted on
*Spaceship TW  ohramonaModerator02/19/04 10:12 PM
.*Not like I'll get on but...  Kristin Machina02/28/04 03:23 AM
.*. . . 5 . . . .   ohramonaModerator02/28/04 09:16 AM
.*Re: . . . 5 . . . .   Kristin Machina02/29/04 05:15 AM
.* . . . 4 . . . .   ohramonaModerator02/29/04 04:06 PM
.*Re: . . . 4 . . . .   Strawman12/05/07 06:09 PM
.*.  ohramonaModerator02/18/08 04:43 PM
.*The Final Straw  EJSundayModerator03/01/04 04:27 AM
.* . . . 3 . . .   ohramonaModerator03/01/04 06:59 AM
.*Re: The Final Straw  Starlite03/01/04 06:10 AM
.*Re: The Final Straw  EJSundayModerator03/01/04 07:00 AM
.*The Love Shack  white rabbit03/01/04 10:25 AM
.* . . . 2 . ..   ohramonaModerator03/01/04 04:35 PM
.*hey, i can dig the appeal of tweedy's thighs...  beatled12/05/07 08:09 PM
.*Re: . . . 2 . ..   Strawman06/24/05 09:41 AM
.*Re: The Love Shack  HotJareth03/01/04 10:42 AM
.*Update  pablopicasso03/01/04 02:15 PM
.*Re: . . . 5 . . . .   AnnLanders02/28/04 05:42 PM
.*cuyahoga   white rabbit02/27/04 12:14 PM
.* . . . 6 . . .  ohramonaModerator02/27/04 05:37 PM
.*Naked  poorsoul02/28/04 03:03 AM
.*For the good of the world...  JonnyManic02/22/04 07:44 PM
.*Re: For the good of the world...  Coldfyr02/22/04 07:55 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Halloween Jill02/22/04 07:22 PM
.*My last card...  Strawman02/22/04 02:50 PM
.* . 9 . . .   ohramonaModerator02/23/04 08:52 PM
.*Cleavers up, sauté pan at the ready  Tin02/24/04 07:01 PM
.*Re: Cleavers up, sauté pan at the ready  RabbitFighter02/25/04 09:39 AM
.*Re: Cleavers up, sauté pan at the ready  Tin02/25/04 01:03 PM
.*Re: Cleavers up, sauté pan at the ready  RabbitFighter02/26/04 09:45 AM
.*"You Know What You Are"  Tin02/26/04 02:24 PM
.*Seven words...  Strawman02/24/04 07:16 PM
.* ... 8 ...  ohramonaModerator02/25/04 04:16 PM
.*Earthlings  EJSundayModerator02/25/04 04:38 PM
.*Re: Earthlings  Strawman02/25/04 05:44 PM
.* . . . 7 . . .   ohramonaModerator02/25/04 08:49 PM
.*Re: Earthlings  pablopicasso02/25/04 05:04 PM
.*Re: Earthlings  Earthling702/25/04 05:10 PM
.*Re: Earthlings  pablopicasso02/25/04 05:18 PM
.*Wrong words.  Tin02/24/04 10:45 PM
.*Tasteless heat...  Strawman02/24/04 11:55 AM
.*spicy muck  JonnyManic02/23/04 09:03 PM
.*Re: spicy muck  diamondogz7402/24/04 06:25 AM
.*Re: spicy muck  guiltpuppy02/23/04 09:11 PM
.*Mexican "cuisine" : spice to hide the rancid meat  JonnyManic02/24/04 07:43 PM
.*Re: My last card...  RabbitFighter02/23/04 09:16 AM
.*Re: My last card...  diamondogz7402/22/04 03:37 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Tristan02/22/04 11:37 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  diamondogz7402/22/04 03:41 PM
.*I'm younger than Bowie.  Tristan02/22/04 07:03 PM
.*I'm younger than Bowie, too!  bulletprooffaces02/23/04 11:45 AM
.*diamond dog babies.  Tristan02/24/04 09:29 AM
.*Re: diamond dog babies.  diamondogz7402/25/04 07:53 AM
.*DiamondDunce74  Tristan02/25/04 12:15 PM
.*Re: DiamondDunce74  diamondogz7402/28/04 08:10 AM
.*Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too!  diamondogz7402/23/04 02:44 PM
.*Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too!  SysiyoModerator02/23/04 04:10 PM
.*Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too!  diamondogz7402/24/04 06:20 AM
.*Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too!  SysiyoModerator02/24/04 06:22 AM
.*Re: I'm younger than Bowie, too!  bulletprooffaces02/23/04 06:09 PM
.*Sour Grapes...  Strawman02/23/04 06:19 PM
.*he he he   pablopicasso02/23/04 06:31 PM
.*Re: I'm younger than Bowie.  diamondogz7402/23/04 07:21 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  diamondogz7402/22/04 02:12 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Beltene02/21/04 07:30 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Earthling702/21/04 02:58 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  CAwesome02/21/04 03:24 PM
.*Obligations  ohyeah02/21/04 02:31 PM
.*pratt promise  beatled02/21/04 01:15 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  bulletprooffaces02/21/04 09:14 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Atonalexpress02/21/04 00:08 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Starlite02/20/04 05:31 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  RabbitFighter02/21/04 10:18 AM
.*Golden boys and golden girls  eraserhead02/21/04 03:16 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Lacrimans02/20/04 01:58 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Beltene02/20/04 12:26 PM
.*The Only Survivor Of The TW People's Gang  EJSundayModerator02/20/04 11:28 AM
.*You would look great in a Stooges cap  eraserhead02/20/04 09:20 AM
.*our commander still, space dog  White Prism02/21/04 07:33 AM
.*raising turtles, the grapefruit is winning  eraserhead02/21/04 08:59 AM
.*Interstellar Overdrive  White Prism02/21/04 05:16 PM
.*Jesus & Space  eraserhead02/22/04 05:44 AM
.*Re: our commander still, space dog  guiltpuppy02/21/04 07:45 AM
.*blast off  JonnyManic02/20/04 09:02 AM
.*Re: blast off  diamondogz7402/20/04 03:12 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Strawman02/20/04 08:08 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Myriada02/20/04 07:34 AM
.*Take your protein pills and pad your resume some  ohramonaModerator02/21/04 07:54 PM
.*Re: Take your protein pills and pad your resume some  Myriada02/22/04 02:40 PM
.*Re: Take your protein pills and pad your resume some  Atonalexpress02/22/04 03:10 AM
.*Jesus loves me, why can't you?  Starlite02/22/04 01:23 AM
.*You've really made the grade!  ohramonaModerator02/22/04 11:12 AM
..EuropeanCanon - the thinking woman's viagra!  EuropeanCanon02/23/04 05:32 PM
.*Too bad his glamour shot is probably archived  WildWind02/23/04 06:34 PM
.*Re: EuropeanCanon - the thinking woman's viagra!  Strawman02/23/04 06:07 PM
.*Re: You've really made the grade!  Grey_Nihilist02/22/04 04:07 PM
.*Re: You've really made the grade!  Earthling702/22/04 02:15 PM
.*Re: You've really made the grade!  RealThing02/22/04 12:43 PM
.*Re: You've really made the grade!  Monkeyboy02/23/04 08:51 PM
.*10 ...  ohramonaModerator02/23/04 08:29 PM
.*Re: 10 ...  RealThing02/23/04 10:33 PM
.*Re: 10 ...  Monkeyboy02/25/04 08:34 PM
.*Re: You've really made the grade!  SugarPlumFairy02/22/04 11:38 AM
.*Re: You've really made the grade!  RabbitFighter02/22/04 11:23 AM
.*Xenon  poorsoul02/21/04 10:59 PM
.*Re: Take your protein pills and pad your resume so  elvenlass02/21/04 09:52 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  karmastarman02/20/04 07:17 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  th0mas02/20/04 06:39 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  RabbitFighter02/20/04 06:04 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Nature_Boy02/20/04 04:56 AM
.*Put your helmet on  ohramonaModerator02/21/04 05:26 PM
.*There's something wrong!  ohramonaModerator02/21/04 06:47 PM
.*Re: There's something wrong!  diamondogz7402/22/04 09:34 AM
.*Retrial  EJSundayModerator02/22/04 07:35 AM
.*Re: There's something wrong!  Ville02/22/04 05:49 AM
.*Re: There's something wrong!  Lacrimans02/21/04 08:02 PM
.*Re: There's something wrong!  SysiyoModerator02/21/04 06:53 PM
.*Re: There's something wrong!  RabbitFighter02/21/04 06:57 PM
.*Re: There's something wrong!  SysiyoModerator02/22/04 06:47 AM
.*Re: There's something wrong!  RabbitFighter02/22/04 10:51 AM
.*but i'm afraid to die!  bulletprooffaces02/21/04 06:04 PM
.*Soporific...  Strawman02/21/04 06:58 PM
.*didn't want a ride on yr damned ship anyway...  bulletprooffaces02/21/04 07:05 PM
.*Re: Put your helmet on  RealThing02/21/04 05:53 PM
.*Talentless, but  strangeDivine02/20/04 02:22 PM
.*Re: Talentless, but  diamondogz7402/20/04 03:19 PM
.*Re: Talentless, but  SysiyoModerator02/20/04 02:26 PM
.*Talentless, but not Sysiyoless  strangeDivine02/20/04 04:36 PM
.*Repetition  poorsoul02/20/04 11:39 PM
.*Re: Talentless, but not Sysiyoless  SysiyoModerator02/20/04 04:46 PM
.*Re: Talentless, but not Sysiyoless  strangeDivine02/20/04 05:05 PM
.*Re: Talentless, but not Sysiyoless  SysiyoModerator02/20/04 05:07 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  SysiyoModerator02/20/04 04:11 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Ville02/20/04 03:09 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  guiltpuppy02/20/04 02:27 AM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Tin02/20/04 00:59 AM
.*Tin is in, like Flynn  ohramonaModerator02/20/04 07:37 PM
.*Re: Tin is in, like Flynn  Tin02/24/04 06:21 PM
.*Re: Tin is in, like Flynn  mudley02/20/04 08:19 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  Lacrimans02/19/04 11:58 PM
.*As if I need to remind you  Monkeyboy02/19/04 11:48 PM
.*Re: As if I need to remind you  diamondogz7402/20/04 06:55 AM
.*Re: As if I need to remind you  Monkeyboy02/20/04 12:11 PM
.*leave the capsule if you dare  ohramonaModerator02/20/04 00:30 AM
.*Cruise  poorsoul02/20/04 11:19 PM
.*He said there'd be plenty  WildWind02/20/04 00:45 AM
.*Re: He said there'd be plenty  Monkeyboy02/20/04 01:37 AM
.*Re: He said there'd be plenty  Monkeyboy12/06/07 05:50 AM
.*Re: He said there'd be plenty  Monkeyboy02/01/10 01:23 AM
.*Re: He said there'd be plenty  ohramonaModerator02/10/10 10:34 PM
.*i'm glad he's dead  Glitterbot02/20/04 01:51 AM
.*Awesome!  Monkeyboy02/20/04 00:35 AM
.*The important things, y'know  WildWind02/19/04 11:33 PM
.*Re: The important things, y'know  diamondogz7402/20/04 06:51 AM
.*Re: The important things, y'know  SugarPlumFairy02/20/04 06:55 AM
.*Re: The important things, y'know  diamondogz7402/20/04 08:17 AM
.*Re: The important things, y'know  krettis02/20/04 08:21 AM
.*Re: The important things, y'know  diamondogz7402/20/04 03:08 PM
.*Re: The important things, y'know  krettis02/21/04 09:47 AM
.*... sitting in a tin can ...  ohramonaModerator02/19/04 11:46 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  JarethsGirl02/19/04 10:57 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  dukewhite02/19/04 11:02 PM
.*Re: Spaceship TW  elvenlass02/19/04 10:23 PM
.*Commencing countdown, engine's on ...  ohramonaModerator02/19/04 10:59 PM
.*Re: Commencing countdown, engine's on ...  elvenlass02/20/04 08:55 PM
.*Oh the horror  SugarPlumFairy02/19/04 10:20 PM
.*Jump  poorsoul02/20/04 00:07 AM
.*For the good of all  ohramonaModerator02/19/04 10:24 PM
.*Re: For the good of all  SugarPlumFairy02/19/04 10:30 PM
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