Alright, now. It seems like applying for moderizzlehood is de rigeur at the moment, so before this whirlwind of insanity gets completely out of hand, I'd like to outline my own qualifications. Understand, this isn't exactly a bid for candidacy, more of something to fall back on as a reference should the need arise. And so, to soothe your troubled minds:
For you, the common poster; for the position itself; for TW. This is what Our Man Marquis brings to the table. In all my harangues, I don't believe I've ever called for the heads of our current mods. Sure, I've disagreed or questioned, but I've also tried to make it clear that I respect their collective wisdom. I'm not out to run roughshod over the guidelines set up by Evan, Adam, and the rest of the Mod Squad - I'm out to clarify where clarity is needed, and to enforce where enforcement is needed.
Fear Thee Not, Ye Idiots
Now this, I suspect, is why eraserhead said that I would seem to be a terrible choice: I've had no shortage of arguments with any number of posters, and have been rather vocal on several occasions about banning That Certain Someone. The apt metaphor here, I think, is Armchair Quarterbacking.
See, from the safe confines of my couch, I wouldn't hesitate to put Peyton Manning back under center should he suffer a mild concussion, nor would I hesitate to start a promising rookie over, say, Rod Gardner. But the real coaches of these teams have other concerns to address - contracts, personalities, etc., etc. Control becomes a different animal altogether when one actually has some sort of power.
How does this apply? Well, you see, as a common Plebe Poster, I've got little recourse against actions like Dogz' overposting other than to harrass him at every turn and periodically plead with the powers that be to get rid of him. As a mod, though, with the power of banning at my fingertips, the decision becomes much more difficult. Better still, there are things I can do which are less severe than banning - threatening PMs, individual post deletion, thread locking - which I feel can serve to protect the integrity of the boards while still allowing plenty of leeway for the grammatically impaired to remain contributors.
Long story short: my first act as mod would not, as you might suspect, be to ban Dogz for all eternity. I would hope, rather, to use my newfound authority to get through his thick skull the notion of restraint. And, well, yeah, I'd probably delete a few "I Agree" posts for good measure.
Paying the Cost to Be the Boss
Simply put: I've put in my time here. Moreover, I've never stormed off in a huff and claimed that I was done with the place. Yes, I've had one or two prolonged periods of absence, but these were due to lack of internet, not getting fed up with the boards. Yes, there are plenty of absent posters I miss, but I'm not going to harp on about the good old days: I'm here to give TW a better present - and future!
Add this to the fact that my record of 17 Real-Life Meet-Ups is unlikely to be challenged anytime soon - or at least until you Londoners get it together - and I think you'll find that I truly am a man of the people.
Mo' Internet, Fewer Problems
In two days, I'm going to quit smoking. What does this mean for you? Well, not much. But for me, it means freeing up enough money to finally get some fuckin' internet up in this bitch (i.e. in my house). As a lazy stoner with a do-nothing job, I can promise you eternal vigilance.
What's my motherfuckin' name?
My name has been on the fingertips - and in the minds - of our Mods for some time, as evidenced by the Mod Forum threads devoted to adoring me.
If nothing else, this thread should serve to remind us all of the unimpeachable greatness of Adam. We come to him, all sturm and drang, with piles of grievances and unformed demands, and Adam gives us back a neat list of carefully thought-out concerns. Kudos! Accolades!
And equal props to our incumbent mods, too. I think it's no small achievement for EJ and Ohro to have become two of TWs most well-liked posters without making a habit out of feasting on newbies and other droolers. Even the much-maligned (and apparently absent?) Sysyio had his heart in the right place. And Tati? Well, she was hot, so that counts for something.
If elected to join this pantheon of genius (too much? ), I promise to approach the job with the full-bent of my seriousness, to weigh and consider, but also to take action, and above all to give careful consideration to each of my many constituents. Remember, guys, my office is always open.
Now: to sit back and hope that Dara doesn't decide to run.
Literature is [the art] best suited to challenging absolutes of all kinds. Because it is in its origin the schismatic Other of the sacred (and authorless) text, so it is also the art most likely to fill our god-shaped holes