Is there a serious build-up of cheese beneath your foreskin, Percy? I think there is, and I also think you're constantly bringing up the subject of cheese because of it.

You need to get laid, young man - that would help clear the cheese, because I'd prefer to believe that the prospect of a shag would make you more hygienically aware.

Or have I got it completely wrong and you are sexually active and you've recently caught a dose of thrush?

And that isn't a cue for a yoghurt forum.