Chapter: 1 2
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18 19 20
The following is an ongoing work of composite fiction by
contributors from the Message Board. Due to the erratic nature of
its construction the editors apologize for any omissions or lack of
attribution to the proper authors. This story is on-going and will be
archived here periodically. For current chapters, comments, or to
add you own chapter, please visit the Message Board. This story is
a work of fiction. Names have been changed to protect the guilty
and any similarity to actual events is purely coincidental.
Bowie stands before the desk of the Warden. The Warden asks
Bowie his name, to which he replies "David Bowie." "Liar," says
the Warden, "Bowie is off on one of those festival circuits. If you
ask me, he's still a fruit. Thinks he's too good to roll around in the
mud like the rest of them." Bowie is then told to remove his watch
and other personal belongings (but being caught buck nekkid,
there's not a lot to put into the Warden's little tray; even his
wedding ring is gone, having been used to pay for those fruity
drinks which have yet to entirely wear off, even after three weeks).
"Don't worry, 'Bowie,' they'll still be there after we're through with
you." The Warden pulls a large flashlight out of his desk drawer
and moves around to stand behind David. "Bend over," he says.
Bowie shyly obliges. "Are you, or have you ever been, a
homosexual?" the Warden asks. "I plead the fifth," says David,
"and besides, I never got a bloody trial! I don't belong here! I'd like
to speak with my lawyer, please." "Fuck lawyers," the Warden
replies, "all they're good for is screwing with people's minds and
causing no end of trouble. Bloody bastards." The Warden hands
David the standard issue prison garb. David is appalled. "I've been
naked for three weeks, but I wouldn't be caught dead in this outfit,"
he thinks to himself. The Warden turns to the two hulking guards
by the door. "Guido, Rocko, he's all yours, boys." (*cut to the next
scene*) After a very rough (yet somehow immensely pleasurable)
disinfectant shower by Guido and Rocko (who torment poor Bowie
endlessly about the still visible welts from his latest spanking), our
boy David is shown to what will be his accommodations for the
time being. "Hallo, sailor" pipes his new bunkmate, known
affectionately as Little Butch to his bitches but as # 6582475 to
everybody else (except the Warden on Saturday nights). "Fresh
blood, I love it, I love it. So what nasty little thing have you done to
end up here, precious?" "Not even the Downsville prison was this
bad," thinks David...
Hours later, as he lies sleepless on his bunk, wincing at the pain of
his bruises and lacerations, David wonders how Trent had
managed to transport him instantaneously from the bar in the
Labyrinth back to Picewa, and wishes that he hadn't. Oh, if only
someone would recreate Trent's mysterious
time-space-vortex-maneuver and bust him out! He closes his eyes
and one little tear trickles down his cheek. Gently, someone kisses it
away. David slowly opens his eyes to find himself in a cozily
furnished room, his head now resting on a feather pillow. Soft
afternoon sunlight dapples the faded wallpaper. He hears gentle
rain caressing a tin roof. And sitting beside him, her golden hair
tousled and her slim yet delightfully womanly body draped in a
simple yet stylish diaphanous shift, is... Margot. Suddenly all his
pain is forgotten. He reaches up and touches her face lightly, and
the two are lost in the rapture of a deeply probing and highly
energetic, tonguey embrace. David glides his hand down the
luminous glory of Margot's magnificent bum. "No David, stop!"
she whispers. "But why, Margot? It's been so long, and you know
that of all the people I've had the pleasure of pleasuring from the
message board, you are my very favourite."
"YOU SAID THAT TO ME!" a voice thunders, as though ripped
from the abyss. "Oh, Hell! It's Hel!" says David. "You said it to me
too, you faithless cad!" "AND ME!" "AND ME!"
David looks past Margot's trembling shoulder to see that he is
surrounded by an angry throng. He recognises the faces: Ramona,
Phelyx, D.S., Joseph ("HE's seen better days" thinks David), Twig,
Putz, Robot Monster and many more.
Phelyx steps forward, wearing a hurt expression. He sobs: "We
came here to kidnap you and give you the birthday of a lifetime. But
now..." he can't go on.
: "But now, we're going to take you in our Tardis to
London, April 1946. We're going to prevent your conception - and
YOU'RE going to help us do it!!"
They lay hands on him and drag him into their waiting police box...
Right now, our semi-benevolent and sexually ambiguous hero is
being transported in a time machine to a time s.b.b. (shortly before
Bowie), surrounding him are an angry fifth of the people he's had
the pleasure of "knowing," and he's wishing he really was the alien
that certain sordid rumors claimed him to be. I'm sure, you, dear
audience, are wondering "How the hell does he stay so damned
potent? Does he have an implant? Or is it those funny little rings he
carries in the secret pocket of his Levi's?" Well, folks, we have a
long time to think of such things, for it takes a LOT more time to
travel back in time than most people think.. and during the journey,
David's lovers turned captors begin to look at each other with
dis-ease.. and later, with downright resentment. Pretty soon,
someone, Ramona, pipes up and yells "Some friends you are, you
adulterers!" "Adulterers?!?" says I, "I had him first!" "WHAT?! I
had 'em before you were BORN, darling.." claims Hel. All of the
younger ones look at Hel with some confusion.. "Actually.." starts
David "YOU can it, you LECH!!" Phelyx and Joseph say in unison..
"I know how to resolve THIS argument.. " Twig adds, "We'll each
write down the dates of our first encounters with 'em, and put them
into a hat." Everyone agrees.. "Anyone got a piece of paper and a
pen?" They all look from one to the other.. until David, with a look
of incredulity upon his face, pulls a sheet of paper from one of his
pockets. When he does, he notices it's a love letter from Kermit,
and without warning, one of those funny little rings falls from the
folds of the paper.. He snatches it up, embarrassed.. D.S. snatches
the paper from his hands, tears it, and they all begin scribbling..
David thinks to himself, "If they're really THIS silly, getting out of
this fix should be simple!"
David looks about him as the angry fifth anxiously await the
outcome of twig's brilliant plan, and then about him; the austere
silver walls allowed the light to reflect brightly, casting an
impersonal quality on his whole ordeal. He sighs, and looks to the
odd console in the center of the room, an octagonal table-like
contraption with glittery lights and shiny buttons, and an odd hum.
David, curious, steps around it, and almost falls onto it as he
stumbles over a previously unseen figure, wearing a gaudy plaid
jacket with blue cuffs, and a stalk of celery pinned to his lapel. The
figure groans and looks up at David, and utters "I say, old bean,
but would you be a nice chap and reach into my left pocket? There
is little gizmo in there that I could use, and as you seem to be at the
twisted will of these strange people as much as I am, perhaps we
can help each other out?" David, more curious yet, reaches into the
pocket, and removes a silvery pen-like cylinder from within. "Now
then," Bowie's fellow captive says cheerfully, "If you would just
place the narrow end against the lock on these here handcuffs, and
give it a little twist...." Unsure, David does so, and with a high
pitched whine (from the cylinder) and a click (from the handcuffs),
the oddly humored prisoner was free.
David glanced in the direction of the fifth...they were arguing now
that Twig had not torn the paper evenly enough to make the pick
random (as she had won the draw). Not one of them seemed to pay
the least bit attention to the two erstwhile captives. "By the way,"
the oddly dressed man addressed David, "you wouldn't happen to
be that wonderful rock artist, David Bowen or something like that?"
Bowie, shocked at the lack of recognition, can only mumble "Bowie.
David Bowie." The man chuckled, and said "Of course you are,
how silly of me...and I am the Doctor. You know, if you want your
Diamond Dogs set, I think I accidentally picked it up a while back,
thought it might make a nice coffee table or vanity..."
David hastily shakes his head, this was getting too weird even for
him. "NO, no, I just want to get off of this thing. Preferably back in
the place where I started from." "Oh, no problem whatsoever. I will
just hit this lever here, and..." The Doctor flips said lever, and a
klaxon sounds. "Oh, dear, perhaps I meant THAT lever." With a
lurch a vwoop, and a thud, the TARDIS comes to a crashing halt,
tossing the inhabitants about and generally adding to the plethora
of confusion. When it stops, The Doctor gets up, brushes himself
off, and flicks on the view screen, revealing an alien landscape
outside the blue box.
David walks to the Doctor's side, and follows his gaze. He freezes.
Can it be? The rolling sand hills of his thirsty home planet spread
out before him. He must escape these loonies and get to his wife
and kiddies! Maybe they haven't yet perished from thirst!
Bowie and the Doctor look behind them at the squabbling group of
fans. Twig and Ramona are rolling around the floor of the TARDIS
screaming something about which version of Strangers When We
Meet is the definitive version. Ramona screams 'Buddha' and pulls
Twigs hair. Twig shouts 'Outside' and Ramona, mistakenly thinking
she wants to continue the fight outside heads toward the door. JK,
DS, Margot & Hel are shouting about the whether the Glass Spider
Tour was good or a total load of crap. Their argument branches out
to include the entire '80s and a huge wrestling match ensues.
"Labyrinth was brilliant, better than Citizen Kane!!" "Labyrinth was
crap!!" "Two words: Peter Frampton!!" Blows are exchanged....
After a few moments the group quiets down and the surly mob
turns toward Hel, "So, you have secrets now do you...?" and they
glare at her. On the other side of the craft Bowie and the Doctor
stand silently and watch. David inquires "I think I'll be getting off
here, might you have some water?" The doctor presses a button
and a panel slides away to reveal a well stocked refrigerator full of
Evian water. The 16oz. bottles. Bowie takes several and exits the
craft as the group of wackos advance on Hel threatening her with
savage bare-assed spankings should she not reveal her many
Bowie turns to see the tiny TARDIS sitting on the horizon, he can
barely hear Hel's squeals as it disappears from view. He walks for
miles across the barren sandy landscape pausing briefly to orient
himself by studying the many suns above.... evening falls and he
sits on a stone feeling terribly exhausted and 'jet-lagged' from his
tedious TARDIS journey. As he slumps down into the sand, slowly
nodding off, he thinks of the past few days strange events, making
out with Michael Bolton, with Kermit.... he thinks about Margot as
he falls asleep. Her firm buttocks, her energetic tonguey kisses...
the heat, the fury, the mind wrenching orgasms. Again and again
and again.... Now he knows how Margot got her little nickname
He awakes several hours later with a soggy crotch and where his
potent loin-juice has hit the ground grass is now growing. In the
immense parched landscape a small patch of grass grows. He
removes his still-moist pants and covers them with sand and within
moments a tree has grown like in those fast motion films he used to
watch in science class so many years ago. He takes a long drink of
Evian water and thinks of Margot and masturbates drizzling his
seed on the sand like the icing on a lovely coffee cake and in mere
seconds all manner of plant life springs up around him. Trees laden
with fruit, huge pulmarias and rhodedendrons, a small field of
corn.... vines, orchids, and where he buried the pants, a small spring
has emerged from the ground.
"Wow," thinks David to himself. "It's no Eden, but it's not bad if I
do say so myself. Ramona was right. The universe does revolve
around my crotch! Silly me for not having believed her. "David
looks at the miracle that he alone (OK, with a little help from the
vision of Margot) could create. "Could do with some tobacco
plants, though" he thinks. David takes a long swig from the bottle
of Evian, readying himself for another performance of Willie and the
Hand Jive. He is about to assume the position when a Voice From
On High (sounding strangely similar to Frampton's talking guitar)
bellows forth from the Heavens: "STOP THAT OR YOU'LL GO
BLIND. DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER EVER TEACH YOU BETTER?
AFTER ALL, YOU ONLY HAVE ONE GOOD EYE. NOW IF YOU'LL
JUST LEAVE THE ONE-EYED BOY FROM FREECLOUD ALONE
FOR JUST A MINUTE, I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT
TO SAY. DAVID, DAVID, YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN AS AN
EXAMPLE IN THESE DARK TIMES. YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN
DISCOVER THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE!!! ah no wait you've
already done that, let's see how about, ahhemm, ahhemm,...BETTER
THE LIVES OF MILLIONS OF EARTHLINGS!!! OH WAIT, DAMN,
YOU'VE DONE THAT TOO! AS A MATTER OF FACT,(getting
louder) YOU'VE DONE JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING!!" After that
outburst the voice grows contemplative, "HMMMM, CAN DO
EVERYTHING, YES, AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT I AM IN
NEED OF A VACATION. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE GOD
FOR AWHILE??" When the echoes die away Bowie looks up and
"Somebody up there really DOES like me!"
He stands up and looks around at the verdant lushness that has
sprung from his loins, and behold it is very good. Suddenly, he
feels overcome with solemn awe at the great responsibility that has
been placed upon his slender shoulders. He sinks to his knees and
bows his head. In spite of his doubts, he knows he must be the man
for the job if GOD thinks he can handle it. He thinks carefully for a
moment and speaks. The words come slowly, but with strange new
"Lord, I kneel and offer you my..."
"Yeah, yeah, OK. Now listen carefully, Jesus and the Holy Ghost
and I are just heading over to a more relaxing parallel universe
we've just created. We just need to put our feet up for a few
millennia. Now don't panic. We'll be back in 24 hours your time.
What can go wrong in one day? Hardly anyone expects immediate
answers to their prayers except for a few mid western Americans,
and I generally ignore them. Don't worry about the laws of physics
- they're more or less self maintaining. There's just one thing, you
MUST do while I'm away. Be sinless. Otherwise the universe will
implode. See you!!"
David looks up to see a blinding white flash in the blue sky above
him. And then all is calm. He stands and looks around him. All
seems peaceful enough. Be sinless, eh? He can't quite remember the
Ten Commandments, but it shouldn't be too hard in this calm,
peaceful place. God didn't even say anything about not eating the
fruit. In fact, he can't see ANYTHING that might tempt him to
And then he hears raised voices not far away. The message
boarders! He'd forgotten them.
"There he is!" one of them shouts.
"Oh H..... Bother! It's Hel!" says David, "Now what would God do
in this situation? I know, I'll just be COOL. Friendly yet enigmatic."
He puts on an appropriate expression and adopts a casual posture
as the message boarders approach him. They seem miffed...
...by Bowie's "friendly yet enigmatic" act.
"He's.....stoned", whispers D.S. This causes half the Message
Boarders to start pulling their hair out, the other half to smile
happily. Ah, the good ole days are here again for sure in their book,
and perhaps Dave even has enough to go 'round for everyone.
"No, he's just incredibly happy because his junk bond deal came
off and he's RICH RICH RICH", suggests another voice. This
causes half the Message Boarders to sulk sullenly (roughly
speaking, the same half which just seconds ago had such high
hopes of getting stoned) and the other (now totally hairless half) to
visibly cheer up, "Good for him", "Nothing wrong with the
spondoolicks", "Not bad for a boy from South London".
Hel, who alone remained in the middle, in a group of one, between
the other two groups, seemed unconvinced.
"David, why are you so .... so.... so...." "friendly yet enigmatic",
finishes Fed Up, miraculously materializing on the scene with
exactly the right words (as ever).
David thinks about this. Better level with them, he thinks. Look at
all the trouble deception has gotten him into in recent days.
"Well, you see, I'm actually God".
"Oh!" says everyone. Someone mutters "off his rocker", DS crows
"I knew he was stoned" and someone else says "Nothing wrong
with being God. Not bad for a boy from South London".
"Or, at least, I am for the next 23 hours, 54 minutes and 17
seconds", adds David, checking his Rolex.
"We see", say the hairless ones, backing away. They back so far
away they disappear over a hill, but they can still be heard
squabbling. "Off his rocker I tell you!" "Well, maybe, there might
be...." "Now you're off your rocker". After a few minutes of this,
they decide to take advantage of their tactical withdrawal to go off
and procure wigs to cover their hairless shame.
"Maybe when we come back, everything will be alright", suggests
"Yeah, the ostrich strategy" mutters someone else darkly.
Meanwhile, back with Dave and his disciples, Dave is trying to
explain the situation to a crowd of blank faces.
"Yes, you see, urm, well, I'm God. It's tricky really"
"Tricky is really God?", asks D.S., now totally confused "I thought
he was only Nearly God".
"Still, should be okay, I'll just stay here with you lot and you can
make sure I don't sin in the next 23 hours, 47 minutes 14 seconds",
Bowie says brightly.
His face darkens.
"Damn, I've just thought of one snag".
"What?" asks Hel, although it's not clear whether she is
responding to Dave's last utterance or continuing a pattern of
saying "What?" every 3 seconds (according to Dave's Rolex) since
she heard Bowie proclaim himself to be God.
"Well....." he continues. "You KNOW you've ALWAYS been a
really TERRIBLE INFLUENCE on me, Hel! I'm not sure about this
staying sinless business. You've never been exactly the calm sort!"
Hel sulks, knowing David is right. But suddenly, she realizes there
is a sneaky way out of all this (as usual!) "Wait" she cautions..."did
God actually list off the things you're NOT supposed to do?" "No"
replies David "He just said I should remain sinless or the universe
might implode" "Oh that old threat" jeers Hel. "He never means it!"
Just then Margot comes running over, her blonde curls bouncing
merrily. David begins to think very sinful thoughts! But he is
interrupted by D.S., who's still trying to organize a party. David
gives up, turning back to the Doctor. "Do you think we could, well,
sort of sneak off and leave these Message Board people behind?"
David asks the Doctor. "Could we just sort of sneak off in the
Tardis?" The Doctor nods wisely. "Good idea. These people are
notoriously unruly, and you'll do much better for the next 23 hours
45 minutes and 2 seconds without them." David is inclined to agree.
Besides, he must return to Picewa soon. His crew is there, and they
all need to leave for Manhattan, since he's planned to play at
Madison Square Garden January 9th. He can't exactly back out of it,
since tickets are going on sale Dec. 16th at 9, and that's just a few
days off. With all that money invested in this show, he really can't
chance the universe imploding, even if Hel and D.S. do throw rather
amusing parties!! The troop of MB fans falls to arguing over the list
of '10 worst sins' while David and the Doctor slowly edge toward
the TARDIS, unnoticed......
...by all except the myopic Ramona. She twirls her ponytail with her
left hand (having been one of the group of MBers to retain her hair,
since she alone has really perfected the fine art of hair pulling) and
interrupts the Top Ten List of Sin discussion to calmly announce:
"HEY, David's trying to get away. If he doesn't wanna sin with us, I
say we CRUCIFY HIM!!! Teach him to pick New York over
California." Ramona pulls out a huge-ass hammer and some nails
that she happens to have in her back pocket. The MBers turn as
one towards David and the Doctor, who...
make a flying leap toward the TARDIS, hoping to outmaneuver the
MB crowd. The faithful fanatics following are not to be denied,
however. Ramona grabs the back of David's pants, hauling him
back just as he gains the TARDIS door. The Doctor, not realizing
David didn't get aboard, takes off in a flash of light, leaving poor
David stranded with the angry crowd of MB-ers. Meanwhile, there
are only 23 hours, 12 minutes and 3 seconds left of David's stint at
the GOD job. And so far he hasn't managed to get much done. He
turns to face the angry mob. "We hear you're playing a show...on a
THURSDAY, too! Don't you know we have to work?" complains
D.S. "Yes, you are being so inconsiderate again" whines Hel.
"What about L.A.????" demands Ramona. "Don't you realize I
rearranged my whole LIFE just to see you at the Shoreline?" David
backs away toward a small belt of trees, wishing he was back in
Picewa. Margot sulks, wishing the others would just disappear, so
she can get back to those energetic tonguey kisses with her
favorite sinful rocker. And her fairy godmother is listening, because
in a flash, Hel, D.S. and the others disappear, leaving only David
and Margot. "Well" wishes David, "if I'm going to succeed at this
GOD thing, you'll have to go too!" he says to her. Stunned with
grief, Margot obligingly disappears. "Well now, that's better!"
thinks David. "No temptations, no parties....maybe I can do this!"
He sits on a small rock, wondering what advantages there are to his
new job. "I could talk to the dead", he thinks to himself. Pulling the
GOD cell-phone from his pocket, he dials God's personal manager.
"I'll be wanting to see John Lennon, Elvis, and that Jim Morrison
fellow, just after lunch" he announces. "Set it up. That Cobain lad,
too. And send my car and driver! I'm stranded here in this bloody
alien place, and I don't feel like walking all the way back to God's
office!" "Gotcha, will do!" replies St. Peter. David waits for the limo,
thinking of good questions for John and Elvis. Can he somehow
pull it off to have THEM make guest appearances at his upcoming
birthday bash at the Garden? THAT would make news, and the
Stones could never one-up him on THIS one!...
A rumbling sound is heard in the distance. The still insane
Message Boarders, David Bowie, and the Doctor look toward the
sunset. The sun seems to melt into the Earth like wax off a birthday
candle. They all rub their eyes as if what they see could be mass
hysteria. The rumbling became louder and louder until they all saw
what was happening. The Earth was imploding! A swirling vortex
sucked rock, dirt, trees, and mountains into its great mouth.
Everyone was stunned as they saw the head of death inevitably
approaching. The Message Boarders turned to run, but they were
frozen. The suction from the giant head was too fierce for them to
resist! David cried out in pain as he cut his hand on a piece of rock
that he was trying to hold onto in order to escape death's head.
They were all sucked up by the black hole like the spilt mess of a
five year old after a plate of oatmeal. They seemed to fall forever
and ever into the nothingness. They could only distinguish each
other from their individual cries. Suddenly the realized that they
were not falling, but they were simply floating! They felt the cool
wind push up against their bodies along with the equal pressure of
the gravity above them. Still angry with David, the Message
Boarders began taking nails and piercing the nearest figure to them.
When one of them hit David, they would know because they all
knew his individual cry of pain. After a series of unsuccessful body
piercings in unthought of places the message boarders became
quite confused. They pierced themselves and the doctor, but where
was David. Then they fell to the ground. As they lifted up their
bloody heads, they saw him. He was as beautiful as ever. He had
his hair spiked and bright red, and he wore a white patent leather
outfit even more breathtaking than anything he wore in his Ziggy
Stardust days. He also wore a lovely pair of white high heeled
pointy toed shoes. The Message Boarders stared at David in envy
as he helped each one of them up to their feet. All of their faces
were red from anger. David folded his arms and said, "How can
anyone of you be angry with me? I have given you everything? At
one point in each of your lives, I came to you; either in your dreams
or in an encounter by other means. I saved each of you! You were
all were alone at one time in your lives! You were all lost, but I
saved you. I saved your lives. I was always there when you needed
me. All you had to do was close your eyes, and I would be there. I
have always been there for you. I was the shepherd, and you are
my sheep! After all I've done for you. After all I've given to you,
how can you honestly be angry?" They were all shocked. They all
realized that David was right. Even though he is simply a human
being like themselves, he was their link. He was that diamond in the
rough. They turned to each other and through telekinesis, they
knew what had to be done. They removed the nails from each
other's bodies, turned towards David who was looking so perfect
and innocent, and........
Ramona is the first to fall at His feet and beg forgiveness. Her
profuse tears (mixed with her running mascara) bathe her Saviour's
white high heel pointy toed shoes. When she realizes that she's
streaking them and that He'll look tres uncool with such messy
looking shoes, she wipes at them with her hair. Still kneeling before
the Anointed One With The Golden Circle In The Middle Of His
Forehead, she pulls out a latex skullcap and makes the ultimate
sacrifice by donning it; thus by the wearing of the Latex Skullcap
shall His acolytes be known and feared throughout the length and
breadth of the land. Looking up in awe, she meekly says, "When I
believed in nothing, You called my name. I should have never
forgotten that. Please forgive me for doubting You. God moves in
mysterious ways (and You look damn good while doing so, I might
add); who am I to question Your wisdom?" She turns to her fellow
MBers with a great sense of peace, knowing that He will never let
her down (OK, maybe that once, but He was under the influence of
the 80s and that was enough to break even the strongest of wills).
The other MBers...
...also pull out latex skullcaps and don them - all except for Hel, who
stands alone to one side, pouting. "What is it my child?" asks The
Most High Dave, recovering his former friendly yet enigmatic
expression. "Antoine ignored my story episode and everyone's
just, just... GOING ALONG WITH IT!!! I've poured my heart and
soul into this goddamn (sorry Dave) Message Board and what do
my so-called cyber-friends do in return? David, if you love me at all,
MAKE THEM STOP! MAKE THEM STOP!" Hel throws herself to
the ground beside Ramona and sobs. Her whole body shakes as
years of frustration, longing and disappointment pour out at Dave's
feet. Finally, her sobbing subsides. She opens her swollen eyes and
looks about her. She sees Ramona first, lying beside her wearing an
expression of deep empathy and compassion beneath her latex skull
cap. The other MB'ers wear similar expressions tinged variously
with notes of perplexity, concern and encouragement. Dave
seems... friendly yet enigmatic. He bends his lips to Hel's ear and
"Helen, my child. Do you understand now? There is room for all my
children on the Message Board. Even those who send The Story in
Strange and Unnatural directions." He straightens up and looks
about him at the solemn-faced latex heads. He lights a ciggy.
"Right. I'm going to try something really God-like now since there
are only 60 minutes left before I have to hand back the reigns. Hel,
you want to go back to your episode two follow-ups ago before
Antoine mysteriously brought you all back and imploded the world,
do you? Where were we then? That's right, we were on a recently
greened Alien planet. The Doctor had absented himself from us
with his Tardis, and all of you had... DISAPPEARED!"
He stubs out his cigarette, flashes a disarmingly wanton smile at
the Message Boarders, claps his hands, and the lot of them
Dave is alone once more on his planet. He sits down, happy in the
knowledge that he's transported all of his beloved MBers to the
Madison Square Garden mosh pit.
"I'll just have a little nap," he thinks "and then as my final God-like
manoeuvre, I'll transport myself to New York in time for the
He closes his eyes...