Teenage Wildlife

The Story Chapter Ten

Chapter: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21


The following is an ongoing work of composite fiction by contributors from the Message Board. Due to the erratic nature of its construction the editors apologize for any omissions or lack of attribution to the proper authors. This story is on-going and will be archived here periodically. For current chapters, comments, or to add you own chapter, please visit the Message Board. This story is a work of fiction. Names have been changed to protect the guilty and any similarity to actual events is purely coincidental.

**naughty girl (A small God goof - "The absorption"):

Ramona is standing on the exact spot where David disappeared as the Message Boarders come speeding towards her. Suddenly there is another blinding flash of light directly on that exact same spot. The Message Boarders stop and shield their eyes. Then - "Where's Ramona?" S.B. calmly asks. "Where's Bowie?" the others say in unison. "There's Ramona!" Margot cries, pointing to the Ramona's prone body lying on the ground. A light spanking is calmly administered and Ramona regains consciousness. One of her eyes has an enlarged pupil and is a shade darker than the other. Traumatic brain injury, perhaps? An elementary school fight poke-in-the-eye? Perhaps. The figure of Bowie is nowhere to be seen. All gather around Ramona to hear her say in an unusual sounding low sexy voice...

**Margot "My name is Bowie, and we are many."

Her head spins around once with dramatic emphasis. Everybody else screams.

"Golly, she's possessed," remarks Steve. "I wonder where the REAL Bowie has gone?"

"Can't you see what's happened?" blurts Errol, one of the nameless, faceless non-Message Boarders from the MSG concert throng. "Ramona and and David are ONE. I've only seen this sort of thing once before," he continues, "It was in 1978 in Luxembourg. I was a young nuclear physics undergrad and...{insert 4 minutes of indecipherable science jargon!...} "FASCINATING!"

Several of the Message Boarders murmer expressions of awe, admiration and envy in regard to Ramona's remarkable predicament. "Oooooooh... lucky sod," etc.

Margot thrusts her ever-present nine inch crucifix into Bowie/Ramona's face, still more compelled by Steve's analysis than Errol's.

"John 3:16!" she quails querulously.

Bowie/Ramona smiles that unmistakable *friendly yet enigmatic* smile, tinged now with a fresh new hanky-spanky friskiness, and lights a fag.


A puff of cigarette smoke leaves Bowie/Ramona's pursed lips. The smoke envelops Margot's crucifix, and before the entire horrified crowd it begins to glow with a strange aura guff. Margot screams in terror and drops it. Bowie/Ramona laughs, looking at the stunned faces all around him/her/it. "Hot damn I love this! That'll teach you to hide the turkey baster from me, Margot" he/she/it says. "No spanking could EVER match the pleasure that I'm feeling right now. I can do anything I damn well please. I know the secrets of the universe. And I know the real reason why I ever felt compelled to use Peter Frampton on the 87 tour. Such knowledge can't be shared with mere mortals. The universe is my plaything, my instrument of pleasure. Nothing can stop me! Let's see, for starters, I think I'll just blank my entire 80s catalogue for everything that happened between Scary Monsters and the first Tin Machine album. Just like that!!"

Bowie/Ramona snaps his/her/its fingers, and Twig crumples to the ground, feeling a void within her caused by the sudden *it was never there to begin with* sensation of having Never Let Me Down ripped out of exist existence. Bowie/Ramona smiles with that ever present *friendly yet enigmatic* expression. "Oh, that felt sooo good. Now for my next trick I will...

: "NO! NO! NO! NOOOOO!!!" screams Twig, leaping to her feet, her long hair flying!!! "You can't take that album away from me--you just CAN'T!!!" "And why not?" the now female and slightly kinky Bowie/Ramona mix calmly inquires (even though the deed was done already) lifting one arched eyebrow enigmatically. "BECAUSE of the zitar damn it!!!!" the now hysterical Twig screeches. "What sitar??" Ramona/Bowie asks in a distinctly Ramona way. "The zitar in the end of ZEROES!!!! I NEED the zitar!!!" Twig wails. Suddenly the other Message Boarders start to grumble..."Yeah, what about the sitar?" and "I liked the sitar!" In the Bowie/Ramona mix, Bowie is beginning to have a change of heart (due to Twig's amazing pouting skills no doubt) but the Ramona part is having none of it. Bowie's voice, "You know, they might have a point about that sitar thing." Ramona, angrily, "You idiot!! the entire album sucked eucalyptus leaves!!" Bowie, "Hey, I MADE that album remember!!- and who are you calling an idiot?!!"

Ramona refuses to back down from herself. The resulting argument was brutal. Blows were exchanged. "Ouch! stop hitting me!" and "Let go of your hair, I can't see!!" etc. etc. It went on and on until...

The Ramona part of the Great Androgyne pulls off the incredibly acrobatic and highly impressive act of kicking herself in the ass. "TAKE THAT! My threshold of pain is a lot higher than yours!" she hisses at the Bowie half. "After all, I've sat thru Prick TWICE just to see you! Not to mention some really bleary footage of that Cher/Young Americans medley that you had to have been out of your mind to do." Bowie/Ramona pulls off the even more impressive stunt of spanking herself, and during the intense pleasure the Bowie half suddenly has an Idea. "I know what I can do to calm her down. All it will take is some damn convincing-sounding moaning a la Heaven's in Here, and maybe a hip thrust or two from the old Lance of Love" he thinks. "I heard that, and it won't work! After all, I am a sophisticated, growed-up woman and I do not cave in to groupie hysterics!" she thinks back. By this point, the Great Androgyne is rolling itself on the floor. Colin "Bomber" Harris, the Man Who Wrestles Himself, would have been deathly jealous of the holds that Bowie/Ramona shows. "We can't take it anymore!" cries out the Tiger. "My fellow Members of the Board, can't you see what's happening here? Are we really going to let Ramona subsume our beloved Bowie? We can't have that! We can't run the risk that he will become as moody as she is! We know that Woman is much smarter than Man, and if we let this go too far we will lose Bowie completely! I know how to stop this." And with that the Tiger draws out a huge jar of Vaseline and pours the petroleum jelly on the Great Androgyne. With no way to get a good hold on itself, Bowie/Ramona... ):

...collapses to the ground exhausted and panting. The Message Boarders wipe off the vaseline and tie up Ramowie, Jacko slings him/her/it over his shoulder and they all follow Margot to her secret hiding place in the Blue Mountains so they can figure out what to do next. That night, Bowmona struggles to...


...solve the old Rubik's cube puzzle someone has given it to help keep its mind off internecine struggles and keep it quiet. Corinthian hushes everyone up: "So what's the plan, D.S. - err - I mean Tiger? Pass the koala, please, Magienoire."

"Can it involve streaking, please?" asks Bibi - an Amazon Wild Woman who decided to jettison her tribe and join our happy throng when the Message Boarders, the MSG crowd and Ramowie strolled away from the tribe more or less unnoticed (?????).

Suddenly Bowieona jumps up and says in a funny voice, "I ahhh, you ahhh, you...you....LOVE ME!! You all love me!! You don't know me and you all love me!!!" Bowiemona falls back down for a while, the Message Boarders just stare at each other stunned. Ramonie speaks again. "It just isn't possible, I need to...ahhhhhh...I need to GET OOOOOOUUUUTTTTTT!!!!!"

Meanwhile up in heaven God has stopped laughing his ass off and begun to listen intently. Bowieona is visibly upset, "I am an actor!! I'm faking everything!! EVERYTHING!!" Ramona's voice interjects soothingly, "Sure you are darling, just sit back down and help with the puzzle now, OK?" but Bowie can't be still. The Message Boarders don't know what to do!! Just then...

Robot Monster....

Robot Monster comes into Margot's secret hiding place, riding on the back of Reeves, who has been forced to walk on his hands and knees across the Outback. Nobody had bothered to wake Reeves up when all the MBers etc. had followed the Tiger out to the town center of the Lost Tribe and she alone remained back at Ball of String's pad with her portly Guitarzan. Now Reeve's would be hers and hers alone. No other groupie would dare try to paw at him. No other groupie would ever see Mr. Gabrel's expertise on the guitar with certain marital aides up close and personal ever again. No other groupie would ever have the pleasure of tickling him underneath his chins, or lathering up his head to shave it. No, Reeves, the Phallus of Doom, would be hers to control and master.

"Whoa!" Robot Monster says as she pulls up on Reeves's reins. "What in the world HAPPENED here? You've let Ramona hog Davey all to herself for too long.*I* know how to get dear, sweet Dave out of THAT evil body. Ramona's told me her filthy little secrets, and I know just what to do." The Great Androgyne looks at Robot Monster with distrust, and the Bowie half asks the Ramona half "I think I know what she's going on about. You didn't tell her EVERYTHING, did you?" "I couldn't help it" the Ramona half shrugs. "She slipped me a bad black market stardust/moondust combination one night, and I've had to go to her for little *fixes* every once in a while. And, no, I'm not addicted. Besides, she wouldn't DARE. *I* know a few of her little secrets, too..." Robot Monster chortles out loud and spurs Reeves so that she can move closer to the Great Androgyne. She says, "You, Guido {*another of the non-BMers who moshed at MSG*}, get over here and give Bowmona here a big eyeful of your chest rug. That's Ramona's little secret; she's terrified of hirsute males. The shock may just be enough to free David from her body."

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" the Ramona half screams in pain as Guido rips off his shirt and subjects her to one of the thickest chest-rugs known to man. The Great Androgyne falls to the ground, screaming, and...

...a very, very, bright flash of light and a very loud scream fills the the hideout. Magienoire and Marlon scream in sympathetic horror. All the MBers shout out for David as their sight comes back and all they see is the old Rubik's cube puzzle, solved!! Margot picks it up and....

**Margot (grrrr I can't get this thing to post! we'll end up with 3 copies no doubt):

...tosses it casually aside. : : "Guess that was just too easy" she sighs. "Hey, Ramona! You're yourself again - that IS a relief my hanky spanky chumette! But where's Dave?"

Previous Next

Teenage Wildlife Home Page Bowie's music Info on Bowie Other Media Have your say! Search the Site Help me!

Toolbar (Interact)

This document last updated Saturday, 15-Apr-2000 15:37:50 EDT
Etete Systems