The Story Chapter Eighteen

.....as David wakes up (approx 50 years later, and from a heavy sedation),

...he is overwhelmed by the sense of deja vu. Strange, he thinks to himself, I've been having these feelings my entire life, and never really came to think about it 'til now.......wonder if that Vesta Goddess character has anything to do with it........

As he reaches to scratch his itching scalp he discovers that he's wearing a wig, a long, lightbrown, slightly curly one at that. Checking his surroundings, he finds himself outstretched on a creaky old divan, covered with blue velvet, wearing a tacky synthetic fake silk dress, covered with large blotchy blue flowers, and a pair of black plateu boots. A deck of cards has been thrown on the floor, and someone has even gone through the trouble of putting the queen of hearts in his right hand.

"Ah shit! Those surgeons have turned me into the late sixties variant instead! I thought Brian was supposed to take care of this." He exclaims to himself in a VERY irritated tone of voice indeed.... "Well let's just get the hell out of here!" he continues his spontaneous monolog muttering... There's just one door in the room which leads straight out into busy street, it seems to be night, and luckily there's not many people around to admire our hero's "new" attire.

Meanwhile Iggy has finally found his way back home too and started mixing up a new facemask since he got the feeling that all that blood might be bad for his complexion.....

As David passes a rundown old cafe who does he see to his surprise as he lazily glances in, if not Carlos Alomar, having a chat over a cup of good ol' java with Grace Jones. "Carlos!" David exclaims as he rushes through the door, glad to see an old friend.

"Traitor!" Carlos exclaims. "How could you possibly prefer that wannabie metal/trash pouchy old Reeves to a funky guy such as myself!?" His lower lip starting to tremble a bit....... "But, but....." David doesn't' get any further in his feeble attempt to explain himself since a sixfoot redneck stomps up to him yelling "-HEY FRIUTCAKE....NIGGERLOVER!" pulling a .45 on an astonished David. Grace, acting with lightning speed, jumps up on the table and delivers a well aimed karate-kick at the the raging redneck's hand. The .45 sails towards David who accidentally pulls the trigger as he catches it, shooting the raging redneck in the stomach. As he falls to the floor, he rips David's dress from him, leaving our hero stark naked with a smoking gun in his hand as the Cops burst down the cafe door........" I don't get it.." David says with a shiver of double deja vu running down his spine "...it was such a nice dress."

Luckily (sort of), for David (being hauled off by the cops) the Jukebox of the Cafe starts playing a Mariah Carey song which triggers his alarm chip just in time before Grace tears the poor Wurlizer into shreds with her bare hands.

Iggy back home: "Oh, NO! Not again!".......................

In the jailhouse sat David, forlorn, and looking about his drab surroundings. He wondered why he had committed such a dumb crime. He sat pondering for a moment what happened to all the Bowie clones when the guard roughly pulled him out of his cell without saying a word. Apparently Iggy finally responded to his way late distress signal and came to bail him out using all the money he earned from doing the "Lust for Life - Trainspotting" video. "What the hell happened to your face Iggs?" David looked at Iggy's purple splotchy skin. "You look terrible!" "Yr distress signal interrupted my face mask ritual causing the substance to be all lumpy, which totally ruined my complexion" Iggy flailed his arms around his bare chest. "Yeah, like yr the bloody fool with the problems! Now, did you bring me any clothes? I refuse to be seen in such normal jail-wear!" He impatiently stared at Iggy with first his blue eye and than his brown while they walked into the bathroom. Iggy diverted the gaze nervously. "The only thing I could dig up was this." Iggy pulled out a spiky blond wig streaked with blue and glitter. "Remember, it's from the scene when you were dancing with Sara." "Of course I remember you bloody fool!" David said as he pulled on his tight cream colored pants that in the 80's gave many little boys nightmares, and little girls sweet dreams. "Oh man, David! Cover yourself up!" "What? I like these pants, they make me feel manly.Plus Iman likes them!" In full garb, Iggy and David walk into the night. Having quite a Hunger after the events that had occurred, David found the ankh shaped dagger he always wore around his neck. It was rather hard to resist the temptation of slashing Iggy's throat and drinking the earthling's blood. Instead he managed to lose him by shoving Iggy's skinny body down a crevasse leading to the bog of eternal stench.

"Good riddance!" he thought to himself. Suddenly, Jennifer Connely ran up to him out of nowhere holding what looked like a dead, musty animal. "Oh, thank you!" shouted David. "You found my Warhol wig!" David snatched the wig from her hands, and reminisced about playing his old pal in "Basquiat". "David, I've changed my mind about you," said "Sara" "I realize now that I want you to be my slave..." "Oh Sara, my love.... are you getting me confused with Symbol, the Artist Formerly Known As Prince - I'm not an advert for Beck's beer either (The Beer Formerly Known as Hops), I'm Bowie, formerly known as Jones, and my Welsh ancestry would never allow me to be a slave to anyone. So, Sara my love, I must go - I have to wear this wig and flares, and meet Iman at Zandra Rhodes' fancy dress ball. I must fly or I'll be late". "Oh, but David, I want you to be MY slave, and now that you've got rid of Iggy, there's only you and me here - and Iman's....

"...and Iman's moved on to Vivienne Westwood's fancy dress ball, and and you certainly can't go THERE looking like this - you need to get dressed properly, those flares won't do there, even if Iman does approve." "Sara darling, just listen to me" says David. "Iman isn't what she appears to be, besides we are meeting where she has a sewing machine stashed and she promised to take my flares in before we go to the dance."

"But David I love you!"

"Now, now Sara, take this package home with you for now, and I'll call you tomorrow.

Sara, in tears, runs home pulling her hair out wondering where she went wrong, All she can do now is sit at home and wait for the phone call. Meanwhile David heads for the Central Railway Station.

Sara gets into her car and wonders why she is crying, and why she told David that she loves him. Suddenly she remembers that her biorythms are out of harmony today, she looks at the clumps of hair in each of her hands and says to herself "oh dear, this really will be a terrible hair day if I keep mutilating my hair like this!!!". She suddenly realizes that there is something else in her hand - oh, David gave me this, and I was so upset that he had to disappear before he became my slave for the rest of this eternity that I completely forgot he'd given me anything at all. I bet it's some silly lamp with a note telling me to rub it and a genie will appear!!!! I can't believe that he's just run off in his flares like that!!!! Oh, and now I've got to wait for his phone call tomorrow - why will he call me tomorrow, anyway, he didn't even kiss me goodbye, simply sauntered off to the train station!! I'm very confused - I thought I was supposed to be in control of this situation. I can't possibly open this package, I might get even more upset. I don't know what to do. Oh David ...... I hate you ...... you've gone running off with Iman and a Singer sewing machine now!!!! Well, I guess it was very sweet of you to let me know you'll phone tomorrow, but I'll bet Iggy will take you back to jail and then you'll not have any access to a telephone. Oh, what did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? And why did David give me a present? Oh, I think I'm going to die of curiosity before tomorrow!!! Oh, and why is David travelling on public transport, this is getting more and more confusing by the moment. Oh, I think I'm going to die of curiosity, I can't stand all this excitement and suspense any longer, I really can't. All my mystique suddenly flew out of the window, I really don't understand what David's up to now. Oh, oh, oh - and what am I going to do about all these clumps of hair? Oh no!!!!"

And so Sara sobbed herself to sleep.

Sara dreamed of Jupiter, God of all Gods and lover of many women, she dreamed that she was Juno, the only mortal to have any status in Jupiter's domain. She dreamed that she was the First Lady of the immortal God, and suddenly LAM drove up in Saturn. "Damn!!" said Juno, Saturn always spoils the fun!!! Suddenly the telephone rang, Sara answered the phone in an almost asleep manner: she said "hello, Juno here".
The voice said "D'y'no? Yeah, I know lots!! Sara, is that you?"
Sara "yes, oh, I'm dreaming, oh.....who's that?"
"It's me, David, wake up!! I'm going to sleep myself soon."
Sara "What time is it?"
David: "It's 8 'o clock in the morning"
Sara: "No, it can't be, I've only just gone to sleep'"
David: "I didn't mean to wake you up, but I went to the fancy dress ball with Iman, and I've just got back. Iman wanted to stay to talk fashion, and I got bored so I thought I'd call you.
Sara "but why are you calling me? Will you be my slave?

.....................................................................

What the, huh?" Sara awoke and realized she'd been having one of those damn dreams where you dream that you dream that you're awake, and are always so disappointed when you do finally wake up. She signed and slipped back into dreamland.

Meanwhile, while Sara slept, David had just boarded the train bound for Iman and the fancy dress ball.

Iman was getting pissed. She nervously awaited the return of the Thin White Duke. Throwing darts, she had something in her eye. "Damn it, I can't hit the broad side of a barn tonight," she thought. "I didn't come here to play darts anyway." She felt tall in that room overlooking the ocean. "Where the hell is that David?"

David, sitting in the train, watched as the mountains rolled by. He was anxious to get to the party. He knew Iman was mad. "It's too late to be late again!" she'd warned him last time. He decided to take a stroll about the train. He came upon the car that held all the luggage. He was relieved to see the European cannon was there. Then he wandered, aimlessly, from car to car when he came

No this couldn't be happening, David thought. I thought I gave that heart with the saxophone to Sara all she needed to do to get me to be her slave was to put a guitar pick in the box and that would evoke my spirit to be her slave. Then David thought again. Sara must be in dreamland because the magic of this box was that one had to stay awake to evoke David Spirit and if you fell asleep you would lose the spirit forever. Poor Sara.

The train finally arrived at his destination he took the box then he decided to seek out Iman. He walked the streets It was really peaceful and quiet. Then his mobile phone rang Drr Drr Drr Drr.

"Good Evening" said David.
"Just where are you?" screamed Iman "I got so bored I had to start drinking, I am not waiting any longer, you know I hate going out. What are you wearing?"
"My Flares darling" said David
"Where are you now?" said Iman
"I'm 5 minutes from the club" said David.
"Well I'll meet you Outside, in the carpark!"
"Why the car park?"
"I wanna go home!" screamed Iman, "I'm sick of all this! Just what do you expect me to do? I need slave girls!!!"
"Can I be your slave!" said David.
"Look this is costing me, I better hang up!!" said Iman.

The stars in the sky were shining particularly brightly tonight, the moon was waxing, and David felt in good spirits. Finally he got to the car park, picked out Iman's car, and waited.

Iman came out not soon afterwards. "It's getting warmer, isn't it" she sighed.
"What is your problem Iman?"
"Well when you told me you were wearing your flares I knew we would have to go home and make them unique."
"But they are unique", said David. "No one wears them these days."
"But darling, can't you see what it is doing to your image?"
"But we've got the world, darling, does it matter that much about my image?"

"You go to Jail for the night, Iggy gets you out, and then what do you do and by the way who is Sara?"
"She wants me to be her slave!"
"Yeah and I want Bill Gates to give me everything I need for my next fashion show."
"Iman don't start this fashion business with me remember I am older than you."
"Yeah and I lost my virginity at 11!"
"Why are you being such a bitch?"
"I want a baby I want a Bowie Baby...."

"Come on Iman lets go to bed." The Sun rose over the horizon, the birds began to sing, the little wonder dog in the neighbors yard barked at the cat. This woke up David.
"Iman get me breakfast!"
"David you know I don't eat till about 4 hours after I've woken up. Oh David I want a coffee..."
"Speaking of coffee I have to ring Sara maybe she'll come over and make us a coffee".
"You are a genius I'll make this one go ring her."
David goes into the office he picks up the phone and dials Sara's number. "Hi Sara."
"Who's this?"
"It's David!"
"I fell asleep...."
"I know! You broke the spell!"
"What do you mean what are you talking about?"
"Well you know when you wanted me to be your slave?"
"Yeah...."
"If you stayed awake till the break of dawn you would have had me as your slave."
"You mean that parcel..."
"Foolish Girl..."
"What happens now?"
"Now you are my slave... come over..."
"But what about Iman?"
"She knows the deal...do you want a lift?"
"Yeah O.K."
"We'll be there in an hour!"
"Bye David, I love you...I'll be your slave."
"See You!!"
(editor's note: wouldn't it be much easier to MAKE some danged coffee?")
"Come on Iman we have to pick Sara up."
"I'm always driving around everywhere I'm just fed up with it."
"What do you want now Iman."
"I want sex I told you I want to have a Bowie Baby the thing that is troubling me is are you capable".

David wakes with a start, realizing he had fallen asleep in the baggage car, right next to the Eurpean Cannon, and dreamed the whole tiff with Iman. But he has not got time to worry about such things as strange dreams, stranger MBers, and even stranger wandering plot lines...He has a secret gig to get to, at the Casbah, and he's late! He's to meet his band there to rehearse for the festival tours. They're all ready to go, complete with mud machines and headsets. Meanwhile, his intergalactic Walkman is buzzing in his ear....more messages from Diamond Nebula! Those pesky aliens...what did they want NOW??? He is tired of explaining to them that if he biomorphs, Iman won't get that Bowie Baby (and neither will Sofie, or Sara, or....) "Oh bother" he thinks. "I'm sick of demands! I'm going to IGNORE these aliens! I don't WANT to biomorph tonight!" But the evil aliens cannot be so easily avoided. Suddenly the train leaps the tracks, straight into a nightmare scene straight out of J.G. Ballard's worst novel (David pauses briefly here to ponder exactly WHICH novel...) and suddenly sunflowers are everywhere, a manic guitar wails over the bizzarre city grinding out the main theme to 'Ashes to Ashes' and David realizes he probably ISN'T going to make it to the Dublin show....OR to Sara's, or home to Iman....Toddling along the deserted streets in their spacesuits, the aliens close in on our hero demanding he biomorph immediatley....or...RETURN TO THE BOLTON FORM!!!